Guess what?
I have the beginnings of that cold sore again. Yip, gone for a week and back again.
I know it's because of the stress.
 |
| I seem to have lost this nail polish :( It's got to be in one of my gazillion handbags.... |
(if there is one "bright side" to this mess my work life is, it's that I have real empathy now for people prone to depression and how you can't just "act happy" and not have it affect you)
When I told D how two of my colleagues have said I seem to be happier, he "hosed himself" (do you say that?). Laughed like crazy? He said, "oh, they so don't know you. It's just that you've moved on mentally" EXACTLY!
I will not talk badly of this profession (not my industry!!!) but suffice to say, it feels like BS a lot of the time.
I'm still in the run for the other job... but I've also started actually clicking on those emails lin.ked in sends with jobs you may be interested in. Can you believe it?!
I can't.
I had a good little cry yesterday on the way to work because I realised I'm going to have to leave my beloved company if nothing happens new job-wise. Life is too short to be this unhappy.
And so I'm starting to put out feelers.
I sent ex-ex boss a heads up email as I'm putting him down as a reference... he is a bit horrified (knows how much I LOVE my company) but I said I can't go on. I daydream about the day I can stop doing this work.
Today I got to run a workshop and you know (?) how much I love the people interaction, the teaching, all of that. Yes, it was great ( better because I was left alone to get on with it) but dear Lord, these tiny shards of okayness are not enough.
Kendra asked me yesterday why I have a headache every day when I get home from work. Yessssss, perceptive child right there. And I told her it's because I have a stressful job. Poor thing.
I will confess that I'm keeping so busy just doing, doing, doing because the minute I stop and think for a few minutes, I start feeling sad.
That's why I forced myself to go to gym last night - it was horrible, all I could think of was my job - but I needed to get moving to get the bad hormones out of my body... mostly.
These days lin.ked in is like facebook where everyone's wonderful jobs make me a bit jealous.
However, I will look past that and start working my little network.
But enough about the boringness (if you made it that far, give yourself a gold star) of my job...
Two weeks left of winter because come 1 September, it better be spring. I'm actually tired of being cold (we are so spoilt)! Will someone please remind me to insulate my cold house this summer so that I'm ready for next winter?
How is your life going?
Tell me something nice about the world where you live (name that band!)
PS again, Crowded House :)
Children can so zoom into this type of things. Have mailed you :)
ReplyDeleteYou're right...the little bits of okay-ness is not enough. I'll keep my fingers crossed for a speedy exit strategy for you Marcia. Crying every day about work is just not a way to live.
ReplyDeleteHere, there is also all sorts of chaos as you know. You would have such a laugh if you knew what I was getting up to at the moment. I spoke to Steamcleaner this morning, it was just so nice to hear from her. she's battling a bit to adjust to CT, but it looks like the work at least is going well (never doubted that it would, she's like three workaholics that woman!).
Other than that, personal life, everything is now just gearing up for my brother's wedding. I'm sort of excited, and also sort of anxious for it to bloody be over now. I am REALLY looking forward to spending a few days in Balitto again. I hope we get good weather because I intend to do a lot of swimming if it's warm enough.
Crowded House. Also yearning for Spring! I really hope you're near the light in this tunnel my friend!! Sterkte!
ReplyDeleteAh, I get so sad when I read this. So so sad. I just pray that it comes to a head soon and sorts itself out already.. You cannot go on like this. It's no good for you or your family.
ReplyDeleteAnd I LOVE the first pic. Stunning :)
Word art on my kitchen wall (see FB) is making me insanely happy right now.
Love and hugs my cyber friend xx
Marce, I can tell you with certainty that loving a company and being so desperately unhappy in the work you do in that company does not end well. Sometimes a change is what it takes for us to realise what true work happiness is. Perhaps having been there for so long it's more the "comfort" of the job that you love than the actual job itself? Something to think about.
ReplyDeleteSending you much love and praying for peace while this all works out around you to your good.
xxx
Glad you're looking outside the company now... you have nothing to lose at all
ReplyDeleteI wish I could picture comment, I'd send you a lovely shot of the beach right now to cheer you up. Can you just take a sabbatical? Buy yourself some me time till something comes along??
ReplyDeleteI'd also like it to warm up. This is the coldest summer I can ever remember and it has me worrying we will be up to our ear in snow this winter. [I must be old, never have I bothered to track or worry about the weather!]
Another bit of cheery news, school starts back up Monday here!!! Hang in there and treat yourself in the mean time.
Kiara is my shadow child! If I am upset/happy/anxious so is she but 100 times worse. It is hard sometimes!
ReplyDeleteMy friend this is exactly how I felt when I was working but due to my lack of qualifications finding something outside was impossible and my last boss made it so hard to move. I really feel like I "lost" a lot of my life working there! YOU are so good at making things happen - you will work this out!
I have something exciting happening tomorrow - well it may be exciting if it happens - hold thumbs :))
Marcia, I really hope things pan out in your current company with the other job possibility. I agree, it is not good to feel so sad and unhappy at the place you spend most of your waking hours. Praying into your situation, the Lord knows and cares. xxx
ReplyDeletem, i'm emerging from the shadows of my own work drama and am sad to hear of all this. life is too short to be so unhappy. i always feel like things just HAVE to get better when spring arrives...and i hope that for you as well :)
ReplyDeletein this neck of the world i actually get to go on a vacation next week. i'm excited, but so nervous because i know that no one will follow up on things while i'm gone :( boo.
i'm hoping to have a post at some point to explain everything, but i'm just not sure i'm up to it!
hugs to you, friend!
The air is out in my office and has been all week now. Does that help any? : )
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts and prayers always. Keep trusting God that the best is on the way xxx
ReplyDeleteCrowded house! And oh gosh, although Spring always have me coughing with a stuffy nose, I really need it! My friend, keep looking and trusting and maybe the magic will happen if you leave the comfort zone of your present company
ReplyDeleteI LOVE me some Crowded House. Must say it is HARD work to be fake happy. That's what I struggled with the most in that other job. And in the end I think it was that that made me crack good and proper. Just keep trusting, my friend. And DO keep exercising. It does help. Joel is usually my feeler kid. He picks up immediately when I'm not OK.
ReplyDeleteThe world that I'm living right now is having an insane storm outside. It's a batten down the hatches" kind of weekend in these parts.