Pigeon pair

I'm writing this one in response to Roz's post (no point in linking - I get annoyed when people link to private blogs, don't you?) this morning.

Roz wrote about how annoyed she gets when people keep asking if they're going to try again for a boy since they have twin girls.

I get that.

First off, I always said I didn't mind what my two were because all I wanted was A baby. I already felt like I hit the jackpot getting TWO. No matter what sex those two were.

And that was me being 100% honest.

Still, when the doctor said one was a boy and he wasn't sure about the other, I still didn't mind having two boys (in hindsight I do actually think boys are easier) but I did say to D, "if they're both boys, we may have to do another IVF to see if we can have a girl" because I wanted to experience both a girl and a boy.

Okay, God knew what he was doing and gave me both at once because you all know I do not do well with the newborn stage and will never have babies again (emotionally I can't do IVF again and also financially - older eggs will probably mean more than 1 go and I just can't!) and also, I was thinking with the rose-tinted glassses of twin romance.

So I hit the jackpot twice - TWO babies and a girl and a boy.

And it seems lots of people feel the same because we get stopped quite a lot, as you do with twins, and get comments about "how lucky" we are to have a "pigeon pair" because "now you're finished".

And that bugs me too.

Because I don't like people assuming that just because we have a girl and a boy, that necessarily completes things for me.

Yes, I am happy with my family but hey, if I get given a 12-month-old baby, I will be over the moon. LOL

So I say things like, "yes, we are VERY blessed, but we would have been very happy with girls or boys".

Because that is the truth.

Is it important to you to have one (or more) of each gender?

P.S. Pic taken on 21 November last year. I canNOT believe they were that tiny or that I was that thin! I never ever ever thought I'd say this but maybe there's something to being that sleep deprived....... :)

Honesty

I was reading a blog by a pregnant woman who's been getting some extremely honest advice.

Either Canadians are a lot more honest than South Africans or I associate with people who just can't be brutally honest.

I've spoken before about how I felt lied to by such a lot of people who just acted as if everything motherhood was a breeze.

One friend said to me one day, "but honestly, Marcia, did you and (insert name of other mutual friend here) really think having a baby was going to be easy?"

And I said, "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

Yes, I was deluded. I felt sure that since I was/ am super organised, a hard worker, energetic, etc. this motherhood thing would be a breeze.

We harboured romantic views of the babies in the cots, sweetly sleeping and not SCREAMING! LOL

There was only one woman who was honest with me, a twin mom at my work.

When I told her I was pregnant with twins, I rubbed my preggy belly and smiled the smile of advertisements and she said, "my husband nearly had a nervous breakdown when they were 8 months"

I laughed and she said, "I'm not even joking".

When I got back to work after my maternity leave, I asked the two mothers who were in the office at the time why they lied and didn't tell me the truth about the craziness, sleep deprivation, etc.

The one said, "but you wouldn't have believed us"

And I'm afraid that is probably true.

Although it would have been nice to at least know that I wasn't going crazy being the only person who was going off her head because of two, really tiny, screaming babies.

These days I am honest with pregnant people but I do tell them that it's normal to not "take to it" immediately and that it's just about survival for the first 3 months or longer (as I experienced).

A colleague of mine said her friends say she's scaring them when she's honest but she said "rather that than be lied to like others have done to me"

So, where do you fall on the honesty spectrum?

Do you just smile and let the new moms figure it out themselves or do you feel that it's kind of your duty to let them know it's not all sunshine and roses?

P.S. As I've said before, I love the babies, just not the newborn stage.

P.P.S. Another colleague of mine (yes, I work with a very fertile bunch) is 36 w pregnant and said she's petrified of the newborn thing as she remembers it so well. This 2nd baby was not planned by them (I believe all babies are planned by God).

Am I going soft or is this nostalgia?

A few weeks ago I went to a conference near where D works so we travelled together. Normally I hate travelling with anybody because I have independence issues.

As we were driving on the highway (M1), I realised that on any previous occasions when we travelled the same route at that time of day, we'd been going to V...lab (fertility clinic) for a scan, egg retrieval or embryo transfer.

So we had a moment.

Then when we had D's party, we drove home with the babies and we passed V...lab again. That was amazing - I said to D, "can you BELIEVE it? these babies were created right THERE!!!"

Another moment.

And then when I look at the kids, I just think, "I can't believe we actually have CHILDREN", especially when we do "normal family things" like going to eat out.

I've also been thinking when I look at them, I can't believe they used to just lay there like slugs and now they can move, cause chaos, etc.

It's FANTASTIC!

If I'm being annoying because I love this mobile stage so much, please ignore me. I felt the same way when I used to read about people loving the newborn stage :)

Hmmm, just realised it could be because I'm approaching the two-year anniversary of first starting the IVFs. Last year was such a blur and I had no time for thinking back...

So, am I going soft or is this nostalgia?

Confession time - I'm not a newborn person

The Graco DuoRider - this is their maiden journey
(oh, that's my MIL)

It was freezing here in Jhb on Sunday

Kendra - look at the cute mouth

and Connor - I love his expressions with those eyes and Nat, yes, the dummy!

So I mentioned in the last post how I'm not loving the newborn stage. You might have got a hint from this post :)

The babies are 13 weeks old now (exactly 3 months today) and now I can finally say I'm enjoying them.

Still not in that "oh I can't believe how wonderful my life is; my baby has totally fulfilled me" way. But I find I look forward to seeing them wake up, especially when they sleep a bit longer than usual. And they're starting to develop some personality. I'm all about the personality!

If anyone else is in the same boat, I'd say I first started enjoying this motherhood lark at around 10 weeks or so....

I used to say to D, "oh I wish I could go to work and leave you here with the babies" or when he said he'd missed them, I'd tell him "you are absolutely crazy!" and he still says I will see when I go back to work.

But there's a difference between loving the babies and loving the experience.

Before we knew we'd have to go through all this drama to have a baby (or two), I used to say to D that it would be lovely if babies could just arrive at two years.

They're so lovely at that age - personalities, independence, cuteness :)

My babies have a baby friend who was born a day earlier and also spent 27 days in NICU like Kendra did. The mother and I have been keeping in touch, very sporadically, but she left me a voicemail message a week ago and I managed to return her call on Sunday.

Well, that phone call was so healing.

She wanted to know if I'm loving this, if I'm depressed, do I also pray for them to just sleep? Etc, etc.

We had a lovely chat - no, I'm not depressed and am not on any AD's, but no, I don't love this and yes, I literally do pray for them to sleep.

She was so relieved to know that she's not weird for not loving this motherhood thing and wanting to go back to work.

I'm always glad to encourage others, because mothers of singletons always say to me, "at least I don't have two!" with GLEE in their voices. And then I think of triplet moms and think, "at least I don't have three!" :)

How could people love the sleep deprivation when you literally forget how to talk and string a sentence together?!

(I've even been extending my coaching sessions with my clients because I realise I'm not as articulate as I should be).

But why don't people talk about this?

I've now accepted the fact that I'm just not a newborn person and am okay with that.

Are you?