This pic was taken today at our Fertility Babies group. Can you see The Belly?
BTW, those two cute children on the bottom of the pic belong to our host, pictured with me. They are some of the MOST well behaved kids I have EVER met. I need to start praying hard that mine turn out the same :)
I shouldn't joke; the kids aren't that naughty and D keeps reminding me that I asked for sassy kids.
That's true - but I specified 80% sweet, 20% sassy.
Did you ask for specific characteristics in your kids?
Anyway...... I'm in a bit of a funk.
I hate feeling all funky and introspective - it's sooooo not me. I'm not one for over analysing my feelings and so on... but when I feel funky, I do try to get to the bottom of WHY I'm feeling like that.
I've decided it's four things:
One
Yesterday I had a salary discussion at work initiated by me after I found I'm on the 47th percentile for my job grade and yet performance-wise, I'm an 80-percenter so should be somewhere around 75th percentile or higher.
At some point they thought I was on a lower job grade. I don't know why I do this to myself as was told same rubbish (I probably could have written the script) about they can only move me a little bit at a time. My thing is because salaries are increasing all the time I'm really only inching towards where I should be at a snail's pace and it will take years to get me there. Nooooo, they say, not true. Rubbish I thought but didn't say that. It's at times like this I want to just walk out but not so easy when you have to pay bond (mortgage), twins and so on...
Nothing really resolved except that it will be reviewed mid-year again. I'm the type of person who wants things FIXED and all TICKED off my list and DONE. So this gradual stuff is very frustrating for me.
Of course I'm an emotional eater so went to the famous canteen and had a prego roll, sponge cake and custard for lunch. Felt slightly bad but the food was so good.
How can you feel bad when you're having custard? (have a bit of a love affair with custard and the guy always gives me lots because I tell him he makes the best waffles in Jhb - true!)
Anyway best I get to grips with it and move on as I will drive myself nuts otherwise.
Two
Also I did my business year-end financial stuff (hate it!) and was horrified to find I made only a bit more money last year than I did in 2008. I could justify saying I only worked 6 months because then the babies came but historically I've had year-on-year results of around 180% for a couple of years running so this just annoys me. Which means I need to get even stricter with my time and only do things that will lead to the money, directly or indirectly.
Three
I've been bickering with D so much over the stupidest stuff.
Like this morning, he fed Connor K's butternut which is half Connor's portion. When I told him, he says "if you'll get up in the mornings instead of sleeping in blah blah".
I saw RED.
Me - "it is NOT only my responsibility to make sure the kids eat properly blah blah"
Stupid stuff like that.
I suppose we need to have some maritals (as T-bird says :)) to get our mojo back.
Four
Felt a bit out at our group this afternoon because I was the only mother there without babies. They were at home with D and the nanny who I'd paid to help babysit. Last time poor D was FINISHED by the time I got home and since I enjoy getting out with my friends, I thought I'd make it easier on him.
Despite knowing that it was best for them to stay in their routine as we'd already been out as a family that morning visiting with friends out from Dublin. Their son is 3 months older than mine and is just GORGEOUS. All red-headed cuteness. He and Connor hit it off and were heard giggling and laughing at each other which was too cute.
Also, I consider it "me time" and not "babies time" and it will be far too stressful trying to control both of them by myself in a strange environment.
Back to the group... I think we need some structure - it feels a bit all over the place which doesn't really work for me. I'll email round and see what the others say.
Five
This year I resolved to make stronger boundaries in my relationships with friends and so on. I want to only have nurturing, win-win relationships where both parties give energy to the relationship and where being with the person is not an energy drain due to their focus only on themselves.
Hope I'm not the only one but do you have friends who literally only talk about themselves all the time and never ask about you or your life? Who only contact you when they need something? I have not one but TWO. I've decided I'm done.
Interesting aside - had a lovely conversation about boundaries with an older lady at work who has also just ended a very long-term relationship
So there's my funk.
How are you all doing?
I feel a little better than you...
ReplyDeleteWork is a drain, people are a drain. I too have a not so great friend, the problem is we go WAY BACK and I feel so guilty that we no longer mesh as well as we once did. I think maybe some re-organization of life and priorities are needed on my end. I just wish I was as on top of things as you are!
Chin up! It will get easier (and harder in some ways of course!). I wanted to comment on three points - one, I think it is likely universal that people did not make more money in 2009 than 2008 - it was certainly true for us even with my husband making a bit more at a new job - both of us had huge bonuses slashed to almost nothing. It is helping me think about how much less money I will be making when I finally take the plunge to leave Big Firm (more on that to come in my blog). Second, I felt like you did for food - that I was the one planning meals, making food, buying food, etc. I still do the buying but now we go together as a family (easier once the kids were down to one nap). We havea list of go-to items for feeding them. I dropped making my own baby food because it was too much work but once they are on to finger food and you are over the inital shock it IS easier to have items in tuperware in the fridge to pull from. Fertility group - you all should decide whether it is kid time (no conversations, everyone distracted) or adult time. This is why our COPE meetings for my mom of twins group is adults only at night - we start at 7:30 when most kids are in bed and dads have it easier.
ReplyDeleteI'm only going to address the bickering thing, simply because it sounds like you've got things under control.
ReplyDeleteWhen we were new parents, I was so caught up in the babies that I probably wouldn't have even noticed that I was bickering with my husband. Having kids is hard on a marriage, no matter how badly you wanted them and how strong your marriage is. I found myself considering myself the parental expert and Lucas as a lesser partner, in part because of his frequent absences, and in part because I was the one who bore them and nursed them.
It took me a good two years to really accept that we were equal partners in this parenting thing, and that his opinions were to be weighted as heavily as mine. It took me even longer to acknowledge that my marriage deserved as much of my time and energy as my children did.
So, I say bravo for acknowledging the bickering, and good luck in finding the co-parenting balance alongside the spousal connection.
Hey, I'm going to miss some points I know but hopefully I'll get the main ones across.
ReplyDelete1) Belly Schmelly :p
2) My company has done the same thing to me about the salary scale - a teeny tiny carrot. The thing is I don't think you ever quite catch up and my own feeling is that the only way to catch up is to move to another company and make sure that you're going in at the *right* level. My company uses the old recession excuse for no pay rise - but it sucks to earn considerably less than colleagues who are less productive. I think this is part of the reason that I'm not racing to return to work.
3) Emotional eating is easily done. Custard is fantastic. BUT you will regret it ;) (and no, you can't feel bad eating custard - it's so comforting!)
4)I've been a niggly toad on the homefront over piddly stuff too. I think it goes with the territory. I have to keep reminding myself that he deserves better than that when I catch myself saying things I shouldn't.
5)The friends thing - HECK YES. CULL!!! It's cruel to be kind but I did this a few years back after Ben died. I worked out who was a true friend and who was basically looking for rent-a-crowd. I'm not into those types of friends - I don't feel a need to say "Oh I have 315 friends", I'd rather have 5 really close people in my life. People I trust, can count on, who care about me and mine, and who I honestly want to spend time with. I don't mind supporting friends through a crisis but the type who have the never ending story of problems brought on by their attitude and/or approach to life are beyond my care factor. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a total bit*h ;)
ah- maritals. ha!
ReplyDeletefunky funk- chin up lady! you can do it- work,husband, 2 babes, life, etc etc. yikes!
my fingers are crossed for you!