Food strike!

Connor is on a food strike.

Not all food.... only meat and veggies-type food (and yes, also our beloved Annabel Karmel food!)

Of course this is highlighted because Kendra is a DREAM eater.

Except for her new trick, spitting. I let her do it once but then thought, "what the hell?! this is a BABY spitting food at ME" so stopped feeding her.

She's very clever and stopped that nonsense the minute I got up from my
seat.

Normally she opens her mouth WIDE like a little bird and eats everything. We have to show her the empty bowl so she can see the meal's over, otherwise she'll keep opening that little mouth. Very very cute

I swear she gets cuter by the day. Example....

"Kendra, what are you?"

BABABABABA

"Good girl! And what's Connor?"

BABABABABA

(of course, I time my questions for when she starts her talking :)

Anyway, our feeding schedule is currently:

8 am - veggies and chicken/ lentils/ minced beef

10 am - milk

12 am - fruit and yoghurt

2 pm - milk

4 pm - cereal - since the 8-month appt, I give one block of food here too

5:30 - 6 pm milk


Back to Connor.

He started whining more at mealtimes a few weeks ago... but still ate.

Now he won't even open that mouth for the first mouthful!

This is what I've tried:

• I sing Wild Thing to him, which he loves, so he laughs and when he opens his mouth, I quickly pop a mouthful in. Just thought of something - maybe it's my SINGING he's laughing at. I know David (my friend, Nat's son) laughs at her when she prays :)
• not giving him any milk for HOURS before the meal just in case he wasn't properly hungry - not the answer because he does the same thing even if his last feed in the night was at 3am
• giving him whatever he doesn't finish (in the beginning, usually just a teaspoon's worth) mixed into his cereal - worked for about 3 days and then he realised what was happening so is now wise to my tricks

It all came to a head on Thursday afternoon.

They'd been out late for a walk so the mealtimes were running late and into the time V leaves (5 pm) so I said I'd feed Connor so she could get going (she's very committed and likes to do all the things on her list before even thinking of leaving).

Well, BIG MESS. He fought me like crazy - his entire face, hands, legs and feet were FULL of food so I literally took him straight to the bathroom and gave him his second bath within hours.

Next day I decided not to mess with V and her way of doing things and she fed him. Much better - still a bit of whining but very bad as with me.

Then on the weekend, he just flat out refused everything. Annabel Karmel food, plain veggies, sweet potato, even CEREAL, our go-to food. He thought the cereal had food in it.

I always SAID (all those things you say you'll never do when you're a mother) I'll never make a big issue about food but I know that no eating means no sleeping and frankly, I'm old and I need my sleep.

I even found myself saying things like, "do you KNOW how I slaved over a hot stove cooking this for you?" - it's true, my kitchen is blazing hot in the afternoons :) I cringe writing that but I'm committed to keeping it real.

Eventually I thought let's just try some banana and yoghurt, thinking he'd also spit it out so I didn't even bother with a bib.

BIG MISTAKE - look!

On Sunday he deigned to eat a few baby spoons' worth of food (not even teaspoons) and was properly back on his cereal - I tried no funny business initially but later sneaked in some cream cheese.

On Monday morning when V arrived I was stern with her.

"V, have you been telling me the truth about Connor's eating? Because he refused EVERYTHING with us this weekend."

She laughed and said he does whine at the start but he will eat with her. I've said before that she has ENDLESS patience with them.

Still, I'm not happy that he doesn't want to open his mouth and eat properly because HE USED TO eat nicely. If he'd always had eating problems I wouldn't mind this so much.

Yesterday, we did mostly veg...2 veg cubes and 1 with protein. Still a bit of whining.

So we've gone back to basics today.

3 butternut cubes with a teaspoon of cream cheese. He whined but not too much. V tells me she thinks he was only eating FOR the cream cheese. This boy is going to drive me nuts.

He will have butternut for 3 days and then we'll switch to sweet potato and carrots like in the early days but keep trying my Annabel Karmel meals since my freezer is FULL of them. I think I got addicted to the food ice cubes and went a bit wild.

Right, over to you. (I keep thinking, the nurse said they need two protein meals a day and he REFUSES)

ANY IDEAS???

(a funny thing just occurred to me - Nat told me David just SEES her approaching with the butternut and starts crying :) Typical South African male [meat, no veggies] as I've seen him happily eating biltong. I wonder if it's still the same - must check)

My friend with the twins

I was saying something to a colleague the other day about something baby and referenced "my friend with the twin girls" (the ones who had their first birthday party - btw, BOTH girls are now walking!).

So he says, "how many friends with twins do you have?"

I said, "um, I think FIVE"

He says, "wow, there must be something in the water "

I said, "yes, it's the water of INFERTILITY. we ALL have IVF twins"

SILENCE!!!!!!!!

I really need to stop being so naughty - this is a very sweet, quietish guy from the UK.... stiff upper lip and all that :) but how can I resist?!


P.S. Currently listening to the hold music at Jhb Connect to query my R9 000 electricity bill (should be no more than R1500). I'm so ZEN about this it's freaky.

My success as a mother

Since I wrote that post on redefining my success, I've been thinking a lot around my role as a mother.

What does it mean (to me) to be a successful mother?

I've always, ALWAYS, even in the good old days when I thought the journey to children would be quick and painless (ha!), thought that I'd be a good mother.

I had visions of my four children - yes, four - playing together, eating together, going to school, etc, etc.

Then, as I aged, the vision went to three kids, and then two. And finally, when I accepted my infertility, I really just wanted ONE child, any child.

And now I have two :)

Anyway, despite the diminishing vision of a large family, I don't think I ever let go of the romance of parenthood. You know, similar to the twin romance thing I've spoken about before.

I think it's because I've been really good at everything I've ever set my mind to in life (well, except SPORT! Have no co-ordination with ball sports whatsoever!) and naturally, I thought I'd be a good mother too.

And then the reality of parenthood set in...

1. First the babies came early despite me having a really good pregnancy.
2. Then there was the NICU stay.
3. And then there was Kendra. D reminded me of those days the other day just when I was getting misty-eyed about that newborn stage. My word! I honestly don't know HOW we survived. It was by the grace of God (Kendra's second name is Grace, by the way).
4. Her eternal screaming .... and formula issues.... remember she hardly ate a thing for 8 weeks, from the time she came out of hospital until 1 October (otherwise known as The Day We Put Kendra on Novalac AC).
5. And through it all, the sleep issues. Which, I now find out, are really not that bad (but that's a topic for another post).
   

I really had a hard time lining up my expectations with reality. The hard work of twins has almost been a breeze by comparison.

I think it's because of a number of things:

• people don't tell you the truth (also another post!)
• there's a secrecy if you're battling emotionally (I've found that people have no problems talking about the physical work)
• infertiles are supposed to love everything about parenting (after all, you waited so long and paid such a lot of money to get the babies).

I know I felt TONS better when I started talking about the parts that are terrible about this mothering thing. Yes, I felt guilty in the beginning but I soon realised that most people feel the same things but just don't talk about it.

I honestly thought that I was the only one with baby problems because all over Facebook, real life and the blogosphere, I'd hear/ read things like, "oh motherhood is SO wonderful, I love being a mommy, etc, etc" all of which made me feel worse and worse.

Surely I can't be the worse mother in the world???

At one of our infertility group meetings, one brave girl shared that she was on anti-depressants.... turns out 90% of the people there were in the same boat but too scared to say so.

This secrecy thing is killing us!

So, sleeping through the night.

Since the severe sleep deprivation of the early days, my goal and dream has to have the babies sleeping through the night.

And I realised something the other day - the reason I'm so hung up about sleep is not about the babies - it's about ME.

I can't get them to sleep through so I feel like a bad mother and that means I'm a failure.

Which is just crazy. But it's what I've been thinking, deep down.

Because when I looked at my success pages, I saw nothing about sleep - instead my goal is to have healthy, happy, thriving babies.

They certainly are all that and more.

So when my natural tendency to stress about the sleep starts taking over, these days I'm chanting, "my success as a mother is not dependent on my babies sleeping through the night."

And you know what? I feel FREEDOM!

P.S. No pics as this is my 30-minute post for Steadymom

I was right - they do improve with age

C crawling all over D's sister

Before infertility I would only ever hold babies who were 6 months and older. They somehow felt sturdier and more solid, not like I could do much wrong and break them :)

And now I'm finding that I still enjoy this age with my own babies.

hey! get that camera out of here
Cute but still sassy

At 6 months they started getting seriously cute and it hasn't stopped. They now

• smile ALL the time
• go get their own toys :) as they're more mobile
• they play together, sometimes
• don't cry as much (this is my best - I can't stand the crying)
• crawl all over me
  
• talk to and answer us
  

From 6 - 7 months I have something new written on the wall calendar (which I use in place of a baby book) almost every day.

Rolling, sitting, playing with toes, grabbing spectacles, kissing my cheeks and chin with wet, slobbery goodness, crawling, teeth, etc.

I'm also seeing SO MUCH of D's personality in C it's frightening and cute, all at the same time.

But the absolute best thing ever is the independence.

My goal as a parent has always been (even when I didn't have children) to raise independent, well-adjusted kids.

I LOVE that they can hold their own bottles, that one baby can amuse him/ herself while I change the other's nappy/ clothes, etc. That they can play independently for some time (K more so than C). That they can lay in their cots in the mornings after waking, talking and babbling to themselves without SCREAMING for us.

Look how Zen I am despite their mesh feeders being on the carpet! And my MIL's house is a cat house!!!

It's fabulous.

D and I have been talking about going on holiday. He's a bit reluctant because we're so used to having Nanny V during the week and on the occasional Saturday morning.

When I reminded him that actually, we're not so knackered on Sunday evenings anymore, we realised that it really is getting easier.

Who would have thought?!

Yes, we're still waking about 2 - 3 times at night (total) - it used to be 3 times per baby - but they go down for naps and sleep like a dream. No fighting except if overtired but we're so vigilant we haven't had more than one or two episodes in the last month (C; K doesn't freak out when she's tired)

I can also say that I'm a more confident parent these days. 95% of the time I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

This really is my favourite stage so far! I know it's short-lived until they're properly mobile but for now I'm loving it.


****************************

Nanny V and I took them for their 8-month stats on Monday. I am loving Sister Carla more and more. This time the receptionist with the curly hair wasn't there so Connor didn't bother flirting with any of them.

Connor
Height - 70 cm
Weight - 9.09 kg
Head - 45.5 cm

Kendra
Height - 66 cm
Weight - 6.28 kg
Head - 43.7 cm

In a nutshell, C grew 2 cm and 620 g and K grew 3 cm and 520 g over the last month. I'm very happy with K's growth.

I asked about their feeding - a post for another day but C's off his veg - and also mentioned that he'd started waking before 11 most nights. She said he shouldn't and I should add protein to their supper. Also I should mix his night feeds with one less scoop than you're supposed to. Do that for a month (a MONTH!) and then reduce by another scoop.

I'm hoping he sleeps til after midnight soon because I have no patience for these itsy-bitsy baby steps. She said that if you do it too fast, they rebel and freak out.

Too true - we tried it before. The first night was fine but the second night Connor was like, "what on earth! WHERE is the real deal? I don't want this watered-down stuff! WAAAAAHHHHHH"

Next appointment with both nurse (for vaccinations) and paed (who was in one of our magazines this month!) at 9 months.

What's your favourite stage?

Our first visit to casualty

I was very brave today. Actually to be perfectly honest, I simply blocked out the fact that I'd be leaving my BABIES with my MIL to go see a movie.

The babysitting was all D's idea and as he said, "what's the worse that can happen? They scream for two hours."

Hmmm.

It was hard to leave (strange - I don't even THINK about anything happening when the babies are with Nanny Viola) but we left and went to the movies. We went to see It's Complicated and I LOVED it.

I laugh a LOT at everything, sometimes at things other people don't find funny :) and there was a lady there who was the same on the other end of the cinema and the two of us had a BALL.

So, great acting, beautiful house, nice food and a great story. Another Nancy Meyers hit :)

We drove past my friend's house on the way home to give her a birthday present and we'd literally just arrived when my phone rang.

My MIL says something about Connor's arm and she thinks he needs to go to the hospital.

I was remarkably calm considering this is MY BOY. I'm very calm in stressful work situations; nice to know I still have "it" going on :) - even D said he was pleasantly surprised I didn't freak out LOL

We were at home two minutes later, assessed the arm and grabbed the boy and off we went. I remembered running out the door that he'd be hungry soon so grabbed a bottle and we were off.

See, his one arm was totally normal (he is wild and boyish) but the left one was hanging by his side. When we touched it, he wanted to start crying. We also held out something to him and he didn't even bother trying to grab it as he usually does so big alarm bells.

look how his left arm is hanging down

The hospital was a pleasure. The whole trip there, waiting, seeing a doctor, X-raying, seeing the doctor, getting home was all less than 45 minutes. Amazing. And wonderful staff - same hospital I had them at.

(stark contrast to the absolutely shocking customer service we'd just experienced at Checkers Hyper where I had to collect the Elton John tickets - if I felt like wasting time, I'd write to their management)

Also this is another reason I LOVE living in Bedfordview - it's like we're not even in Johannesburg (lots of rude, impatient people... well, compared to the coast, were I'm from). People speak to one another and it's a real community. Connor was his charming self and I didn't get in the least bit tired of everyone telling me how cute he is.

The doctor on call did a general exam - eyes, ears, tongue and I think with all that poking and prodding, his arm went back into place because when we were sent to X-ray, he was perfect again. Normal, happy Connor, grabbing at everything (my glasses, necklace, etc.) with BOTH hands.

the cutest little patient I've ever seen :) -
they even have those backless gowns, but TINY ones

left arm back in action in the x-ray queue

getting the x-rays done (I made D hold his arm down!)

We had the x-rays done anyway and when we went back to be seen again, he confirmed that Connor was fine and that the bone probably went back into place when they did the x-rays.

And that was that.

I was so relieved that I told Connor, "today you get away with ANYTHING" and that, my friends, is how it starts.

While we had a very pleasant experience considering... I'm not anxious to repeat that visit anytime soon although, as a mother of a boy, I suspect that there just might be more visits in the future.

BTW, D thinks he may have been too rough when they were playing this morning - BOYS! I am so Zen I didn't even shout or blame him.

P.S. Currently listening to Billy Joel's Piano Man - LOVE the lyrics - next week this time I'll be listening to Elton John LIVE. I can't wait!

P.P.S. We popped in to NICU since it was right next to the x-ray dept and the two nurses on duty both looked after Connor & Kendra when they were patients there. They could not BELIEVE how big he is. I also can't believe that was 8 months ago.

Milk tart & grocery shopping

So Rebecca and Deanna asked about milk tart in the 29 gifts post. Milk tart is a South African staple but I've never made one. Have just found this easy recipe though so I may just take a bash at it one day when I'm 3 kg lighter!

Milk tart is absolutely delicious and yet so light that you can easily finish a whole tart between two people in one weekend.

Not that I know this from personal experience ;)

It has an almost-custardy filling with cinnamon sprinkled on top. Yummy!

It's the type of thing that everybody eats and if you take it as your contribution to any function, it WILL be gobbled up. I promise you!

An aside... A friend of mine moved from SA to Las Vegas (long story... she met a guy) and once took a milk tart to a party.

EVERYONE LOVED IT and started ordering them from her. South Africans, get this - she started charging them $20 (R150) to make one, which they were all gladly paying. We buy them here for about R20 which is why I love the story! Supply and demand in action LOL


This recipe and pic from Hulett's website


Crumb crust made with 1 packet of crushed Tennis biscuits (coconut biscuits/ cookies) and 125g butter, melted.

FILLING:
500ml (2 cups) milk
Piece of cinnamon stick
60 - 100ml Huletts White Sugar, depending on personal taste
2 eggs
45ml (3 Tablespoons) cornflour
45ml (3 Tablespoons) flour
3ml (½ teaspoon) vanilla essence
30ml (2 Tablespoons) butter
Cinnamon and sugar for sprinkling

Method

CRUST:

1. Combine the crushed Tennis biscuits and the melted butter, and press into a pie dish.

FILLING:

1. Heat the milk with the piece of stick cinnamon to just under boiling point.
2. Meanwhile, lightly beat the eggs with the sugar, then add the cornflour and flour.
3. Pour the hot milk onto this mixture, stirring rapidly. Return the mixture to the heat and cook, stirring till the mixture becomes very thick. Thorough stirring is important to prevent the mixture from catching on the bottom of the pan, and to prevent lumps.
4. Off the heat, add the essence and add the butter. Stir well till the butter is melted.
5. Pour the mixture into the prepared tart crust. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar.

*************************

okay, onto more fun things:

SHOPPING!!!!

We have an agreement where D does the grocery shopping while I do the laundry.

This works because he sticks to the list EXACTLY and we spend a lot less money this way.

However, I am apparently "too fussy" about the veggies for the babies' food so he told me I need to do the shop every second week.

Watch that grocery bill skyrocket.

Although secretly, I really don't mind - I can spend HOURS in the cleaning products aisle looking at all the new stuff.

Who does the grocery shopping in your house? And which is your favourite aisle?

29 gifts & gift-giving

I read about 29 gifts on Dee's blog and LOVED the idea.

Basically, you give a gift to someone every day for 29 days. My take on the concept is that it stops you focussing on just your own problems which, as we all know, makes you feel worse.

I'm enjoying thinking up how to surprise people because even though I hate surprises (typical control freak!), I do love surprising others.

I started on Friday 26th and am still going strong.

So far the gifts I've given away include:

1. milk tart (do you have milk tart in your side of the world?)
2. handbags - I still get the rush but get to give them away so no clutter for me LOL
3. pencil lead
4. long, chatty phone calls with friends
5. actual birthday gifts
6. salary increase to Nanny V (that was brilliant and on cue, while I was doing the "we appreciate you" bit, Connor gave her a gorgeous, BIG smile so I said, "see, V, even Connor agrees")
7. baby gifts to people I barely know (this has been fabulous - the GENUINE surprise is amazing)
8. magazines
9. CDs with pictures of the babies for everyone in my family - no one's expecting so that will be a nice surprise
10. pregnancy journal

My approach has been

• block out the 29 days on calendar
• write in birthdays - those I would already be getting gifts for so less to think about :)
• make a list of other possibles
• get to it

The gifts don't have to be new, store-bought gifts - they can be gifts of time, gifts of yourself like baking and cooking, a thoughtful note, etc.

I've also received three lovely gifts recently:

I like to send pics of the babies wearing clothes to the people who gave them those clothes. E.g. I'll send a pic and say "hi Edith. See how snug Kendra is in the blanket you gave her" or "hi Bipin, do you see how useful your bibs are? Connor drools like crazy."

If I write a blog post and use one of those pics, I mention the people (like in this one and this one).

I have received feedback that people get a kick out of it. I also get a kick out of using things lovingly chosen by friends and honestly, those emails take literally a minute extra while I'm downloading but they show that we appreciate our friends' generosity.

Recently we received a used walker from a colleague at work whose wife wanted to throw it out. He rescued it for me so when it had been cleaned, I plopped Connor in there and he loved it. I quickly took a pic with my phone and texted it to him saying, "R, the walker's a HIT. Look how much he's enjoying it. Thanks again to you and J."

Well, one friend said to me yesterday that my little email MADE HER DAY. She could NOT stop gushing about how she loved it. Which, in turn, made MY day. Who knew that a simple thing I do without even thinking would have such an impact on a person?

I also received a lovely note from another friend that was attached to a magazine. I LOVED the note and it is propped up on my desk so I can glance at it and smile ;)

And the third thing was oh so practical but so very welcome - 2 bottles of ViDaylin :) (baby vitamins)

I'm loving this 29 gifts project so much I may just carry it over and do one gift a week forever....

Anyone else doing 29 gifts? Do you have any other good ideas?

Speaking of work

I am all antsy again.

Itching for a change. Wanting a move.

It really doesn't take me long to feel restless at work.

I need NEW stuff frequently or I get bored.

Also, I have this rule :) No longer than 5 years at a company.

Company 1 - 5 years 2 months

Company 2 - 5 years 1 month

Company 3 - ?

(remember those series things they do as part of your mental agility? I'm great at those although I seriously would love to know what my current IQ's at)

My 5 years at Company 3 are up on 18 April.

That's little more than a month away.

Also, I technically only have to be there until end March so as not to have money clawed back from me for my 4 months paid maternity leave.

Do you also have clawbacks for paid maternity leave?

I take a perverse sort of pleasure in calculating these things and also, there's a kind of freedom in knowing that I could, if I wanted to, just LEAVE.

I won't... I'm much too risk-averse.... but I like knowing that.

A couple of things happened:

ONE
At our first Infertility Group in Feb, the group leader passed around a gorgeous bucket with strips of paper.

We each had to pick one and then share with the group how we'd interpreted our statement.

This Year I Will Take Chances

That's what mine said and so I shared how I'm ever so comfortable at work, I can do it in my sleep and know I should move but............ a bit scared because of the freedom and flexibility they currently give me.

BUT I said I will take chances and step out of my comfort zone and simply trust that God will give me a great job at a similar or even better company.

Easier to write than to do :)

TWO
Anyway, so a few weeks ago, I initiated a meeting with my wonderful boss.

I told him I'm feeling antsy and bored and if I were one of my coaching clients, I'd tell me to go look for something else.

Yes, I'm bolshie like that. Also, we have that kind of relationship. Also, he knows about my coaching business (I also practice on him sometimes LOL) - there is no conflict of interest within my current role so no problems.

HE says to ME that he really think I need people reporting to me again in a line management role. I agree - I am a bossy boots but actually I do temper it when I have actual staff.


I've also been thinking to maybe go back into a role where I can impact customers - I am crazy and love dealing with clients - maybe something where I can influence strategy in the customer communications/ service arenas...

Blah blah blah... to cut a long story short, he will talk to HR to see where they can move me so I'll be happy.

In the meantime, I contacted a recruitment agent who said the market is slow. I didn't believe her so I bought the paper and sure enough, slow. Well, for my type of work.

THREE
Another thing also happened - the bulk of my work is on a VERY big campaign (product line). A big campaign that, quite honestly, if it was me running things, I would have canned long ago.

Just not selling in droves as we thought. Believe me, we've tried everything - some of the best creative and experienced minds have been working on this.

I have said over and over the only way we'll sell gazillions is to do X. Well, we can't seem to get a partner to do X with us (X is not our expertise).

We had a few things going and it's like all the opportunities are fading fast.

In the last week alone, we've had heads of two Large Institutions tell us (bluntly), No Way will this work in our environment.

I think my boss finally got it today because I am also very black and white and I said to him last week after the meeting with Large Institution 1, "at what point will we face facts and can this thing?"

He then said, "if Large Institution 2 doesn't bite" and today, that's what happened. Oh, I did my thing I'm good at which is to stay calm, objective and problem solve on the spot, try and find a win-win.

Only thing that happened is I "got" them better. I even admire them for sticking to their guns and resisting the gentle persuasion (!) of both of us. But the product is still a no go.

Eeeeeekkkkk.

I am also working on some cool marketing stuff that we've never done before and I am so passionate about it (sorry for all the vagueness - I don't want to be fired just yet) that I literally want EVERYONE in the company to use. So there is that.

When we can the product, it doesn't affect my job, per se, as there is lots I can do within the team BUT I'm not into busy work. I want to be valued and effective, not just doing rubbish any old well-organised person can do.

Something similar happened years ago - hired to look after Big Account, Big Account left and ended up doing piddly rubbish for awhile.

Have now learned my lesson so I'm definitely going to start looking seriously next week and hopefully the right job (inside or outside my company) will fall into my lap, just as this one did.

Now this is a bit weird.... but I feel like this is speaking to someone (or two) out there. If it does resonate with you for whatever reason, leave me a comment...

All out of love

I forgot to take my iPod from around my neck when I went to a meeting with my boss.

So I take it off and place it on the table next to me.

Him: What are you listening to?

Me: Oh, my type of music.

Him: Yes???

Me: 80's love songs

Him: Air Supply?

Me: EXACTLY!

I am SOOO predictable. Good thing I'm not easily embarrassed!


*****************


On Monday the nurse told me to give them more protein as that will help with the sleep.

I can just HEAR the chorus of "I told you so" from Candice and Ilse :)

Well, we did that very thing at "supper" and both days Connor's slept WORSE.

As if it's even possible (okay, ANYTHING is better than the newborn days - must focus on the positive).

But I am all Zen and relaxed about the sleep thing and have not freaked.

Yet.

Although need to ask you guys - is it pure coincidence? Or can giving more protein make them wake more, maybe because they're digesting it? I don't know - thinking aloud...


P.S. Kendra has literally found her voice and is talking NON-STOP. No more babbles but full-on talking, if I could only understand what she's saying :)

Little Hawaiian Girl

Caren, we LOVE Kendra in this little romper :)

Awareness & some happy pics

D&M in the grounds of the Blarney Castle, near Limerick, Ireland

(what you can't see is how cold it was - my jacket was in the car!!!)

My doctor first told me about how twins play nicely together and other such lies.

He has twin brothers and said his mom always said the first 3 months are the hardest and then it gets easier than single babies because they entertain one another.

Hmmm, maybe his mother was Super Woman or his brothers were Angel babies (a la Baby Whisperer) but it certainly didn’t get easier at 3 months for us.

In fact, there was a time when I was a little concerned at the babies’ total lack of interest in one another.

In the very beginning they’d literally scream if you put the other one next to them (I have pictures so I can bribe them in the future).

Then a couple of months later they’d tolerate the other. That means no actual screaming but clearly not happy.

Then they’d attack one another – K would pinch C’s chest and arms and he’d swipe his arm and knock her in the face.

They then were kind of content to play near one another as long as the other one didn’t have something they wanted. I don’t get this because I buy two of every thing. But they don't want their rattle; they want the other baby's one :)


Finally, literally on their 7-month birthday, I observed some of this “playing together”.

I placed Connor on one side of the blanket that adorns our lounge floor and Kendra on the other side. Well, he rolled over to her and they played happily (mostly) for about 40 minutes.


I couldn’t quite believe it so kept checking in on them every 5 – 10 minutes but yes, they were still playing happily.

Until Kendra bit Connor on the leg :)

So I thought that may have been a fluke but have observed similar behavior since then. He reaches out for her, they smile and laugh at each other and oh, it is SOOO sweet.

Granted, Kendra is still Kendra so she spurns him regularly but she does this with us too.

The cutest thing is when we put them in the same cot to play (while I'm assembling the extra bits for church, etc.) and they actually smile and LAUGH at each other. Too sweet.


P.S. In other news, it was actually so NICE to see a news headline that a director of a financial services company is suspected of fraud (normal news) simply because the rest of the news today is so senseless and violent .........4 teenagers killed because people drag racing mounted a pavement and mowed them down. And a medic (a MEDIC!) responding to a call was raped on the weekend. RAPED. What is this world coming to?!

P.P.S. Now, to cheer me up from all the depressing news, some photos. These are only pics on my flash drive today (because of the great computer clean-up) - from our UK trip 2008. Looking at them makes me happy.

this is one of my favourite pics ever - boys!

D & our friend, Craig

our friend, David, with me on Tower Bridge - I remember being totally and completely POOPED from all the walking - D's getting the arty shot :)

later that same evening... on one of those underground stations...

David & Victoria - the loveliest couple ever - smooching

I love being around people like this - they automatically bring out the best in each other, even though by themselves they're already AWESOME people

and another lovely couple, our friends Shereen and Steven - just looking at this takes me right back to their cosy home in Birkenhead and I can hear Shereen's peals of laughter

What made you happy today?

(this is my 30-minute SteadyMom post)

Taking care of ME

Remember when I asked about the pedicure?

Well, I 'd bought a voucher with 3 treatments so I had the massage, pedicure and facial all scheduled 2 weeks apart.

That's all done now and I'm never going back to that place because of three reasons:

1. I decided that pedicures are not for me even though the last one was MUCH better. I simply told the girl not to cut my toenails and the weird tingling is just about gone now.

I've accepted that I just don't like people touching my feet! (Thank you, T-bird and Saffy for telling me you're also not fans of the pedicure)

2. I decided I'm also not a fan of the facial - who decided that squeezing your blackheads was a good idea??? - I was in PAIN and screamed, literally. I'm sure she thought I was a big baby. How did I ever go through all those IVF needles?!

3. Also, these people are of the school that believes you need to tell the customer everything that's WRONG with her so she'll come back.

This is her speaking to me during the massage: "OH MY WORD, you are SO TENSE. I can't BELIEVE how knotted your shoulders are. This is TERRIBLE".

I said, "Yes, I know. That's WHY I've booked the massage. I store my stress in my back and shoulders"

Where do you store your stress?

Of course, I got even MORE tense during that exchange. On the bright side, it's something to blog about :)

But seriously, life is hard enough; I really don't need further dents in my self-esteem, thank you very much.

Natalie, you'll get a kick out of this...

When she wanted to make my next appointment, I said, "I don't think I'll be coming back, but thanks for asking" (D said I'm too much!)

So no more pedicures and massages. I also don't do manicures - I can't see the point as I keep my nails on the short side and can do them myself.

But the massage? Yes, that I can do.

We have a beauty therapist who is here at our work two days a week. I booked a massage and was soooo looking forward to it (as work has gotten really busy) but she phoned to cancel as she'd double-booked. Grrrr.

She then suggested coming in on another day that suited me. Well, that morning she phoned to confirm. I then had to go out of the office to supervise some training on one of our product lines. I had to leave 15 minutes early to get back for the massage and...........she blew me off again.

I was FURIOUS because I left early just to get back.

Fortunately for her, she did some good customer service - sent me a text apology, phoned me AND told me she'll do the next one for free.

So I had the massage on Wednesday and I'm glad she persisted because it was FABULOUS. I'm not a fan of painful massage and she had just the right pressure when I said light to medium.

How do you like your massages?

I've now decided to go for a massage every second week.

I've also decided to buy a black pencil skirt for autumn/ winter as I LOVE wearing a black skirt with low heels (could be because I look good in skirts) and my current size 32 skirt may never fit me again.

I wanted to hold out and first lose the weight but why should I deny myself the chance to look cute once or twice a week?

I also decided to get some nice jeans - I was so tired of looking fat in my current jeans so I'm taking the advice I give my clients- if it doesn't look or feel good, OUT it goes.

I'm good at the almost daily bits of taking care of myself, making time to blog, going to gym, cooking healthy meals, etc; it's the infrequent splurges I'm not so good at, probably because I'm cheap!

How good are you with self-care?

P.S. Despite what I know about healthy eating, I am soooo tempted to get an appetite suppressant just to lose some of this weight quickly. It's so boring and slow doing it the healthy way.

P.P.S. That pic is at my work - I took it one day on my way on my way home for Project 365

My food journey

It's no secret that I love food.

It all started with my granny who was good at anything she put her hands to - cooking, baking, sewing, flower arranging, etc, etc.

Sadly those sewing skills didn't make their way to me although I do have some fond memories of me using her sewing machine to make bags and pencil cases when I was in primary school (up to age 12). I can do straight lines and no thought whatsoever.

Anyway, back to the food.

She loved feeding people and even though she lived alone, was always cooking up something yummy.

Even when I'd moved away from Port Elizabeth, I'd phone and we'd ALWAYS discuss what she was cooking. At any event, I'd hear that it was so-and-so's birthday and she made supper which was x, y, z and a bit of this and that. I'd literally drool while here in Johannesburg.

I was always like this even when I was still at school - 101 things on the go all the time - so I was "too busy" to learn how to cook or bake.

Something I sorely regretted once I had my own place.

Because the love for food never went away; I just had no skills.

I remember in the beginning with D we'd eat freezer boxed food ALL the time - crumbed chicken pieces, fish, burgers, etc.

Terrible!

And then I got tired of that and started learning to cook, one dish at a time.

I'll be honest - I didn't love cooking but I did love the eating :)

But then my gran died in 2004 and something happened to me.

It's almost like when I was cooking I felt closer to her. Does that make any sense?

So I was willing to experiment more and more and even invite people over (!) to eat MY food.

And now I can honestly say I've spent many a Sunday happily pottering away in the kitchen, whipping up some meals. (The weekly things are just too quick as there's not much time).

My favourite dishes are stirfries - love them. Easy and you can alter the whole feel of the dish so quickly with different sauces, veggies, etc. Yummy!

I also love making muffins. I don't like baking anything else except biscuits (cookies) now and again, but I can happily bake muffins weekly. I'm the person who has to do the muffins whenever we have little functions at work. Another colleague does absolutely fantastic scones.


I once heard Nigella say that baking is like chemistry - your measurements have to be exact and in the right order.

Maybe that's the problem because, well, let's just say I'm more of a creative cook. I really do try to follow a recipe but somewhere along the way I start throwing in my own ingredients :)

Muffins are easy - mix everything together, just barely (suits my laziness), pop into muffin cases and into oven. I can make up a batch (not from a pre-mix) while cooking supper and mixing the babies' bottles.

I can't be bothered with "do this in one bowl", then "do that in another bowl" and then only "this is how you do the topping". Any recipe using more than one bowl gets tossed!

See? Lazy!

Do you prefer cooking or baking? What's your favourite dish to cook or bake?

P.S. My babies are 8 months today. I can't believe I'm still sane :)

I can't believe I'm even considering this

During the last few weeks when I download mails they don’t all come through – some disappear into cyberspace (literally). I can see them come in but then they disappear.

I phoned the local computer nerds (Matrix Warehouse J) who told me my computer has a virus (how that can happen when I have anti-virus software I still don’t know) and needs to be brought in to be fixed.

BUT and this is a big BUT… all my stuff will need to be wiped off and my programmes will have to be reinstalled.

So because I don’t want to make the time to save absolutely everything on here, I procrastinate and in the meanwhile, check email via the web.

Anyway, I was merrily checking email when a banner ad popped up.

10 nights PLUS airfare PLUS a tour (I am a SUCKER for tours) in ……… PHUKET, Thailand for………….. R8 330.

D was in the room with me and I said, “we HAVE to go. It’s such a good price it’s almost a SIN not to go”

He tried to bring me back to reality – who will look after babies, it’s 10 days, etc, etc.

Of course, I had an answer for everything. Amazing how creative you can be when you get in the right frame of mind.

The grandmothers can look after them at our house, Nanny V is here during the days, we only have to fly by end October so babies will be a whole 15 months then, etc, etc!

I don’t seriously think I’ll pursue this……… or maybe I will (remember Ireland?)… but it’s nice to dream, isn’t it?

I do know that I need to get started planning our beach holiday. I have my 10 bonus leave days coming up next month (my 5-year long-service award at work) – I think I need a medal but anyway…..

Where do you dream of going for your next holiday (vacation)?

I think because I’m usually so organised but when it comes to anything holiday I TOTALLY let go. D then goes into planning overdrive and I am Mrs Spontaneous. I know, I know, hard to believe.

What’s it like in your family?

P.S. I've now committed to doing 15 minutes a day of data back-up and computer organising (yawn!) - writing down programmes I have on here, compiling licences, etc. Ooooh - i hate this nonsense. I'm so tempted to just go and buy a new one but then there goes my Phuket Fund!

P.P.S. I have SOOOO much to tell you - I swear I could write a blog post every day for the rest of the month and still not empty my brain - but will catch up during the week.

4am is the new wake-up time

I'm not in the least bit superstitious BUT these babies may change me sooner rather than later.

The babies have their supper at 4 pm like old people :) and then the last bottle at 5.30 - 6.00.

Kendra always has her full bottle but Connor sometimes doesn't want it, or he'll only have a bit (75 - 90 ml).

So then he wakes at 10 or 11 pm for a feed which is all fine since I'm still awake.

Earlier this week we had two nights of Connor waking only once at 10 pm and then sleeping through until 5.30. No middle of the night waking up.

Coincidentally Kendra also slept better these nights only waking once, so they DO affect one another's sleep.

I didn't want to jinx things by writing about it on THIS blog but was still excited so when I left a comment on Mommy Esq's blog, I added it in there, foolishly thinking that a comment on someone else's blog doesn't count. See, Mommy Esq has been "encouraging" me to let them cry it out but I'm still being a big baby about it.

And yes, I jinxed it!

The next two nights we had later wakings in the early hours of the morning but at least they were still only once a night.

Being a scientist-type person at heart, I'm looking for cause and effect. He ate lentils and a minced beef casserole those two days. The boy might just go on a permanent diet of lentils and minced beef!

But last night, he woke at 12 and at 4. They both woke at 4 actually. Kendra held her bottle nicely but Connor was being lazy. Of course I was not having that so eventually he "twigged" and held his bottle.

I went back to bed and he was moaning-crying (as if for attention or something else) but I just left him. He usually drinks his bottle, I change nappy if necessary and he goes to sleep IMMEDIATELY. He needs to learn that this new trick of his is not acceptable at 4 am.

It kept me awake for about 15 minutes but eventually tiredness overtook me and I slept until 8.15 this morning. Got to work just after 9. Terrible!

P.S. On the bright side, I arrived together with a guy from legal whose wife just had their 2nd baby (their first born is 19 months - also IVF, but with Medfem) and we were chatting about sleep. He says about the 19-month old, "we consider it a good night if we make it through until 4", so it's not just my kids!

It's a beautiful day!

For the record, that's another one of my favourite songs :) I even had it as a ring tone on my phone and the "team" teased me mercilessly about my happy song.

**********************

It's only 9.30 and already I'm having a good day:

• A cute boy in blue gave me the biggest smile when he saw me this morning. Okay, his mouth was full of food at the time but it was LOVELY.


• The sky was overcast as I drove in - you know how much I love grey skies. Hmmm, absolute HEAVEN! I get in an INSTANT good mood when I see a grey sky - I was meant to live in Dublin :)


• Listening to Elton John on the CD....


• I was in the lift (elevator) with some people and the one asked the other how his baby was. Turns out the baby is 3 weeks old and of course, they're not sleeping. I remembered then how I am SOOOOO not a fan of the newborn stage and got REALLY happy that we're past all that smallness.


• I'm alone in the office now - everyone else is at a meeting or something - so nice to have quiet time all to myself. Bliss!

These days a good day for me involves babies who more or less do what they're supposed to, time with D to just talk, productive time at work where I can tick things off my list, a reasonably organised home and lots of time for me.

What's a good day for you?

400th post! Our list of top love songs, unashamedly soppy!

this is literally where "it" all started for us -
dining hall at Rhodes University :)

I mentioned last week that Just the way you are by Billy Joel is on our list of love songs.

James Bond Island, Thailand

Some other songs on our list are:

1. Wonderful tonight – Eric Clapton


2. Glory of love – Chicago


3. Just the way you are - Billy Joel


4. At last - Celine Dion


5. Up where we belong - Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes (I couldn't listen to this one while in the throes of infertility as I'd cry and cry and then cry some more)


6. More than words - Extreme


7. Have I told you lately that I love you – Rod Stewart


8. The way you look tonight - Michael Buble (don't you love that last scene from My Best Friend's Wedding?! Oh, I love it!)


9. Don't dream it's over - Crowded House (have you noticed how many references to kitchens in their songs???)


10. How deep is your love - The Bee Gees


11. Crazy for you - Madonna


12. Nobody does it better - Carly Simon


13. Against all odds - Phil Collins


14. All out of love - Air Supply


15. Don't let the sun go down on me - Elton John & George Michael


16. Total eclipse of the heart - Bonnie Tyler


17. Nothing compares to you - Sinead O'Connor


18. For the first time - Rod Stewart
    


19. True colours - Cyndi Lauper


20. Take my breath away - Berlin (The Top Gun version!)

There are about 10 more I could add... but I won't :)

And then songs I absolutely can't stand because, even for me, they're too soppy :)

• The love song from Titanic
• I will always love you - Whitney Houston

And to end off, some trivia.

When D and I first got together, he rewrote lyrics to Sting's "Moon over Bourbon Street" for me. Can you see why I fell hard for him? Remember I am easily delighted. I still have that page written on an "I love Rhodes" exam pad in a memory box somewhere :)

Is my list jogging your love songs memory? :)

Do you like any of these songs? Absolutely hate them? :)

What do you do with old clothes?

We had the smallest baby shower in the world so we did not get a lot of clothes. Also, most things I asked for were prem and newborn clothes.

So we were sorted for the first few months.

I then started buying their clothes and I buy just enough for each baby. Like 2 - 3 pairs of leggings, 4 vests, 3 babygrows, 4 short-sleeved printed bodyvests, etc. in each size. It's great because less clothes = less laundry!

I know, I know, my poor kids are deprived. That's why you see them in the same things over and over again in the photos.

So our babies don’t have a lot of clothes by most people’s standards.

Still.

Those clothes pile up. Plus the hand-me-downs and "late baby presents" we received from people.

Since we are not going to have more kids (unless a miracle happens and somehow our bits start functioning!), there's no point in hanging onto the clothes.

Also, I hate untidy drawers and I must say, there is NOTHING nicer than opening a nice, neat drawer with tiny baby clothes.

• I gave some of their nicer 0 – 3 months clothes to a friend
• I turned some really grotty stuff (prem vests - they wore those out so we really got value out of them) into dusting rags.
• I kept about 6 items of their TEENY, TINY stuff for a memory box - OH, I wish I could sew so that I could make them a quilt each. Maybe I should look for somebody?
• and then there was "the rest"

(I definitely kept this little babygrow and beanie - he LIVED in these clothes in the beginning - this was size PREM and we used to roll up the sleeves so it could fit all 1.93 kg of him)

I had a "moment" when going through the stuff because I remembered when Connor used to be so small (look at his thin little legs here).

So, I had a whole bag of prem things and no idea what to do with them.

All my friends had normal-sized babies and in Joburg, you also don't know if people want hand-me-downs. Joburg is all about money and status and hardly anyone has an old car, let alone second-hand stuff :) I am not like that at all - we gratefully receive anything, as long as it's clean, right?

I had offered to keep some of our clothes for someone I know who's pregnant with twins. I heard nothing back after months of waiting so I just figured that she's not into hand-me-downs. To each his own :)

BUT then the best thing happened.

A friend from work who reads this blog (hi Michelle) told me that one of the cleaners at work is pregnant with boy/ girl twins and.............. DO I HAVE ANY CLOTHES?

Oh YES I do.

I was so excited (it's small things people!) that I brought in that bag the very next day and am already filling another bag with clothes for them (those twins have since been born and are home with their mum). Kendra decided to grow those legs even longer and has outgrown her babygrows again and is FINALLY in 3 - 6 months (up to 7.5/ 8kg clothes)

But this got me thinking.

What do YOU do with all your old baby clothes?

P.S. This is my 30-minute post for Steadymom's challenge

Gorgeous houses

So, as I said, I drive around taking pics of houses.

These were taken in Knysna.

I love this kind of house... white trim, light colours, perfect for the beach.


But actually this kind of house is more me - charming, cute, loads of personality, weird angles, beautiful garden (even though I kill all plants :))


close-up of that beautiful attic window and little veranda (I picture me sitting out there with a book and a cup of tea)



view of that gate from the front - doesn't it look inviting? And another little veranda.


What kind of houses do you like?

Fertility Babies and the love factor

We had our Fertility Babies group on Saturday and this time we took some of your advice and had a mothers-only group which was much better. A chance to actually speak and get advice, etc.

Also, D was a super star. When I got home (late!) at about 5.40, it was surreal. The house was quiet, babies were in bed, classical music was playing and he was on the couch reading. Very freaky.

First thing I said was, "what's going on? where are the babies?" LOL

They were SLEEPING.

I told him I won't be getting the nanny to babysit when I go to these groups anymore and he said, "I didn't ever expect you to".

!!!

It was just the very first one when he was so knackered and, as he says, that was MONTHS ago and he is now a Daddy Rock Star.

My word.

So we used the quiet time to.... TALK :)

About the house and so on...

You see, I'm aware that we'll need to move to a bigger house eventually and since I'm so extremely debt-averse, I'm thinking we should move sooner rather than later and get cracking on paying down a new, smaller bond (mortgage).

Since I'm a planner, I made a list (!) (do you want me to post it?) and created a profile on some sites. They send me emails when a house that supposedly meets my criteria is available. Half the time it actually doesn't but this time I checked with the estate agent (realtor) and sure enough, it seemed to meet our requirements.

So we went to have a look on Saturday and it really does meet our requirements. BUT but but... I'm not in love with the house.

It helped that I'd just seen Ilse's gorgeous home. Technically not what I'm looking for (and WAAAAAYYYYYY out of our price range LOL) but I loved it. And that's the missing link - the love factor.

My list is being added to all the time... and, as I said to the guy, I'm in NO RUSH, I have about 3 - 4 years :)


P.S. Just finished last month's budget and YAY, spent even less on the babies by R700 (nearly $100). I think I've made up for it this weekend though as I had to get some more sheets and pillows for their cots.

P.P.S. I will add a pic tonight of the type of houses I like - I am CRAZY. We were once on holiday and I drove around taking pics of the HOUSES!