Parenting advice from my friend, MandyE

I bet you thought I'd stopped this series :)

Nope!

This week's advice is from my other friend, Mandy.

This Mandy and the other Mandy drove (!) to meet up with me (and have holidays) in Charlotte, NC in 2012, and it was fabulous. We really need to make a plan again soonish.

Click to go see super adorable photos of the 4 kids. Be prepared for extreme cuteness! Mandy's kids were 3 and Mandy E's kids were 3.5.

Anyway, moving on.

Here are MandyE's top 3 parenting tips:

1.  Expose your children to lots of different types of food, early and often.  

I don't know if I just got lucky in this department, or if my approach really had something to do with our girls having very adventurous palates, but I am so grateful that they eat the same food we eat, and they really enjoy it.  I started the girls on "people food" (not baby food) when they were a year old.  I made a very conscious effort to serve them as wide a variety of fruits, vegetables, meat, fish, stews, and casseroles as I could.  It wasn't long before I began to spice things the way we eat as a family.  The girls didn't always take to a new food the first time (or two or three) that I served it.  I once read it could take up to 10 times trying a new food for a child to accept it.  I always kept that in mind and kept plugging away.

I never make a big deal out of eating or not eating.  My mantra is, "This is what we're having for supper as a family."  I don't do special orders.  Usually the girls eat very well.  I don't praise them for it.  I might say, "I'm glad you enjoyed this meal.  The mushrooms are my very favorite part.  What's your favorite ingredient?"  If they don't eat, I don't scold them.  It's their choice, but they don't get another option.

We talk a lot about why we eat the types of food we do.  I involve the girls in shopping for our groceries, and they love to browse through cookbooks with me.  I hope I'm teaching them a healthy appreciation for food.  And it's a wonderful pleasure for me to enjoy a savory meal as a family of four!

2.  Never let 'em see you sweat.

This goes back to the days of dealing with two-year old tantrums, and I still (do my best to) follow this logic.  I try really hard not to let the girls know that something they're doing / not doing bothers me.  We have rules at our house, and if you break those rules, there are consequences.  I try to illustrate to them that it's their behavior driving the consequences...NOT how their behavior makes me feel.  I think this approach has resulted in less emotional drama at our house, and it forces me to keep my emotions in check, too.

(And to end on a lighter note...)

the hills are alive..... (this pic looks fake it's so beautiful!)

3.  Sing lots of songs.

When our girls were infants, I made up a song that spelled their names.  They could barely speak before they were spelling their names themselves!  That's how the girls learned the days of the week, the months of the year, the colors in the rainbow, and how "the perfect way to end the day is with nice clean teeth!" among many other things.  I'm NO singer by a long stretch, but this makes learning so much fun.  And if someone is in a sour mood, I start singing a silly song, and 9 times out of 10, they're joining in before I know it.

I adore Mandy's tips!

I've observed Mandy in action (in a non-weird way) and I can definitely tell you she has at least three parenting super-powers:

1. she's instilled impeccable manners in those girls (I still remember them calling me Miss Marcia - the cuteness is too much!)
2. she treats her girls with respect (as the people they are) and genuine care, and they in turn treat each other and others the same way. In Charlotte, I teased that she was the Pied Piper. Both sets of twins were glued to her side (if only I wasn't so lazy, I'd go get my external hard drive to find what I call the Pied Piper photos).
3. Anyone who's had the opportunity to interact with Mandy knows she is such an encouragement and so generous of spirit. I'm honoured to call her my friend and when I see an email pop into my box, I start smiling in anticipation because I can't wait to read her words. The girls are the same way - they praise each other and I'm sure they do the same with other people too. Such a good trait to foster in our young ones - it's the kindness that people will remember a long time.

love you, Miss Mandy

Which was your favourite tip?
Which is the most challenging one for you?
 
(my favourite tip is the eating one! what can I say? I'm the same way about food, except one of mine still doesn't eat curry!)

Parenting advice from my friend, Se7en, a mom of EIGHT!

EDITED to add all the red!



oh my gosh, people!

I only discovered after Sam's comment on this post today (Tues 10th) that blogger ate the first half of my post last week...and I am MORTIFIED!

Must have been some anti-reading gremlins because I also wrote about taking some of your latte money (or whatever it is for you - nail polish, Kindle books (*blush*) money) to buy a book or two for the library project.

So let's try to do this again:

You all know I met Se7en in real life last year after being online friends for about 4 years or so. She and her entire family are amazing. Such hearts for hospitality it is beautiful to see.

I saw her (their) parenting in action in those kids and here is a woman who knows, lives, breathes and walks her talk. I keep telling her to write a book and I'm not even joking :o

Anyway, enough blathering from me. Here are my favourite 3 tips from my friend, Se7en. I still can't believe no-one TOLD me. Clear no-one's reading :(

1. Your Kids Need You, Not Stuff:

We live in the world of marketers and child rearing has become, just like sport, a marketers dream... without a million products you cannot raise a child. Don't believe it for a second. There are millions and bazillions of perfectly fine kids all over the world who didn't have a special wedge in their cot, in fact they didn't have a cot... they didn't have special educational mobiles that rocked them to sleep while singing Mozart, and still those kids grow up to be fine. The one advantage that you can really give your kids is just being there alongside them. This will be far more key to your kids "getting ahead" than any extra mural or any multi-sensory toy ever. And your kids don't need you to be doing special crafts, special dates, special activities, special anything. You there lying on the couch on a lazy afternoon asking about the game they are playing or their walk earlier counts for so much more than you think. And no marketer is ever going to tell you that - EVER.   

 

2. Set Your Kids up to Succeed:

I have said this before and I will say it again, kids need three things to survive... lots of sleep, nutritious food and plenty of fresh air. Their parents need the same. Those three things together. The child that is sleep deprived isn't going to eat well and will hate fresh air; the child that is never hungry, won't sleep comfortably and just can't run around outdoors; and woe to the poor child that never gets to be in the great outdoors, because they will never feel the fatigue of a good days play and they will never stimulate their senses enough to enjoy tasty food. When you see a parent-child couple melting down anywhere, then usually one of those factors is not in play. When you have crying baby and they have cried for hours... wrapping them up and going for a walk is often the best medicine for everyone. Often when I am gathered with mums of little people they just seem to feed and feed and feed them. The snack industry sure is making millions out of moms of tots. When these kids say they are hungry, they are really just bored and a walk in the park, or races in the garden would be equally satisfying.

3. Children are Short, Not Stupid:

Adults so often make this mistake and think that they can talk down to children or worse, be sickly sweet with children, when actually those adults would rather be doing anything else. Try it, talk to a child like a person and you will be strangely surprised how eloquently they respond. Kids see right through our fake voices, we call it the gym voice... When you are at gym and you hear mums saying, "Darling, just get out of the shower will you, just pick up your towel, just get dressed for the ten millionth time." That mum is about to pop and everyone knows it, even the kid. You can be true to yourself and respectful at the same time, while I am polite to my children, "please and thank yous" flow freely, children understand grumpy days and moody moments a whole lot better than we think. We want them to know that we love them no matter what, so let's give them the chance to love us, no matter what.

Hoods 2 and 8

I nearly forgot to write about Se7en's parenting superpowers:

1. She's raising those kids to be such well-adjusted and genuinely nice people. I'm really not surprised because they have great role models.
2. She's equipping them with all sorts of practical skills too - the boys' future wives are going to love their MIL for teaching them to cook and clean!
3. She really parents with the end in mind. She is great at asking herself, "what is the most important thing to focus on right now?" and not worrying about things that won't matter even a year from now.

(not forgetting Mr Se7en, of course :))

Don't you love those tips?

My favourite tip is probably the one about setting your kids up to succeed. I actually say this in all my workshops and it's probably the reason I like MBTI and the love languages so much - those tools help us to set ourselves up for success.

Also, I'm forever going to listen out for my gym voice now :) People do give me looks but I thought it's because I call the kids Pumpkin and Sweet Cheeks :) :)

Which was your favourite tip?
Do you have a gym voice?

PS
Did you see I'm selling a beautiful green camera bag and the cutest pink camera ever? ;)

If you're interested, let me know.

Parenting advice from my (somewhat crunchy) friend, Mandy

I sent out my first email to about 6 South African friends - you've seen those responses.

And then I knew I had to include some more with slightly different approaches. Mandy said to me that she sounded crunchy after writing down her 3 but see for yourself.

Mandy's twins are a mere two weeks younger than mine. I'm convinced she had a big fright when she read about K & C being born so early and so hers were born quickly too :)

Take it away, Mandy!

1. Be present and available. When you can be immediately available, follow up as soon as possible. Children live in the moment and so should we. Throw out too many requests for waiting and you'll both miss out. 

2. Less is always more. Don't replace yourself with things or toys. They have amazing imaginations and can be terribly resourceful if given the opportunity. Kids don't need a million toys, they need connections and experiences! It's ok to be bored! Think of your own favorite memories; you remember who you were with and what you were doing. 

3. The best advice I have ever received or have had the privilege to give: all they need is love. Nothing will be perfect and life isn't a competition, so focus on loving your children in the ways they need and the rest will follow. 

I dearly love my crunchy friend!



And to continue with my own take on Mandy's parenting superpowers:

1. She is the DIY/ crafting/ cooking queen. Acts of service love language if I ever saw one. She's the one who made me my Kindle case and my favourite camera case. She bakes, crafts and builds things (like benches!) for her girls and I know they feel that love even if they can't exactly verbalise it.
2. She creates memories with her kids. If you read her blog/ instagram, there are pics of them in the woods and playing with animals! Totally a #yesmom and a fun person.
3. She's going against the grain (some might say crunchy; I say she's living with intention) and passing on amazing values to the ladies. Just one example - kids don't need more activities; they need more time to just play.

I love Mandy's first point about being present and available. I know I do my best but I could always do better instead of thinking of the next thing on my to-do list :)

Matter of fact, the year of create was great for me, because I created memories and set up some good "being present and available" habits.

Which was your favourite tip?
On a scale of 1 - 10, how good are you at being present and available? (I'm a 6)

MandyE, me, this Mandy :)

PS
I'm putting these photos of my kids in the post because I have just this ONE photo of the two of us together and yes, you've seen it a lot :) I call it Marcia and the Mandys :)

Parenting advice from my friend, Sam

I've so loved this series, not only for the advice but for your comments.

Part 1
Part 2

Please keep it coming so we can keep doing these fun little things.

This week, it's time for parenting advice from my friend, Sam.

Here are Sam's top parenting tips:

1.  Do what works for YOU and YOUR family.  Breastfeeding works for you and your family? Do It.  Formula feeding works for you and your family?  Do It.  Early supper, bath and bed time with stories works for your family?  Do it.  Bath first, supper and bed time with dim lights and tickling of backs works for your family?  Do it.  Find what works for you.  Whatever works to make YOUR family function.  Do It.

2.  Allow yourself some alone time as often as you can manage (preferably every day).  Even if this means 10 - 20 minutes for a cup of tea and a trashy magazine.  I find it makes me a better mother and therefore makes my family a happier one.

3.  Have the "baby bag" packed with essentials at all times.  Stuff like nappies, wipes, extra clothes, sunscreen, hats and a few toys which never leave the bag.  It makes leaving the house easier if you don't have to rush around and pack the bag every time you have an outing. 

4.  Cut yourself some slack! (I am TERRIBLE at this one, my own worst critic)  There will be times when you lose it and scream at your kids and/or spouse.  There will be times when you smack.  There will be times when you react first and think later.  There will be times when you think Flings will be ok for supper.  There will be times when a swim will count as a bath.  As long as it does no harm to your kids cut yourself some slack.  Tomorrow will be better.


Aren't those great tips?



Like me, Sam is a previously infertile but she is one of those "you'll see; once you have one, you'll just pop out another" stories :)

Speaking of which... one of my lovely internet friends is newly pregnant (this time unassisted medically) after they had 5 gazillion IVFs to have their gorgeous little girl. We are praying HARD for this one to stick. HARD!


Back to Sam...


Sam now has two super-adorable kids, K and G, and I think her parenting superpowers are:

1. she is super loving and affectionate
2. she's a stickler for manners (and unprompted, K is amazing)
3. she provides both a safe home but also lets them see that mothers need to do things for themselves too (Sam runs..... A HECK OF A LOT!)

Do you let your kids see that you need time and energy for your own interests too?