Thank-you notes - the big debate

So, not that I'm ashamed of the way I am, but somehow I feel the need to put a big old disclaimer on the top of this post.

Disclaimer
I know I'm old-fashioned and I'm very okay with that :)



 

1. The other day MandyH and I were chatting behind the scenes about thank-you notes.

She did an incredible amount of work (and that's being very diplomatic because it was about 10 times more than I would do!) for a family member's wedding who didn't bother to thank her properly, just a thank you at the end of a text.

I'm slightly (okay, extremely) horrified.

Where are the manners???

(some would say, "well, she said thank-you" but I'm about the how)

2. I get that people send texts for everything these days - invites, thank-yous and so on.

I also get that it's quick and you can tick it off the to-do list easier but I just feel better (about myself) if I do a "proper" thank-you note.

On Saturday when the kids were opening gifts, I had to slow them down so I could write down who gave what... for the thank-you notes.

The comment that hurt me... "oh don't bother to send me a thank-you note. It's just a waste of paper"

(stab to my heart)

Me who said I was going to send a note? (because due to my severe time constraints this year - normally I allow myself a whole week to get the thank-you notes out - I actually didn't do paper thank-you notes, I did an emailed version)

Person Oh, you always send cards and things and it doesn't even matter to me

(further stabs to my heart)

Me actually, it matters TO ME. I want the children to learn to thank people properly.

And, for the record, she still got a thank-you note. Teehee!


Okay, so on an intellectual level, I get that these things mean nothing to some people but let me explain from my point of view.

When I make the effort with something and I get a nice thank-you (via email or written, sorry but somehow texts just don't do it for me as much - maybe because they get deleted?), I glow with delight because the person appreciated the effort and hopefully liked the thing. And I'm a words person. If you've ever written me a really nice card, I probably still have it.

By the way, don't stop sending me texts if that's your thing... I just like an email more :) and a note even more :) :)

I also think it's just good manners to say thank-you if someone posted something to you. There have been people who don't say thank-you and I wonder and wonder if they've received it.

And then I eventually break down and ask (awkward!) and the answer is "yes. sorry I forgot to tell you". That is not good. I like to think I'm above these things but I'm actually not. I probably won't go to as much trouble for you again.

The same with the kids.

I know that most people wouldn't put shopping for a birthday present and wrapping it high on their "Love to do" lists.

They obviously made a considerable amount of effort.

So I like to say thank-you properly. And I want the kids to do the same.

Last year I did them all myself and this year, I did emailed cards plus some photos attached. The kids can talk this year so we're still busy making the rounds of kiddie phone calls this year... hang in there, we'll get to you eventually. Once they get the phone, they like to chit-chat :)

I have some questions for you.

What's your thank-you style?
How do you instill a spirit of gratitude in your kids?

If you're very different from the way I am, and you feel like that person, I'm (now) open to listening. Please feel free to tell me why you do things the way you do.

So this was the best wedding gift ever :)

So remember my friend who got married?

And the wedding gift we got them? Well, I ended up not going with that girl photographer because as I was about to buy it, a Groupon came through that was slightly better value for money (more pics).

It was a drama and a half though - I had to do lots of phoning around to make the guy accept the Groupon. Really long story and I won't bore you.

Anyway, they went for their shoot and here are a few pics.

cute baby toes!

Aren't they gorgeous???

She sent me the MOST beautiful email this week saying she's SO glad I thought out of the box and got them this gift because she will treasure these pics forever.

Everybody say this with me... aaaaawwwwww.


Do you like it when I give you feedback like this?

(I like it when bloggers do this so there are closed loops!)

PS one month til my babies turn 3!

Gift-giving... just for Julia

Julia wrote a post this morning (I think) about gift-giving, love languages and such.

I commented and said I think gifts might be my 3rd language because I love giving them.

I changed my mind since I wrote my comment - I think it's all part of the acts of service which is my 2nd gift - doing nice things for people is all part of it for me. And the act of wrapping the gift and jazzing it up is just part of the love.

Anyway, the rest of my comment is still true.

I love the wrapping more than the gift and there is nothing I love more than a good session of gift-wrapping.

When I'm on top of life (most of the time) I plan birthdays, get cards and gifts ready ahead of time and make a night of writing out cards, wrapping and posting gifts, etc.

I love it! 

(Who's up for a lovely session of gift-wrapping for Christmas? Hayley?)

I met this guy at work on Monday on a project I'm working on - more on that in the week to come... - we had a meeting where we sat next to each other. Of course I talk and will get to know anyone if they stand still long enough.

It was his son's 10th birthday that day (the 10th) and he said his daughter's about to arrive in the next 10 days or so.

So I decided to get her (the baby girl) a little gift. 

Here is that gift: I can't be bothered to move all the images in the correct order so just "enjoy" my wrapping. Julia, I took all the pics just for you :)

I was saying to Julia that I love ribbon - it just jazzes up anything.


My favourite way to wrap a gift is still the old-fashioned way - gift wrap and ribbon. There's nothing quite like the clean lines of a box or book neatly wrapped. I do realise I'm sounding quite weird but I'm sure there are some of you like me out there.

Yes, I recycle gift wrap if there's enough of it (the pink above was recycled from my kids' baby gifts - I think they got Bibles in that paper because I have blue identical) - I am that person saying, "NOOOOO, don't throw it away" at Christmas time :)


And then I love kraft paper (brown paper on the one side, coloured on the other). I buy mine from Clicks mainly, and recently from Pep, and sometimes I've even got some from Pick and Pay.


I love the simple look - I have silver paper for weddings, gold paper for Christmas with some nice red/ gold ribbon and bows, etc.

I'm not averse to gift bags (and use those a ton since I get so many - what else can you do with all those gift bags?!) but I can't quite figure out how people get the tissue paper to look so nice - mine always looks terrible so I have a new trick.

I staple the gift bag closed :)

It solves three problems - I don't need tissue paper, things don't move around in my car and it looks neater.

Over to you.

What are your gift-wrapping preferences?


PS He BEAMED when I gave him the gift today.

Quick question on wedding gifts

We're going to a wedding on Easter Sunday.

He lives in London and she's currently in South Africa and will obviously move to London with him after the wedding.

They've asked for cash since they don't want to be transporting stuff on the plane but I really don't like giving cash so I was thinking of a gift voucher.....

(they both love photos - he is like me and takes tons of pics of doors and windows :) In fact, I asked for some prints of some of his pics and framed them. They are now on my desk to inspire me - I'm looking at those gorgeous, turquoisey shutters now)

I wanted to give them a gift voucher to this place so they could get a nice framed canvas or metal canvas until I saw it's $45 shipping (same price as the gift voucher I wanted to get!) to the UK.

So now it becomes a bit unreasonable.

Anyway, so do you wise ladies have any good wedding gift ideas along those lines? (I'd want to spend about $50 total - R350)

House of Sick & Sunday senses

These are the mosaics I mentioned this week.

Today was much like yesterday.

Connor did his normal wailing and thrashing and not taking his medicine. I don't see the point - it seems like half of it (at least) ends up spit out.

I eventually left and went to a shopping centre up the road to get some sandals for Connor (his feet have very suddenly grown and he has only one pair that now fits properly - he had 4).

No sandals in his size but I got some backpacks for them and some storage containers which I used to organise my desk drawers while they had their afternoon nap.

I also had a bright idea while out.

I needed to get some Yogi-Sips! They are filling and easy to drink so even if they (Connor) didn't eat, that would help to settle the stomach for the medicine.

When I got home I had an even brighter idea which I tested and worked perfectly. At least for today.

I put his meds in the yogisip and he slurped it all down!

YAYYYYY!

We did the same at supper and he only left about 25 ml with cough syrup in it. So at least he has 99% of what he needs inside him.

Kendra was sweet as pie. She does that "good twin" thing so well when Connor is acting up. Woke up 40 minutes before Connor and played with me in the study all that time - too sweet. She

Mmmm, Sunday senses.


Sight
Bin full of decluttered paper (love it!), messy desk where a container I've made pretty with scrapbook paper is drying, notebooks, photo frames, etc. I will tidy up as soon as I post this. Oh and TONS of paint swatches.

Taste
Chicken, kidney beans pasta salad - yum! And a lovely mug of tea.

Smell
Glue - see "sight"

Touch
Keyboard (obviously), open windows (yes, it's STILL hot - yesterday was 30 degrees! I seriously can't wait for the cold weather.)

Hear
Blessed silence (the babies are in bed!) punctuated by neighbour noises (we have new neighbours who seem to be "entertainers" - oh the joys - I hope these socials will not be happening every weekend!



The hecticness that is my life should start slowing down after the 21st. Can't wait.

Until then I have the following to look forward to: 2 workouts with Kyle, a photography workshop, a Love Languages workshop, an organising talk (which I still need to prepare) and lots of good times with (hopefully) healthy babies.

What are you looking forward to this week?

P.S. I just realised that I did 16 of the 19 things on my list for this weekend. That's the one positive part of being stuck inside with sick kids :)

Gift etiquette - what would you do?

Speaking of parties, I remembered something I've been meaning to ask you for awhile.

My kids got beautiful mosaics for their 1st birthday party with their names on them. Kendra's one is a butterfly and Connor has a turtle.

These gorgeous things are still in the cot drawer since that day because of one reason -

Connor's name is spelt wrong, with an E instead of an O.

(if it had been me, I would have double-checked the spelling before making the things)

Normally I am meticulous about spelling and such things..... D is even worse. He is a writer and is understandably fussy about spelling and grammar. Let's not even get started on butchering the apostrophe!

Do you know for MANY years I had issues about putting anything "out there" in writing (articles, newsletters and such) because I know he's a million times better than me? I'm over that now - I know that my sentences are encouraging to the people on my list and inspiring them to take action. That's what it's about for me.

Straight after the party, I suggested to D that we contact the person and ask them if there was a way to turn that E into an O with minimal effort and he was horrified at my forthrightness!

The giver is on his side of the family so I left it and thankfully, has only been to our house once since then.

You know me - I like things neatly sorted out and ticked off on a list so these open loops drive me nuts.

Anyway, am I being ridiculous? Should I just put them up? What do we tell Connor one day? What would YOU do?

Let's talk Christmas presents

On Thursday the photographer dropped off our DVDs at my work presented like this:

I was absolutely delighted and told her that I have to take a pic before opening it. In retrospect, I should have opened in front of her so she could hear my squeals of glee.

Look - a lovely letter from her, beautiful mint-green tissue paper and then the DVDs. Oh, I was in heaven! It made my day - presentation is SO important to me.

Anyway, back to the topic!

I was reading a thread on a forum where they were doing a Secret Santa and the weirdest thing was 95% of the people said they don't like bath goodies - foam bath, shower gels, lotions, etc.

It's strange because that's ALL you see in the shops. And I thought, "I'm sure other women like these things".

I used to be much easier to buy for but these days I like clutter-free or things I will DEFINITELY use so have become "very difficult", as D says. So much so I sometimes prefer nothing.

By the way, I actually call D "D" and the kids have started also calling him "D". Very cute but then I started saying, "he's Daddy to you" :)

Anyway, I pulled a friend's name for our work Secret Santa, someone who is seemingly easy to buy for as she is always very enthusiastic and grateful, but then again, you never really know... So I got her a framed mirror for her house.

At worst, I absolutely love it and will happily take it for me and get her a gift voucher if she doesn't like it.

One of my best gifts ever was a set of prints that have sayings on them like "you are awesome" and "you rock" and "you are more amazing than you know". My friend sent me this set for my birthday last year. She bought it straight from an etsy seller and got it sent directly to me. I loved my stuff but didn't know who to thank for MONTHS. One day she asked, "did you ever get those prints I sent you?" and the mystery was solved. LOL

For another birthday yet another friend bought me a photo frame and wrote me a beautiful card. I love love LOVE the card so I cut it out and put it in that very same frame which has sat on my desk ever since. This is the same friend who took me out for supper for my birthday so we could connect. See, she gets me!

My favourite baby gifts were 1) food from Robynne :) and 2) our friend, Will, came over and cooked a lovely vegetarial meal for us one evening - FANTASTIC!

Meaningful things mean the world to me.

So my love language is 1) acts of service and then 2) words of affirmation.

You'd think my family who are supposed to know me best would know me best but no.... so I dread Christmas gift time because I am Super Bad at pretending to love something I don't love. I don't need much and would rather they not buy than waste money buying more stuff. The things I do buy are hugely unexciting like trips to the hairdresser or massage therapist :)

I love experience gifts, consumable gifts and a really heartfelt note. (That's probably why I write in each Christmas card)

When I was more into "stuff" I hated getting things for the house. I felt like it's MY birthday, I want things for ME! :)

Okay, so back to you.

Do you know your love language? If yes, what is it?

And then what type of gifts do you LOVE LOVE LOVE, and what do you really not like?

I really hate to moan but...

I bought some baby stuff for a colleague's baby shower next week by email catalogue.

Is that what you call it when you get a brochure emailed to you and that's how you place your order?!

Anyway, turnaround was fantastic - only two days (and I ordered 7 items all in all - 4 for my kids and 3 for the baby shower) before I got the email saying they'd posted it.

Another 3 days from CT and it was here.

Excellent.

Only thing is I'm really not happy with the quality because of the amount I paid.

If I'd bought them at a shop, I'd have taken them back - no question!

But because it was posted I'm hesitating... and obviously I really don't feel like getting into it with the ladies...

I know I'm not happy and I even feel like I need to get my colleague something else as it doesn't feel right to give her those things. She is a person who is very generous and likes unique and different things which is precisely why I thought to get her something special (not the usual Woolies/ Edgars stuff).

Also, I'm happy-ish with 4 of the 7 items. Is it worth paying the postage and going through all that drama to get a refund? Then again, what would I do with the stuff?

I also love it when people show entrepreneurial spirit and do something with their passion so I hate to put a dampener on things...

What do you think? What would you do?

P.S. If memory serves me correctly, about 5 of my real-life friends were sent the email at the same time. Let me know if you ordered and if you liked your stuff!

29 gifts & gift-giving

I read about 29 gifts on Dee's blog and LOVED the idea.

Basically, you give a gift to someone every day for 29 days. My take on the concept is that it stops you focussing on just your own problems which, as we all know, makes you feel worse.

I'm enjoying thinking up how to surprise people because even though I hate surprises (typical control freak!), I do love surprising others.

I started on Friday 26th and am still going strong.

So far the gifts I've given away include:

1. milk tart (do you have milk tart in your side of the world?)
2. handbags - I still get the rush but get to give them away so no clutter for me LOL
3. pencil lead
4. long, chatty phone calls with friends
5. actual birthday gifts
6. salary increase to Nanny V (that was brilliant and on cue, while I was doing the "we appreciate you" bit, Connor gave her a gorgeous, BIG smile so I said, "see, V, even Connor agrees")
7. baby gifts to people I barely know (this has been fabulous - the GENUINE surprise is amazing)
8. magazines
9. CDs with pictures of the babies for everyone in my family - no one's expecting so that will be a nice surprise
10. pregnancy journal

My approach has been

• block out the 29 days on calendar
• write in birthdays - those I would already be getting gifts for so less to think about :)
• make a list of other possibles
• get to it

The gifts don't have to be new, store-bought gifts - they can be gifts of time, gifts of yourself like baking and cooking, a thoughtful note, etc.

I've also received three lovely gifts recently:

I like to send pics of the babies wearing clothes to the people who gave them those clothes. E.g. I'll send a pic and say "hi Edith. See how snug Kendra is in the blanket you gave her" or "hi Bipin, do you see how useful your bibs are? Connor drools like crazy."

If I write a blog post and use one of those pics, I mention the people (like in this one and this one).

I have received feedback that people get a kick out of it. I also get a kick out of using things lovingly chosen by friends and honestly, those emails take literally a minute extra while I'm downloading but they show that we appreciate our friends' generosity.

Recently we received a used walker from a colleague at work whose wife wanted to throw it out. He rescued it for me so when it had been cleaned, I plopped Connor in there and he loved it. I quickly took a pic with my phone and texted it to him saying, "R, the walker's a HIT. Look how much he's enjoying it. Thanks again to you and J."

Well, one friend said to me yesterday that my little email MADE HER DAY. She could NOT stop gushing about how she loved it. Which, in turn, made MY day. Who knew that a simple thing I do without even thinking would have such an impact on a person?

I also received a lovely note from another friend that was attached to a magazine. I LOVED the note and it is propped up on my desk so I can glance at it and smile ;)

And the third thing was oh so practical but so very welcome - 2 bottles of ViDaylin :) (baby vitamins)

I'm loving this 29 gifts project so much I may just carry it over and do one gift a week forever....

Anyone else doing 29 gifts? Do you have any other good ideas?

Our first party invite

I had lunch with a friend last week (cramming things in every day before work) who gave Connor and Kendra an invite to her daughter's birthday party.

I was so excited - this is our first party invite - until I realised I have to buy presents.

I have no idea what to get...

What kind of (not very expensive) gifts do you suggest for a two-year-old?

And what is twin etiquette? One present from both, or do they each have to bring something?

P.S. The babies are 5 months today - we're off now to get a wellness check. Will update tomorrow.

P.P.S. 3 days before I go back to work, counting today!