Thursday, October 29, 2009

My immune system is also shot

In addition to the messed-up knees, the twins gave me another little "gift".

A compromised immune system.

I am not exaggerating when I say that I've not had a cold in about 10 years. Not even while pregnant.

Aside from the IVF stuff (egg retrieval and transfer) and the actual operations, I haven't taken a normal sick day once at this current company (4 and a half years) and at my previous company (5 years 2 months).

So when I actually got a cold at the beginning of the month, first, I couldn't believe it, and then, I naturally assumed if I had some vitamin C and orange juice, it would all be gone in a few hours.


3 and a half weeks later I was still battling this cold, on and off.

On Sunday night I couldn't hear properly and in the early hours of Monday morning, my ears started really troubling me.

I leaned over a cot to pick up a baby and not only did my head swim but PAIN!!!! in both ears.

That's when I decided to stop being cheap and go see the doctor.

I explained everything and she told me my immune system is compromised due to sleep deprivation.

Um, yes.

So other than sleeping as much as I can (which I thought I'm already doing), I can boost it with vitamin C (already doing) and zinc. Zinc's found in green, leafy vegetables like spinach and broccoli, so I'll consciously be cooking with these in the next few weeks and beyond.

Spent R780 on consult and all the meds and am happy to say I'm on the mend.

Of course on Monday when I totally felt terrible - painful ears, head swimming, etc. at 4:50 (she starts at 7 pm) my night nanny phoned to tell me she's sick and can't come to work. After we'd been looking forward to a break for two long days and nights.

Thank goodness D took one look at me when he got home and said to go sleep. So after feeding us, I slept from 8 to about 2:30.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Back to work - part 1

I have about six weeks before I go back to work...and already I've been off since 7 July (16 weeks today).

In South Africa, an employee is entitled to at least four consecutive months’ maternity leave BUT the company doesn't have to pay you a cent. However, if you're a South African citizen, you can claim something like 45% of your salary from UIF. This amount is capped at about R12 000 or thereabouts.

I'm fuzzy on the % as this doesn't apply to me.

At my company, we get paid 100% of salary for the four months, as long as we've been working there for 13 months by the time you go off on maternity leave.

You with me so far?

So the twins.

I am quite bolshy so I asked them if I get double maternity leave since I'm having twins (!). Hey, it was worth a try. Of course, they said no.

In the beginning of the pregnancy, I was just talking nonsense as I usually do :) but actually I had a point in there somewhere because I hadn't realised how high-risk the pregnancy was.

I had the two bleeding incidents, the doctor told me to work half days from 28 weeks and of course, my waters broke very suddenly at 32 weeks.

I was reluctant to start working half days and going on early maternity leave because I didn't want the before-babies leave to eat into these precious 4 months, or 87 days as my company calls it on our e-leave system.

Saffy told me that in New Zealand, they get 12 months unpaid. 12 months!!!! And if they need to go off work from 28 weeks due to health reasons, it doesn't cut into the 12-month entitlement. How cool is that?

I wish we had that extra maternity sick leave too – maybe I could have kept them in longer if I’d stopped work properly at 28 weeks? I could feel at 30 weeks that I was DONE and really should have started proper maternity leave then but as I said if you take your leave early, you simply cut short your time with the baby(ies)/. It’s terrible.

Anyway, I have a fabulous boss. Seriously fabulous.

This pic was taken at my work baby shower and that's my boss in the middle, laughing with a mouth full of food :)

Other than my husband and then my friends from the infertility support group, he has been my biggest supporter through this whole crazy journey.

He knew every single thing about the whole IVF process. We have the kind of relationship where I could say to him "don't ask me anything; I'll tell you when I'm ready" and I would. This is when I was a bit teary at my desk....

So when I mentioned to other female colleagues that the doctor said I have to take things even easier, he overheard and immediately said, "well, from tomorrow, you'll be working half days".

Just like that; no fighting.

My plan was to take my 87 days (!) and then add on my 18 days annual leave and also take a few days' unpaid leave up until the end of Dec and go back in January.

But when the twins came early, the plan got messed up (the first of many plans!). I obviously took off the first four hospital days as maternity leave. But then after that I told him I'd work from home while they were in NICU and he was fine with that.

So now I have to technically go back on 18 December because we decided that it's just not worth taking half the month as unpaid and losing thousands of rands seeing as the babies are so expensive.

My boss then said to me, "well come in on the 18th, show your face (n.b.) and sort out your emails and so on, and then work from home the rest of the month"

Is he not a winner boss?

As I said, fabulous!!!

By the way, there's never been any question in my mind of going back to work or not...but I will have to save all that thinking for another post as this is my contribution for the 30-minute blog challenge and 25 minutes are up!

P.S. The babies are 16 weeks today. Now getting very cute :)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I think I've lost my Connor mojo

oh my word, Connor has not been sleeping properly today.

The Gina Ford book says babies are supposed to be awake around 6 hours daily to sleep properly at night. If you're not a Gina Ford fan, just stay with me....I'm trying to make a point.

I only started tracking their awake times yesterday. Connor was awake between 5 and 6 hours yesterday - fabulous - and today when he hit 6 hours, I was like YAYYYY!

I spoke too soon.

Because I put him down, he slept for 30 minutes and was then WIDE awake again. No amount of feeding, rocking, changing, etc. would do it for him.

And yet I could see in his eyes how tired he was.

I can usually get Connor to quiet VERY quickly, the best of anyone, I don't mind saying. So I'm thinking I've lost my Connor mojo.

Well, two hours later (so now over 8 hours of awake time!!!), he is finally asleep.

And I am DEAD on my feet.

I came to the computer to read blogs for a bit while my wonderful husband made me a cup of tea and washed all the bottles (I think they've multiplied - I didn't notice I'd amassed such a lot because the nannies usually clean them but when they stand unwashed... well, let's just say I have a lot less counter space).

And he has now bossed me off to bed.

Very happy to comply.

Will let you know how the boy sleeps tonight - if this awake time works

P.S. that babygrow says "I love my mummy"

Edited to add

He slept 5,5 hours and then 3 hours. I think he's resetting his sleep patterns.

What happens around here on Fridays

I'm alone with the babies on Fridays and this is what happens around here.

holding one baby

putting him to sleep

putting the other one to sleep - isn't her arm cute though?

so fascinated by the cute arm that I'm taking one-handed close-ups

When Kendra is sleeping, I don't even venture near the bedroom so I have to amuse myself in other ways, like setting the table (I didn't do this just because I was bored; we had friends coming around in the evening)...

and straightening the drawers - yes, I label them. Remember there are 3 people all working in the same drawers and I hate untidiness!

this is the before version

I consider myself a rock star mother when I can get them to eat and sleep! I know - very low expectations :)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Last Thursday the nanny and I took the babies for their vaccinations.

You phone to make an appointment (which I love because I hate waiting and queues!!!) and then she sees you whenever. The walk-in patients have to wait to be seen in between the appointments.

I had to leave my beautiful pram just outside her little office (where I asked someone to keep an eye on it) because it's too wide for some doorways. The rest of the time I bossed politely asked people to move out of the way so I could wheel it through the aisles.

The nurse put some numbing cream on their thighs and while it was taking effect, we did the well-baby checks.

that's C's thigh even though there's a pink blanket!

The weight, height and head circumference were all okay and then she started asking all the questions to check milestones.

After saying no, no and no too many times, I decided there and then to just accept that these kids are going to do things their own way, despite what the baby books say they should be doing.

I know they can smile (they smiled at 9 weeks - surely that is the milestone) but they don't do it a lot because they're not smiley babies.

We have to work very hard for a smile and most of the time we're too tired to do any extra work after feeding, changing and getting them to sleep.

They don't smile in recognition when I walk in the room. Although their eyes do follow me around and they can focus.

Frankly, that's all I remember because I had to also tell her that actually, I don't know this or that because I haven't been paying attention. Beautiful!

I'm sure all the other mothers know in detail what their child has or hasn't done. Not me.

The only thing I'm interested in is getting Kendra to eat her full feed every 3 hours, and then getting both of them to sleep longer.

That's it - I'm easy to please.

But I assured the nurse that I will start paying attention so that next time I'll be able to answer her questions properly.

Obviously I'm lying because no doubt she'll have some new questions and I'll be caught out again.

Do you think it will be paranoid of me to email her and ask her to send me the questions so I can start watching out for them? :) (that is a JOKE!)

The paed told me to not worry about milestones and all that jazz as most prems will catch up when they're 1 but definitely by the time they're 2.

It's hard though when 98% of the world has a normal, full-term baby.

when we got home, they were out - too much "excitement"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Me time, also known as escaping the madness

The first time I went to gym post-pregnancy was when the babies were 7 weeks old.

I remember getting in my car, not feeling the slightest bit of guilt, instead feeling like I finally got to escape the madness.

It was wonderful!

Not so much the exercise but the freedom of being by myself without having babies, bags, bottles, blankets, etc. all attached to me.

I had a thought at the time: I know I should feel guilty because I've waited so long for these two, but I actually don't.

So the me time has been wonderful and since then I've made good use of having a day nanny and I escape the madness every 2 - 3 days.

Back to this morning.

I love, love, LOVE grey, overcast skies.

Like this one...

Is there anything better than driving along in no traffic listening to love songs while gazing at those grey skies?

Seriously - it's like a bit of heaven!

So even though I didn't feel like going to gym after nearly a month of being away (I have some valid, but flimsy, excuses: my knees are buggered and I've had a cold), I knew I had to because...

  1. D reminded me that I still have to get in my 4 sessions this month to keep my special membership rate.
  2. I'm 0.8 kg away from my pre-pregnancy weight! Amazing because it doesn't look like it. I've decided that it all shifts around so I probably have thinner ankles or something :) because my bum, thighs and belly weigh a lot more than 0.8 (1.76 pounds).
  3. I was seriously annoyed and needed stress relief. (a) Night nanny woke us at 5.20 this morning (she actually works til 7am) announcing that she needed to leave to get to her new full-time job. We'd discussed this last week and I told her we need her til 7 otherwise we need to get someone else. (b) When I checked The Notebook, I saw Kendra had had tiny feeds of 25ml and 40 ml during the night because no-one except D and me has the patience to make her finish her 75ml feed. (c) The (newly sterilised) bottles were all standing open on the kitchen counter top. What is the use of sterilising bottles if you leave them open for all the germs?!!!
I did a stretch and tone class and actually, my knees seem to be better. Not totally healed but a million times better than before. So things are looking up.

Of course I felt calm and stress-free afterwards too.

Now here's the thing:

On Sunday my MIL announced that she was coming over. So I said to D that I'd be going shopping (I love walking the shopping centre all alone!) which he agreed would be good for me.

My MIL arrived, I spent about 30 minutes here doing some chit-chat and then I said I'm off to the shops.

What for? she says. All judgemental.

Because I have things to do, I said. (I really only had one thing to do)

I could not believe the tone.... and had to bite my tongue for the good of the family dynamic...but I gave D a look :)

So what is it with people?

Do they think mothers have to be all martyr-ish and stay at home all the time???

(this is my contribution for the 30-minute blog challenge and I made it!!!)

P.S. A year ago today I found out I was pregnant with my chemical pregnancy from IVF1

Monday, October 19, 2009

Confession - yes, I let them sleep on their tummies

You hear everybody say that babies are NEVER supposed to sleep on their tummies.

Well, I swear Kendra came out sleeping on hers.

Here is proof from the NICU at 1 day old.

And as you can see, she just never stopped. This is her at 11 weeks. Aren't those little legs cute?

When your very fussy baby sleeps longer than 10 or 20 minutes on their tummy, you'll take it! At first I was paranoid so I'd check on her literally every 5 minutes. I soon started to relax because she really is so much more comfortable like that.

Connor wasn't too taken with the tummy sleeping however.

He slept on his tummy for the first time at 7 weeks. But not for very long - I think this session he managed an hour.

Now he sleeps both ways, but does sleep longer if on his tummy.

Do you let your baby/ies sleep on their tummies, or am I the only one breaking the rules?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

3 gone, 2 to go

I realised earlier that in exactly two months' time I'll be going back to work.

That is a seriously scary thought because it means I've been on maternity leave for 3 months!!!

Will have to write a proper post because I have such a lot to say about this work thing :)

Not quite a Zen mommy

I'm obsessed with baby feet!

I am totally alone with the babies on Fridays.

This is a really big deal for me because they scare me - are you surprised?

I read one of the comments on Tertia's newborn post where a lady said she loved the newborn stage because it allowed her to be all bohemian - wear the baby, breastfeed the baby, co-slept with the baby and it was the only time that people didn't think her messy house was a problem :). She said she milked the new baby stage as long as she could.

I had an epiphany and decided to throw out all my to-do list, at least on Fridays.

So I have one main goal - that the babies are alive and fed by the time D gets home. That's it!

If I'm not showered or dressed, so be it.

If the laundry doesn't get done, again, so be it. Actually this is my second goal.

My third is to make up bottles.

That's it.

So the first Friday when I tried this Zen mommy approach we all had a wonderful day.

Lest you think everything's all roses, a "wonderful day" in our household does involve Kendra screaming like crazy at some point during the day.

K at 12 weeks - see how the cheeks are filling out?

The babies were sleeping sweetly at various times through the day and I got the laundry done plus made bottles!


I was unshowered and in my pajamas the whole day but so what?

The next Friday was even better - I think I managed to get showered and changed at about 3.30! Woohoo!

And so it's been going until last week.

Because you know that two steps forward, one back thing...

Well, we had the most horrible Friday yet!

It was hot as hell here (I hate the heat) - in the 30's (Celsius) and Connor would not sleep. He slept for a total of 30 minutes the entire day from 7am to 7pm, and was very niggly the rest of the time.

You know it's bad when your "difficult" baby starts looking like the good one.

(I actually don't call them the good one and the naughty one very often!)

And of course, Kendra was Kendra.

Thank goodness the weather's been better and with it, my baby's temperament.

But Kendra is sick with a cold.

As I type this, I can hear her hacking away - poor thing!

I took her to the doctor on Monday and we got some nose drops but I think it's gotten worse now. On the bright side, she slept VERY well last night (5,5 hours and 4 hours).

D and I are a bit niggly too so I'm wearing surgical masks when I touch or am around the babies to prevent any other germs from getting to them.

So we try again on Friday. Pray that the babies co-operate because we're having visitors and it could be hell on earth with four babies screaming :)

Monday, October 12, 2009

And the winner is....

Remember this giveaway for the $45 gift card?

I've just been checking through my reminders in Outlook and I see I forgot to post the winner FOUR DAYS AGO!


Let's just say the past couple of days have been hectic...

extreme heat = niggly babies
Kendra has a cold = parents don't sleep
visitors = overstimulation


So without any further ado....

the winner is SHANNON who said...

Considering I have 4 month old twin daughters, anything would be appreciated!!! I really like your idea of the mobile, though, because neither one of mine have one and they are starting to laugh and have fun in their cribs (finally!!!) I also love the ceiling sculptures!!! Good luck with your babies.
Congratulations, Shannon, look out for an email from me!

Confession - breaking the formula rules

I decided to join in with Jennifer's confessions since I have TONS!

I guess I'm just not a rule-follower kind of gal.

So let's talk about bottles.

I buy cheap bottles for my kids

I fully intended to only use NUK bottles because of all the marketing mumbo-jumbo but the truth is that Connor didn't seem to like the Nuk in the beginning. I think it may have been because he was too small. Anyway, I went out and bought a couple of different (cheap) ones and he loved those. And that's how it started.

They still only have 4 Nuk bottles - the rest are the cheap stuff. All I do is replace the original teat (nipple) with better teats and they're good to go.

Now in a strange twist, Kendra now only wants to drink from Nuk so she is using all 4. Connor is a boy - not fussy in the least - he will have any bottle.

D feeding K with a cheap bottle - look how she holds his finger.
She's a little control freak :)

I mix up the formula before their feeds

We went to a multiples seminar when I was about 14 weeks pregnant and it was fabulous. Fabulous because those twin and triplet moms threw out all the rules. The main thing they emphasised was that multiples have their own rules (none!) and that you do whatever you need to do to survive. Lovely!

On the formula can it says not to mix up the formula before the time but there was a nurse at the seminar who said it can be done as long as it's not left out.

So I mix up as many feeds as there are bottles available, stack them in the fridge and they're good to go. No messing around with formula when they're ready to eat.

Which brings me to my next point...

My kids have their bottles at room temperature

Horror of horrors, they actually don't need to be warm! I know!!!! I was just as amazed at first. Another little gem I learned at the seminar.

And with twins, you often don't have the time to warm everything when you have a screaming baby. True.

So my kids have had their bottles at room temperature since they left the NICU. In fact the other day I'd just mixed a batch of bottles when Connor was ready for a feed and when I gave him the warm bottle of milk, he actually pulled his face because he's not used to it :)

When the bottles had to come out of the fridge, I'd place one in a mug of boiling water to take off the chill until I read Jennifer's post about microwaving bottles.

And since then, no more of this time-wasting nonsense.

I zap the bottle in the microwave for 10 sec (K) and 20 sec (C) and they're good to go. Just takes the edge off but doesn't warm it too much.

Of course we swirl and shake properly so there are no air pockets!

I know you're all sitting there with mouths open in shock but seriously, did you really expect me to make up a bottle every one to two hours? :)

Your turn! What are your bottle or formula confessions?

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Confession time - I'm not a newborn person

The Graco DuoRider - this is their maiden journey
(oh, that's my MIL)
It was freezing here in Jhb on Sunday

Kendra - look at the cute mouth

and Connor - I love his expressions with those eyes and Nat, yes, the dummy!

So I mentioned in the last post how I'm not loving the newborn stage. You might have got a hint from this post :)

The babies are 13 weeks old now (exactly 3 months today) and now I can finally say I'm enjoying them.

Still not in that "oh I can't believe how wonderful my life is; my baby has totally fulfilled me" way. But I find I look forward to seeing them wake up, especially when they sleep a bit longer than usual. And they're starting to develop some personality. I'm all about the personality!

If anyone else is in the same boat, I'd say I first started enjoying this motherhood lark at around 10 weeks or so....

I used to say to D, "oh I wish I could go to work and leave you here with the babies" or when he said he'd missed them, I'd tell him "you are absolutely crazy!" and he still says I will see when I go back to work.

But there's a difference between loving the babies and loving the experience.

Before we knew we'd have to go through all this drama to have a baby (or two), I used to say to D that it would be lovely if babies could just arrive at two years.

They're so lovely at that age - personalities, independence, cuteness :)

My babies have a baby friend who was born a day earlier and also spent 27 days in NICU like Kendra did. The mother and I have been keeping in touch, very sporadically, but she left me a voicemail message a week ago and I managed to return her call on Sunday.

Well, that phone call was so healing.

She wanted to know if I'm loving this, if I'm depressed, do I also pray for them to just sleep? Etc, etc.

We had a lovely chat - no, I'm not depressed and am not on any AD's, but no, I don't love this and yes, I literally do pray for them to sleep.

She was so relieved to know that she's not weird for not loving this motherhood thing and wanting to go back to work.

I'm always glad to encourage others, because mothers of singletons always say to me, "at least I don't have two!" with GLEE in their voices. And then I think of triplet moms and think, "at least I don't have three!" :)

How could people love the sleep deprivation when you literally forget how to talk and string a sentence together?!

(I've even been extending my coaching sessions with my clients because I realise I'm not as articulate as I should be).

But why don't people talk about this?

I've now accepted the fact that I'm just not a newborn person and am okay with that.

Are you?

Sunday, October 04, 2009

7 things you may not know about me

Jennifer from Blonde Ambition gave me this Kreative Blogger award dayyyyyys ago

With this award, comes the rules:

1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.

5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.

So with the rules in place, here are 7 things you may not know about me:

Hmmm, this may be hard since I tend to over-share. I like to think of it as being open :)

  1. I don't make the bed. Ever. That's D's job. The last time I consistently made the bed was when I was at university, oh, about 17 years ago!
  2. I'm very fussy with my books and CDs. What that means is I never lend them out, and if people ask, I have no problem saying no! My thing is that people don't take care of your stuff the way you do. I've been known to buy people their own copies of stuff just so I don't have to lend them mine.
  3. My hair is driving me crazy and I can't control it. I think I got used to the preggy hormones because my hair was so easy to manage. It seems like my hair's rebelled by being even worse than before. It is SOOOO curly and unmanageable. Then I'm also cheap because while my hairdresser can tame this mane, I want to get at least a week out of the treatment if I'm going to pay that kind of money and I tell myself it's going to get sweaty with gym, so I remain frustrated with ugly hair!
  4. My real name is Marcia. Some of you have seen my real life friends comment on posts even though I told them to be careful :) When I started the blog, I didn't want all and sundry reading about my infertility so I chose to use the Leigh. Are you shocked?
  5. I made a deal with God before I even started infertility treatments that if EVER the nightmare of infertility was over (little did I know it doesn't just go away) and I finally had a baby, I'd use my experience as a testimony to others. I was thinking maybe writing a book from a Christian perspective but since I have zero time, I'm thinking maybe just talking to church groups. I do talks on time management and goal-setting so public speaking is something I enjoy. Need to get started on this.
  6. I give really good directions and it bugs me when others do not do the same! Once I was invited to do a talk to a group of professional organisers. The lady told me turn right at the 7th traffic light and it was actually the 8th one. I didn't know the area at all and I was THIS close to just turning around and going home (they weren't paying!) when I finally figured out my way. People always tell me that my directions are spot-on. And yes this is nerdy, but I now have a Word document with directions to our house from 3 different places in Johannesburg. Laugh all you want - it works :)
  7. And finally, I've faced facts in that I do not enjoy the newborn stage. At all. Maybe I need to write a separate blog about this. What do you think?

The 7 blogs I'm nominating are:





Saffy from New Zealand - Saffy, I was rooting for your guys with the cricket and did you see they were top of our group?

Eve - Eve bought my leftover GonalF and Luveris from my first IVF and she is now PREGNANT

Natalie - real life friend. D is convinced her David and our Connor will be friends :)

So did you know those things about me, or not?

Saturday, October 03, 2009

An update on my fussy eater

I really loved all the advice we received and I do believe she'll grow out of a lot of it and I also think a lot of it is Kendra-ness :)

But I started keeping track of the teats (nipples) we were using for Kendra's bottles to see if I could pick up trends. We only noticed that she likes a really hard teat (like Nuk). Other than that, not much difference.

Her paed switched her to a lactose-free formula about 3 weeks ago. There was no change after the tin was done (about 4 days) so we switched back. The paed mentioned one other formula we could try but I couldn't find it anywhere.

Then Mandy commented and mentioned silent reflux. I didn't think it was this but I googled it anyway. Some South African moms were talking about this on a message board and someone mentioned the exact same formula the paed mentioned (Novalac). I filed that away mentally.

On Thursday, just after the day nanny left and we were in suicide hour, I was feeding Kendra who was screaming and looking very upset. Suddenly I thought, what's the harm in trying this new formula? So I sent D an SMS and told him to try a pharmacy (I'd previously tried 3 baby shops) and lo and behold, he found it!

Well, he arrived with it, I dumped K with him and mixed her up a bottle immediately. She had 100ml (this is a miracle - at best only 60 ml before). She ate really well that night and has been eating better, on the whole since then. D says she's still Kendra and still has issues :) so everything is not miraculously solved but we can definitely see an improvement.

So we've abandoned the old formula totally and I went to buy 3 more cans of this more expensive formula yesterday.

She still fusses while eating but it's not as bad as before - now she'll have about 25ml (not 5 sucks) before fussing, we burp, cuddle, change nappy if necessary, then continue... She's taking about 60 ml consistently at a time, especially if we wait 3 hours between feeds

She's also sleeping better - of course, that could be her age (12 weeks) since she started displaying signs of better sleep last weekend...

Our current Kendra goal is still to have her finish her entire 75ml feed every 3 hours (600 ml a day). I keep threatening to send her back to NICU so the nurses can set her straight again :)

Strange - the last couple of days Connor hasn't been eating as well as he normally does. It's not so bad that I need to be concerned though because usually he eats far more than he needs (I wonder where he gets that...)

I feel like I'm conducting experiments with these kids - every couple of days I change the rules and announce to the nanny, "okay, from today, we're doing things like this and not like this".

This mothering thing is teaching me flexibility and adaptability, big time! And of course, plenty of patience!

What is this journey to motherhood, or motherhood itself, teaching you?

P.S. Don't forget about the giveaway :)


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