Friday, April 20, 2007

Friday's Feast #5

What is your favorite kind of bread?
All kinds! This is my weakness. I can tell you what I don’t like – white bread and white rolls. Anything else is just delicious. I enjoy anything wholegrain!

When was the last time you bought a new pillow?
Decorative pillows? A few months ago, in December. The standard sleeping pillows? Gee – ages ago.

Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net?
Touchy subject! That depends on how disciplined I’m being. I try to read blogs through Google Reader so that I don’t have to click through and get distracted by the comments. Probably spend an hour or more on the internet every day – not all that time is surfing; some is my blogging (I have 6 blogs all in all) and work on my website, shopping carts, and so on.

Main course
What’s the highest you remember your temperature being?
I’m not unhealthy at all (except for the infertility) so I never get sick. Like in the last 8 years, I haven’t had 1 normal sick day. Of course, I was booked off for a week each time with both laparoscopies in 2002 and 2004.

Maybe in hindsight it would have been better to be a bit more normal with sicknesses like other people and who knows? Maybe the babies would come easier too J

Fill in the blanks: When I ____________, I _____________.
When I decide to do something, I absolutely commit to it. Some might call it stubbornness; I call it persistence.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

I did it

The baby shower was today and I helped organize the guest list, eats and so forth. Because I’m probably the best person to do so in the department, just because I’m organised.

I went to check the venue, seating and eats 15 minutes before the time and wasn’t planning to stay but I thought I’d sit right near the door to make a quick escape if I needed to.

I did start crying twice but I just clenched my lips, blinked to get rid of the tears and focussed. Well, the first time, it was because she started crying. She said “oh my word.. this is such a surprise. I can’t believe it” and she burst out crying. And so did I.

And then the second time was with the baby clothes. I have now noticed that I don’t mind seeing other baby items – anything really. But it’s the clothes that get me.

I’m busy decluttering big-time at home and I came across a storage box labeled Baby Stuff. Do you know what’s in there? Stuff from when I thought we were reproductively normal. I’d be shopping for baby showers and get an extra outfit for the baby (I thought) I’d be pregnant with soon. We are also both big readers and when I used to go to the bookstore, I’d buy children’s books for our baby. Of course hanging onto hope and thinking, “next month I’ll be pregnant”. So the box has some baby clothes, some books and some baby toiletries.

Anyway I said all that to say… I’m proud that I did it! But I can't say I'll do it again. It also helped that this was at work so we only had 1 hour, no fussing and not too much sentimentality.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

baby news update

We had the saddest news at work last week. The little 800g baby that was born prematurely died. He had to have a heart operation and he pulled through that just fine. But then he didn't react very well to the drugs he had to have after the op, and died two days later. They are understandably devastated.

The baby shower is happening next week and I have decided not to go. I've got to do what I can to protect myself (boundaries and so forth) and I can't act like a freak in front of all the work people. Becky, I am happy for other people - nobody deserves to go through this; not even my worse enemy. It's hard for me to smile and be happy when inside my heart is breaking. And tears are so close to the surface.

My DH announced that he definitely doesn't want to adopt. I have to respect that. He says it's because the whole thrill of having children (for him) is that he gets to see each of us in the children's features and mannerisms, and so forth. At first I was quite upset but then I calmed down. I do understand. We spoke about it again later on the Easter weekend and we are now fine.

Still don't know if I'm ready for IVF. Honestly. But I do believe that we must both be mentally totally committed if we're going to throw those exorbitant sums of money at the process.

My other friend with premature ovarian failure is not doing great. We are having lunch next week while the baby shower happens. It looks like the only solution is donor eggs.

Who would have thought having babies could be so complicated?

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Friday's Feast # 4

What are you proud of?
I’m proud of the fact that I got off my butt and did something about fulfilling my dreams as opposed to just talking about it. In 2002, I started writing a newsletter to about 20 of my friends and I now have a proper (part-time) coaching business, with a website and mailing list of a lot more than 20 people!

What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize?
Hmm. I went to a workshop once and won one of the spot prizes, a hamper from Pepperdew. That is the only thing I’ve ever won so it’s got to be the best thing.

Name something you do that is a waste of time.
Reading too many blogs. But I’m getting it all organised one step at a time. First Google reader & slowly putting some systems into place. Like already I limit myself to 4 nights a week. And I’m going to start imposing time limits!

Main Course
In what year of your life did you change the most?
I would have to say last year. The infertility diagnosis made me a cynical, cold and heartless person. Someone I don’t know all that well.
And negative! As a result I’ve stopped reading so many infertility blogs to try and keep myself reasonably positive.

Where is a place you consider to be very tranquil?
Any place with water. Water is very peaceful and soothing for me. At my house, it would have to be our sun lounge because I can hear the trickle of the water feature by the pool. Lovely.


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