{Friendship Friday} Is it harder to friend-date or man-date?

First, a friendship update.

1. Yesterday evening I met up with Mrs FF for an early supper in Rosebank. We had a lovely time, eating and talking and she wrote me the nicest email afterwards. F, I was so inspired with all our talk of food that I cooked three things tonight. On a Friday!

We also exchanged gifts and guess what? She bought me gingerbread men cookie cutters! About 13 of them :) I am super-stoked!

Ask and you shall receive (even though I was only asking where to get them!). We are so on the ball (by we I mean Nanny S and the kids) that we've already used them to make some biscuits/ cookies.

2. It's the lovely Aimee's birthday today. I love this post. Aimee, happy birthday - you have such a way with words :)

Aimee, next time I come to NYC, you are on my list! Interestingly, I have been wasting time looking at apartments to rent on airbnb... madness :)

3. And last but not least, a work friend ran over to my desk on Wed in TEARS because she just found she's pregnant with number 3 (those same cholesterol tests had hers super high so she did the additional two fasting tests, and the nurse did a pregnancy one too). The hubs didn't even want number 2... so she was distraught.

I convinced her to just go to the doc to check things out properly and it turned out to be ectopic. She was rushed into theatre yesterday to do whatever it is they do and was discharged this morning. I need to catch up with her on the weekend to make sure she's okay.

Incidentally, she was on the pill and they were using con.doms (the hubs REALLY doesn't want anymore kids!) so please be careful out there :) if you don't want anymore babes.

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So onto friendship.

Is it harder to friend-date or to man-date?

I think it's harder - much harder - to friend-date.

Man-dating has always been very easy for me. Mind you, I don't know how it would be now (not that I intend to find out) because the world is a different place than what it was 20 years ago.

Easy in that I'm a very straightforward person, men respond to straighforwardness and even though it was sometimes awkward to have  those conversations, both they and I always knew where we all stood.

I never used to string guys along if I knew things wouldn't work out. What is the point? Life is too short. Even at 17/ 18 I used to have the mindset that it's better to be single and happy than kind-of-happy with someone.

Incidentally, D liked that I didn't play games :)

Now friends is a different kettle of fish altogether.

There's the whole woman thing for one. You know how we say one thing but mean another....

And then if you friend-date...

• You have to play it cool but not too cool.
• You need to be warm but not too enthusiastic  (or touch-feely) in case the person thinks you're weird or stalkerish (like with J!)
• You do need to show interest though, else they think you're standoffish and unapproachable
• You have to be authentic but not overshare, right?

Then hopefully you like each other enough to want to meet up again. And hopefully you both want the same level of intimacy/ time from the blooming relationship.

Oy!

I've written before about how I was dumped. So that was odd because I really thought we were into each other but clearly not. Normally my instincts are good with that kind of thing.

In writing this, I actually hope I come across just as I am and intend to be because what you see is very much like what you get.

Someone did say that they thought I would be more open in person... and I think I really am...but I do only share heart-stuff if the other person does too.

I shared something really deep with one friend about two months ago that I haven't shared with anyone else, even D. But that's because she was also very open about some things she was going through at the time. Reciprocity...

It's a darn minefield.

So yes, friend-dating has been (and is) much more difficult for me.

Over to you.

Which is easier for you? Friend- or man-dating?


PS Rachel of MWF seeking BFF fame (have you read the book yet?) wrote about this topic on her blog last year.