I was working on a very interesting project at work last year.
We'd done lots of research and in my team, we're usually the most passionate about any given business idea but we also wanted to brainstorm our thoughts with some more level-headed people :)
So a colleague and I met with this girl.
We had our meeting and it was great. We all got along very well and that was that.
Well, I ran into her a couple of times (you know how you suddenly start seeing people everywhere once you've met them?) and each time we have a really, really good chat.
She and I also share similar hippy parenting beliefs. By hippy I mean "delay pre-school as long as you can". I've mentioned this before but it's rare in South Africa to not have kids in school at this "late age".
Last Friday I had a LOVELY long chat to her again and as we said our good-byes, I suddenly thought, "I really like her and would like to be her friend".
Oh dear.
Normally I'd be the first to say, "we should do lunch" and actually send an email the minute I was back at my desk.
But...
I think I'm a little gun-shy after the friend dumping.
I haven't opened myself up to being hurt since that happened earlier this year.
And to be honest, I start questioning whether my radar is off. I generally know when people aren't into me - it's not hard to see as I'm a "what you see is what you get" person so you either like what you see or you don't.
I am not changing so I know I'm not for everyone :) (as Dr Phil once said)
So when my radar says one thing and things happen that are the exact opposite of that feeling, I understandably freak out. Yes.
It's like I can't trust my instincts anymore.
Back to this girl.
I realised I'm scared of being rejected.
However, I also decided after I exercised some courage with the Gautrain last month that I need to do one act of courage every month. To keep my courage muscles toned :)
I need to, if I'm going to reach my friend-dating goals.
So here's the deal.
I will invite her out for lunch and I'll come back and tell you what happened next week.
BUT I'm also challenging you.
As an aside, when Rachel threw out a challenge on her blog last year, I actually invited someone out to supper!
Right. So either
- invite a new person to do something - anything (gym, coffee, supper, cake) - to further your friendship OR
- tone your courage muscles in the area of friendship (have a tough conversation, do a random act of kindness, etc)
Are you up for it?
Tell me in the comments what you're going to do.
PS tomorrow I'm meeting 3 people in the computer - 1 I've never met, 1 I've met once and the other I've met 3 times and we have a pending date. Can you guess who? :)
Ooooh...challenge on! I do need to think about who I'm going to ask and what we will do - will keep you posted though.
ReplyDeleteI think that it is perfectly natural for you to feel a bit gun-shy after the friend dumping. I must admit, the friendship thing makes me question my instincts. A LOT!
Yes, please give us an update. Mmmm...Cat, Louisa and I don't know the other person. Enjoy it!
I was thinking about you this afternoon. I had some time to myself (!!!), and I stopped by this bead store to chat with the owner. We always have the greatest chats...I always stay longer than I intend. I have thought about it a few times, but I finally decided I'm going to ask her for coffee or a late dinner. Unfortunately, she wasn't there today for me to ask her...but I'm gonna do it! ;)
ReplyDeleteGlad you're stepping out there. There's nothing "wrong" with you...who knows what was going on with the "dump". I KNOW it's disheartening...but I hope you can put it behind you, at least as relates to other friends. You're a treasure, Marcia!
Look at you flexing your friendship muscles. It's better to have good friends than fake friends, right?! You seem to have a safety net of friends incase this one doesn't work out, so I wouldn't let myself get too disheartened if it doesn't pan out. Be proud you tried and followed though (one of my biggest downfalls!!!).
ReplyDeleteI'm in. I'm going to invite the boy from work out. I think we will end up talking about some pretty heavy stuff, I get the impression he doesn't have anyone to talk about "grown-up" stuff with, but I'm not going to push the issue. I was quite sad when it fell though the first time, it had me questioning my stance on friends!!
As an aside, is she going to be a personal friend or a mom friend? Or are you trying to merge them??
ReplyDeleteI haven't commented on your blog in awhile but still read regularly. To be honest, I got bad with commenting when I had Micah. Too much effort to type much when you only have one hand. And then I felt weird about commenting after being "gone" for so long. I've been enjoying your friendship posts as this is an area I've struggled in. I've been trying to be more straight-forward with making dates with friends rather than just always saying "we should get together sometime". I'll take your challenge and try to invite someone out that I'd like to be closer with!
ReplyDeleteOops. I commented with the wrong account. You still know who I am, of course, but this one is linked to my crafty/party blog, not my personal one.
DeleteNo need to guess I know who the first 2 people are: Cat and Louisa. Not sure who the third person is (Laura maybe). Hope you have loads of fun.
ReplyDeleteMandy's comment struck a cord with me: personal friend or mom friend! Interesting I didn't know people had such categories of friends ;)
Don't have your courage (I don't do rejection very well) and really I don't know that many people I would want to invite to anything right now, but I'll do a random act of kindness (that's a lot easier)
Ah so this is where Louisa and Marleen are going - I was wondering about it.
ReplyDeleteI am avoiding new friendships right now BUT I will do 3 random acts of kindness before I go into hospital (so its exactly a month) - I shall blog about it!
A great challenge - I've been doing this more myself recently - putting myself "out there" a bit. I prefer to be the invited one, but realise if we all think this then no-one will ever ask anyone! So I am putting my toe in the water and being the inviter for a change.
ReplyDeleteSo far so good for me - keep us posted :)
Do you think I have met the challenge already? You know about how I sruck out my neck and it seems that it was good for her too - meeting again this week if our programmes allow
ReplyDeleteso. does meeting Rebecca count? I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone to do it. And today I offered to bring a local bloggy friend (who I have never met) some trashy magazines since she's at home sick. I'm making progress.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love the fact that you're getting in "courage-shape". HA! and totally understand about being gun shy. it's so scary to be rejected, right? but I've been realizing that the fear of the potential has been keeping me from my OWN potential :)
Mmm...this is a very good challenge. At work we've had a really high turnover in our team. I've not bothered to go out of my way to get cosy with some of the new people yet, so I'll take that up as my challenge.
ReplyDeleteIt was really good seeing you again yesterday and also meeting Cat and blackhuff. Thanks for arranging it! :-)
Oooo---I like this. I have this mom friend that I would really like to get to know better. It seems like we only talk about who we are as mothers, b/c most of our interactions happen during playdates. I'd love to know her apart from who she is as a mother----who she was before she was one, what her interests are apart from being a mother, etc.
ReplyDeleteSo---it will be a challenge to steer conversation away from mama-ing AND just to get away and hang out. I'm going to ask her for a late drink or dinner sometime this week :) Thanks for this little kick in the pants, Marcia!
OK. I'm in! I'll let you know how it goes!
ReplyDelete