{Friendship Friday} How easily do you put yourself out there?

 

Some people have emailed to say they feel like terrible friends when they read my posts. Please! That is not my intention at all. I'm really just thinking aloud and sharing what works for me. Okay?

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So.

You run into someone a couple of times at the gym, exchange a few laughs and think, "I like this girl. We could be friends".

Or it's someone at work that you get along with really well.

Or you meet someone at a gathering (like my infertility group or bookclub) and you hit it off.

But how do you put yourself out there?

Personally I'm not too bad but I wouldn't say I'm good at  putting myself out there. Let's say a 5.

I'm good when I feel the person likes me back (isn't everybody though?) but when I'm not sure, I'm terrible.

Inside I'll think, "we could be REALLY good friends. We laugh at the same things. It sounds like we have the same values" but if that person doesn't show any inclination (like a really kind smile or asking a question of interest), I will not make a move.

It actually happened at the infertility support group last week. There was a girl who I could be good friends with. We're going through some of the same things with God and ministry. But she didn't exchange one word with me outside of hello even after I said during her sharing time how I'm going through the same thing as she is.

For the record, if our roles were reversed, I would have said to her afterwards, "so tell me more about your situation" and then taken her number and given her my card.

But none of that happened.

It's not a train smash and I'm not thinking about it all the time; it was just interesting to note.

Me and F

Of course F and I are going to have a proper friend date sometime soon. Note that I put myself out there quite easily with F (for a 2nd date) because I felt that she liked me as I liked her.

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking, I would not make a good boy. Imagine having to keep asking girls out?!

And I was quite the standoffish girl (with boys) because I just didn't believe in "wasting time" with people who were not at least marriage material!

My heart breaks a little at the thought of Connor in his teenage years.... even now when he wants to give Kendra a hug and she shrieks, "no, NO Connor" I cringe.

That's why I so admire people who will try and try and eventually they get a bite.

My one friend R from the IF group is great (fabulous actually) at keeping in touch with people and at initiating contact. She is the one who befriended me because she kept sending me text messages.

The embarrassing thing is I thought it was another R and one day both Rs were there and I said to the wrong R, "oh, thanks SO MUCH for always checking on me" and the wrong R said, "I haven't sent you any SMS messages" (yes, I about died on the spot) but fortunately my R isn't one to really take offense and we are friends today so all's well that ends well. I'm so grateful she kept texting me.

Then another friend R came to the group and she made an impact on me because she was just so blatantly honest, was crying openly in front of about 15 new people and I'm hugely attracted to honesty and openness. So I remembered where she said she worked and I looked her up and emailed her.

Stalkerish?

I don't know but we are good friends today.

If I don't know someone at all, my natural style is to try befriend you once, maybe twice if I really like you but then if there's no reciprocity, I'll just retreat.

What about you?


How easily do you put yourself out there?


Share some stories with me where you befriended someone or they befriended you.

PS click on the friendship label below this post to see all the posts in this series