There's something about God...

I usually only do online check-in if time is not on my side (early mornings).

Yesterday at work I did my online check-in for my flight this morning, and then I had a check in my spirit.

Hmm.

So later that day, exactly 24 hours before my return flight, I felt like I should do online check-in again.

It was weird but I obeyed because I've learned to trust rather than lean on my intellect.

I was a bit apprehensive about this trip because of the 75 km I had to drive AFTER my flight.

Flight left late so I was 30 minutes late (but I was not the main player and the work could continue - I was just making sure everyone played nicely).

Other than that, it was a wonderful drive.

The scenery in that part of the world is BEYOND gorgeous. My word, South Africa is beautiful.

I don't even have one photo because windy roads/ I was the driver/ I'm not taking chances with my life.

Right.



Finished the meeting, browsed a leather goods shop quickly (beautiful stuff - I was this close to undoing my Konmari work after smelling that beautiful leather) and then went back.

Apparently there are two airports and I just typed Nels.pruit Airport in the GPS. When I was close to my destination, I really needed to stop for (a very late) lunch when I started feeling there's something wrong, so instead I just grabbed my apple from the boot and carried on.

GOOD THING.

At the same time I say D had sent an SMS saying, "is everything ok?" I didn't respond because I can't type and drive and my battery was nearly dead.

Anyway, that first airport was the wrong destination.

I landed up who knows where, no-one knew what I was talking about so I carefully typed the full airport name from my e-ticket, and the GPS said.... 34 minutes to destination... on the other side of the city.... behind big, slow trucks.

I nearly had a fit right there in the car.



Won't bore you but suffice to say I screeched into the real airport 10 minutes before boarding and ran like ........ to the boarding gate.

Of course the flight back was again delayed by 20 minutes but you know they don't care if it's their fault.

If I'd not done online check-in, I'd be toast.... If I'd stopped for lunch like I intended, again, toast. I probably would still be in Nel.spruit because there's ONE flight out in the afternoon.

(that plane was so tiny.....)


So all this to say...

note to myself - PRAY, listen and OBEY.

And now I'm off to bed because this waking at 5 is for the birds, not for me :)

PS The last time we were in Hazy.view I was 6 weeks pregnant.

Update on my word of the year - shine?

So guys, the last time I thought about my word of the year I remember emailing with Julia and said, "I don't know what God was doing giving me a word like SHINE unless He meant my shiny face from all the tears".

Seriously. I said that.

I just went back and read all my shine posts for the year. Here's the link. And here's the last one I wrote in May, nearly 6 months ago.

Oh my gosh, the thought of me taking those little white pills daily just to get through the day makes me so sad. I can't believe I actually went through all that. Last pill 17 April.

Okay, I want to share something with you.

A mom of C's classmate who I'm very friendly with chatted with me at a recent party. She said her sister worked somewhere for 21 years and then was retrenched. That devastated her but eventually she bounced back and got herself another job. 

A year into this new job, she got called into the office and there her manager and HR sat only to tell her that she was being retrenched again. She just laughed and laughed. They were (rightly) worried but she told them that it was totally fine; she'd made it through before so this was really no big deal. She'd be fine.

And that's how I feel.

That now that I've been through (what I think is) the worst job experience ever, definitely of my life thus far, I will be okay with anything.

I will certainly never ever put up with such abuse for so long again. Next time I will "just resign" because I know I'll be okay. I've learnt that I can live on very little money and that in the grand scheme of things, my sanity (and not depending on a little white pill to get me through the morning without crying) really is worth more than a paycheck. I need to write a post on God's amazing provision.

K asked me the other day if my new boss made me cry yet!!!!! And I said, "no, but Baby, that is never going to happen again".

I read a blog post by someone who reads this blog - I won't link in case she feels weird about it - who went through a very similar situation to me. But far shorter. And reading those blog posts was healing for me.

Why?

Because I am not alone. Here is someone just a step away (in the blog world) going through the same thing. So it's probably happening much more than I originally thought. Not just to me.

These horrible work situations that are absolutely unfair happen to good, hardworking people like us as well as to others.

I had a lot of the "why me?" going on. I mean, "seriously, why me, God?!!!" is something I cried probably a couple of times a week at one point. Maybe because I took pride in my work and it's like the worst thing in the world for my work not to work out, you know?

I don't know why this happened to me... still. Maybe I'll never know? Maybe it was random? Maybe because I was female? Maybe because I came from another background and not the same one the rest of the team came from? Maybe I was singled out because I dared to talk about what I was experiencing in an authentic manner and that rubbed someone the wrong way?

I don't know.

But I do know God brought me through it.

It's so awesome when the Word comes to life.

taken by D in the Drakensberg

 Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
(read other translations here)

Did someone need to read that scripture today? (please let me know - it so encourages me!)

So that's a bit of where I am with shine, which is nowhere I thought I'd be.

Have you been through a hellish work situation and come through on the other side? Did it give you a new outlook?
And in other news, tell me, what was your word of the year again, and please give me a quick update.

OHMYGOSH, I just read this post and I think this is why I struggled so much. One of my highest values is fairness and I clearly suffer from the Just World Hypothesis. I couldn't understand (still can't) why all the horrible things were happening to me when I'd done nothing to deserve it. Oh dear!

Hot chocolate, heaters and my heart

I've so loved reading through all the comments on last night's post. Also, page views look like normal again. Really, what is happening with blogging these days?

You know the comments and conversation are the best part of blogging and in case I forget, thank you to those of you who so faithfully leave comments here to encourage me to keep writing.

I was watching the Amazing Race this evening while attending to emails and finishing up a few things.... I really didn't feel like coming to blog but I remembered the lovely dialogue in the comments and that inspired me to make some hot chocolate to come write.

Thank you!



The wind is howling outside my window, as much as it does in Jhb (not very much). It feels very cosy in here with my big, ugly green jersey (I bought it in first year varsity - 1991! - at Edgars Grahamstown) and the heater.

So Louisa's let the cat out of the bag - I went to do a talk for her secret team on Friday, and while that was lovely, the best part this time was the preparation.

It's strange but there are two things I like about speaking - the energy of delivering the talk and that feeling when all my vague thoughts and feelings come together during my hours of preparation into The Picture.

I had such a good time putting it all together the last few weeks. I also realised again and again how my two languages of appreciation were just never spoken to me in that team. No wonder I was a flower who didn't bloom. It sounds a bit dramatic but yes, sometimes the words were said but you could feel the insincerity a mile off.

Anyway.... moving on to the real point of this.



I also noticed something the last couple of weeks, something we all know but we don't do enough of.

When I focus on my own life instead of caring too much about the versions other people display, I'm much happier.

Basically, run your own race.

If you're a bit PMSy (or stabby, as Julia calls it), just stop reading FB, IG, whatever. Much healthier for you.

I used to feel like I had to see everything every one of the people I follow on IG was posting but... no more. Who has the time? If I have 5 minutes, I scroll through, enjoy the pretty pics I see and consider it a win.

It's like my blog first, and then read other blogs rule I have for myself. Except I've been a bit careless with that one over the last week so tomorrow I'm on it again.

And last but not least, I am overall happier and more content when I'm plugged in enough to God.

I was sharing a few God-incidences with D last night (oh right, D had a birthday!!!) and he reminded me that my life used to be FULL of this kind-of thing. Lovely little and big happenstances all over the place, authored and designed by God. Very true - I love it!

So... what was the best happening in your life last week?

PS 9 days til my birthday!
PPS the photos with the leaves are straight from my camera - I've done nothing. That is their colour!!!!! LOVE them. My new favourite feet pics.

The elephant in the room

Edited - this is post 1700!

Thank you for your very lovely comments on this post.

I really am all talked out about the job, to be honest, so don't take it personally if I don't reply to emails.

I also sense that God is asking me to put a guard on my mouth and just be still, for now. Even though two extra big things have happened since I last wrote about it on here. The truth is it's easier for me to blab here than it is for me to earnestly pray and seek guidance, clarity, strength, etc.

I received a lovely heartfelt email suggesting I may want to go on the anti-depressants for a bit. Friends, I've considered it myself at least twice. Both times on Monday mornings, strangely enough :)

On Sunday in church I was all set with my diary trying to find a time to go to the doc and get something so I can just stop the almost daily crying at the slightest thing when God spoke to me. Basically, to hold off for awhile. D also doesn't think it a good idea.

I wrote those down and then more and more were "downloaded". I just wrote it all down and so I'll be doing a bit of an experiment.

For some readers, this will be normal and for some strange. That's fine :)

I also told my MIL a little bit about what's going on and asked her to pray for me. One thing about her - she is steadfast and immovable with these things. Sure enough the next day I had a scripture to stand on, personalised for my situation and not only does it "talk" to me but is one of my favourites. Actually, I "preached" on it at She Speaks last year.

I feel your prayers, those who have been praying. I really do. Thank you!

The way I "overcame" infertility was God and a team of 20 medical professionals :) The way I'm going to overcome this work barrenness is the same way - God and a team of 20 prayer warriors. Obviously, me, D, MIL and a few of you are praying.

Over the next week or two, if you think of me and sense something, a phrase, a word, a scripture, etc, please just shoot me a quick mail/ sms. I so appreciate it.

And now, let's end with a pretty picture. She caught me taking silhouette photos of her :)

So tell me, do you have any elephants you don't want to talk about? :)

PS I won't ask about your jobs since I'm obviously experiencing LinkedIn envy at the moment. It's like Facebook envy about people's wonderful lives, but for jobs!

{USA 2012} What have I let myself in for?

Once I read the customs declaration about not bringing any fruits or veg into the US, I quickly ate my apple

So after telling people bits and pieces about the holiday today at work, I'm ready to start blogging.

And... I'm going to feel my way with the topical posts but I have made a list of possible blog topics.

When I get tired of posting here I'll start on the travel blog!

**************************************

The conference people set up a group on Facebook the weekend before the conference and my speaker evaluator invited the 12 of us to it.

I went on and immediately started feeling, "Oh GOD, what have I let myself in for? And do You even CARE?" (I get very melodramatic with God sometimes)

Everyone was all super prepared and I didn't even have the TOPICS sorted let alone crafted outlines let alone written the speeches let alone practised. And this was about 4 - 5 days before it started.

Yessssss. But I was busy with birthday party planning and execution (doesn't that sound all swift and efficient, yet I wasn't) and of course, the small matter of being part of a very under-resourced team at work with TONS of pressure to deliver there.

So I got off the FB group. I thoroughly recommend getting off FB the minute you feel overwhelmed, by the way. It only feeds the comparison monster.

I emailed the nice SE (speaker evaluator), Mary, and said, "I am SUPER overwhelmed and I'm just going to have to wing it because all these super-prepared girls are freaking me out".

She was very nice, said she'll pray for me and so on, and agreed with me that maybe it was best to take a breather from FB.

And then I calmed down a little bit but on the Monday night I was furiously typing out something (blog posts I think for the other blog) and I get pinged on Skype from a friend in London.

"Are you busy? We want to phone you quickly."

Being newlyweds I immediately think, "they're pregnant". I answered that the whole house was asleep (11 pm) and we could only skype chat.

So here's what they say.

We felt we should bless someone and asked God who.. He picked you! So we want to give you 200 pounds, whatever that is in Rands.

Well.

My mouth hung open. How amazing is that?!

It's not about the money although that certainly came in very useful. 200 pounds is a lot of Rands (R2600).

It was that I was on God's radar... and He saw fit to touch me.


Are you getting goosebumps?

I was super chuffed from that day onwards knowing God was keeping an eye on me and just saying, "I'm with you. Calm down and stop panicking."

Of course that didn't get the speeches written but I got them written (or at least, mapped out) on the flight to NYC.

Packing and all of that was fine, if late, and I had a helper or two.



All the travel was just fine - my biggest accomplishment is that I only checked in with 16 kg of luggage (allowance is 23 kg)!

I had a good flight, finished a book, read about 60% of another, planned out my speeches and still slept 8 hours. But... didn't watch any TV.



I spent five frustrating hours at Kennedy Airport trying to get my phone and iPad connected and eventually flew to Charlotte.



This is the only pic I took in the airport. I'm scared to death of airport pics after I got scolded by a London policeman four years ago.

Even though it was boiling outside, inside it was freezing so I had to have some (hot) tea.This pic is of my tea.

So, South African Airways...

I don't know if I'll fly direct again. Even though the individual trip was nice, I actually like having it split into two legs - it feels like I'm accomplishing more.

And you get fed more. No joke but we got fed 12 hours between meals. You all know "meals" are not really "meals" and generally I eat a lot (apples and yoghurts in between real meals) so the 12-hour starvation was not good and I had to call the stewardesses for food in the middle of the night because I woke STARVING. I'm the sort of person who starts feeling nauseous if I go over that eating threshold point so they had to bring me something to tide me over til breakfast.

Also, very friendly staff (of course) but the efficiency is not always there :)

The best airlines that I've flown are Singapore Air, Etihad, Malaysia, and SAA/ BA tie in fourth for different reasons.

Do you take pics in airports? Have you ever been reprimanded?
Which is your favourite airline?

PS I absolutely REFUSE to ever fly 1Time. My colleagues laugh at me but I always say, "if I can't afford to pay an extra R100 - R200 to fly a decent airline, then I can't afford to go". I refuse to feel like cattle. RyanAir is the equivalent in Europe.
PPS My colleague tells me she's also been reprimanded for taking airport pics - hers was at JFK!

Goosebumps

Last Thursday I had a really weird feeling all morning.

A feeling like someone might try and break into our house and do something to V or the kids.

I phoned home twice, both times to explain to V exactly where the panic buttons were (somehow we'd never covered that part before) in the case of any emergency so that the armed response company would pitch.

Fortunately, Nanny V is very patient with me :)

(By the way, this is standard fare for Johannesburg - everyone is security-conscious and we all pay a company a fee every month - ours is currently R385/ $53)

Anyway, the feeling didn't really go, but eventually one has to relinquish control so I prayed and that was it.

Nothing happened and I totally forgot about it.

Then on Sunday I sent a text to my friend, Natalie, asking about baby D and how was she doing otherwise?

Well, I had the biggest shock EVER when I read the return message.

They were fine BUT people had broken into their house on Thursday morning, taken everything - car, TV, jewellery, etc - and locked the maid in the bathroom.

It was HER that I was supposed to pray for.

Natalie and baby D had just gone for a walk when this whole thing went down and I'm so thankful for that because who knows what might have happened. As I said to her, she's looking particularly gorgeous these days :)

I am convinced that she and baby D are safe because God was looking out for them.

When I shared the story of Thursday with her, she said she had goosebumps.

Yes, it's inconvenient and a whole lot of insurance schlep but they are SAFE!

Praise God!

In a not-so-strange twist, when I bled at 26 weeks, I was freaking out, big time. Suddenly the next day I had Total Peace about the babies. Well, Natalie visited me that day while I was on (my version of) bed rest and told me that her cell group had prayed for me the previous evening that I'd have peace. I was SO touched!

I love stuff like this!

P.S. This is my post for Steadymom's challenge