So remember Mondays are bad, very bad.
D told me I'd tossed and turned in my sleep Sunday night.
And indeed, my subconscious knew.
I had to send him an email asking for something which annoyed him and so we had a bad meeting.
I held it together but then, as you know, afterwards I cried for an hour.
And ran to the loo a couple of times (TMI).
That's when I decided I need some help.
I have an appt with my doctor tomorrow morning but last night after work, in the pouring rain with two kids asking me why I was so late (so my boss will get off my case, babies), we went to buy some Cal.mettes.
Two were taken today.
Today's meeting was okay. I never feel anything but numb even when anything mildly positive is said about my work... but a few positive things were said.
Afterwards ran into a friend. She heard something that, if true, will alleviate some pressure in the short-term for me but make things bad for her - I hope to give you more news within the next week.
Anyway, help. Tomorrow.
I've also been on the phone with a real friend for an hour now. Glorious. We've spoken about work and such and I have some perspective.
How's your week been?
You shouldn't have to drug yourself in anyway to make it though the day. :/ Be strong and honest with yourself.
ReplyDeleteM, I have been reading your blog..and have not said much, but my heart gets sore for you. Is the pain you going through and the fact, that now, you are buying medication to get through a day, really really worth it? From my understanding, you are financially quite settled...maybe you need to take a long hard look at how much of your soul you are destroying, how much of your happiness is being robbed...the effect that it is having on your family unit, on your children that you went through so much to have. You need to make decisions, and make them quickly....resign, temp for awhile until the right thing comes along...make that change now. Don't give them one more minute of your power! (Ps..sorry if I am too direct, but i went through what you are going through, and my answer to the question...it was not worth the price I paid! I resigned...and survived..and I am much happier). Your faith is what gives you the courage to get through alot of things...how many signs do you have to be thrown to make a change!
ReplyDeleteLove my friend
ReplyDeleteThinking of you always!
ReplyDeleteMy week has been busy but manageable! I am taking time outs when I can because I am so physically exhausted by the end of the day.
Wish we were closer - I would pop in and drag you out for coffee!
How are you feeling now?
ReplyDeleteMy week's been okay-ish. People have mostly left me to get on with things on my own, just the way I like it.
I have no words. Praying xxx
ReplyDelete((hugs))
ReplyDeleteMarcia, I do have experience with what you are going through but of course, YOU are the one in this particular situation. I get that only you truly know what’s going on and I somehow get the sense that you are holding back quite a bit more than you are sharing. I also understand that everyone’s handling of situations is not the same - we all have to walk our own path and experience our own journey.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel that you need a bit of help (from where I’m sitting you’re not going to need that kind of help forever) then by all means, do what you need to do to survive - one day at a time and all that. If you were a new Mom with crying babies then I’d buy you calmettes (or something similar) as a gift! You are currently overwhelmed and anxious and your mind is cluttered and all over the place and you are not sleeping too well – which normally happens in a case like this. You cannot possibly function optimally under these circumstances.
Everything will be clearer once you are calmer, more relaxed and less on edge and it will be WAY easier for you to rationally make a decision about where to from here. If the Calmettes bring you some calm and take the edge off and allow you to make proper, rational, non-impulsive, non-emotional decisions then I’d say go for it. Ultimately it’s an aid or rather, a tool to help you and NOT a crutch. You and I both know this.
My week has been VERY busy – have had something on every night so far. I’m planning an early night tomorrow. My friend’s Dad also died so I've felt a bit emotional for her. Also. I've been feeling STABBY, which basically means that I need a few hours of alone time – I can barely hear myself think!
No judgement from me! Good for you for doing exactly what you needed. Hugs, my friend. Xxx
ReplyDeleteMy friend, I too like Jules sense that there is a WHOLE load more to this story than you're letting on. That said if you need a calmette or two to help you function as a working mom while you sort thru all of this in your head then so be it. Basically I agree with pretty much all that Julia said.
ReplyDeleteYou are strong, amazing and wonderfully made - cling to that! You WILL GET THRU THIS STORM. After every storm, guess what? There is a beautiful, glistening rainbow - yours is coming!
xxx
Sending you lots of hugs and kisses and calm from abovr
ReplyDelete