{Friendship Friday} The in-laws edition

 

When we were on holiday I invited the in-laws over to our flat for supper.

We were chatting and my SIL happened to mention that a close school friend lived in the area and she hadn't even bothered to give her a call.

I asked why and she said she really doesn't know. It felt like too much schlep, she was on holiday, etc, etc.

Basically excuses. There wasn't any bad blood between them.

Well, when I heard the friend lived right in Ballito (which is all of a 5-minute drive from one end to the other :), I strongly encouraged her to at least give her a call even if they just met for a quick coffee.

Ja, ja, I'll see, she said. So I left it.

 

Then MIL tells us that a really close friend of hers hasn't spoken to her for 3 years.

I was gobsmacked!

There were 4 of them in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) and they're scattered all over the world - Spain, Australia (1 on either end) and her in South Africa.

They all keep in contact in the old-fashioned way - now via email but until recently, writing letters and the odd telephone call :)

When D and I visited Australia in 2004, we were having a really tough time while staying with our friends. We had just been staying together for too long and the two of them didn't agree on things with us (yes, you can eat that; no, that's D's, don't eat it) so it was Awkward.

My MIL had given us her friend's phone number so if we had time, we could see if we had a chance to get together.

Well, she loved hearing from us and immediately said she'd come fetch us and we'd come spend an evening with them.

It was one of the best evenings we had in Australia. She is such a lovely person (very straightforward like me), lovely family and we hit it off like a house on fire.

And, as is typical for me, I keep in contact regularly, we Facebook, email, send pics, etc.

So when MIL tells me she's not speaking to this friend, I was horrified.

I've said before there is no changing MIL's mind. If she decides something is so, if you like being calm and centred, just be quiet because to try and engage and have a discussion means you will lose your mind.

But I was willing to go there for the sake of their friendship.

MIL was convinced her friend was cross about something really stupid and I insisted that the friend is not like that and would never bother about it. But if she did feel that, then tackle it and sort it out for the sake of the friendship.

She absolutely refused, said she's written twice, no answer from her so that is that (now we know where D gets his stubbornness).

I said, please, just try again. You can even say something like.. I was thinking about you so much on holiday and I wanted to check and see how you're doing. Which is all true and doesn't even bring up the other stuff.

She agreed to think about it. Which is what I wanted - just an opening.



As an aside, MIL then says,  Marsh, M thinks the world of you and that you can do no wrong. Which is kind of weird but I get her point because I also think M's pretty darn marvelous.

The bottom line which is what I told both of them is that if everyone thought that reaching out and connecting is a big schlep then we would all be poorer without those friendships and connections.  And that I prioritise my friendships and make sure I see at least 3 people every month because those relationships are so worth it to me.

They went "hmmmmm" but I think it did sink in.

When I went to bed that night, I felt slightly fatigued but satisfied that I'd encouraged them both to connect with their friends.

And guess what?

SIL eventually got together with her friend on the morning of their last day (said it was so lovely but time was too short - you'll be most impressed because I didn't say I told you so)  and MIL sent me a mail the other day saying, Guess what? M wrote to me! I prayed and asked God to sort it out :) By whatever means is what I say!

I'll leave you that thought - it is worth reaching out and connecting!

This month, can you think of one or two people who you will reach out to and connect with?

What are your friendship goals for Feb?

 PS this weekend I want to do a lot of this - read, paint my nails and take pics :)

 

PPS I love these random pics!