1. I've had two weekend plans with friends cancelled. What is going on? Last weekend I had a plan with 3 friends. When I jumped out of the shower after gym, 1 friend had cancelled (sick), the next one said she'd prefer to cancel too (power outage in their area) and the other said if I hadn't left yet, should we rather just postpone. I actually wanted to say, "no! let's still go" but I stayed and that's when I went wild, copying photo files onto disc for printing. I felt like I had to be super productive to make up for my missed lunch.
2. Tomorrow's one was also a last-minute one cancellation, completely understandable but always kind-of frustrating because it took a month of scheduling to find a suitable date. This is a work friend reach-out from my side, a big deal because I'd closed myself off to making friends at work. At the last company, you know I couldn't drag myself away from that company because of friends, so this is big, after a whole two years :) Do you make friends at work, or are you merely friendly there? Are you even friendly?
3. I'm the most free with socials I've been in ages. I have literally nothing on my agenda for the rest of this year. It feels strange and lovely, all at the same time. Strange because I usually have about 5 - 7 things on the go every month, and lovely, because summer heat means I actually want to do nothing but read and potter.
4. The telephone dates are working so well. I had two dates this month with friends which was just so lovely. It's a really nice way to keep in touch with my friends who live far away in Cape Town :)
5. The principle of reciprocity has meant that if friends don't also make the effort to reach out to me, I won't keep reaching out to them either. This has unconsciously been a big deal for me this year, to realise that actually things work both ways and it's not always up to me to 1) make the effort 2) do the inviting.
I actually read a blog post with friendship advice for adults and someone said, "when people invite you, go, otherwise they'll stop inviting you". I gasped!
What's been happening in your friendship life? What's working well? Any tips to share?
This weather isn't helping though... My friend had to cancel because her son fell sick over night and ended up spending all the time in the ER with her baby. I would rather dates are cancelled than meeting up when people are sick. That said it sucks when dates are cancelled especially when you've planned your schedule around it.
ReplyDeleteI'm friendly with work colleagues but can't say I'm friends with many there. Interestingly the few friends I have made at work have been people who are not South Africans (hmmm I wonder what that says about me )
I wish I had tips but I'm doing a lot of reciprocity
What does that say about you? You against South Africans or something? :) :)
DeleteI tend to not form close friendships at work. For one I live where most of them don't a good hour away and two I like to keep work and my personal life separate. There are probably 3 I would regard as "friends", one that I would invite to come visit and two that I would enjoy catching up for lunch. There are some who drive me nuts and I want as little as possible to do with them as they drag me down into negativity.
ReplyDelete100% agree - none of us needs extra negativity - I would avoid those people too.
DeleteYou have a really long commute, Lea. Is that usual for NZ?
I tend to make different types of friends everywhere. My problem is I give everything to all the types of friendship. I am though pleased to say that the reciprocity thing you're talking about is something I'm getting better at. Friendship is a 2 way street, and one person should not carry it all.
ReplyDeleteYay that you're making stronger friendship boundaries. One day when you have time you should read Boundaries :)
DeleteI am fairly friendly with people at work. We often go out to lunch and the ladies do a Saturday breakfast to catch up with friends who no longer with in the office. We have also stopped making the effort with friends who do not reciprocate. It becomes too much work.
ReplyDeleteI find myself thrown in with the school moms often, and I just cannot see myself forming close friendships there. The lives of working mothers seem so far from stay at home moms. Or that may just be my envy talking.
LOL I know what you mean. I do think the world of the SAHM (if a true SAHM and not someone who works from home) is worlds apart from a working mom's world.
DeleteI am sad that our little date this week was cancelled - but I know we will make it up. I am breathing a lot better now that we have stopped the horse riding and I do not need to be somewhere every single Saturday. I actually hope that it will be the start of more friendship things
ReplyDeleteI made one friend in the 10 years I was with the bank! We still keep in touch, she is very special to me. The rest were really not "my kind of people".
ReplyDeleteMy BFF and I have discovered that we actually have a better time just the two of us over having a family braai so we are trying to do that once a month. But thats it. I am SO bad with this!
In all my years of working I have made 4 real friends out of the workplace. Other friends came from running and from the fertility clinic. I am trying to make a few friends of mom's from school (about 3 of them) other than that I am real life friends with special people I met in the computer.
ReplyDeleteI have been really bad at reciproticy of late. There are 3 friend dates that I have been telling myself I NEED to sort out... Let me get on that now actually!
xxx
I have had one work friend my entire life! We still keep in touch. I'm friendly with everyone and friends with no one. Things are going fairly well in my friendship life. There was one friend who wasn't really reciprocating and I was being the lighthouse keeper. So I stopped making the effort and now she's contacted me to get together. Which makes me happy!
ReplyDelete