{Friendship Friday} is kindness a non-negotiable for friendship?

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When I posted about the random acts of kindness, I had a friend email me to tell me what she did (5 things, by the way - yay!).

The reason she emailed and didn't post on her blog is because she said her friends read her blog and she felt funny in case it was seen as bragging, because isn't this what friends do for one another?

I said, "no! not always. I know of lots of people who are not kind to their friends."

I think that some people are naturally kind and thoughtful, and others have to make more effort but do it anyway. And others just don't bother.

She also mentioned that I'm intentional about the acts of kindness so why do I call them random?

Isnt' that a great question?

I said I like to be intentional (that's like planning to do x per month) but then the randomness happens because I just listen and keep aware in case I'm able to do something nice.

But... back to the topic.

A lot of friends are not kind to one another. Because one of my areas of interest is friendship, my ears zero in on these topics around the office... :) (in fact, I told them the other day, "I really need to start a blog because you guys are RIPE with blog fodder")

I hear about friends taking advantage of one another, putting guilt trips on one another, not even caring about their friends - frankly, it's shocking to me.

While I am not 100% hard and cold, I do think friendship needs to be reciprocal in some way. Especially in the area of kindness.

One of my main goals as a parent is to raise kids who are kind to others. I think I'm succeeding with the one and the other will need more work :)

And of course, kindness can take many forms.

Kindness is not about gifts although it can be; it's about being there for someone, showing compassion and empathy and being thoughtful, picking up the phone now and again, sending a kind email/ text to say you're thinking of that person, etc.

I had supper with a 3 am friend a few weeks ago and she confessed that she's bad at communicating with her friends. I said, "what?!" and she gave me some examples like she doesn't check in regularly with everyone and I said, "honestly, C, I've never ever felt neglected by you."

It's true - I think it's because when you need her, she is THERE, fully present and ready to help very practically. And she does check in randomly to see how I'm doing.

It was strange to me to see how she perceives herself (she was measuring herself against another of her friends) when I experience her so differently.

I guess it won't surprise you to find that for me, kindness is a non-negotiable for friendship.

Life is too short to put up with unkindness from people and fortunately, I don't think I've ever had to with my friends.

I do try and be kind so I think I attract kind people to me too.

But what about you?

Is kindness a non-negotiable for your friendship?
How do you prefer people to show kindness to you?