As with much of this motherhood thing, I didn't have very strong feelings about all the peripherals like dummies.
When we got our hospital list, they specified "dummies" so I threw them in and quickly found once the babies were born that the nurses in the NICU LOVED the dummies.
So my babies became very used to using dummies.
I didn't think anything of it until one day when I either sent a pic to friends or posted on the blog (can't remember. does it matter?) and my friend, Nat, said something about Connor always having that dummy in his mouth.
It was not said in a rude way and Nat, I definitely didn't think anything of it.
BUT I suddenly thought, "that's TRUE! He DOES always have that dummy in his mouth" so I decided on some dummy rules.
My rules then and now are: NO dummies unless you're going to sleep. For naps or bedtime.
That's it.
I didn't want these kids crawling around with dummies in their mouths nor did I want kids talking to me, their words blurred because of dummies.
It was no big deal getting them to "agree" to my rules.
We just immediately remove the dummy when we take them from the cots and they're not allowed to have it anywhere else.
Only problem is - they've realised that other kids don't live by the same rules.
When we're at church and Connor spies another baby with a dummy, he gets this glint in his eye and charges over to the baby.
Most times I catch him in time but he's getting faster and I'm getting older so there have been a couple of occasions where he has had to be pried away from another baby's dummy.
And then he gives me this look like, "why does HE get to have a dummy but I can't?"
Gosh, is this the start?
There will be many more occasions when we'll have to have the discussion about sweets/ TV/ lots of toys/ etc.
Already, I've had to tell mine in church, "No, you're not allowed chips".
BTW, is it a breastfeeding/ bottle feeding thing? I have only two friends who breastfed and both their kids don't want dummies.
So, what's your take on dummies? Do you allow/ not? When? How? Am I a mean mom?
P.S. Had lunch with MIL today. Very exhausting as she is a believer that children must "learn" not to touch while seeing all the lovely tempting things....which means D and I had to do a "no, Connor, don't touch" the whole afternoon. Connor usually grabs things as he's taller and then they both play with the stuff.
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I was all about the only in the crib but finally had to take the plunge to break them of it. No lying it is tougher to get them to sleep but they still sleep so that is probably better than if I did it at age 3 and they stopped napping altogether (gasp!...happens all the time). I miss them, Ned and Penny miss them but I'm glad they are gone. Fortunately my kids will give back Josephine's pacifier and were never that concerned about seeing other kids with them (that said most of our playdate friends never "took" to the paci the way N&P did and so they don't have them).
ReplyDeleteExhausting saying "no" all the time. That's why we just did the whole babyproofing and making people come to us - I hate having to keep them out of trouble. Fortunately my mom is accommodating about stuff like that.
I don't know what I will do when they get older, but right now there are definitely times where I am so grateful to whomever invented the dummy (passie. binkie...). My girls use them a LOT.
ReplyDeleteI do know what you mean about the blurred speech and such though. My sitter has a 2 year old that still uses the passie and I never really get what she's saying.
I like your idea about it just being for sleeping.
I saw a 4 year old with a ninny today and was flabergasted! I refused to give the girls pacifiers because I didn't want to be attached them. I figured it was one less thing to worry about and since we started out nursing they didn't get them so there was no nipple confusion. Some article/book/blog said that children learn to love pacifiers, so if they never have them they won't miss them. I think that is what happened with my girls. I really like that I don't have to search for a pacificer and that they know to go to sleep in their crib without any other cues.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're being mean at all. I remember my sister screaming bloody murder when hers was lost as a baby. She cried for 3 nights straight. Plus by limiting them you can prevent all the bad stuff that the internet warns you about like othodontic problems. I'd just worry about them fighting over giving them up all together when the time comes.
And does your MIL not remember raising children?? Who wants to chase after two children all afternoon? Outtings are for relaxing and fun, not NO NO NO!
My girls LOVE their pacifiers. We joke that they slept great early on, switched to sippys easily, but taking the pacis is going to be hell! We have finally gotten to the point when they pretty much just have them in the car and sleeping, but sometimes they just want the paci when they're tired or ill. I will say that I notice they talk more when they don't have the pacis during the day.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely dread taking them away for good. I'm fine with them using pacis at night until age two...then I'll seriously consider fighting that fight. : )
I breastfed both of mine and Z had a dummy but A refused one. Z only ever had hers for sleeping and fortunately never grabbed other childrens' ones, maybe because she'd only ever had hers in her cot. She gave hers up at 2 without any trouble at all, thank goodness.
ReplyDeleteI don't think its a big deal at all, in fact, I think people make far to big an issue out of it. So what really? Ava used to love her dummy and one day somebody said to me "did you ever see a bride walking down the isle sucking a dummy?" Well obviously not, they grow out of it in their own time and when they are ready.
ReplyDeleteIncidentally Ava decided she no longer wanted a dummy when she started cutting teeth so we are not completley dummy free. But they most certainly do have their place with babies that like them and really so what?
I also did not have any strong feeling about dummies. NICU nurses asked me to bring one as it would help with learning to suck - so we got one. He now loves the thing... But I have tried to give it only at nap or bed time, and then at times when he is miserable (for whatever reason). So far it has worked wonderfully. But at daycare he steals dummies... When I visited a friend he charged at her baby and took the dummy. So now if I am in the company of other moms I have to warn them of his habits :). But I hope that only giving it to him at those times will help in weaning him off it some day...
ReplyDeleteOur boys had dummys when they were smaller, but they haven't had them around for several months. Liam seems to like to suck his two fingers only when his sleeptime blanket is in his hands and Tommy only sucks his thumb when he has his favorite blankie. However, they saw a little girl's dummy the other day when we were out and Liam made a beeline for it. The nice thing is the father noticed, so he put it away as she wasn't using it.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the can't sit still phase, we're in it right now. They can't sit still through church so I'm begrudgingly using the children's chapel room during mass. I think it's a phase that they are trying walking so that's all they want to do. When they are awake, they can't sit still. I'm going to work on us getting back out into the general area of the church in the next year.
I have offered all my kids pacifiers, and only my oldest used one for an extended period of time (like until he was about 2?) Everyone else didn't seem to care one way or the other.
ReplyDeleteBUT Lili and Mia both suck their fingers/thumb... and let me tell you, at least you can take away a pacifier- I sometimes wished I could do the same with the fingers!
So when I had the twins I was all for them being attached to pacifiers to avoid the finger battles... and neither really cared. They are mixed in with the toys and occasionally one of the boys will put one in his mouth, but not for long, and more to play than to use, you know?
I am not a ton of help here, because Henry really gave up his passie on his own when he was 11 months, but still I think you are doing great. I think it is best to not let them have it all the time. It seems like it would make the transition easier to eventually break the habbit!
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