My immune system is also shot

In addition to the messed-up knees, the twins gave me another little "gift".

A compromised immune system.

I am not exaggerating when I say that I've not had a cold in about 10 years. Not even while pregnant.

Aside from the IVF stuff (egg retrieval and transfer) and the actual operations, I haven't taken a normal sick day once at this current company (4 and a half years) and at my previous company (5 years 2 months).

So when I actually got a cold at the beginning of the month, first, I couldn't believe it, and then, I naturally assumed if I had some vitamin C and orange juice, it would all be gone in a few hours.

Wrong!

3 and a half weeks later I was still battling this cold, on and off.

On Sunday night I couldn't hear properly and in the early hours of Monday morning, my ears started really troubling me.

I leaned over a cot to pick up a baby and not only did my head swim but PAIN!!!! in both ears.

That's when I decided to stop being cheap and go see the doctor.

I explained everything and she told me my immune system is compromised due to sleep deprivation.

Um, yes.

So other than sleeping as much as I can (which I thought I'm already doing), I can boost it with vitamin C (already doing) and zinc. Zinc's found in green, leafy vegetables like spinach and broccoli, so I'll consciously be cooking with these in the next few weeks and beyond.

Spent R780 on consult and all the meds and am happy to say I'm on the mend.

Of course on Monday when I totally felt terrible - painful ears, head swimming, etc. at 4:50 (she starts at 7 pm) my night nanny phoned to tell me she's sick and can't come to work. After we'd been looking forward to a break for two long days and nights.

Thank goodness D took one look at me when he got home and said to go sleep. So after feeding us, I slept from 8 to about 2:30.

Back to work - part 1

I have about six weeks before I go back to work...and already I've been off since 7 July (16 weeks today).

In South Africa, an employee is entitled to at least four consecutive months’ maternity leave BUT the company doesn't have to pay you a cent. However, if you're a South African citizen, you can claim something like 45% of your salary from UIF. This amount is capped at about R12 000 or thereabouts.

I'm fuzzy on the % as this doesn't apply to me.

At my company, we get paid 100% of salary for the four months, as long as we've been working there for 13 months by the time you go off on maternity leave.

You with me so far?

So the twins.

I am quite bolshy so I asked them if I get double maternity leave since I'm having twins (!). Hey, it was worth a try. Of course, they said no.

In the beginning of the pregnancy, I was just talking nonsense as I usually do :) but actually I had a point in there somewhere because I hadn't realised how high-risk the pregnancy was.

I had the two bleeding incidents, the doctor told me to work half days from 28 weeks and of course, my waters broke very suddenly at 32 weeks.

I was reluctant to start working half days and going on early maternity leave because I didn't want the before-babies leave to eat into these precious 4 months, or 87 days as my company calls it on our e-leave system.

Saffy told me that in New Zealand, they get 12 months unpaid. 12 months!!!! And if they need to go off work from 28 weeks due to health reasons, it doesn't cut into the 12-month entitlement. How cool is that?

I wish we had that extra maternity sick leave too – maybe I could have kept them in longer if I’d stopped work properly at 28 weeks? I could feel at 30 weeks that I was DONE and really should have started proper maternity leave then but as I said if you take your leave early, you simply cut short your time with the baby(ies)/. It’s terrible.

Anyway, I have a fabulous boss. Seriously fabulous.

This pic was taken at my work baby shower and that's my boss in the middle, laughing with a mouth full of food :)

Other than my husband and then my friends from the infertility support group, he has been my biggest supporter through this whole crazy journey.

He knew every single thing about the whole IVF process. We have the kind of relationship where I could say to him "don't ask me anything; I'll tell you when I'm ready" and I would. This is when I was a bit teary at my desk....

So when I mentioned to other female colleagues that the doctor said I have to take things even easier, he overheard and immediately said, "well, from tomorrow, you'll be working half days".

Just like that; no fighting.

My plan was to take my 87 days (!) and then add on my 18 days annual leave and also take a few days' unpaid leave up until the end of Dec and go back in January.

But when the twins came early, the plan got messed up (the first of many plans!). I obviously took off the first four hospital days as maternity leave. But then after that I told him I'd work from home while they were in NICU and he was fine with that.

So now I have to technically go back on 18 December because we decided that it's just not worth taking half the month as unpaid and losing thousands of rands seeing as the babies are so expensive.

My boss then said to me, "well come in on the 18th, show your face (n.b.) and sort out your emails and so on, and then work from home the rest of the month"

Is he not a winner boss?

As I said, fabulous!!!


By the way, there's never been any question in my mind of going back to work or not...but I will have to save all that thinking for another post as this is my contribution for the 30-minute blog challenge and 25 minutes are up!

P.S. The babies are 16 weeks today. Now getting very cute :)

I think I've lost my Connor mojo

s
oh my word, Connor has not been sleeping properly today.

The Gina Ford book says babies are supposed to be awake around 6 hours daily to sleep properly at night. If you're not a Gina Ford fan, just stay with me....I'm trying to make a point.

I only started tracking their awake times yesterday. Connor was awake between 5 and 6 hours yesterday - fabulous - and today when he hit 6 hours, I was like YAYYYY!

I spoke too soon.

Because I put him down, he slept for 30 minutes and was then WIDE awake again. No amount of feeding, rocking, changing, etc. would do it for him.

And yet I could see in his eyes how tired he was.

I can usually get Connor to quiet VERY quickly, the best of anyone, I don't mind saying. So I'm thinking I've lost my Connor mojo.

Well, two hours later (so now over 8 hours of awake time!!!), he is finally asleep.

And I am DEAD on my feet.

I came to the computer to read blogs for a bit while my wonderful husband made me a cup of tea and washed all the bottles (I think they've multiplied - I didn't notice I'd amassed such a lot because the nannies usually clean them but when they stand unwashed... well, let's just say I have a lot less counter space).

And he has now bossed me off to bed.

Very happy to comply.

Will let you know how the boy sleeps tonight - if this awake time works

P.S. that babygrow says "I love my mummy"

Edited to add

He slept 5,5 hours and then 3 hours. I think he's resetting his sleep patterns.

What happens around here on Fridays

I'm alone with the babies on Fridays and this is what happens around here.

holding one baby

putting him to sleep

putting the other one to sleep - isn't her arm cute though?

so fascinated by the cute arm that I'm taking one-handed close-ups

When Kendra is sleeping, I don't even venture near the bedroom so I have to amuse myself in other ways, like setting the table (I didn't do this just because I was bored; we had friends coming around in the evening)...


and straightening the drawers - yes, I label them. Remember there are 3 people all working in the same drawers and I hate untidiness!

this is the before version

I consider myself a rock star mother when I can get them to eat and sleep! I know - very low expectations :)

Milestones

Last Thursday the nanny and I took the babies for their vaccinations.

You phone to make an appointment (which I love because I hate waiting and queues!!!) and then she sees you whenever. The walk-in patients have to wait to be seen in between the appointments.

I had to leave my beautiful pram just outside her little office (where I asked someone to keep an eye on it) because it's too wide for some doorways. The rest of the time I bossed politely asked people to move out of the way so I could wheel it through the aisles.

The nurse put some numbing cream on their thighs and while it was taking effect, we did the well-baby checks.

that's C's thigh even though there's a pink blanket!

The weight, height and head circumference were all okay and then she started asking all the questions to check milestones.

After saying no, no and no too many times, I decided there and then to just accept that these kids are going to do things their own way, despite what the baby books say they should be doing.

I know they can smile (they smiled at 9 weeks - surely that is the milestone) but they don't do it a lot because they're not smiley babies.

We have to work very hard for a smile and most of the time we're too tired to do any extra work after feeding, changing and getting them to sleep.

They don't smile in recognition when I walk in the room. Although their eyes do follow me around and they can focus.

Frankly, that's all I remember because I had to also tell her that actually, I don't know this or that because I haven't been paying attention. Beautiful!

I'm sure all the other mothers know in detail what their child has or hasn't done. Not me.

The only thing I'm interested in is getting Kendra to eat her full feed every 3 hours, and then getting both of them to sleep longer.

That's it - I'm easy to please.

But I assured the nurse that I will start paying attention so that next time I'll be able to answer her questions properly.

Obviously I'm lying because no doubt she'll have some new questions and I'll be caught out again.

Do you think it will be paranoid of me to email her and ask her to send me the questions so I can start watching out for them? :) (that is a JOKE!)

The paed told me to not worry about milestones and all that jazz as most prems will catch up when they're 1 but definitely by the time they're 2.

It's hard though when 98% of the world has a normal, full-term baby.

when we got home, they were out - too much "excitement"

Me time, also known as escaping the madness

The first time I went to gym post-pregnancy was when the babies were 7 weeks old.

I remember getting in my car, not feeling the slightest bit of guilt, instead feeling like I finally got to escape the madness.

It was wonderful!

Not so much the exercise but the freedom of being by myself without having babies, bags, bottles, blankets, etc. all attached to me.

I had a thought at the time: I know I should feel guilty because I've waited so long for these two, but I actually don't.

So the me time has been wonderful and since then I've made good use of having a day nanny and I escape the madness every 2 - 3 days.

Back to this morning.

I love, love, LOVE grey, overcast skies.

Like this one...

Is there anything better than driving along in no traffic listening to love songs while gazing at those grey skies?

Seriously - it's like a bit of heaven!

So even though I didn't feel like going to gym after nearly a month of being away (I have some valid, but flimsy, excuses: my knees are buggered and I've had a cold), I knew I had to because...

1. D reminded me that I still have to get in my 4 sessions this month to keep my special membership rate.
2. I'm 0.8 kg away from my pre-pregnancy weight! Amazing because it doesn't look like it. I've decided that it all shifts around so I probably have thinner ankles or something :) because my bum, thighs and belly weigh a lot more than 0.8 (1.76 pounds).
3. I was seriously annoyed and needed stress relief. (a) Night nanny woke us at 5.20 this morning (she actually works til 7am) announcing that she needed to leave to get to her new full-time job. We'd discussed this last week and I told her we need her til 7 otherwise we need to get someone else. (b) When I checked The Notebook, I saw Kendra had had tiny feeds of 25ml and 40 ml during the night because no-one except D and me has the patience to make her finish her 75ml feed. (c) The (newly sterilised) bottles were all standing open on the kitchen counter top. What is the use of sterilising bottles if you leave them open for all the germs?!!!

I did a stretch and tone class and actually, my knees seem to be better. Not totally healed but a million times better than before. So things are looking up.

Of course I felt calm and stress-free afterwards too.

Now here's the thing:

On Sunday my MIL announced that she was coming over. So I said to D that I'd be going shopping (I love walking the shopping centre all alone!) which he agreed would be good for me.

My MIL arrived, I spent about 30 minutes here doing some chit-chat and then I said I'm off to the shops.

What for? she says. All judgemental.

Because I have things to do, I said. (I really only had one thing to do)

I could not believe the tone.... and had to bite my tongue for the good of the family dynamic...but I gave D a look :)

So what is it with people?

Do they think mothers have to be all martyr-ish and stay at home all the time???

(this is my contribution for the 30-minute blog challenge and I made it!!!)

P.S. A year ago today I found out I was pregnant with my chemical pregnancy from IVF1

Confession - yes, I let them sleep on their tummies

You hear everybody say that babies are NEVER supposed to sleep on their tummies.

Well, I swear Kendra came out sleeping on hers.

Here is proof from the NICU at 1 day old.

And as you can see, she just never stopped. This is her at 11 weeks. Aren't those little legs cute?


When your very fussy baby sleeps longer than 10 or 20 minutes on their tummy, you'll take it! At first I was paranoid so I'd check on her literally every 5 minutes. I soon started to relax because she really is so much more comfortable like that.


Connor wasn't too taken with the tummy sleeping however.

He slept on his tummy for the first time at 7 weeks. But not for very long - I think this session he managed an hour.


Now he sleeps both ways, but does sleep longer if on his tummy.


Do you let your baby/ies sleep on their tummies, or am I the only one breaking the rules?

3 gone, 2 to go

I realised earlier that in exactly two months' time I'll be going back to work.

That is a seriously scary thought because it means I've been on maternity leave for 3 months!!!

Will have to write a proper post because I have such a lot to say about this work thing :)

Not quite a Zen mommy

I'm obsessed with baby feet!

I am totally alone with the babies on Fridays.

This is a really big deal for me because they scare me - are you surprised?

I read one of the comments on Tertia's newborn post where a lady said she loved the newborn stage because it allowed her to be all bohemian - wear the baby, breastfeed the baby, co-slept with the baby and it was the only time that people didn't think her messy house was a problem :). She said she milked the new baby stage as long as she could.

I had an epiphany and decided to throw out all my to-do list, at least on Fridays.

So I have one main goal - that the babies are alive and fed by the time D gets home. That's it!

If I'm not showered or dressed, so be it.

If the laundry doesn't get done, again, so be it. Actually this is my second goal.

My third is to make up bottles.

That's it.

So the first Friday when I tried this Zen mommy approach we all had a wonderful day.

Lest you think everything's all roses, a "wonderful day" in our household does involve Kendra screaming like crazy at some point during the day.

K at 12 weeks - see how the cheeks are filling out?

The babies were sleeping sweetly at various times through the day and I got the laundry done plus made bottles!

Wonderful!

I was unshowered and in my pajamas the whole day but so what?

The next Friday was even better - I think I managed to get showered and changed at about 3.30! Woohoo!

And so it's been going until last week.

Because you know that two steps forward, one back thing...

Well, we had the most horrible Friday yet!

It was hot as hell here (I hate the heat) - in the 30's (Celsius) and Connor would not sleep. He slept for a total of 30 minutes the entire day from 7am to 7pm, and was very niggly the rest of the time.

You know it's bad when your "difficult" baby starts looking like the good one.

(I actually don't call them the good one and the naughty one very often!)

And of course, Kendra was Kendra.

Thank goodness the weather's been better and with it, my baby's temperament.

But Kendra is sick with a cold.

As I type this, I can hear her hacking away - poor thing!


I took her to the doctor on Monday and we got some nose drops but I think it's gotten worse now. On the bright side, she slept VERY well last night (5,5 hours and 4 hours).

D and I are a bit niggly too so I'm wearing surgical masks when I touch or am around the babies to prevent any other germs from getting to them.

So we try again on Friday. Pray that the babies co-operate because we're having visitors and it could be hell on earth with four babies screaming :)

And the winner is....

Remember this giveaway for the $45 gift card?

I've just been checking through my reminders in Outlook and I see I forgot to post the winner FOUR DAYS AGO!

Oy!

Let's just say the past couple of days have been hectic...

extreme heat = niggly babies
Kendra has a cold = parents don't sleep
visitors = overstimulation

etc
etc


So without any further ado....

the winner is SHANNON who said...

Considering I have 4 month old twin daughters, anything would be appreciated!!! I really like your idea of the mobile, though, because neither one of mine have one and they are starting to laugh and have fun in their cribs (finally!!!) I also love the ceiling sculptures!!! Good luck with your babies.

Congratulations, Shannon, look out for an email from me!

Confession - breaking the formula rules

I decided to join in with Jennifer's confessions since I have TONS!

I guess I'm just not a rule-follower kind of gal.

So let's talk about bottles.


I buy cheap bottles for my kids

I fully intended to only use NUK bottles because of all the marketing mumbo-jumbo but the truth is that Connor didn't seem to like the Nuk in the beginning. I think it may have been because he was too small. Anyway, I went out and bought a couple of different (cheap) ones and he loved those. And that's how it started.

They still only have 4 Nuk bottles - the rest are the cheap stuff. All I do is replace the original teat (nipple) with better teats and they're good to go.

Now in a strange twist, Kendra now only wants to drink from Nuk so she is using all 4. Connor is a boy - not fussy in the least - he will have any bottle.

D feeding K with a cheap bottle - look how she holds his finger.
She's a little control freak :)

I mix up the formula before their feeds

We went to a multiples seminar when I was about 14 weeks pregnant and it was fabulous. Fabulous because those twin and triplet moms threw out all the rules. The main thing they emphasised was that multiples have their own rules (none!) and that you do whatever you need to do to survive. Lovely!

On the formula can it says not to mix up the formula before the time but there was a nurse at the seminar who said it can be done as long as it's not left out.

So I mix up as many feeds as there are bottles available, stack them in the fridge and they're good to go. No messing around with formula when they're ready to eat.

Which brings me to my next point...

My kids have their bottles at room temperature

Horror of horrors, they actually don't need to be warm! I know!!!! I was just as amazed at first. Another little gem I learned at the seminar.

And with twins, you often don't have the time to warm everything when you have a screaming baby. True.

So my kids have had their bottles at room temperature since they left the NICU. In fact the other day I'd just mixed a batch of bottles when Connor was ready for a feed and when I gave him the warm bottle of milk, he actually pulled his face because he's not used to it :)

When the bottles had to come out of the fridge, I'd place one in a mug of boiling water to take off the chill until I read Jennifer's post about microwaving bottles.

And since then, no more of this time-wasting nonsense.

I zap the bottle in the microwave for 10 sec (K) and 20 sec (C) and they're good to go. Just takes the edge off but doesn't warm it too much.

Of course we swirl and shake properly so there are no air pockets!

I know you're all sitting there with mouths open in shock but seriously, did you really expect me to make up a bottle every one to two hours? :)

Your turn! What are your bottle or formula confessions?

Confession time - I'm not a newborn person

The Graco DuoRider - this is their maiden journey
(oh, that's my MIL)

It was freezing here in Jhb on Sunday

Kendra - look at the cute mouth

and Connor - I love his expressions with those eyes and Nat, yes, the dummy!

So I mentioned in the last post how I'm not loving the newborn stage. You might have got a hint from this post :)

The babies are 13 weeks old now (exactly 3 months today) and now I can finally say I'm enjoying them.

Still not in that "oh I can't believe how wonderful my life is; my baby has totally fulfilled me" way. But I find I look forward to seeing them wake up, especially when they sleep a bit longer than usual. And they're starting to develop some personality. I'm all about the personality!

If anyone else is in the same boat, I'd say I first started enjoying this motherhood lark at around 10 weeks or so....

I used to say to D, "oh I wish I could go to work and leave you here with the babies" or when he said he'd missed them, I'd tell him "you are absolutely crazy!" and he still says I will see when I go back to work.

But there's a difference between loving the babies and loving the experience.

Before we knew we'd have to go through all this drama to have a baby (or two), I used to say to D that it would be lovely if babies could just arrive at two years.

They're so lovely at that age - personalities, independence, cuteness :)

My babies have a baby friend who was born a day earlier and also spent 27 days in NICU like Kendra did. The mother and I have been keeping in touch, very sporadically, but she left me a voicemail message a week ago and I managed to return her call on Sunday.

Well, that phone call was so healing.

She wanted to know if I'm loving this, if I'm depressed, do I also pray for them to just sleep? Etc, etc.

We had a lovely chat - no, I'm not depressed and am not on any AD's, but no, I don't love this and yes, I literally do pray for them to sleep.

She was so relieved to know that she's not weird for not loving this motherhood thing and wanting to go back to work.

I'm always glad to encourage others, because mothers of singletons always say to me, "at least I don't have two!" with GLEE in their voices. And then I think of triplet moms and think, "at least I don't have three!" :)

How could people love the sleep deprivation when you literally forget how to talk and string a sentence together?!

(I've even been extending my coaching sessions with my clients because I realise I'm not as articulate as I should be).

But why don't people talk about this?

I've now accepted the fact that I'm just not a newborn person and am okay with that.

Are you?

7 things you may not know about me

Jennifer from Blonde Ambition gave me this Kreative Blogger award dayyyyyys ago


With this award, comes the rules:

1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.

5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.

So with the rules in place, here are 7 things you may not know about me:

Hmmm, this may be hard since I tend to over-share. I like to think of it as being open :)

1. I don't make the bed. Ever. That's D's job. The last time I consistently made the bed was when I was at university, oh, about 17 years ago!
2. I'm very fussy with my books and CDs. What that means is I never lend them out, and if people ask, I have no problem saying no! My thing is that people don't take care of your stuff the way you do. I've been known to buy people their own copies of stuff just so I don't have to lend them mine.
3. My hair is driving me crazy and I can't control it. I think I got used to the preggy hormones because my hair was so easy to manage. It seems like my hair's rebelled by being even worse than before. It is SOOOO curly and unmanageable. Then I'm also cheap because while my hairdresser can tame this mane, I want to get at least a week out of the treatment if I'm going to pay that kind of money and I tell myself it's going to get sweaty with gym, so I remain frustrated with ugly hair!
4. My real name is Marcia. Some of you have seen my real life friends comment on posts even though I told them to be careful :) When I started the blog, I didn't want all and sundry reading about my infertility so I chose to use the Leigh. Are you shocked?
5. I made a deal with God before I even started infertility treatments that if EVER the nightmare of infertility was over (little did I know it doesn't just go away) and I finally had a baby, I'd use my experience as a testimony to others. I was thinking maybe writing a book from a Christian perspective but since I have zero time, I'm thinking maybe just talking to church groups. I do talks on time management and goal-setting so public speaking is something I enjoy. Need to get started on this.
6. I give really good directions and it bugs me when others do not do the same! Once I was invited to do a talk to a group of professional organisers. The lady told me turn right at the 7th traffic light and it was actually the 8th one. I didn't know the area at all and I was THIS close to just turning around and going home (they weren't paying!) when I finally figured out my way. People always tell me that my directions are spot-on. And yes this is nerdy, but I now have a Word document with directions to our house from 3 different places in Johannesburg. Laugh all you want - it works :)
7. And finally, I've faced facts in that I do not enjoy the newborn stage. At all. Maybe I need to write a separate blog about this. What do you think?

The 7 blogs I'm nominating are:

Clio

Leah

Mandibula

Mandy

Saffy from New Zealand - Saffy, I was rooting for your guys with the cricket and did you see they were top of our group?

Eve - Eve bought my leftover GonalF and Luveris from my first IVF and she is now PREGNANT

Natalie - real life friend. D is convinced her David and our Connor will be friends :)


So did you know those things about me, or not?

An update on my fussy eater

I really loved all the advice we received and I do believe she'll grow out of a lot of it and I also think a lot of it is Kendra-ness :)

But I started keeping track of the teats (nipples) we were using for Kendra's bottles to see if I could pick up trends. We only noticed that she likes a really hard teat (like Nuk). Other than that, not much difference.

Her paed switched her to a lactose-free formula about 3 weeks ago. There was no change after the tin was done (about 4 days) so we switched back. The paed mentioned one other formula we could try but I couldn't find it anywhere.

Then Mandy commented and mentioned silent reflux. I didn't think it was this but I googled it anyway. Some South African moms were talking about this on a message board and someone mentioned the exact same formula the paed mentioned (Novalac). I filed that away mentally.

On Thursday, just after the day nanny left and we were in suicide hour, I was feeding Kendra who was screaming and looking very upset. Suddenly I thought, what's the harm in trying this new formula? So I sent D an SMS and told him to try a pharmacy (I'd previously tried 3 baby shops) and lo and behold, he found it!

Well, he arrived with it, I dumped K with him and mixed her up a bottle immediately. She had 100ml (this is a miracle - at best only 60 ml before). She ate really well that night and has been eating better, on the whole since then. D says she's still Kendra and still has issues :) so everything is not miraculously solved but we can definitely see an improvement.

So we've abandoned the old formula totally and I went to buy 3 more cans of this more expensive formula yesterday.

She still fusses while eating but it's not as bad as before - now she'll have about 25ml (not 5 sucks) before fussing, we burp, cuddle, change nappy if necessary, then continue... She's taking about 60 ml consistently at a time, especially if we wait 3 hours between feeds

She's also sleeping better - of course, that could be her age (12 weeks) since she started displaying signs of better sleep last weekend...

Our current Kendra goal is still to have her finish her entire 75ml feed every 3 hours (600 ml a day). I keep threatening to send her back to NICU so the nurses can set her straight again :)

Strange - the last couple of days Connor hasn't been eating as well as he normally does. It's not so bad that I need to be concerned though because usually he eats far more than he needs (I wonder where he gets that...)

I feel like I'm conducting experiments with these kids - every couple of days I change the rules and announce to the nanny, "okay, from today, we're doing things like this and not like this".

This mothering thing is teaching me flexibility and adaptability, big time! And of course, plenty of patience!


What is this journey to motherhood, or motherhood itself, teaching you?

P.S. Don't forget about the giveaway :)

It's giveaway time

I'm so excited for one of you e because I'm hosting a giveaway on this blog for the next week.

Someone will be winning a $45 gift card from CSN Baby to spend on some gorgeous nursery furniture.

My personal favourite is this beautiful cot mobile. The babies don't have a cot mobile yet and the ones I've seen in South Africa have not really impressed me much. I'm very fussy (no!) and would rather do without if I don't LOVE something. As you know, it's very difficult when you have a boy and a girl in the same room, so you're basically stuck decorating with neutral colours.

You, of course, could pick ANYTHING you like! How exciting is that :)


The rules

1. You have to have a US or Canadian mailing address
2. You don't have to be a blogger!
3. All you have to do to enter is leave a comment on this post telling me what you'd get with your gift card - lamp, changing pad, etc. Please make sure you also leave your email address so I can contact you - I don't have time with the twins to hunt around looking for your contact details. Thanks for understanding :)
   
4. Entries close at 12pm EST on Wed 7 October.
   

Let the games begin!

Look at all this hair & other randomness

So Trina finally had her baby - the last one of all of us who were due around the same time.

And WOW, what a beauty. She has TONS OF HAIR - I am so jealous since I was completely bald until I was two years old :)


Some other random stuff

• Thanks for all the advice on the fussy eaters post. Kendra was switched to lactose-free formula at their last paed appt on 11 Sept. I bought the small tin and she finished that in 4 days without any improvement. In fact, looking over my notes (yes, I'm keeping The Notebook again!), she actually got a bit fussier with her eating. I phoned the paed who said she can go back on normal Nan 1 again as I should have seen an improvement within a couple of feeds if she was allergic. So, back to square 1. I am going to google silent reflux and phone up again if it sounds like K.
  
• I just did the budget this morning and paid the nanny and night nanny. My word - it's depressing seeing all your hard-earned cash go in one fell sweep. One minute thousands in bank account, 10 minutes later nothing :(
• Have to focus on fact that I'm sleeping 8 - 9 nights every month!
• Am seriously in awe of people (especially people in South Africa where help is reasonably priced) who do without nannies. My one friend with 11-month-old boy/girl TWINS sent me a text to say they did it all themselves. I was like "you are a ROCK STAR!" Cannot believe it!
• D & I are both not well - scratchy throat, etc. I have been chugging down the orange juice and vitamin C and am better today, but still not 100%, so I skipped gym. He went to the doc and is now in bed, booked off for two days - poor thing.
• Speaking of skipping gym, I stopped for 10 days and my old knees were much, much better. So have decided to take it easier and only go twice a week. Clearly too much exercise is not good for a 35-year-old mother of twins!
  
• In response to this post on infertility support, we've decided to start a fertility babies group - I am the co-ordinator and all things are motoring along nicely.
• Am very sad about the three negative results that I know of in the blogosphere. It just breaks my heart - seriously.

And let me end off with a funny!

This morning I was holding Kendra during suicide hour. She started fussing despite seeming like she was done eating. D says, "she looks hungry", so sure enough I put the bottle in her mouth and she starts sucking away. So I said, "how do you know when she's hungry?" and he tells me (she does something with her head and has a different cry - I was seriously impressed!). So then I ask, "and how do you know when Connor's hungry?" D says, "HE'S BREATHING"

Hahahah

Poor boy! Naughty Dad!

Fussy eaters - need some advice

On the last post, Leah had a question for me in the comments:

BB is only taking about 2 ounces (if we are lucky) at a time...which happens to be every 2-2 1/2 hours. And it takes her 30 minutes to feed...even though she is shrieking for a bottle! I'm hoping she increases her intake soon cuz I'm one tired mama!

My question for you...how can I get BB to eat more per session?!


here's my email to her - now there are two of us who would LOVE your advice.

Leah, I would LOVE to know the answer to that question too because Kendra is the same.

2 oz is about 60 ml and K takes 50 – 60 ml max so she also wakes up quicker, etc, etc. Has about 5 sips, stops, screams, I burp her, next few sips, more screaming so I burp again, then hug her for a bit, etc, etc. Very exhausting.

Especially when I compare to her brother who polishes off 125ml (4 oz) in 10 – 15 minutes flat. I know we're not supposed to compare children!

I do know that if she sleeps longer (we are deathly quiet in the house, put Connor far away from her, no going in the room) she wakes up hungrier and on occasion will even take her full bottle. But those times are few and far in-between. So that works and also lots of patience, which I don’t have, so my hubby sits with her if he's home.

Our current goal is to get her to finish her 75ml bottle every time, every 3 hours.


Dear internets

Please share your advice with Leah and me - how do we get our babies to eat (and sleep) better?

The good version of what mornings look like at our house

If they're particularly stroppy (K mainly), then I have to hold one squirming baby and somehow feed the other one.

Have you heard about suicide hour? We have double suicide hour from 5 to 7 pm, and another suicide hour just as a bonus between 7 and 8 am every day.

It's like they can sense that there's no other help but me, and then their father from 6 - 7 pm.

(One friend with boy/ girl twins told me they can sense your fear LOL)

Anyway....

A quick question about babies sleeping through the night...

When they start sleeping longer, do they

• wake up starving?
• wake more frequently during the day to make up for that extended stretch?

This is all Connor. Kendra can't be bothered with extending her sleep cycle yet!

He's had some nights where he sleeps 4,5 and 5 hours, but then when he wakes, he is absolutely starving (hence the feed in the pic above between 7 and 8 when he should sleep til at least 9) and also wakes up every 3 - 3,5 hours as if to make up for sleeping longer.

Is this normal?

I offer him more from after 5pm so that he can "stock up" on food and hopefully sleep longer. But he only eats until full which is usually not much more than his standard feed.

I thought I was being clever by taking all he normally eats in a day (8 X 100ml) and dividing it by 6 to get him into a 4 hour pattern.

He still does his own thing - stops when he's full. Sometimes he'll have more but not all the time.

My thinking is if my easy baby sleeps long or through the night, then we can easily cope with Kendra and at least one of us can sleep on the nights we don't have a night nanny.

What can I do to help him sleep longer?

Sleep and nanny update

K in a sling at the audiologist

C on the nanny's lap

We are sleeping much better thanks to the night nanny. We are in our routine now with Mabel here Mondays and Thursdays, and then while I'm on maternity leave, the day nanny has Fridays off but comes Friday evening to night nanny.

This means D and I have been able to do some stuff as well as get some sleep.

Mondays we just totally sleep as after the entire weekend of looking after babes we are knackered. Also remember we are 35 and 39, not in the flushes of youth :)

Thursdays our intention is to go to gym as she arrives (just before 7pm) and then come home to sleep. So far D has managed this; I can't quite think what I've been doing - I think blogging and getting ready for the next day.

Fridays is our new date night. We go to a movie or out to supper at one of the many shopping centres near where we live (not more than 5 km away - we are very blessed to stay quite centrally) and then come home to sleep.

My goal is to be in bed by 10pm; asleep by 11pm. So far so good.

My only concern is that we're getting really used to the night nanny; how will I be able to give her up? Well, aside from the small matter of finances.........

I was in denial about all the money we've been spending and it is A LOT. I could pay for an IVF with ICSI every 3 months........

But I put on my big girl panties and Did The Budget. That means I figured out how much we can actually spend out of our normal salaries vs what has to come from savings.

So while it is not pleasant to look at (I twitch sometimes thinking about The Money - good thing D doesn't do the budget - he freaks out far more easily than I do) at least I can now deal with it.

I said to a work friend that my bonus this year (we got a bonus in August) is going on NANNIES!

Ridiculous - in years past we went travelling to Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Australia, UK, Ireland and then last year we used it for one IVF. She kindly reminded me that I have to do whatever it takes to survive this initial period. True!

And on my to-do list today is "Complete Income Tax Return" so we can get some money back from SARS and replenish that ever-dwindling savings account.

Best I get moving on that......

The reality of twins - part 2 - medical expenses

Getting ready for my egg retrieval on IVF cycle 2 - got 5 eggs - pic taken at 7:01am (we had to be there at 7am) on 8 Dec 2008.

First of all, thank you all SO VERY MUCH for the great comments on my previous post.

They have helped me tremendously and I've been referring all my friends to the post, just to read the comments :)

************************************

I've been threatening to do a post on money for some time so here goes. Maybe this will help me come out of denial because I've been procrastinating doing the budget (not normally me) because I'm so scared of seeing the numbers.

Right, so with twins there's always the added bonus of them arriving early. I didn't know this beforehand but prem babies have a whole other set of expenses.

Before I detail them, let me explain something. In South Africa you're either on a medical aid (medical insurance) or not.

If not, you go to a government hospital. Shocking facilities - you seriously don't want to ever be in the position of having to go to one of these. (Aside - I remember when we joined our medical aid years ago, they took forever to send us the stickers for the car saying in the event of an accident, we are members of such and such.... I almost screamed at the call centre agent saying "if I'm involved in an accident, I do not want them throwing me into the Joburg Gen" - it's that horrific) .

So I think this is correct (as my work involves a project to do with health care) but only about 4 - 5 million of the 43 million South Africans actually have medical insurance. Something like that. Which entitles you to go to a private hospital.

procedure room at hospital where I had horrible internal examinations
to check dilation and so forth *shudder*

We are on a plan that offers unlimited hospital cover but very minimal day to day cover.

Of course most medical aids in South Africa don't cover any fertility treatment so the R100 000 we spent last year was also out of pocket. I think there are two tiny medical schemes that pay something toward fertility treatments. Maybe someone who knows more will comment???

The way it works on my medical aid is a portion of your monthly premium (but not more than 25%) goes into a savings account which pays for the day to day expenses of doctors, pharmacy, etc. The rest of the premium goes toward risk (hospitalisation).

I'm in insurance (life and short-term) and I'm amazed at how people don't think about these things properly.

For example, if we had to go onto a better day to day plan, we'd pay over R2000 extra every month (it was R1800 just for D & M, pre-babies this year). Your savings portion doesn't increase by R2000 obviously, only about R400 - R500. So my thinking is why don't you just save that extra R1800 and take your chances?! See I know how these things are rated and I'm the type of person who likes the lowest monthly expenses but doesn't mind an occasional big expense.

You can see that there's really no point in us moving toward a better plan - it would pay for one paed appt and then we'd still have to pay the rest.

And thank the Lord for medical aids because my bill for the Caesar and 3 days was R23 000, Connor's bill for 16 days was R77 000 and Kendra's was R93 000. And that's besides the blood tests and specialist doctors - billed separately but all paid.

Because the babies were prem, they have to make sure that everything that should have developed until term (nerves, blood vessels and what not - I really don't listen very well these days - I'm too sleep deprived) has developed properly and was not damaged in some way.

Now these are God's kids so I know they're fine but you still have to go through the motions to get the official say-so. Oy!

Eye doctor
Fortunately Kendra was in NICU when he first saw her (covered by medical aid - everything in hospital is covered on our plan) but Connor had to go once discharged. R398 for all of 5 minutes.

They then had a follow-up appt at their actual due date (R398 X 2 = R796) and need to go again 4 weeks from then (another R398 X 2 = R796).

He said to me that "hopefully that will be the last".

Hopefully indeed!

Ear doctor
My hospital offers an initial screening at birth (R250 per baby) but mine were in NICU so we missed out. We were about to get Connor's done when we were out and my clever husband happened to ask if any additional tests were needed. Yes, because they're prem. Grrr.

So we decided to forgo the initial screening and get the whole bang shoot done together to save paying two sets of consultation fees.

I eventually took the babies on Tuesday. R900 X 2 = R1800

Normal paediatrician visits
They both went two weeks after discharge, and then four weeks after that.

R450 X 2 X 2 = R1800

Remember most of these specialists charge WAY above the rate legislated by the medical schemes act.

E.g. our paed's consultation fee is R450 - the medical aid rate is R350 so you're out of pocket R100.

Of course we pay for ALL these things out of pocket because our medical savings account ran out in Feb already.

Vaccinations
At our hospital babies get the first vaccination for free as part of the mother's hospital booking fee.

I've just checked their cards and babies should get 6 in their first year.

So I phoned to make an appointment and I was horrified.

The cheapest vaccinations I could find was R1275 per baby. I made the appointment at the cheapest place and we (nanny and I) took the babies yesterday.

(Interesting - apparently 60% of kids in South Africa die from some form of pneumococcal virus, whatever that means, but it was scary enough for me to say "go ahead, jab them!")

It actually came to R2600 because they also charge a fee to administer the injection.

Next shots are in 4 weeks time - R970 each - and ones after that are in another 4 weeks time, again R1275 each.

So over the space of two months I'll have spent R7 140 just on vaccinations!

Add the other medical appts and by the beginning of November (4 months after their birth) the grand total of medical appointmens is a whopping R13 630.

That's besides

any medication I get at the pharmacies...

formula...

nappies....

nanny....

night nanny.....

My word, that's scary. But thank goodness, I am firmly out of denial now :) Although the only things budgeted for were formula, nappies and nanny.

I read on a blog this week that someone in the US had to pay $6 000 in hospital costs for a Caesar because her insurance only covered a bit. Now $6 000 is R45 000 which is nearly double what the hospital charged for me to have the babies. I paid an extra R7 500 for the doctor but still frightening!

So tell me, what is the situation with medical aids in your part of the world? Are you covered for your fertility treatments (if you underwent anything), hospital for births, NICU costs, etc.