And so ends the holiday

We are pooped!

Those of you who are Instagram and FB friends may have seen in your feed that we had some "adventure" leaving Plett today.

Barely out of Plett and Connor wants the loo.

So we pull over at the next petrol station, the boys go do their thing and when they got back and D started the rental car, it wouldn't start and there was a lot of steam from the engine.

Some petrol attendants come help to do who knows what while I quietly freaked out. They think it's a burst water pipe or something like that.

After about 10 minutes, I said to D, I'm phoning the company to let them know.

They were fantastic (the one starting with an E) - sent a car from their Knysna office but turns out they sent someone from Plett instead. He was with us in about 15 minutes.

I'd worked out that we wouldn't be able to check in in time though so I phoned the airline, found it would be an additional R3280 to change flights (daylight robbery), tried to book online in case it was cheaper (even with our 35% discount, it would still have been R4300 one way...) so I phoned the airline back and booked those flights.

Can you see my dishwasher's wings flapping and flying away???? Such a waste of money!

There are two blessings though - 1) we were at the petrol station when all this happened and not out in the boondocks (!) and 2) that we do have the money and we're not scrambling to make the finances work.

It takes me about 5 minutes to adapt with these kinds of things so once we had our car, and our flights were booked (thank God for a charged ipad), I said, "well now, since our flight's been delayed by 3 hours, let's go have lunch in Knysna" and so we did :)

Here are a few pretty pics from Knysna.

 

And now, I really need to pack my work bag and choose clothes for tomorrow!

How was your Monday?

5 things I'm grateful for

On Thursday Laura wrote me a really lovely email.

Hi there,

David and I do this when things are rough and it works for us - maybe you already do it but thought I would suggest it - it may help a little :)

Every day we write down 5 things we are grateful for - it can be anything from a cup of tea to your relationship with D!

It helps to shift the focus a little bit.

Thinking of you xx



I 100% agree that it will help to shift my perspective, so I'm going to write about things I'm grateful for at work.

this pic was taken with my iphone while out to lunch with Louisa

1. Busi - the tea lady that washes my mug and bowl, and brings it right to my desk every day. She's also the lady who gave me a big hug the day I had my little breakdown.
2. The CBD and especially this building. I literally turn my head diagonally to the right and look right at it. Gorgeous.
3. That I've just finished a piece of work I'm really proud of (and passionate about), and I get to work on an extension of it for another week later this month.
4. The smiles I get from watching a colleague cross off the days til her holiday.
5. I'm super grateful that my job means we can afford to go on holidays... to the beach...even if only for a long weekend!

What are you grateful for today?

All pics taken with my iphone. My favourite is the middle one.

Friendship Friday - what do your kids call your friends?

these are a few photos from my 2013 friends folder :) (just for you, Shayne!)

One of my most precious memories about my trip to the USA last year was when Mandy's little ladies called me Miss Marcia.

Oh, how I love it!

To be fair, her hubby, J, also called me Miss Marcia and that was a bit weird but from the kids, it was so cute!

The other day Jess wrote on her blog about how "Mellow" says "yes, ma'am" and "yes, sir" to them.

So Southern :)

It reminds me of how (most) Afrikaans people in South Africa train their kids to say Oom and Tannie (Uncle and Aunty) even when the person in question is not an actual uncle or aunt, just as a sign of respect.

D and I have trained our kids to say Uncle and Aunty. I feel it's a sign of respect. And also I was raised that way. However, don't get me started on the kissing everybody hello thing which is (I think) very coloured :)

Occasionally, I'll be saying something to D and I'll say, "oh, Roz was saying such-and-such" and the kids will say "Roz" and I'll say, "that's Aunty Roz to you" just to nip it in the bud :)

So far we've gotten away with "in our family, WE do this or say this" when we get the questioning looks from the kids.

Tell me - what do your kids call your friends? And how did you decide on your approach? Or did you just "fall" into it?

Things you should know if we're gonna be BFFs - part 1

these babies make me SO happy!

So a million years ago I saw a cute post on Jess's blog and told her I'd do it too.

Well, one month and 6 days later is quick for me these days.

Yesterday someone told me I should go easy with the rest of my life because work is so new and needs focus. But.... the rest of my life is successful that's why I have to keep doing what's working, right? (I do realise I totally sound like a control freak!)

Moving on.

D and I bought these plates in NYC at Duane Reade (my favourite little haunts!) for $1 each. Best $2 we ever spent. The kids LOVE them and we mostly only use on the weekends so they're always a treat.

Things you should know if we're gonna be BFFs:

1. I'm intensely loyal. Once I trust you, I have your back.
2. My favourite sandwiches are cheese and tomato on brown.
3. I don't mind trying new restaurants but I usually order the same things - if Thai, a mussamen curry, if pasta, a fettucine alfredo or something creamy like chicken and spinach.I just can't see the point of PAYING to be disappointed.
4. Of course you know my favourite drink is water with lemon, and after that tea :)
5. I need weight on me when I sleep, even in summer. I like to sleep with at least a duvet over me.
6. I can't have pedicures - the thought of people touching my feet freaks me out. Also, I'm super ticklish.
7. I don't listen to the radio for music, only for the talk. If I want to hear music in my car, I listen to CDs.
8. Julia asked the other day about music... and I said I have 3 CDs in my car - UB40, Billy Joel and The Plain Truth (Only One God) - too lazy/ busy to exchange CDs so I've been rotating those 3 for 3 months  - need to add to that life admin list.
9. I really like starting my day worshipping God in my car. Praise and Worship + grey skies = BLISS!
10. I love wearing gloves. I have about 10 pairs....

I think that's enough for now.

There's enough randomness in my head to go a round 2 and round 3 :)

I bought them real cutlery for their birthday - they were THRILLED to be "big kids"

Who's up for it?

Do on your blog or in the comments :)

And now, I need to pack for my HOLIDAY!!! I had this bright idea that the kids should share one (hand luggage-sized suitcase) and we should share another - don't think it's going to work but let's give it a bash.

Pretending

"that's when she said she was pretending"

Do you know the song? ;)


Well, I'm mentally and emotionally drained.

Not from the party but from pretending to be fine and okay at work. Because of course, the work itself is about 20% and the rest is all the other stuff (hygiene factors) that make my life a misery.

Last night, Connor couldn't settle (mind you, that's probably him picking up on stuff with me - he used to do the same when he was a baby) so I went to lay down next to him.

Turns out we both fell asleep at 8 pm. I woke at 12.30 with sinus pain and made 3 handwriting fonts (I've figured out why it wasn't looking right - the spacing was too far apart) and read some of my book before falling asleep again at 1.30 ish til 7.30.

Yes, I was tired but normal tired means I'd wake up, refreshed and alert after about 7 - 7.5 hours.

I literally have to give myself a pep talk in the mornings, and then I get there and feel the knots in my shoulders start up.

I'm  aware I can't be a grump so I'm trying to stay positive and be myself but that's hard work, so when I drive home, I'm exhausted.

The most frustrating thing is that the people I speak to about this all seem to think I need to give it a chance to get more used to the (new to me) work and it'll then be fine. However, I know in my heart of hearts it's not the work, it's everything else - the work is the 20% I'm actually enjoying WHEN they leave me alone to get on with it. There's the lack of freedom and independence, the micromanaging, the time pressure, the one-dimensional way of working, etc. Let's not bore you all senseless.

I had a (mostly) nice chat to my ex-boss today and I cried and cried and cried. It was pitiful. So confused afterwards that I had a splitting headache and after it abated somewhat, D played therapist and just let me talk and cry for about 1 - 1.5 hours (poor D - he deserves a medal).

She said I need to also own my feelings there - true - and push back to make it more like I want it - but as I said, there are about 25 things wrong and 3 I feel mentally able to tackle on any given day. You can't debate every little thing so I save my "passion" for the quality of the work going out and the micromanaging. Although I can feel the one guy almost twitching at not asking me every two minutes what I'm working on. Oy!

Came to the same conclusion - at the end of the day, I have to be happy and at the moment I really am not (and that's being very understated).

D said I'm going to be a shell of myself if I have to stick it out much longer than about 2 - 3 months. Exactly.

Have booked coaching session for 23 July to get clear on next steps and if I haven't been shortlisted for that other job, I'm going to have to have hard conversations with the manager. The good thing is I can actually speak to him.

I should put up some happy pics tomorrow :)

Seriously though, I said to D I don't know how other people do it - act like they're okay when they're not. It's manifesting in headaches, knots in my back, etc. and of course, the endless crying!

How low is your tolerance for nonsense?

As you can see, I'm about a 2 on the scale!

PS please don't stop praying for me!

Ugh, life admin

I thought I'd make a list of things I need to do in the way of life admin.

1. pay the school for all the days Connor stayed for the full day
2. pay Kendra's dance exams
3. renew car licence
4. make Connor's paed appt
5. make my gynae appt
6. get bloods done
7. make dental appt
8. finalise June financials
9. make packing lists
10. pack for trip
11. organise valet parking
12. colour my hair
13. book Brazilian hair treatment
14. finish thank-you cards - I did 14 tonight, 4 more to go
15. buy stamps
16. unpack all the party decor in the study.....
17. phone places I have in mind for my birthday tea/ lunch
18. complain to Daddy's deals about a product I bought that is inferior
19. tidy my desk
20. return one of K's presents for a bigger size (gorgeous little pink jacket but it fits perfectly right now and I want her to have it for next year)

I feel like I need to take a day's leave and just knock them all out.......... sounds heavenly at the moment.

Do you do your life admin a few things a week, as soon as it crops up or when it's crisis time?

Want to add your list in the comments?

PS at least I got my watch strap and battery replaced, and I deposited an Amazon cheque that's been sitting on my desk for nearly 3 months

Winter birthdays and a Sunday birthday round-up

The official party post will have to wait for another day but bottom line... it was a success, at least in my books. Everybody came (there were two who didn't but they were sick) and it looked like people had fun.

I do have a whole other "lessons learnt" posts, mainly that I need to let go of the fantasy that it'll be sunny (like a typical winter's day) and kind-of warm on their birthday and just plan an inside party.

What do you guys do who have kids with winter birthdays?

this is 4 - they told me this is their "style" and as you know, I fight about manners, not about clothes :)

And then a hodge-podge of things running around my head:

I seem to be addicted to Milky Bar. I baked some cowboy and cowgirl cookies for the kids' classmates (I asked them, "Babies, what do you want to take to school for your birthday and they shouted, "BISCUITS" and I only make cowboy cookies or oatmeal cookies. These ones seemed ever slightly more fun) and how I differentiated them was one with brown chocolate bits and one with white chocolate bits. When I bought the Milky Bars I bought extra... bad mistake. They are SO yummy. I keep forgetting. By the way, Connor is taking the white chocolate ones and Kendra the brown chocolate ones. As he told me, cowboys LOVE white chocolate :)

My study is a complete mess of presents and wrapping paper/ bags. I'm too scared to pack the things away in case I miss out on a thank-you card. I will make a proper list tomorrow but about half way through the day today, the kids just went wild and I couldn't keep up with the writing and supervising and taking pics, so I decided to just take pics and rely on my shoddy memory.

My kids are now also hoarders. When I tried to toss wrapping paper, they (Connor) were all, "NOOOOO Mummy, I want to cut out those ____________ (dinosaurs, cars, etc.)"

We asked the kids what they wanted to do today on their birthday and they said, "open presents"! I suggested making them special pancakes (crepes) with chocolate bits (still have some over from the cowboy cookies) for breakfast and Connor told me, "Mummy, don't be silly, we can't have pancakes for breakfast" and he wouldn't be swayed. He was serious because breakfast always equals cereals and a fruit, and then maybe a slice of toast.

We went to church, stopped at Woolworths for "fun food" and then had lunch outside because of course, today was gorgeous! And then we had a little photoshoot. D saw me getting frustrated because I've created a little diva photographer who now tells ME where he wants me, K and D, and so D bribed them with jellybeans (2 each since it's their birthday :)) and I ended up getting some lovely pics! Can I just say again how that camera is THE best money I ever spent? I'm getting such gorgeous pics of mine and other people's kids and buildings and and and it brings me COMPLETE joy that I created those pics with my eye :)

I need to go pack my bag and lunch for tomorrow now because I've not given work a backward glance since Friday 12 pm!

How was your weekend?

Cowboy/ Cowgirl party - backyard photoshoot

I'm probably pooped from the party so I'm pre-posting a few photos from the shoot.

I dragged the kids out into the garden for about 15 minutes and got 80 pics. Of those, I kept 55 so not a bad ratio at all.

I used some in the original invitation, for the reminder email and on the tables in teal frames as decor. VERY chuffed with how this panned out :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which is your favourite?

{Friendship Friday} The next best thing to a weekend away is...

a night out with twin mom friends :)


Caren, Roz and I had big plans to have a weekend away.

That was in January before life in 2013 set in.

Then due to extra-mural logistics, we scaled down to a night away.... and then we weren't able to make that work in time so instead of a night away, we had a night out in Rosebank.

Don't go getting excited - it was really just three friends talking a lot over good food and dessert :)

I know I'm not alone when I'm sometimes tempted to not do anything but I push through anyway and always, ALWAYS enjoy myself.

Enjoy the pics I took that night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not giving up on that weekend away, especially since hearing of Cat, Lynette and Shayne going away together.

Do you have regular nights out with your friends?
PS Aren't you glad I've stopped moaning about work? I certainly am!

So I had myself a little breakdown at work

Yesterday we were "discussing" something in quite a heated manner.

The details are beside the point but the approach was the usual:

• what did we discuss on Friday?
• so just do that

I did say on Friday when I got to this part (the part in question) I'd check in with him because I don't quite see the vision.

So the explaining was not going so well.

We were just totally missing each other all the time and I was getting more and more frustrated.

Eventually I felt the tears start coming.

I took a deep breath and drank some water and tried to talk some more and one more remark and I just pushed my chair back, grabbed a tissue and my phone and said, "I can't do this. Please excuse me" and I burst into tears as I ran out the office.

I heard him say, "what's wrong?" as I ran out to the loo.

So now I'm stuck in the loo sobbing quietly. Every now and then I stop and remember and it all starts up again. I emailed D and another colleague from my old team to say, "I just burst into tears in front of the 3 of them and now I'm in the loo crying".

My colleague ran to the loo at the main office, emailed me back and I told her I'm in town, not there. I didn't let on to D that it was not the nice, decent crying that I'd done up to this point, but the totally ugly, entire face red, crying. I don't cry nicely, by the way.

Eventually the cleaning lady came into the loo, took one look at me as I was trying to repair my face and gave me a big hug (bless her!). I begged her to please go get my bag from our little office which she did and I ran down 7 flights of stairs and out of there.

I walked and walked the CBD and then I headed back. As I crossed the road to get to the building, I started the crying again.

Ridiculous.

Of course when I got back, the first person I saw was him. And he wanted to talk. I didn't even want to look at him but he persisted and insisted so I talked a bit. Excruciating.

The other two had gone for a coffee and when they came back, they (quietly) took their laptops and went to sit somewhere else so we could finish. That was very decent of them.

I tried to explain a bit but they don't get it. It's not the newness of the work that is the issue; it's HOW the work is done and HOW I'm expected to perform in the absence of clearly communicated guidelines.

The strange (!) thing is I had a meeting with HR on Tues and she thinks it's just that I'm taking a while to adjust to the way they do things and the different teamdynamics. Until I appealed to her F (see, this is when MBTI is excellent) and said, S, I've never cried so much about work over the last 19 years as I have in these last 3 months. I'm dreadfully unhappy and have to give myself a pep talk every single day driving in to work and sometimes numerous times in the day. That's when she got it.

I've heard nothing about that position I applied for and I really just need to know. So I can make other plans.

Back to yesterday. He was sweet (a bit scared of the outburst I suspect too) but today back to normal. I did say I don't expect them to change who they are just for me to the point of being inauthentic...the last thing I want is for me to create such discomfort for another person.

So they all went out for drinks last night (I and the other remaining female declined!) and I'm sure there were some things said about me (of course! this is high drama). The 3 project managers also had a meeting with the boss this afternoon so further opportunity to discuss me if there was time.

I have a meeting with the boss tomorrow morning and I know I need to start to deal with this more seriously.

Maybe I'll open with "so what did they tell you about my little breakdown on Wed?" and just get straight to it? ;)

So that's where we're at.

Do you see why I need your prayers?

To not totally end this post on a downer, here are some cute crying pics of the babies when they were somewhere between 12 and 24 months old :)

 

 

On the really bright side, my personal trainer gave me a voucher for a back and neck massage so off I go for that tomorrow!

I'm so looking forward to it since my shoulders are so tense it's ridiculous.

What's up in your world?

Being celebrated

The two biggest lessons I learnt from doing Superhero Photo are, in fact, not really photography lessons but life lessons:

1. move your body (!) in other words, be willing to get uncomfortable... for the ultimate good and 
2. look for the light 

I honestly drive around now saying, "MMMMMMM, gorgeous light".

The other day I was driving with Kendra and I said, "dear LORD, that sunset is so beautiful" and she said, "take a photo, Mummy" :) I didn't have the big camera but I did take one with the iphone.

Anyway, the point is I so appreciate some great light so this particular afternoon we were doing who-knows-what at home and I walked into the study.

The light was AMAZING so I grabbed the family for an impromptu photo shoot. So mesmerized was I by the light, I carried on taking (no joke) 80 self-portraits afterwards.

Clearly I have no issues with self-portraits.

These are some of my favourites from that day.

Look closely at the four words on my necklace. MandyE, this is the one I ordered from Dayspring.

that last word is chosen

Those 4 words are what we are to God - celebrated, created, cherished and chosen.

I want to talk a little about the word celebrated though.

I've always thought that's it's important for each of us to be celebrated for exactly who we are. For every little weirdness.

After all, it's in the quirkiness that connection happens.

I've always had that at this company before. You see, I'm not your average employee. I say things others won't, engage with people in a (hopefully) meaningful way, not only superficially and I have lots of quirks, least of which is a very fully stocked kitchen at work.

Basically, my weird was always celebrated.

And I think that's the hardest part of this new job for me. I feel like I'm being simply tolerated which is even more awful than when you just read that.

So I've become quieter and more guarded. I find I'm not sharing (valuable) insider info either which is part of what I thought I bring to this particular party. Because why bother when it's tossed aside?

It's more than just adjusting. Because when you know you belong, you realise there are things you don't know but you fit anyway so the adjusting is just figuring out the ropes. That's not what's happening here. I feel different - I can't believe I have to talk myself into getting out of bed in the morning. (granted - that could also be winter)

At the moment I have to give myself a pep talk every morning on the way to work and then pray for a good day. Sometimes the good day is in the form of good work and other times it's one good meeting or simply all the IT systems working or a taxi driver blocking other cars so I can actually exit the parking garage and get into the stream of traffic. I LOVED him for doing that the other day. Restores my faith in humanity.

But deep down or not so deep down, I'm just not happy.

Those of you who have access to the private blog can read more details here.

And now, let's distract ourselves with some lovely photos of me and the kids :)

she'd just woken from a nap - love this pic

Are you celebrated at work and home?

Black and white

So I'm kind of obsessed with this first building.

I posted a pic on Instagram and Facebook a few weeks ago saying this is such a beautiful building and people said it looked like Harrods or like the Michaelangelo towers in Sandton.

It is, in fact, the original First Nat.ional Bank building in the Jhb CBD. From my little desk next to my colleagues where we squash into a tiny office, I look out on this beauty Mon - Thurs :)

I love that green domed roof so I brought in the big camera to take some pics. It didn't really work because the window was super dirty so the colour was terrible.

However, that's what black and white photos are for!

Doesn't it look amazing?

As much as I love the city I'm not going to walk over there ALONE with my big zoom lens to get decent (outside) pics and none of my boring colleagues are interested in even asking about my day, let alone humouring my passion for gorgeous old buildings. Except one... but she's a girl.
 

Library Gardens

Stairs of the Public Library

this was outside my bedroom window - spying on a bird on the rooftop of a house across the street one morning

These are the things that I focus on to keep me thinking positively while they micromanage me like I'm 22 again. *sigh*

Which is your favourite?

How do you get through sucky periods in your life?

Eish - one month left

this pic taken with my Sony Cybershot two years ago - those are carrot cupcakes - I love carrot cake!

So there's a little more than one month left til my birthday.

I've just had a look at my 38 things list and at this rate I'll get 31 done by my birthday. Actually, that's not too shabby.

Things I could get done if I move my butt:

1. get book number 2 on the kindle, pronto! (I told the lady I'll fix the formatting errors after the kids' party) Here's book 1
2. read a James Patterson and a John Grisham
3. get my handwriting made into a font (I thought this would be easy but how many times have I tried and how many times have I not been happy with the result?!)

Before I share some July goals, how did I do for June?

As always, it feels like I did worse than I actually did. I got 80% of my goals done but it felt like 40%!

Some highlights:

• 5 socials :)
• 12 - 24 months baby book is done! It took me about 5 hours total to sort through a whole year's photos, choose the ones I wanted, and then sort and put into an album with monthly and occasional captions, and Instagram one or two here and there :) I aim to get totally caught up later this year with year 2 - 3, and then 3 - 4.
• I tried two recipes which worked out great - I need to blog but I don't have pics so does that mean I have to re-bake them??? Mmmm :)
• lots of random acts of kindness done for colleagues
• party planning - I will say this, this is probably the first and last year I do a venue. Nothing wrong with the venue - just a huge schlep. I have two HUGE baskets of stuff to take with us on Sat. Thank goodness I have a half day on Friday

photo used for the kids' invite

I'm happily surprised at how fast June went. Now you all need to pray HARD with me that either that job I've applied for is PERFECT and they see it.... or that another comes up super fast because I'm tired of faking it that I'm okay. I need out.

So, goals for July.

1. Have a lovely party for the kids.
2. Get thank-you cards out within one week. Last year I emailed thank-yous; this year it's back to basics, old-fashioned ones.
3. Get some gorgeous pics (if you're coming, you're welcome to grab my camera and take photos of things I'm not seeing that I might want, or of me, D and the kids)
4. Have "reasonable" and not emotional discussions to pave the way for my next work move...
5. Read 5 books, two of which should be the missing two on my 38 things list
6. Get to gym at least 8 times to work out, not just swipe my card.
7. Three dates with D
8. Make a good attempt at the handwriting font
9. Get 31 days book on Kindle
10. Plan MY birthday party
11. Go to Weigh-Less every Saturday I'm in Jhb
12. Date with each child
13. Post to K & C blog 10 times
14. Have a lovely holiday with my family - my mother's 60th!
15. Take beautiful photos on holiday - hopefully there'll be some nice grey sky/ beachy ones :) ooh, we need to take umbrellas and gum boots... just picture grey, overcast misty weather with bright boots and umbrellas. Gorgeous!
16. Finish June photos before I go on holiday otherwise I fear I may never catch up.
17. Project Life for June and take photos! I realise I haven't posted April or May yet.
18. 3 socials
19. Bake cinnamon pull-apart bread and make those divine lemon bars again
20. Elevate emails into a word document!
21. Deposit Amazon cheque (it's been sitting on my desk for about 2 months!)
22. Renew car licence
23. Choose photos for my mother's canvas and place order
24. Make Connor's paed check-up appointment (K went today - two birds with one stone

What's on your list for July?


PS Eish