The power of one

Guess what?

Only 1 of those 6 fertilised properly even though they did ICSI on all of them.

Dr G phoned me to say, "since we only got 6, we did ICSI on all of them". So much for "it doesn't matter about the quantity, it's all about the quality of the eggs". But that's why we're with him, right? Because he's a straight shooter!

there is one that they're not sure about - tomorrow or next day will tell more. The rest are duds. Dr G says there might be a sperm quality problem.

I have been crying on and off for the last 2 hours; I am just praying for that one to develop properly and make it to Sunday, and then to implant. I have red, swollen eyes and if it wasn't for my two meetings later, I'd go home because I'm in no place to talk to people.

My DH said, "at least there's one" - oh my word, does he not know that your chances are better with more.

If you pray, please pray for my one little embryo...thanks :)

Egg retrieval

Amazingly, I woke up easily (probably due to nerves) and we got to the clinic on time (well, 3 minutes early which is UNHEARD of for us).

Got the gowns to change into and was then shown to my bed where I had to fill in the usual forms.

This is now the 6th time I've been under anaesthetic, and only the first was regular stuff (wisdom teeth) because all the rest have been to mess around my womanly bits!

When the nurse took my blood pressure, I asked what it was (119/67) because "it's usually low" and when she told me, she said "it's probably elevated to normal range because you're a bit nervous"

YES - she got it in one!!!!

There were two other ladies there - I'd met the one on Tuesday - and I was first due to the timing of my trigger shot.

I was literally wheeled away, the doctor put in the IV and I woke up in the ward. I can't tell you how relieved I am at that because I was worried that I'd hear things and get more anxious.

They retrieved 6 eggs from my 10 follicles so I woke to find this on my hand:

I was tired so I slept for another 45 minutes and then forced myself awake. They don't let you go until you've eaten something and had a pee, so I had water, tea and some fruit.

By this time, the other ladies were also back and we started comparing notes (terrible!). I had 6 eggs, and the other two had 5 and 2.

I am in absolutely NO pain whatsoever and except for STILL feeling a bit whoozy (8 hours later), you wouldn't even know that my insides had been poked and prodded.

Pray for fertilisation and then for beautiful dividing embryos :)

I've got to phone them tomorrow at 10 to see how my "babies" are doing so I'll report back then.

Tomorrow is the big day

Well...the big day for me.

I am petrified of the "conscious sedation" and really hope I fall asleep - I don't want to hear a THING!

I had my blood test today (some more drama - they couldn't find the nurse and I sat around waiting for 50 minutes!) and tomorrow I have to be there bright and early at 7am!

Which means I have to go sleep - I'm already past the "goal" bedtime I'd set for myself (9:30pm) because like you, Debbie, I need LOTS of sleep :)

So goodnight, everybody, pray for me (and Blythe) tomorrow and for the retrieval of lots of beautiful healthy eggs.

Also paid the last bits of this cycle's money - for the retrieval, ICSI and the embryo transfer on Sunday. It is SCARY how much this is costing - as my husband says, it's only money!

P.S. Christi, I didn't get your email yet - can't wait to read it. It's leigh1010 AT gmail DOT com :)

Drama drama drama

Yesterday while at the clinic the nurse asked if I'd be getting my medication from them or from my pharmacy.

She said phone them and check if they have it first because you've got to have it tonight so nothing can go wrong. Fair enough.

So I phoned and read each of the medications out, dosage and number of boxes, and yes, they had everything.

Later when I got back to work, I faxed the prescription and then phoned and they said they had everything and it was all in order.

I got there at about 5.20 pm and they brought my medicines. Well, while she was tapping away on her computer, I checked everything and they only had ONE of the TWO boxes I needed for the trigger shot.

I pointed this out so she went to look and they had no other boxes. I started freaking out like this - "but this is PRECISELY why I phoned first before I even left the clinic". And "I need that stuff tonight" - I've spent thousands on this thing and it can't go wrong now.

Remember all the normal pharmacies are closed (this one is HUGE) and so is my clinic. So the girl starts phoning every. single. pharmacy within a 30km radius and not one has a box of this stuff (Ovidrel).

So at about 5.45 I phoned the clinic's emergency line and left a message so they could page whoever was on duty. Usually they phone back within minutes but of course, not this time.

I'd vaguely remembered the nurse saying something about Pregnyl so I asked them if they had that. They did!

After 5 minutes, I phoned Dr G himself (even though it was Jewish holidays) and he said I could have 10 000 units of Pregnyl instead. Apparently Pregnyl is better than the other one but is now discontinued so you actually can't get it anywhere.

So that's what I got.

The minute I left the pharmacy I burst into tears - I couldn't believe that it could all come down to this - lack of attention to detail from the pharmacy.

The Ovidrel was going to be mixed and administered subcutaneously but Dr G said this stuff has to be done intra muscularly (in the bum) so he suggested I go to the clinic where I had my laparotomy.

That part all went fine - the nurse jabbed me quickly and relatively painlessly. And on time (7.25) - she said we could be 15 mins early or late but absolutely no later!

Hello Christy

Christy, I've been trying to find a way to email you or comment on your blog, to no avail.

I so appreciate you reading my story and I'd love to reciprocate.

Can you send me your blog address?

Thanks XXX

It's hotting up!

Today my follicles were 19mm and 18mm so they are gorgeous and ready!

Tonight we have to do the trigger shot which means I have to go to the pharmacy for some MORE medication.

I'd heard things on the internet (again, bad internet!) that it is a HUGE shot in the bum so was relieved to find that this is the small needle, again in the tummy, or as they say, "administered subcutaneously" LOL

I am feeling heavy down there but then I thought about it and I'm not surprised because remember there are 10 follicles of nearly 2cm each! I'm probably a kilo heavier which is why I have not weighed myself for days (why subject myself to torture?).

So the retrieval happens on Thursday morning. We have to be there bright and early at 7am (dear Lord, how on EARTH am I going to do it?) because they have to take them at 7.30 (it is timed with military precision, apparently). No food or liquids from midnight. I'll be done and awake by 9am.

Then they'll mix it all up, do the ICSI with some and we WILL have beautiful eggs to put back on Sunday. Things are moving so fast now (as my one friend says, "you'll be puking by Halloween")

The nurse today was ABSOLUTELY wonderful. She is the first one that has been so positive..."you're doing so well and blah blah blah on 20 October we're going to do the test and it's going to be positive"

Yesssss! I like that :)

In other news, I ran into a girl from the infertility support group at the clinic which was LOVELY - we caught up before they summoned her - and I "recruited" another one, who is also on her first IVF.

Today's action plan - collect medication, have sex (they told us to do it tonight and then nothing until his "sample" on Thursday because they want fresh, healthy sperm), do the trigger shot and relax.

How are you all doing?

Day 9

Scan update:

It was so cute to see the follicles getting bigger - they are getting to look like real eggs now (at least to my untrained eye).

Today they are at 15mm + (that's what he said)

We are waiting to get them to 18mm and that's when the fun starts :)

I've realised no matter what time I get to the clinic in the mornings I am in for a 45-minute session.

Poor Dr G got to me at 8:30 and I was there at 7:48 and already he looked harried, like he'd had a full day's work :). Then there's the meeting with the nurses and today's injection.

Today I was clever - I started mixing all the goodies while waiting for the nurse to call me back so it all went quickly.

No change in the medication although after tomorrow, I am out and will have to buy some more. I'm hoping that I won't need any.

Something other than babies for a change

Debbie tagged me for the 7 random things tag.



Hmmm?

1. My absolute favourite drink is a cold glass of water (but no ice-cubes - that's too cold) with a couple of slices of lemon. Yummmy!
2. I make the best sandwiches EVER. Well, according to me and my husband. I think the secret is I'm adventurous with ingredients, I like trying out different textures and I don't skimp on the fillings.
3. I'm actually enjoying the mixing of all the IVF medications. I think it's my Chemistry background :) but playing with all these syringes is kind of fun.
4. When I like something, I buy a LOT of it. For instance, I recently discovered the MOST comfortable panties ever and since I only got two pairs, I went back to buy another 3 pairs in different colours. Which explains my 7 pairs of the exact same socks and my identical bras :)
5. My favourite movie EVER is My best friend's wedding. No matter how foul a mood I'm in, watching that movie makes me laugh so much. My favourite laughing scene is the one where Kim meets the Rupert Everett character! Love it! And my favourite sad scene is the one right at the end where that lovely song (the way you look tonight) plays.
6. While we're on the subject of movies, I LOVE movies with beautiful houses. I keep watching Something's Gotta Give just to see that house :)
7. For such a productive person (me), I love nothing more than to lie around on the weekend, reading a book for HOURS on end. Everything else can wait (eating, showering, cleaning) while I'm absorbed in a good book.

Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Write 7 random things about yourself
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post and link to them
4. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog

Over to you - Sarah, Blythe, Mindi and whoever else wants to participate :)

Day 7 scan

Just a quick update:

I had 7 follicles in the left ovary and 3 in the right. They are at 12mm (apparently they should grow at about 2mm per day) so the deed will happen this week!

It's so exciting!

Next scan - Monday for day 9 - and hopefully ovaries behaving perfectly :)

Day 4 - a bit of a wobble

Yesterday, we had a bit of a wobble because we couldn't remember how to mix the Luveris and the Gonal-F.

We messed a bit of the liquid and it was not very elegant like it has been up to now.

So I gave the nurse on duty a call and she explained how to do it differently this morning and today it all worked beautifully!

I actually studied Chemistry so all that's coming in useful with all the mixing!

Weird - the things we think of.

The next event happens on Saturday (day 7) when they check if things are happening as they're supposed to.

I'm still feeling very calm about the whole thing.

Amazingly, we're "rewarding ourselves" by going out to eat all the time - we both feel we deserve it. Me, for being a brave girl and DH for being a good Injector LOL :)

Day 2 and the start of the heavy-duty injections

The clinic does the scans between 7:00 and 7:30 in the morning and we only left our house at 7:10!

I think the pressure of driving fast through the traffic helped to keep my mind off the impending injections. That and listening to Praise and Worship CDs in my car.

When we arrived, the waiting room was FULL of people and an entire page was already full of names and I was number 6 on the second page.

That's probably because we were so late.

Anyway, got scanned and my endometrium was 3mm (that's good) and I had no cysts, so it's all systems go.

Went to have a blood test to check progesterone and oestrogen levels.

And then the nurse showed us how to mix all that stuff and administered the first injection.

Now here's where I realise I'm an idiot. The big needle that I was so scared of is only the mixing needle; we use a needle the same size as the Lucrin one for these injections. It's called a 1 mm bore needle.

So the injection was fine - it just leaves a bit of a scar/ welt on my tummy because there's such a lot of liquid to inject and it has to remain on the spot for a long time (compared to the Lucrin).

Things are absolutely fine so far!

So much for 15 days!

From the start of the injections, we calculated and it was supposed to be 15 days. And that's why I said in the last post, 1 down, 14 to go.

Well...it didn't quite work out like that.

I was still on Minulette and my last pill finished on the Monday evening. The nurse said, "your period should start immediately or after 2 days".

My stubborn period waited a WHOLE 5 days - I first saw signs on Saturday afternoon at 1:30.

I actually phoned them on the Thursday to say, "am I abnormal? Why is my period not coming?" (I do realise the craziness of that statement because all I do want is a missed period LOL)

When it arrived, I phoned their emergency paging service and asked the nurse on duty if day 2 was the Sunday or the Monday. It was the Monday, so that's when I had to go in for my scan and start the heavy-duty injections.

So, we did the Lucrin for 10 days before going for the day 2 scan.

Upping the ante and why the internet is BAD

I'm getting my medication from the pharmacy, not from the clinic because it's MUCH cheaper this way, and our medical insurance doesn't cover infertility treatment.

So I went to the pharmacy a couple of days after starting the Lucrin to get the Gonal-F and the Luveris. While he's at the back getting the one medication, I happened to open one of the boxes to see what it all looked like.

My heart started pounding and I thought I was going to pass out at the size of the needle. They were HUGE and I suddenly thought, "I seriously want to stop this treatment now because I can't do this".

Well, I was in a right state that evening and went onto the internet to check it all out.

Big mistake.

There are lots of good things about the internet (I personally would go crazy without it) but looking up medical things is not good. There is too much information and your imagination can go crazy.

Anyway, I landed on the Sperm Jesters blog, clicked through on some Youtube videos where girls were giving themselves the injections and if I wasn't scared before, that scared me like nothing else.

Even the Sperm Jester lady wrote about how she numbs the area, distracts herself with TV and then needs a hot water bottle. Oh my word; this is not good!

Would it surprise you to know that I had a nightmare that evening that a nurse was chasing me with not one, but TWO of those gigantic needles?

Woke up in a cold sweat the next day and that was the first time the Lucrin injection REALLY hurt. I think it was because I was so tense and anxious. I even ended up having a good cry.

The good thing about me is I have excellent powers of "blocking out" things. So I threw all that medication into a bag and put it in a corner of our bedroom and proceeded to block it out until I absolutely needed to deal with it again (on day 2).

I am finally there

We are finally "there". By "there" I mean doing the IVF thing.

It's taken me over a year of thinking about it and it's just over 3 and a half years of trying.

I can't believe how calm I feel.

I guess that I needed all that time to get to this point because I don't feel in the least bit anxious - somehow I know that God's with us on this, whatever the outcome, because I feel His presence.

Today's day 1 of the injection and we went in this morning so the nurse could teach us how to do it. I couldn't even look at it so my hubby did it. And he did it beautifully - much better that the nurse in the hospital.

I hardly felt the needle go in, there was a slight burn and then it was over.

One down, 14 to go!

Preparing for IVF

So my period came earlier than expected which accelerated things.

Had to have an urgent appointment with the fertility co-ordinator - got scanned and everything was fine (whatever they were looking for), and then got a whole SHEAF of forms and everything was explained to us.

The costs are exorbitant - thank goodness for my annual performance bonus which covers 86% of it all. Then someone from our infertility group told us we should get a prescription and buy the medication from the pharmacy and not from the infertility centre. I worked it all out and we can save 20% if we do it this way. Yay!

I have to go on the Pill (weird when you think you're TRYING TO FALL PREGNANT) but at least there's method in the madness.

The injections start on day 18 so have until then to gear myself up!

I do feel that this is the right timing so I'll be fine because I am emotionally prepared (or so I think).

The quickest way

Well, we had my follow-up appointment today (my birthday, btw) and things went about as I expected.

Dr G repeated some of the information he told me after the surgery .

We got to see pictures of my insides (I had to disassociate because there is nothing more gross for a squeamish person like me than seeing things like that - ughh!) and had the entire explanation.

I had a whole list of questions ready, like...

when can we have sex?

can I go to gym? and the most important,

what is the quickest way to have a baby?

So the quickest way is to do IVF, with ICSI. Our sperm are not bad, but since we don't have money to waste, we're prepared to pay extra and do ICSI to make sure some of those eggs fertilise.

Then the question, "when do you want to start".

I said, "right now". So off to get scanned but my follicles had already started developing so we have to wait till the next period.

At least there's a plan!

Stitches!

Discharge day at long last. Nothing but NOTHING would keep me from being discharged :)

I didn't sleep well because I kept feeling anxious about the stitches coming out (more later).

Dr G came nice and early at about 6:00 am, checked the wound and pronounced me fit to be discharged.

He also told the nurse to remove my stitches. Now all my previous ops were with my old doctor who only removed stitches one week after surgery. At that point they were nice and dry and I hardly felt when she took them out.

Except for last time's laparotomy. I swear I was feeling totally fine (well, it was a week later so compared to the first couple of days post-op) and then I went to have my stitches removed.

She placed her hand over the long cut, took one end of the cotton (or whatever they call it) and pulled. OH MY WORD - I have never felt pain like that. Even now, typing, I can still feel it.

Then I felt like I'd regressed. I was back on those pain meds for that day and about 3 days afterwards.

Anyway, so the night nurse had too much to do before her shift ended at 7 and she told the new nurse to take them out.

Before she did, I tried to take some pics and also asked the nurse to take some pics. If you're squeamish, close your browser now!




Disgusting, I know.

This nurse took SUCH a long time that I actually started wondering if the quick and painful wasn't better because this was LONG! Anyway, they were out and just to be sure, I took some pain tablets :)

Oh, by the way, just before Dr G left, he says, "phone the office on Monday to make your follow-up appointment, and let's get you pregnant"

YES! that put a smile on my face :)

So the physio came to do her thing (as usual I had no problems), they brought us breakfast, I phoned D to collect me and off I went home.

I so badly wanted to get out of there that I put on socks and shoes and my sweatshirt over my pajamas - I figured I'm getting right into bed once I get home so why waste time? :)

Everybody warned me that it was COLD outside and ...it was. I love the cold so it felt SO GOOD to be outside with FRESH air touching my cheeks!

Good times

Thursday 10 July

Woke up at the crack of dawn again but no problems sleeping. Didn't even need any painkillers - well, when have I ever had problems sleeping? Maybe 3 times tops in my life!

Dr G came to see us at 6am again. This time, he said I could have mixed liquids - woohooo - which means something with a bit more substance like yoghurts, proper fruit juices with pulp, etc.

So for breakfast I had tropical fruit juice, a yoghurt and a small glass of ensure. I am now convinced that "you are what you eat" because finally getting more substantial food inside of me made me feel 10 times better!

The physio also came and this time I was even more mobile. Really, the only thing impeding my mobility was the stupid drip.

D brought the laptop cord last night so after all the morning stuff was over, I plugged in my laptop and modem and checked emails at home and at work. The internet speed was SUPER FAST which was so great! I was feeling so good that I even sent out an email to my mailing list which prompted a TON of extra mail with all the well wishes and virtual cards. So nice!

I caught up on Google Reader and generally spent a good 4 - 5 hours connecting with the outside world via the internet.

When I got tired, I read some more books...

My husband warned me that my MIL would be visiting. I hate having visitors when I'm sick and she knows this but of course, it's all about other people, isn't it?

The only reason why I put up with it this time was because it gave me something to do for the endless hours that stretch on and on while you're confined to a hospital bed.

I seriously don't know how people do the bed rest thing.

Lunch was more ensure, another glass of juice and some more broth (which I didn't even bother with). My neighbour's kind husband bought me a lovely yoghurt drink which I had instead and that was absolutely delicious - thick, full of fruit and substantial!

The visit actually wasn't that bad and she was quite sweet - brought me a HUGE bag of chocolates "I know you only eat Nestle" (actually, I only eat Cadbury's!) and 2 magazines. I was doing NOTHING to make them keep me any longer so I distributed all the chocolates to the nurses, my neighbour and her husband, my other visitors, etc.

Then I had a delivery of a HUGE bunch of flowers from a friend - soooo sweet of her.

And my friend came to visit. She confirmed that she was pregnant and later of course, we found out that she is now having twins. Lovely visit - we caught up, I introduced her to my neighbour and we chatted infertility for a while before I closed the curtain so she could rest.

The nurse then came around to stick the needle in my belly but this time I was prepared and I negotiated beautifully if I do say so myself. No needle in exchange for me walking up and down a couple of times in the ward. Done! The point was to prevent clotting - clotting happens when you lie around and do nothing, so in my mind it was absolutely clear.

I think I was probably one of the only people ever to have kicked up a fuss about the needles because all the nurses were like, "I heard that you refused the injection. Let me give it to you - I give nice injections". Um, no - thanks, but REALLY, no thanks!

D popped in after work and we spent a couple of hours kissing and talking. People are always surprised at how affectionate we are after 13 years of marriage. We're actually toning it down in public!

Supper was yet more ensure and juice, and jelly and custard!

Read a lot again and then went to sleep.

Overall a good day and only one sleep before I'm released from "hospital prison" :)

3 forms of torture

Wed 9 July

An amazing thing happens whenever I've been in the hospital.

I wake up easily at 5 o'clock! This is SOOO not me as I'm more the 11:00 gal :)

I woke, was still not allowed to have anything (not even water) until the doctor came to see me, so I just read my book.

Dr G arrived around 6am, checked my wound and told the nurse that I was allowed to have water and clear liquids.

So that's what I had the whole day - apple juice (I actually really hate clear juices - I like chunky juices with bits of fruit in them), black tea or coffee (I think I had about 3 sips before just giving up - there is no point to tea or coffee without milk), clear broth and in the evening, a tiny bit of jelly.

BORING.

And because I usually eat so well, I was listless and not myself at all. I had absolutely no energy and didn't even feel like talking (then you really know that I'm not well). My poor husband said I looked very pale to which I said, "you would too if you'd had water the whole day!"

So that's torture 1.

A lady came to fit us with "beautiful" orthopaedic socks so that we wouldn't have varicose veins from all the bed rest. A complete waste of time in my opinion but as I said, I was not my usual spunky self so I had no fight in me.

Torture 2 was the physio who arrived at 8.

The nurse came to us when he arrived and said to press the morphine pump so that it wouldn't be too bad once he started working with us.

So we did.

Then she removed the catheter - heaven! Hate those things. Except now we had to keep going to the loo all by ourselves.

Anyway, the physio started with my roommate who started screaming when he was working with her.

I'm a big baby anyway with pain so hearing those screams just terrified me.

The nurse then removed the morphine pump and said to me, "you've hardly had any". Um, yes. Apparently that was very unusual because usually patients pump that thing non-stop.

(I have the Secret Weapon though - God!)

When the physio eventually got to me, we did some bed exercises (not too bad), then he made me cough while holding my tummy (more painful but still bearable) and then I had to get up and walk out the ward, down the corridor and back again.

Again, not too bad except for me having to lug the pole with the drip along with me. They'd put the drip in on my wrist (exactly where your hand bends) and it was so sore. In fact, I'm writing this 2 weeks later and when I touch that spot, it's STILL sore.

The walk was slow but I was doing well. The worst part was the getting up and sitting down - the actual walk was...well...a walk in the park :)

He warned us that he would be returning at 4pm to do the same set of exercises all over again. Obviously the second time was easier.


Then... and this was the worst and final torture.

The nurse approaches me with a needle and says she's got to give me an injection to prevent the blood from clotting in my abdominal area.

I'm a bit slow (again, no food will do that to you) so I asked if she was going to stick me in my bum.

No, right in my abdomen.

Oh my word - I think I very nearly had a panic attack. Still, I couldn't fight her off so she gave me the injection which was SO MUCH WORSE than I expected and it burned so much. When she took the needle out, I lay in my bed, crying for about 5 minutes.

This time, my neighbour didn't even make a sound - clearly she was okay with the injection. She told me later that she'd already been through 3 rounds of IVF so she was used to the needle but did say that that nurse gave the worst injections she'd ever had.

D had brought my laptop, clothes and toiletries before he went to work so I was able to change from that horrible hospital gown. I could also check my Google Reader until the battery ran out (I didn't have the cord with me) but then it was back to reading and sleeping.

D visited again in the evening for about 45 mins.

And that was the end of the first day in the hospital - only 2 sleeps before I can go home!

Twins!

Oh my word - the most exciting thing EVER happened today.

My good friend C had her first complete IVF a month ago. When I was waiting to go into surgery, she tried to phone me so I knew she had the results of her pregnancy test. I couldn't take calls in that ward of 19 ladies (!) so I sent her a quick text message to say I'd call her in the evening.

Well, she was PREGNANT!!!! Huge excitement :)

Today she had her first scan and sent me a text that read, "it's twins".

I jumped on my phone immediately - I am SOOOOOO happy for her.

So when D got home I told him and he says, "can we have one?"

!