On feeling excluded and other issues

Yesterday at the party one person said to someone else (I'm deliberately being vague because I don't want anyone to have hurt feelings but I have to write because this is my blog), "see you on Wed" and I innocently asked, "oh, what's happening on Wed?" and... there is a Jhb blogger meet-up.

I then asked about how this thing was arranged/ decided/ put together and two people were mentioned. I have met one person before very briefly at a parenting thing and don't know the other at all.

So then I again wondered aloud (clearly I don't know when to shut my big mouth) if it was a Twitter thing because I know I'm not really on Twitter (my organising blog goes to T automatically but that's it, mostly, except for spurts here and there)... and no, it's not.

How then do people find out about these things? And feel comfortable enough to go?

I had a vague feeling of itchiness (you know the feeling) but couldn't nail down my feelings til very late last night once I'd gone to bed and things were quiet.

I feel excluded.

Hear me out.

I've felt excluded from the Jhb blogging scene (actually, the South African blogging scene) for months and months and quite honestly don't know how you get to be included in these things.

Or whether I want to be included at a level that seems to be required. The Twitter level :)

I get the twitter "in thing" and on that part, I am very clear. I don't want to be glued to my phone for updates, etc. I much prefer to pick up the phone/ text someone and communicate properly.

It's not so much about this particular meet-up but about other feelings and issues that arose.

Coming back to this one for a moment, it is quite far from where I live, I generally plan my life so that I'm not too busy and in terms of my life philosophy and what I teach, I don't really want to complicate my life at the last minute.

I like to test my thought processes to see if I'm being unreasonable by saying, "what if X invited me out to coffee?" and unless it was an emergency, I probably wouldn't go to anything that very week so I feel fine about my decision.

So it's not just this thing.

I almost feel like I'm not a (semi-well read) South African blogger. I write this blog which is far less read than the organising blog (about 10 times so) but no-one knows I'm alive in Jhb and in South Africa.

Why is that?

I see people all over the place getting featured in national publications, getting things to review, getting invited to applicable PR functions and I have never had anything like this happen to me from anyone South African.

I get pitches from US and UK companies (to review products/ do giveaways) but nothing South African in the 5 years I've been blogging. Is it me or is that just weird?

I can't believe it's just the non-Twitter thing. Surely not?

And if that's the price, then I suppose I'll have to live in obscurity on the internet.

As I've been writing I realised a horrible thing - I'm a tiny bit jealous because it feels unfair.

It feels terrible to even say that but again, courage and all that jazz.

I spoke to D about all these weird feelings (for me) and he said, "why don't you just organise a blogger meet-up of your own?"

Grrr. It's not about that but the minute it warms up we will do something - promise. Maybe we need to set a date? First Sat in Sept?

There is no point to this post - let's just call it journalling. Although I would love some additional insights. But if someone tells me something obvious like of course I'm welcome to go on Wed, I will SCREAM and wake the babies, ok?

How was your Sunday?

P.S. We were out practically the whole day (arrived home at 5:30) but the babies were so good. I also taught them to say Aunty _____ and Uncle ______ (yes, a day late - that's typical me, with the good ideas too late) and our friends were suitably delighted :)