Quick update while on holiday

1. I'm in Ireland on holiday :) Yes, I'm crazy!

Will update late next week - I didn't bring my laptop and am quickly doing this from our friend's computer but that is IT!


2. Also, my friend is PREGNANT - she has had two betas with nicely doubling figures - I am soooo happy.

I am praying for everyone else out there that this is the start of a new wave of pregnancies!

3. I am huge and round. Am finally ready to admit it. Before I left I'd put on 5,9 kg. It's definitely more than that now.

4. Yesterday was our 14-year anniversary! The last one without babies :)

2nd opinions

Edited because... I am an idiot and forgot to edit this portion of an email to a friend, delayed the date and promptly forgot about it!

Let's call it preggy brain, shall we? :)

Yes, so we decided to get a second opinion because of the differing babies' weights.

When we went in for our 20-week scan, the babies were 285 and 355g.

The doctor was very, very laid back about that, even with the one baby being so much bigger than the other (24,5% bigger). Normally, I wouldn't have been worried at all BUT (and this is a big BUT) he'd told us before that they don’t want twins’ weights different by more than 25%.

I don’t think anything is wrong because the babies are both fine (even the slightly smaller one) and their organs, etc. all measure perfectly BUT still… it has been a long road to get here and I don't want to assume anything.

That's reason number one.

Now onto reason number two.

I do realise I'm more high maintenance than the women he normally deals with because of the infertility. I even warned him at our first appointment :)

So because he's used to normal women it could be just us but I'm used to more micromanaging... normally I don't like this, but with this pregnancy I want to be managed carefully like the infertility clinic did.

Actually, there's another reason.

My husband came home and asked what I thought about the appt. Weird. So he said it seems as if the doc is just brushing over our concerns and "everything is fine".

Everything could well be fine and this could just be the way of "normal" docs so we decided to phone around and find someone who could see us quickly to set our minds at ease.

That appt is set for 7 May at another hospital - will cost us three times the current consultation fee but it is ALL worth it for my peace of mind.

Right?

Statistically speaking

Speaking of stats, I understand them intellectually, really I do.

I get that the success rates of IVF are 33% or whatever.

But still it's so hard when I hear of IVFs not working, whether it's the person's first, second or fourth.

My one friend is going through her second IVF right now and is in the middle of the 2ww. Her first one was two years ago.

Yes, you read that right. Years ago.

They just about got it all together to give it a go and on Sunday morning she texts me telling me she has bad period and back pain.

Oh I do hope it's implantation pains, like the ones I had, because she said to me she's numb.

And I know that feeling oh too well.

If this is 5% then what's 100%?

20 weeks

At our appointment on Wednesday, I asked the doctor why it was that the one baby (the girl) is so active and yet I don't feel the boy that much.

The strange thing is that on the scans, the boy is always much more active. He flipped around twice during one appointment and the girl turned once - they're like little fish.

He told me that at this stage, you only feel 5 - 10% of the babies' movements.

WOW

Because sometimes they really go at it, exercising in there and having fun.

In fact, this morning I woke because they were moving about so much which was cool but really weird if you know my sleeping patterns because I sleep like a log and NOTHING wakes me until I'm ready.

I've figured out how to make them both move at night.

I place my hands parallel to my belly button, once on each baby, and just lie very still. I think they like the warmth because soon afterwards, I start feeling the movements. It's so lovely but more importantly, reassuring, because I know that finally things are going well down there.

p.s Last Sunday, I saw my tummy move - I think that was the boy. Have only seen it move once more since then. And my DH still hasn't felt them move. I want him to be the first because I would hate for some arbitrary person to touch me and have one of the babies move.

The other baby's a ...

Well, it’s complicated.

He’s 95% sure the other one is a girl; I’m 100% sure because...well... it’s very clear when you look at the boy’s bits that he’s a boy, by virtue of the other baby not having clear boy bits, I think she must be a girl.

They are 20cm long; one is 285g and the other is 355g – we checked to see if he got the weights right since they’re so far apart, and they are – the boy is the big one.

So that’s where we are – a nice, plump boy and a “petite” girl

We're thinking of getting a 2nd opinion on the weights because this Dr is so blasé. Or should I say, relaxed.

I don't do relaxed very well.

It could be that we’re used to the high maintenance care from the fertility clinic but I don’t know...

Is this something to worry about?

P.S. Oh, this was the 20-week scan! 20 weeks - I still can't believe it. Someone at work said when she found we're having twins, "you need to give me the recipe for that. I'd love twins" so I said, "IVF. These are IVF babies" to shocked silence. I must be a bit of a drama queen because I got a kick out of that :)

19 weeks belly pics

These babies are growing beautifully!

pregnancy guilt

A friend from my infertility group messaged me on Facebook to see how I was doing so I told her, "I feel guilty for being pregnant. Am I crazy?"

She said that I'm not crazy because she also felt guilty when she fell pregnant and everyone else wasn't.

But this whole thing got me thinking because I don't want to be insensitive to others who are still fighting the infertility fight.

• I don't send any of my non-pregnant friends updates after my doctors appointments
• I definitely don't send pregnant pics
• I don't talk baby "oh, I felt the babies kick"
• I don't complain about the pregnancy (okay, there's nothing to complain about, but still!)

I can still remember how the ungrateful pregnant person who works with me complained, whined and moaned when she was pregnant...and how I wanted to SLAP her. Seriously.

I used to just walk away or pretend that I had to do something urgent, like make a phone call.

I've also been really sad and teary (is this just pregnancy hormones?) lately, hearing about all the negative results from IVFs.

We know two of the ladies from the blogs - Faith and Mo. A friend of mine (my room-mate from my last surgery) had the exact same cycle as Mo and hers was also negative. When she told me, I sat here at my computer crying. Literally. Another friend from the infertility group had a chemical pregnancy recently and when I heard that, I got all teary (helped that I was at work).

The thing is I feel incredibly blessed.

Yes, I know I didn't have an easy time either but when I compare myself to others, I think, "I only had 2 IVFs"

Sometimes people are judgemental about others trying again and again and again...I can totally understand it - that would have definitely been me had this one not worked out.

Anyway, this post is going nowhere but I do want to ask this: if you're pregnant, do you ever feel pregnancy guilt?

Baby movements & 19 weeks

I totally forgot to tell you that I've been feeling baby movements.

I felt the one baby move at 15 weeks 2 days and the other one the next day. Almost like the one got jealous of my excitement :)

That is also the exact same time I stopped worrying about them so much.

Those two incidents may or may not be related.

I am SOOO joking - of course they're related!

Of course, the big belly helps too. It's hard to think there's something wrong when I'm THIS huge.

I console myself by reading What to Expect because I weigh exactly what I should for a singleton pregnancy.

I can't really explain what it feels like because the two of them feel different - the one at the bottom (Twin A) feels more insistent and the other one (Twin B) is a bit more laidback, almost like he's swimming!

I've noticed that they like it when I'm very still, like now at the computer, or when I go to bed and read at night. The one baby (Twin B) gets a fright when I have an ice-cold glass of orange juice in the mornings and has a nice little wiggle.

So then I said to D later that day, "oh, let's make him move again" but he was wise to my tricks and wouldn't move :) He relaxed after a few days though and now moves when I drink cold liquids again.

I like to picture them in there talking about us or pleasing us by moving... yes, it's weird but I do have an active imagination and how else am I supposed to amuse myself while they're still in there?

We were in bed on the weekend... and afterwards, they were both very still, even Twin A who likes moving when I'm in bed. I said they're probably saying, "what was THAT?"

LOL

And the moral of the story is...

Last week was really hectic because we finally launched a new product that we'd been working on for over a year.

Huge excitement especially for an ESTJ like me who likes to Get Things Done.

Well, said product launch was on Thursday evening and I was so busy schmoozing brokers, press, suppliers, etc. (incidentally, this is my favourite part of the evening - I always feel I can do better at the presentations so it's hard for me to just focus - I do talks for my business part-time so I am experienced) that I didn't eat properly.

I ate two small pieces of chicken and two little desserts at 6pm. That's it.

When I got home I wasn't hungry and didn't bother eating.

The next day I got to work a little later and only had my breakfast at 10:00am. That's about 16 hours without food.

Remember I felt fine. Or so I thought.

Well I had a meeting at 10 am (a post-mortem of the previous evening's events) and about 20 minutes into the meeting, I started feeling really hot.

At first I thought it was the air con or lack of it. Which now I think about it is weird because I'm actually always cold.

Then my head started feeling all lightheaded and I got these pains on the right side. And nauseous!

I managed to get through until about 11 and then I excused myself to go to the loo. Did my business, splashed face, nothing made me feel better.

The meeting ended at about 11:20 and I stumbled to my desk and tried to Google to find out what was wrong with me.

Now a big ALARM BELL for me was I couldn't even be bothered to look at the Internet and read up about what could be wrong.

I emailed my husband who told me to phone the doctor immediately which I did. She (receptionist) then said to get my blood pressure tested and phone her right back.

Fortunately we have a nurse on the premises so off I went to her and she tested everything - blood pressure (90/60), blood sugar (3.9) and urine (all fine).

Since my BP and blood sugar were low, she said to go eat (by this time it was lunch time) something salty and if I wasn't better, to phone the doc again.

I ate some salted popcorn and some fruit (all I could stomach) and phoned the doctor back, reported the low BP and she said the same thing (eat and go home to rest - you should be fine in a few hours. If not, page him).

I emailed D and said "come fetch me and take me home" because I didn’t even feel well enough to drive myself home.

Once I got home, I ate some salticrax with cheese, drank lots of water and rested. I felt better almost immediately (it was quite amazing - I still can't believe how quickly our bodies adapt) but stayed in bed and had a sleep anyway.

And I've been totally fine ever since.

That was SOOOOOOOOO scary and something I do NOT wish to repeat in a hurry.

The moral of the story: eat even if you don’t feel hungry!

18 weeks belly pictures

I warned you, didn't I?

Thank goodness this is half way for a twin pregnancy because I honestly don't know WHERE they expect to grow to :)

18 weeks and I'm literally exploding out of my clothes

I've been quiet because I've been so hectic at work with a product that launches tomorrow.

I've worked really well for three days straight, am feeling slightly more relaxed so am rewarding myself by writing a quick blog!

Well yesterday I wore my standard black pants that I could still fit into and a black shirt with buttons down the front. Everything looked quite fine at home.

During the day the babies must have decided that it's time to suddenly grow.

I swear around lunch time I suddenly got very uncomfortable so I undid the last two buttons of my shirt (I was working at my desk so nobody saw anything) and then couldn't do them back up.

No matter how much I pulled in my tummy, that shirt would not close enough for me to button up.

So I took a picture with my cell phone because I knew no-one would believe me.


Of course last night was my Preggi Bellies class which is a great time to compare belly size and so on with the other ladies.

I still don't feel huge but when I look in the mirror, well...that's another story.

I've only gained 4kg (X2.2 for pounds) which is fine for a singleton let alone a twin pregnancy according to "What to expect" but still everyone else looks so small!

books on my nightstand

We're still taking pics - I just have to download from the other camera. Will show you soon.

I had a moment at Preggi Bellies

16 weeks

Preggi Bellies are exercise classes for pregnant women.

They are trained physios so they make sure you and the baby (or babies) don’t get hurt while exercising.

I'm usually (my non-pregnant self) very active - not a total gym bunny, but a twice a week gym person nevertheless, always take stairs, not lazy to walk, etc.

So not being active even though for a good reason has not felt like me.

When I asked my doctor about exercise (because my clinic banned me from anything since I had that tendency to bleed early on), he said rather go to Preggy Bellies than a normal exercise class.

I’ve had 4 classes and am loving it!

It is HECTIC (I thought it would be all zen and stretching, etc. Ha!) but afterwards you have that lovely, nice tired feeling. And of course you feel stronger.

The main thing is that there are girls in the class who are in that last month (36 weeks and later) who are MOBILE and who are looking FABULOUS!

I'm about results and there they are - right in front of my eyes!

When I saw the doctor for the 16-week scan, I saw in my file that they sent him a letter to tell him I’ve joined – I was very impressed. They did ask on the form who the doctor was but I thought it’s just in case something happens while at the class.

Anyway, about my "moment"...

I was bouncing away on the ball doing my thing and I suddenly realised, "I'm at an exercise class for pregnant women. I am actually pregnant."

I still canNOT believe it.

Well, I got all teary-eyed and soft thinking about how grateful I am to be here. I certainly don't take any of this for granted.

Do you currently exercise? (pregnant or not) What do you like to do?