Thursday, December 21, 2006

Thursday Thirteen # 6 - my favourite movies

Thirteen of my favourite movies

I'm the type of person who really enjoys happy movies as you'll see from the list below LOL. However, there are a few others on here that don't strictly fit the bill but I'll explain why they're on my list.

1. My best friend's wedding
I have seen this probably 3 times and every time I love it just the same. I laugh, I cry and when I need a pick-me-up, this one does it for me!

2. The holiday
We went to see this one last night and it was absolutely lovely from start to finish. I have been totally off Jude Law since Closer but he redeemed himself in this one. And those kids? Too cute!!!

3. Spanglish
This is another one of those lovely, lovely movies. I can't explain why I enjoyed it so – maybe it was the language issues but I loved it.

4. Crash
This movie really made me think and question things a lot. Obviously about racial issues. Now people, I'm in an interracial relationship myself so I really don't have issues at all. But still. Pulls on your emotions too. Stunning move – well deserving of its Oscar. In fact, this is the first movie EVER that I enjoyed that also won an Oscar. I don't quite know what that says about me but there you go!

5. Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason
I enjoyed this sequel far more than I enjoyed the original. I have this theory that if you read and enjoyed the book, don't bother seeing the movie. And this one blew my theory out of the water because I enjoyed the first movie and not so much the book. I don't know – maybe it was all the hype? But this one. Was Fabulous. We went to see it with friends and we all loved it.

6. Eye for an eye
Justice is one of my highest values. Now you know why I loved this. I really didn't mind her taking the law into her own hands because that ws how it should have worked out in the end. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

7. The school of rock
Okay, I'm a sucker for passion in any form and I LOVED LOVED LOVED Jack Black's passion for music in this one.

8. French Kiss
I adored Kevin Kline in this. And of course, I always enjoy Meg Ryan in romantic comedies. My favourite scene is the one in the aeroplane when they're taking off and he teases her about how she is in bed. LOL

9. Coach Carter
This was such an inspiring and motivating movie and I loved it completely and utterly. Enough said.

10. Runaway Jury
In my opinion, John Cusack is just the most gorgeous guy ever. I love that naughty boy/ boy next door look he has. Anyway, back to the movie – by the way, this one also throws my movie/ book theory out because I loved the book and I loved the movie. I thought all the actors were equally brilliant in this courtroom drama.

11. Stepmom
I cried buckets and buckets when I watched this. It is soooo sad. I also loved Susan Sarandon's character development from the jealous mom to accepting mom in the end. Beautiful.

12. Father of the bride
This was so sweet and so sad all at the same time. I thought of it again the other day when I read becky's letter to Hannah and how she said one day Hannah will get married and how crushed Matt will be. If you don't know what on earth I'm talking about, go read it yourself. And of course, I loved Frank, the wedding planner. Hilarious LOL

13. A time to kill
Another John Grisham that I loved. I love these fighting for the right thing type of movies – brings out the lion in me. Of course, Matthew McConaghey and Ashley Judd with those delicious Southern accents are so easy on the ear.

And that's my Thursday Thirteen.

What are some of your favourites?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Thursday Thirteen #5 - Celebrating love

I'm not a romantic person.

Red roses and chocolates just don't do it for me. I like bright yellow chrysanthemums.

But I do lurve love songs. So today, here are 13 of my favourites:

1. Wonderful tonight - Eric Clapton

2. Just the way you are - Billy Joel

3. Glory of love - Peter Cetera

4. Up where we belong - Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes

5. How deep is your love - Bee Gees

6. Have I told you lately - Rod Stewart

7. Against all odds - Phil Collins

8. Take my breath away - Berlin (not whatshername's version)

9. Making love out of nothing at all - Air Supply

10. Don't let the sun go down on me - George Michael and Elton John

11. Nobody does it better - Carly Simon

12. Total eclipse of the heart - Bonnie Tyler

and last but not least...

13. At last - Celine Dion

Thank you to all of you for your love and good wishes after my sadness yesterday! I had another good cry last night and felt much better. As you can see, I'm celebrating love today!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


I am fine with this infertility thing about 90% of the time.

I get happy when people find out they're pregnant, and am also happy to see babies and children most of the time.

Then suddenly something will happen and the tears just burst out of me.

Like now. Went to the loo at work and on my way back to my cubicle, saw the lift open and a little boy of about 8 step out (schools have closed and we are very relaxed here so some people bring their kids in now and again).

Just looking at that cute little blonde head I just had a sudden, intense, deep, deep longing for one of my own.

And burst into tears!

These deep, primal urges are so scary, especially because I'm normally so together.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Food glorious food

As I mentioned before, I am on Weigh-Less.

At first it went really, really well and then sort of plateaued. After I returned from Thailand, I'd gained 1.3kg (miracle what with all the food I ate) and lost that in a week. Wonderful.

However, since then (a month ago), I have gained some more weight. I don't quite know what it is. Last week I had convinced myself yet again that I was pregnant (the weight gain together with the slight nausea which I since found out is due to my new preconceptual multivitamins).

So in an effort to get back to the good results from the first couple of months, I am going to have to be very strict and stay on the programme.

That means faithfully eating my low fat proteins every day, limiting my carbs to only the 5 portions, and staying off the chocolate totally.

Stirfried chicken, red kidney beans, basmati rice and vegetables

90g chicken strips
100 g red kidney beans
140g basmati rice
200g vegetables - pictured above are onions, mushrooms, carrots, broccoli and I think some pumpkin

Stirfry in only 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil, add lots of garlic & chilli and enjoy!

Serves 1
1 medium fat protein, 1 low fat protein, 2 complex carb portions and 2 portions veg

Monday, December 04, 2006

In the zone - updated!

I had the most wonderful hip-hop dance class tonight.

It also helped that last week was a complete shocker - teenagers messing around and laughing at the back of the class annoyed me to no end. The teacher is also a people pleaser who would not give them words! And I was not irritated enough to fight with people. Darn - hate it when that happens.

I was right on target - my moves in time to the music. Could remember things and actually add some style compared to the usual fumble around just to get the feet right and only "get it" in the last 10 minutes. This time I was in the zone right from the beginnning. Nice.

I have been feeling like I could take or leave this class the last couple of weeks. I am a dancer so I usually don't have problems with 2 left feet but it's this hip-hop thing.

The jerky arms, and legs that go the same way as arms instead of opposite arm to leg like with most dance styles I'm used to.

Then I start thinking maybe I'm too old for these new-fangled dances (and that word is a sign for sure that I'm getting too old for this rubbish).
Does this happen to anybody else?

Anyway, it was lovely to actually know what I'm doing again and most of all, to thoroughly enjoy it.

Updated to add
The exact same thing happened in my salsa dancing class on Wed. I was on!
I thought about it and it could also possibly be due to the fact that I'm only having half my supper before so that I don't feel as sluggish.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Thursday Thirteen #4 - my new car

About my new (2-month-old) car…good and bad in no particular order

1. As it is black, it gets dirty very quickly. My sister warned me about this beforehand.

2. I love that the seat lifts. I knew that when I first got it, but only figured it out about 10 days ago!

3. I like the feel of the indicator lever. I know this is weird but there is a little groove which I play with while driving - quite soothing in the traffic.

4. This car has a temperature gauge - quite a useful tool, if only to corroborate my feelings about how hot/ cold it is.

5. Central locking - love it, love it, love it. One click and everything is locked. Saves me so much time.

6. I love how when I remove the key from the ignition, the doors open automatically.

7. My old car didn't have a side pocket and this one does. Very useful to hold my water bottle. The water bottle in my profile picture is exactly why I chose that picture. I always have a water bottle (and an apple) with me.

8. Power steering. My word - what a difference it makes to parking! Just a flick of the wrist turns that whole car. Before, it was turn, turn and turn some more before the car would turn.

9. This is a neurotic car though. The petrol tank sign starts glowing when there is still 5L of petrol left. I can go to work and back 2 whole days on that. But wait! It then annoyingly starts blinking when it gets right down to the bottom. (My husband would say I shouldn't even know about the blinking light!)

10. And the hooter…is an excuse for a hooter. It is a pathetic little beep-beep.

11. Oh, and the joys of airconditioning. I am only now fully appreciating it as we're at the end of spring going into summer. And it's nice and powerful so I only need it on for a few minutes to last me about 10 minutes.

12. And I love how, when I approach the car and click the button to open the door, the light comes on inside the car. V useful at night so I can see the ignition.

13. And last but not least, it is extremely zippy. I can weave in and out of cars very easily with it. I even feel cooler in it. Now that's got to count for something, does't it?!

Here she is - beautiful!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

My husband, the comic

We've been back and forth with 2 friends (married couple) on the email organising our next supper date. We all just reply to all so everyone can see what's going on.

Friend: what can we bring along??

Hubby: Um, roast beef, a lasagne, a salad, rolls, drinks, after-dinner mints. Leigh, have I left anything off? Placemats. No, maybe that's too much. :)

Me: D, you should start a blog!!!

Hubby: "Fullofbolony.blogspot"?

Me: (sent only to him) You can still make me laugh after all these years!

Hubby: Cool. You still make me... well, we'll discuss later

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thursday Thirteen # 3 - doctors and health

1. After I made the appointment with the infertility doctor, I decided to make my annual dental appointment.

2. My doctor is very popular and she's always booked up weeks in advance so I can only see her on the 7th Dec.

3. The minute the appointment was made my top left molars started seriously annoying me. It feels like my tooth is moving because food gets stuck there.

4. For the first time in my life, I can't WAIT to get to the dentist.

5. On a more interesting note, yesterday's visit to the infertility doc. We were early for once and had to fill in so many forms that we were actually on time!

6. First, before they even see you, they make you talk to a counsellor who put us through the 3rd degree but not in a bad way. They check for a history of depression and all sorts of things in case you crack through the emotional trauma.

7. Speaking of which, she made me cry!!! I think it's when she said that we have to get used to "maybe you're not meant to have children". She meant "naturally" but I just heard blah blah not meant to have children blah blah and that was me!

8. Then we went to see the doctor. Nice, gentle man (if a bit too quiet for me – I mean I was doing more talking than he was) who had to quickly do an aspiration (whatever that is) before he could see me.

9. He did an internal sonar (my first – I don't recommend it) which was fine although I have lots of fluid. He thinks it's blood from the endometriosis (gross, I know), but no big deal.

10. Then the fun started. Apparently we have a 2% chance of conceiving naturally because we have both male and female factor infertility. I was devastated by these shocking stats although today I told D that I've always been in that 2% in other areas of life like top of the class, so I will just have to be the 2% that conceives!!!

11. He suggested we go for IVF straight away with ICSI (where they inject the sperm into the egg) – a mere R25000. Hello! At our salaries it will take more than a year to save up R25000 for one treatment cycle!

12. I want D to get a new spermogram because I can't understand how the sperm count can go down from 94 million to 0.8 in 3 months. If the sperm count is okay after this new test, then we'll do AI first, a much more reasonable R1500 a shot. Otherwise, I really don't know.

13. After the meeting with the doctor, I had some blood taken (they are checking my hormone levels) and seeing as I was already invaded with foreign instruments, I had a PAP smear too.

And that's all for today. Amazingly, I am remarkably calm writing this now. Yesterday, I was a wreck. I looked terrible from all the crying!

So, for all you fertile people out there, remember to thank God everyday that you had an easy time falling pregnant. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy!

Now I will go cook and bake up a storm – nothing like food to cheer you up!

Monday, November 20, 2006

our own little coffee shop

The other day we were out at the shops somewhere and D wanted to go for coffee.

I really didn't feel like being out anymore so I told him I'd make us "special" coffee at home.

This is the "special" coffee - in a cup just like at the coffee shop!

Now doesn't that look good?

Saturday, November 18, 2006


Just this week, two things at work happened that reinforced once again why procrastination is so bad.

1. We instituted a procedure on one of my campaigns that made it necessary for us to set up a procedure document. The process person drafted it and sent it to me saying that she'd like my help making the language plain and simple for our call centre agents to understand.

I'm usually quite good at this type of thing so I don't know why I didn't just do it there and then. Nevertheless, I didn't and for a whole week this thing hung over my head. It was also not urgent just something that has to be done somewhere along the line.

My self-imposed deadline was 1 week so I told myself, come hell or highwater, by the end of Thursday I would give her an amended document.

Well, when I finally sat down to do it, it took me not even 10 minutes to proofread and edit that thing. And it was easy!

2. Buoyed up by my little mini-victory, I decided to tackle a report. This is another something that is not urgent but is a nice-to-have. Now there is nothing more boring to me than sitting and working with numbers. Funny because I'm good at it but I just don't enjoy it. Unless it's sales figures of course. That I love looking at. I think it's the goal-oriented side of me that enjoys the sales figures.

Again, I buckled down and started doing the report and it took me about 20 minutes, including drafting the email to all the powers-that-be.

Only 30 minutes work and yet I procrastinated a whole week!!!

I think next time I don't want to do something I should just remember Flylady and tell myself, I can do anything for 15 minutes!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Thursday Thirteen #2 - Favourite foods

1. Granny Smith apples – I just love that crisp, sour taste and anything with apples (apple pie, cake with apple, stewed apple and custard)
2. Hot wholewheat toast with fridge-cold chunky cottage cheese
3. Toasted cheese and tomato on wholewheat bread
4. Pancakes - my favourite filling is apricot jam with a squeeze of lemon juice.
5. Hot wholewheat toast with avocado, and again, salt and lots of pepper
6. Most curries but my favourite is my mother's chicken lentil curry
7. Fettucine alfredo
8. Thai mussamen curry
9. Almost any muffins
10. Chocolate cake – must be moist
11. Lemon meringue
12. Custard anything – real custard, custard-flavoured yoghurt, custard with hot pudding….
13. Cadbury's chocolate – nothing else, no Belgian, Swiss or anything else but Cadbury. It is "the best loved chocolate in the country"

Now I'm feeling hungry!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Thank goodness for quick-thinking people

I made my first appointment with an infertility specialist for next Wednesday!

(in open-plan office)

Me (whispered): Hi. I'd like to make an appointment with Doctor K.

Receptionist: Is this for your normal check-up or for infertility?

Me: Umm, the second one please

Receptionist: No problem, how about next Wed?

Me: Thanks so much!

Monday, November 13, 2006

Infertility, the disease

Infertility is the most serious disease I've ever had. In fact, it's the only one!

Aside from this, I am quite a healthy person. I exercise, drink lots of water (by choice - water is my favourite drink. Yes, I know I'm a weirdo) and eat healthily except for the 3 days before my period, when I become a raving chocaholic. I've been told this is a lack of magnesium.

Funny how every month I convince myself I'm pregnant so I don't even notice the chocolate binge.

Like today. I woke up, went to the loo and there it was. The Period. Then it all starts falling into place.

Tender breasts = premenstrual, not pregnant
200g chocolate in 3 days = premenstrual, not lack of discipline because it's weekend
Clearly I'm in denial because the doctor said it will never happen naturally. However, I do believe in miracles but at what cost? And who said we'll be given once of those miracles?
When I really allow myself time to think (and most of the time, I think that I keep myself busy to avoid the thoughts), I really start to question everything.
  1. Did I bring on the infertility by working too hard and stressing myself out?
  2. Did I wait too long and ignore well-meaning family and friends' "you guys really should start a family"?
  3. And the worse, am I a bad Christian? Surely if I have enough faith, it will happen.
  4. Or even worse than that - maybe God doesn't want us to have a baby. I can't believe this seriously though because I know without a shadow of doubt that I'd be an excellent mother. I've always been good with kids, I think because I treat them like people and acknowledge that they have feelings, thoughts and opinions just like everyone else.
I write about these things on this blog because aside from my husband, there's no-one I can really talk to.

Well, let me clarify - I can talk to my other infertile friends about the infertility. I can talk to my husband about the God & Christian issues. But I can't talk to any other friends about the Christian stuff.

This, in my opinion, is why we get such a bad rap sometimes. Because everything has to always be so positive. My own MIL says things like "oh that happened because they weren't listening to God, or weren't praying enough". Not About This. That is precisely why we haven't said a thing to her. Or To Any Christian. I can't handle the you guys must stand on the Word and keep confessing speech.

Well today, I decided I'm out of denial and tomorrow I need to make our appointment with a fertility specialist and just go hear what's what.

The other thing is I'm not even sure how far I'm prepared to go but that really is another post. I need my beauty sleep after all.

Good night.

Friday, November 10, 2006

My personality profile

Your Five Factor Personality Profile


You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."


You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.


You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.


You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is low.
You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable.
You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea.
While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Thursday Thirteen #1 - This week at work

1. On Monday we went on a strategy conference far, far away (okay, 157km round trip). I hate driving long distances so this was very stressful for me.
2. Fortunately the venue made up for the distance because it was absolutely beautiful. And the food was very good too, which is always a plus!!!
3. Unfortunately the distance traveled surpasses what I normally do in a week, so petrol-wise that's not good. And these guys are so wealthy it seems petty for me to claim back the money.
4. I left home at 5:55 and returned at 19:00. This caused me to miss my hip-hop dance class which did not impress me in the least.
5. As a result of the conference, we are adding more structure to our department. Normally this is a good thing because I like clearly-defined processes.
6. However, our project manager is sending out form upon form and frankly, I'm concerned that I won't have time to action and actually do my work if I have to be minuting everything!
7. I took the bull by the horns (as they say) and chatted to her this morning. Exactly what is the purpose of this doc? Who is this doc intended for? So isn't this duplicating work? Eventually she conceded that I can use my own systems as long as the main things are documented (this is on my main portfolio).
8. At lunch today, I spilt mushroom and herb cup-a-soup all over my desk. Some of it splashed on my keyboard too so I had to log a call for them to swop keyboards. How disgusting - it is amazing how much soup one cup is when it's all spread out.
9. Today was Weigh-Less weigh in and……… I only gained 1kg since the last time I weighed (3 weeks ago). This is obviously all the holidaying in Thailand and Malaysia. (Two other ladies gained 1.2 and 1.8 kg in a week despite following the plan, so I was ecstatic at my small gain).
10. The party I mentioned some time ago? Well, our colleague came in to say her final goodbyes before she flies to Vegas on Saturday. The dept has already changed because she honestly was the life of the place.
11. My main campaign has been stressing me out a bit this week. Why? Because I can't control other people's work and they keep promising delivery dates, not delivering and I have to pacify the client. The client doesn't even believe me anymore and this is frustrating because IT"S NOT ME!
12. I am dealing with it through excessive reading of blogs and blogging.
13. I'm doing the monthly blog posting thing but I'm cheating a bit – I have 6 blogs in total so I'm posting somewhere every day. I have committed to posting here every 2nd day though. A strange thing has happened though – I find myself easily posting to at least 2 blogs a day.

And that's my first Thursday Thirteen.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Women are the same everywhere

Apparently I've been so out of touch that I didn't even know there was a blog challenge thingy happening this month. Well, now that I know, I'm up for it. I'm going to blog something every day. It will not all be on this blog considering I have a couple of business ones too, but there's only 23 days left - I'm sure I can do it (famous last words).

We got back from our holiday in Thailand and Malaysia a few days ago. The sightseeing was beautiful and so was all the food and shopping but I'm always more interested in the people and their culture.

One thing that really stood out to me in Asia is how obsessed the women are about their looks.

1. We caught many shop assistants preening themselves in front of their hand mirrors when they were not helping customers.
2. All the ads on TV are about being whiter and having fairer skin.
3. The health and beauty aisles are FULL of skin lighteners.

I'll admit that at first I thought how ridiculous it all was and then it struck me - we're all the same, just about different things.

I have curly hair and I want straight hair. In the past when I had good hair years, people with straight hair used to look longingly at my curls. Alas, those days are gone forever, but I digress.

White people want to be browner so they bake in the sun to tan, and these Thai and Malaysian ladies want to be whiter.

And of course, we all want to be thinner...

Even though we're all so diverse and have such vastly different lifestyles, there's still this common bond.

On the whole, my self-esteem is pretty much intact (or I'm just thick-skinned). But I do wonder at which stage (or age) do we get to this point? The one where we don't think we're good enough or pretty enough just as we are.

I wonder why it's not enough to just enhance what we naturally have?

Monday, October 16, 2006

A little pregnant

I received an email on Thursday last week titled Good News.

I immediately knew what it was. Oh and it was from my sister (5 years younger than I am).

Yes, she's pregnant - 7 weeks - and not really telling anybody except family until they've passed the 12-week mark. They've been trying for about 18 months to fall pregnant so it seems it runs in the family although my mother had no problem falling pregnant with the 3 of us.

A friend asked me how I felt when I heard and the truth is - I only felt pure joy. No jealousy - nothing. I must be maturing LOL. Seriously though - I am really really happy for my sister.

I even went out on Friday night to buy her a gift. I decided on a beautiful pregnancy journal by Tracey Clark. They only had a soiled one in the store and since it has a pale yellow cover I didn't want that one. Turns out that was the only one in the whole of South Africa. Can you believe it?! They went online for me and checked. The good thing was he found me the ISBN number so I'll order it online.

So how about that?!

Then, in other pregnancy news. I stumbled upon an infertility blog two weeks ago. I sent the link to my friend who went out immediately and bought So Close, Tertia Albertyn's book. She then emailed me because the book was so good, etc. and I had to drive over to her work to get it from her.

I read it on Saturday and it was SOOOO inspirational. Lots of parts were very, very sad - I cried like a baby - but it is very good. That woman has been through so much - 9 IVF treatments but at least she now has two gorgeous babies.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I have a confession to make

The other day I was driving to work, singing along and as I turned up the radio, I realized something…

I'm doing it again - singing along to mid-80s Kylie Minogue. I think it was Hand on your Heart. But they all sound the same from that era, don't they?

However, this is not the first time.

D & I were driving somewhere and that Kylie Minogue/ Jason Donovan song came on (the name escapes me for the moment - thank goodness). Anyway, I'm singing along and after a flawless first and second verse, D & I looked at each other in horror.

D: What on earth are you singing?
M: I don't know. I didn't even know I knew the words

This must have been a carry over from my early teenaged years ('87???). Since then, I realized that I might as well accept it.

I have come to enjoy Wham (Wake me up before you go-go), Rick Astley (Never gonna give you up) and Kylie. Maybe this shaped me in a positive way - who knows?!

Now who remembers Bros? When will I, will I be famous?

Oh, that Kylie Minogue/ Jason Donovan song is Especially for you

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Terrible Thursday

I had a really terrible day on Thursday. Even though I lost another 0.2kg at Weigh-Less.

Someone unsubscribed from my mailing list. Not just anyone, mind you, but a really good customer. Because I'm in a service-based business, everything is about relationships so generally once people "get me and my work" they're keepers.

The unsubscribes used to bother me a lot at first. Then I realised that I am not for everyone and if people don't like the tone of my newsletters, blogs and so forth, then they won't relate to me and that's fine, 'cos they're probably not my ideal client.

Cool! And then this happened. And I had a feeling it was coming. So maybe knowing beforehand is what is bugging me because I feel like I should have done something.

It's like that feeling when you know you're going o break something, trip and fall, didn't save a document. You realise it just as it's happening but not in time to reverse it.

You see, this person is from my church and we do voluntary work there. I phoned her about something last week and got a really snotty tone. At first I put it down to the fact that she's in the middle of a move but this is the thing - she is just not the type who would ever respond like that. Anyway, we had our talk and I thought, just jump in. So I did.

I asked her what was wrong. Nothing, just busy. Okay... Carried on talking. Checked again before I said bye. No, definitely, there's nothing wrong.

Then this week she unsubscribes from my coaching blog. And the next day when my weekly edition goes out, unsubscribes from my mailing list.

I sent her an email and again she says nothing is wrong, I am fine with you. But clearly something is.

Tomorrow I'm going to corner her at church and confront her. I don't have problems confronting people generally but this one leaves me with such a weird feeling.

I'll have to check back and update this post when I've had The Talk with her. Can't wait! Anything is better than this Not Knowing business.

updated to add
i had the talk and of course, she denied that anything was wrong. So I've got to accept that but I definitely don't believe it.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Turns out I'm not into phatic

phatic (FAT-ik)

Relating to a communication meant to generate an atmosphere of social relationship rather than to convey some information.

When you bump into your neighbor on your way out and say, "How are ya?" you're engaging in phatic communion. The idea is not to inquire your neighbor's state of affairs but simply to create a feeling of shared goodwill. Later, at work, when you discuss weather with someone at the water cooler, it's the same idea.

So that's what it is. And I'm the one who really answers and expects a proper answer too.

Now that I know the rules, I'll have to be more phatic!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I forgot about the car!!!

Oh.My.Word - glancing back over previous posts, I realise that I forgot to tell about my new car!

So I took my car to the dealer who was buying it from me on Thursday 21st. It was a very sad moment - I love that little red car (VW Citi Golf) - so I asked the guy to take a last picture of me in the car. To be honest, I think I was behaving strangely because he gave me a really weird look.

Anyway, they deposited the cheque early the next morning so all was fine on that front. I borrowed some money from the bank (as little as I could get away with because I hate, hate, hate debt) so had to wait for this money to be paid before I could collect the car.

The whole Friday I was on the phone to the bank about probably 10 times in total trying to get them to hurry up and pay (and isn't it strange that they promised that their money would be in first and they were last).

It was stress stress stress because I'd organised a lift to the dealer based on timelines promised and nothing was happening. Normally I would have been a lot more relaxed about it except that it was a long weekend and I wanted a car (I am fiercely independent and don't want to share D's car). Eventually I got on the phone yet again and explained to the nice people at the bank to please put me out of my misery if they were not going to come through in time because I am not going all the way through to collect my car and they turn me away because you haven't paid.

I don't know what did it but that girl got her act into gear. She phoned up managers all over the place and got them to email through a release on the car.

So I collected the dirtiest car in the world. At least it drove beautifully. And it still is.

Is there ever a happy medium?

Okay, this is going to sound crazy but I asked my boss for more work. Actually I should say that I nagged him for months for more work.

I'm a relationship and operations manager in the New Business Dept of our company, so once the deal's signed, I take over and manage the account and also run the implementation process. This suits me down to the ground because I love it when there are millions of things going on all at the same time.

When we did psychometric tests, it showed that I have a high degree of accuracy while I am being highly flexible. In plain English this means that I can't concentrate on one task for more than an hour at a time LOL

My main client has been in kind of a maintenance state since about May-June so I've needed work.

The boss is a very bad delegator (excellent at letting me have my freedom and get on with things, in other words, come and go as I please and no checking up LOL) so you can see why it has taken months of nagging to get work.

And boy oh boy, now it's flooding in. He gave me two more accounts to work on (we call it campaigns) so I am swamped.

This is good for me because I like to be challenged but I can't help thinking about my holiday in a few week's time... my solution?

I started making a list to palm off some work to a colleague. No one can say I'm a bad delegator, now can they? The boss should take some lessons from me...

Monday, September 25, 2006

He said, she said

Overheard in a shoe store…

She Do you like these? (modelling a pair of espadrilles)

He No

She Why? What's wrong with them?

He I don't know. I just don't like them.

I wanted to tell her that they actually looked very nice.

What's more important is this:
She clearly loves and wants the shoes. What does it matter if he doesn't like it?!

Monday, September 18, 2006

New cars, holidays, cancellations, farewell parties, etc.

New car
I'm buying a new car but not properly new (if you know what I mean). It is a 2005 Opel Corsa Sport and has 12000 km on the clock.

So I've been very busy organising all the paperwork, getting valuations for my current car, and so on... Huge amount of schlep - no wonder I don't do this very often.

Also, my sister works for General Motors and gets a discount for direct family members which is really nice BUT because I'm buying directly from GM, there is service from a dealer, car papers all nicely sorted out. It's a huge schlep but I have to keep reminding myself that I'm saving thousands this way.

We're going to Thailand in 4 weeks and 3 days exactly. Woohoo.

We finally collected the tickets and travel vouchers from Flight Centre on Saturday so it feels more settled. I've started making my lists about what to take, what I have to do before we go, what we should do once we get there, and so on, and so on...

We went to look at digital cameras on Saturday and I'm nearly decided. Just want to check out a couple of other options.

I was scheduled to do an organising workshop for 3 ladies on Saturday. The one phoned me early that morning to cancel so I phoned the other 2 to cancel the whole thing. With less than 3 people, there is just no vibe (3 is already too little). So I've postponed it for two weeks - hopefully I can drum up a few more people.

Farewell parties
My colleague on the other side of my partition is emigrating to the US of A (Las Vegas actually) to marry her sweetheart. Long story about love across the ocean...

Anyway, so I'm organising her farewell party because ...well, let's just say she'd just get a "thanks very much and goodbye" if I didn't. So I'm hardly working these days - running around collecting money from people, organising venue, food, gift, etc.

Getting everyone to sign the card (I decided to get a non-traditional card so I got a die-cut notebook in the shape of a handbag) is another hassle. Why is it that everybody first needs to read the entire book before they write their two lines of inspiration - "all the best. have fun in vegas"?

That's what I've been busy with these last 10 days or so...

Thursday, September 07, 2006

What do you say to the babies questions?!

We've been married for 11 years and because we married when we were very young, there wasn't much pressure to have babies immediately.

Initially, we planned to wait 5 years and then have a child.

Life doesn't always go according to plan. When 5 years was up, I'd just started a new job and wanted to "prove myself". To who, I don't know but that's another story altogether.

The years went on and on and to be honest, we didn't have any baby urges. (I recall the gynae once telling me, my dear, if you want to have children, I'd start if I were you - it only gets more difficult after 28.

At the time, I thought she was talking rubbish. After all, all the movie stars have babies into their 40's, don't they?

Up to this point, when people asked rude questions like when are you having children?, we could honestly say we're not ready.

Anyway, something happened when I turned 30. I started having these if we don't do it now, we'll regret it thoughts. And D was definitely ready.

So we started trying. I thought that like everything else in my life, I would set a goal, plan it and things would fall into place. Ha ha ha.

People still ask the question but now the facts have changed.

Now people ask, do you want children? I firmly say yes, we do want children. And then there's the awkward pause when they decide whether they're going to go where they shouldn't.

When are you going to have them then?

When God decides the time is right.

To be fair, this is a very vague answer and not very satisfying.

What must I say? On the one hand, it would be good to say something like: listen, idiot, we've been trying for 2 years. I have endo and he has defective sperm.

That's one way to shut them all up for good.

It's nice to dream...

Monday, September 04, 2006

Baby dreams

I've been a bit quiet simply because I didn't have much to say.

Last Wed, I was crying again and D (husband) said, that's it - we're going to pray properly and start standing in faith.

Which is exactly what we did - we prayed and asked God for a healthy baby. We believe according to the Bible that when you pray, believe that you receive and you shall have it.

Of course I felt much better after that (I always do after a good cry :) ) and slept really well.

The next day I was out seeing clients, we went to lunch and there was a mother and baby boy (a few months old) near our table. He really was the cutest baby ever and I found myself drawn to him. The good thing is I didn't feel like crying!

On my way back to the office, an SMS came through on my phone from a friend, S, and this is what she said:

last night I dreamt that you were pregnant and you looked so well and happy in the dream. How are you?

Well, that SMS put me on cloud 9! I replied and told her the story and she said my dream was definitely a message from God because V & I pray for you every day.

How wonderful is that?!

[S was also battling to fall pregnant for a long time but it finally happened for her and her baby boy was born in March this year. They called him Matthew (gift from God).]

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Infertility & the unfairness of life

Last night I cried myself to sleep.

At the beginning of this year, one of our goals was to get this baby thing sorted out. When we were at my gynae last year, she told us that 45% is due to the female, 45% due to the male and about 10% unexplained.

We naturally assumed that I was the problem since I've had endometriosis for 4 years, and here we are 2 laparoscopies later. (those details are for another blog post). Anyway, my dh decided to get a spermogram to "rule him out".

It didn't. He has enough men, they swim well but their morphology is not good. In plain and simple English (why do doctors always complicate things?!), their heads are not pointy enough to penetrate the egg. Can be caused by smoking (he doesn't), drinking (he doesn't) or stress (he is the most laid-back person on the face of the planet).

So she gave us the number of a fertility specialist and suggested we just go straight to him.

Of course, we are in total denial so we carry on practising and believing God every month that I will get pregnant. And every month, my breasts get tender, my tummy starts the pms swell and I get my period.

DH decided to go get another spermogram and yesterday's when he phoned for the results. Same story - morphology is completely messed up and the doctor says "there is no way you two will ever be able to have a baby naturally". thanks for the positive message

This is conveyed in a very matter-of-fact tone, like we're talking about how it's a rainy day or something.

I don't think I can deal with the unfairness of it all. My friend C says "some people just seem to pop them out like Smarties" which just sums it up. Everywhere I look I see women pregnant and glowing, and gorgeous babies everywhere. I don't begrudge them (or only a little bit). I just feel like it's soooo unfair. I would make such a good mother. Promise. Everyone says so!

So last night is when it seemed to sink in. I might never be a mother.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Tarantism (TAR-uhn-tiz-uhm) noun - an uncontrollable urge to dance

There we have it, people - an official word for my condition!

And this condition takes the form of almost every kind of dance - currently there is belly dancing on a Saturday, hip hop dancing on a Monday and my absolute favourite, salsa dancing on a Wednesday.

I've been a bit under the weather this week so I didn't go to my usual Monday class. I still am not 100% better but I am so much better than I was earlier this week.

But here's the thing - nothing, and I mean nothing, keeps me from that class. So I dressed warm to brave the 12 degrees Celsius cold and went for it. And of course, I loved every minute of it.

Some people don't know this about me but I've been dancing since I was 4 - ballet, modern, spanish - and I absolutely love performing. [This is also probably why I love talking to huge groups of people when I do workshops and such.] All that practice in the studio is all worthwhile when there is an audience, a stage, and that curtain rises. Oooh - there's nothing like it for me. (I do know different things do it for different people).

I tell you - it's the exhibitionist in me.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

not 1, but 6 blocks of chocolate

Why is it that I seem to sabotage my weight-loss success?

I weigh in on Thursdays and it seems like every Tuesday or Wednesday I make a stupid decision.

Like yesterday! The whole day I did really well - ate nothing that wasn't allowed and then last night at 11pm when I was making my last cup of coffee, I had a sudden craving for chocolate.

Do I take one block? No - once an overachiever, always an overachiever.

I had to have 6! But boy, was that chocolate good!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I must, I must, I must delay gratification

This weight loss journey is not for sissies.

I've been doing relatively well (I'm always cautious about sounding too optimistic just in case the scale doesn't agree) this week. Of course, D and I had our date night on Friday. Went out for a lovely Indian meal. I tried to eat healthily by focusing on my salad first and then trying to estimate what a "normal" portion would be.

I have no excuses for Saturday. After church, I decided that I needed a Wimpy or Milky Lane coffee (I don't drink any other coffees besides theirs). Of course, we didn't end there. We also had savoury waffles and a fight with the waitress.

There was a big promotional poster saying free coffee with every savoury waffle, and of course, they billed us for both the waffles and the coffees. Long story short, manager was called and we paid for what they advertised.

The food diary works well when I remember to write in it... of course, it didn't help that I baked some muffins on Sunday. The good news is I limited myself to only one. But the gorgeous smell of baking? All I can say is yummmmmmmmmm.

I am clearly learning some self-control.

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels, nothing tastes as good as thin feels...

Saturday, August 19, 2006

I am SO easy to please

Yesterday I was driving home from work.

I travel along a very busy street with hundreds of other type-A personality drivers. [Notice I admit that I'm just like the rest of them] It's like survival of the fittest although instead of a jungle, it's only Louis Botha Avenue.

If you, by any chance, get stuck behind a taxi driver who just stops without indicating, or a turning car, and your reflexes are just the tiniest bit off, that's it.

You will sit there in your car waiting and waiting until the road is clear again because nobody, and I mean NOBODY (not even I) will let you into the traffic flow again. Although to be honest, the cars whizz by at such a speed that you actually don't want to venture out at those low speeds.

Anyway, back to my story. So I'm driving behind a huge 4X4 so I can't see the road in front of me. Suddenly the 4x4 swerves into the next lane and I see why, but I'm just fractions of a second too late to do anything about it.

A taxi has just stopped without any indication. What's new?!

But then... a miracle happens.

I turn on my indicators to get back in the traffic and a car actually slows down, flicks his lights at me (which is Jhb-speak for "move it and get in front of me before I change my mind").

I was stunned beyond belief but I thanked him and moved to the right lane.

As I drove off, I felt so good about this random act of kindness that I smiled and waved to him again.

Now that was a good start to the weekend and it absolutely made my day!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

I'm on the weight loss wagon again...

I joined weigh-less in March this year with 7,2kg to goal.

I lost the first 4,6 slowly but steadily and then I hit a plateau. Then it was up 0.2, down 0.2, then the same, down 0.4 up 0.8. That type of thing.

This has been going on for about 6 - 8 weeks now and today when I weighed in, up 0.4. Now I have 3.2 to go before I reach goal.

I've been trying to think about why I'm battling these last few kilos. People say it's because I'm already nearly there and I don't have far to go so these last few will take some time.

I think it's because I look good in my jeans again if i say so myself and my clothes all fit comfortably.

But I need to get my almost-skinny ass in gear and up the ante.

Today I decided to start keeping a food diary. It is remarkable how just writing something down makes you think before you eat it. It's almost like a time log - I remember years ago filling in my first one before a time management course. The first few days you just carry on as normal but on day 3, suddenly you start auto-correcting.

Do I really want to waste time on the internet because I'll have to write that down? (thank goodness that was in the pre-blog days)

I really hope the food diary works because I need to get to goal before bikini season. Not that you'll ever catch me dead in one (I'm just not the exhibitionist type) but I'd like to know I could if I wanted to.

Verdict - Day 1. No cheats except for 2 wine gums.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

My 100 things - part 1

I figured the only way I would get these 100 things done was to do them in stages, so here is part 1

1.I am 32 years old
2.I feel 18 most of the time and only remember my age when I try to show off in dance class.
3.I have brown hair and eyes, am 1,58m tall and weigh 54 kg.
4.My weight goal is 52kg.
5.I have been having bad hair years for the last 4 years at least!
6.It annoys me so much when people tell me that I should blow dry my hair.
7.I usually tell them that there are better things to do or that my lifestyle doesn't support that.
8.I go to gym three times a week and to wash and blow dry hair after each session is just a bit much.
9.My best physical features are my legs.
10. This is probably due to all the ballet in my youth.
11. I started doing ballet when I was 4 years old and stopped in my last year of school.
12. I also did 4 years of modern jazz dancing.
13. And another 4 years of spanish dancing after I saw one spanish dance routine and I was hooked.
14. I won a choreography competition when I was about 10 years old. I felt like a bit of a fraud for winning because I made up the dance on the spot. Too many things on my plate, even then J
15. After I left school, I only started dancing again 13 years later in 2004.
16. I started off with dance funk, which I liken to Britney Spears type stuff.
17. Then I had about a year of contemporary dance – a lot like ballet.
18. And now I'm belly dancing, hip hop dancing and my ultimate favourite, salsa dancing.
19. This is the only way I would get in my exercise except for some weight work I do at home in front of the TV.
20. I'm quite health-conscious and try to eat correctly about 90% of the time.
21. My absolute favourite drink is water.
22. After that, it's decaf coffee. Caffeinated coffee gives me heart palpitations.
23. My favourite fruit is the granny smith apple – bright green, crisp and sour to taste. Yum.
24. I love anything with apples – apple pie, muffins, pancakes, cakes, etc.
25. Another of my favourite things is custard. It instantly makes me feel good. This could be due to the fact that my gran used to make me custard whenever I wasn't feeling well when I was little.
26. My favourite yoghurt is custard, and then vanilla.
27. I definitely take vanilla flavoured anything over chocolate.
28. I only eat Cadbury's chocolate.
29. I have been married for 11 years.
30. We married when I was 20!
31. I am in a bi-racial marriage. Of course we don't even notice this until we get "the stares". Then I think it's cool J
32. A part of me loves freaking people out.
33. Because of this young age, a lot of my family thought I was pregnant.
34. I wasn't J
35. We don't have any kids yet.
36. For a long, long time, children were not even on my "radar". I started thinking about having them when I turned 30.
37. I spent so many years trying not to fall pregnant. Did I waste all those years of birth control?!
38. We've been "trying" to have a baby since I turned 30. Had a break for 6 months last year as I'd just started at my current job.
39. I'm originally from a coastal city, Port Elizabeth, which is a really laid-back place where everybody knows everybody else's business.
40. My mother and father still live there, although not together as they got divorced about 4 years ago.
41. I am the eldest child and they tell me I am typical in this respect. I'm sure they mean it as a bad thing.
42. Both of my siblings still live in my home town.
43. My sister is 5 years younger than I am and has been married since 2004. They also don't have any kids yet.
44. My brother is 12 years younger than I am and is still living at home and doing his degree in media studies.
45. I now live in Joburg and have been here since May 1993.
46. I moved up here to be with my boyfriend, who is now my husband.
47. He is 4 years older than I am.
48. The best part of our relationship is the fact that we can communicate about anything.
49. The worst thing is we're both very stubborn.
50. We love reading and going to bookshops.
51. We have a date night twice every month.The things I love most about him is that he is hugely supportive of me, loving and affectionate, and is my rock!

Look out for part 2 in a few days' time.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

Last Sunday 6th August I celebrated (please understand that I use this word very loosely) my 32nd birthday.

It was actually a really pathetic day for the following reasons:

  1. my husband acted like it was a normal day until about 12 when he gave me my presents. At this I promptly burst out crying, shocking and scaring the poor man senseless. In my mind, he'd forgotten about me and put me right at the bottom of the priority list. He says that he was waiting for me to get out of the bedroom for long enough so that he could get the stuff out of hiding. That reason just didn't do it for me - sorry!
  2. I only got 2 calls (friend and mother-in-law) and then another one later from my dad. I switched my phone to silent so didn't actually speak to the first two because I just couldn't bear to talk to people. How sad is that! By the time my dad phoned at about 6pm, I'd cheered up a bit so I actually answered the call.
  3. Got 9 sms messages and that's it. I actually find SMS from close people a bit rude.

The reason I was so disappointed is because I am the ultimate thoughtful person, especially where birthdays are concerned. I do the whole present and card thing, and either email or phone, depending on how close I am to the person.

Not only that but I have a really wide network of people who, I used to think, were quite close with me. By the way, the same thing happened last year. I am clearly a very slow learner.

Clearly I'm a person who needs some affirmation of love or something.

P.S. It got a bit better the next day at work. I got a couple of gifts and email from the work crowd. Then again, I took in some muffins - raisin & bran, plain bran, spicy orange & chocolate for the masses so maybe I was buying their love?!

Monday, August 14, 2006

welcome...and all that jazz

I'm starting this blog to be totally anonymous.

How weird is that? Anonymous but all over the internet. Call me crazy. The thing is I have some business blogs out there already and I find that I have to edit what I want to say so I don't have true freedom of speech :)

I think the difference is that this time around I won't post my full name or picture and I won't link to the other blogs.

My word but how I struggled to find a blogger name that wasn't already used. I went through almost all the words that describe me... and still nothing.

I almost went for leighloveslife but didn't want to sound too upbeat because the truth is that it's not always rosy, is it?

Eventually I decided on leighloveslists because I really do love lists and the name was available. Big plus!

Anyway, busy working on my 100 things list so will post that soon


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