baby news update

We had the saddest news at work last week. The little 800g baby that was born prematurely died. He had to have a heart operation and he pulled through that just fine. But then he didn't react very well to the drugs he had to have after the op, and died two days later. They are understandably devastated.

The baby shower is happening next week and I have decided not to go. I've got to do what I can to protect myself (boundaries and so forth) and I can't act like a freak in front of all the work people. Becky, I am happy for other people - nobody deserves to go through this; not even my worse enemy. It's hard for me to smile and be happy when inside my heart is breaking. And tears are so close to the surface.

My DH announced that he definitely doesn't want to adopt. I have to respect that. He says it's because the whole thrill of having children (for him) is that he gets to see each of us in the children's features and mannerisms, and so forth. At first I was quite upset but then I calmed down. I do understand. We spoke about it again later on the Easter weekend and we are now fine.

Still don't know if I'm ready for IVF. Honestly. But I do believe that we must both be mentally totally committed if we're going to throw those exorbitant sums of money at the process.

My other friend with premature ovarian failure is not doing great. We are having lunch next week while the baby shower happens. It looks like the only solution is donor eggs.

Who would have thought having babies could be so complicated?