I have so much I want to say about lots of different topics (within the friendship category) but in the interest of time, let me just get this out.
So yesterday I was at work and two colleagues were talking about how they don't have friends and their family are their friends.
And anyway, the whole friendship thing is such a drag, lots of work, drama, etc.
Do you think I kept quiet?
If you said no, you would be correct.
Obviously I piped up and said that yes, it is "work" and Lord knows, we've spoken enough on this blog about how someone has to be the initiator, and yes, there can be drama, etc. but through all that, I would still remain open to friendships and invest in friendships because through all that, I still think it's worth it.
Even going through friendship drama has taught me things about myself, like where I need to strengthen boundaries, how I need to show more of God's love in some instances and whether, in the interest of reaching out, I'm actually overextending myself because others don't care. All valuable lessons.
One colleague mentioned that it's perhaps because I'm an extrovert and I need people, that I feel this way.
They are both introverts and told me that once they're home, they are all peopled out and are quite happy never to see another soul except their family in the evenings and on the weekend.
So then two things popped into my mind:
Gosh! Do some of my friends also feel this way? And perhaps that's why when things get a bit hard sometimes (busyness, sick kids, overwhelm) it's easier just to withdraw?
I need to ask the internet :)
Tell me - how do you feel? Is friendship worth it? When the going gets tough, do you give up easily or do you persist?
I'm very curious to hear!
In 90 mins, it's podcast club. Julia and I are talking about a friendship episode and I need to write about that too. So fascinating!
Friendship... totally worth it... the older I get the better I get at scheduling time for it, because the more I realize how valuable friendships are!!! That being said, I think "peopled out" could be my middle name... I am a natural recluse and would be content to never emerge from my world. But then there is content and way much more than content... there is joyfulness... and friendship brings that!!!
ReplyDeleteI realised recently when I did my July monthly review that the friends I connect with regularly are ones where we schedule time for it, and don't just depend on the stars aligning :)
DeleteI'm all for friendship, and it's definitely worth it, but I fo find that I enjoy one on ones more than big group get togethers. After a crowded event I feel like I could sleep a hundred years and still be tired.
ReplyDeleteI so agree with you - I have that intimacy outlier.... the only big groups I like are my birthday and that's once a year :)
DeleteI have seen though that if I connect properly with one or two people at a big event, I still feel energised. But if it's all superficial, I am drained afterwards :o
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ReplyDeleteI actually understand where your office people are coming from. I need time to be with me and I don't want other people. Sometimes I just need my book and myself and no one else. Even Hubby and HB get too much. However, everyone needs a friend too. You need other people and other people need you and you sometimes have to do things you do not like, and you eventually find you like it too. I was at a point where I wanted friends and I had none, because I just did not make the effort for too long. Now I know better and I make an effort with the few people who are happy to be friends without having to see each other all the time. it is like finding a life partner...you have to find people who understand you and who you can understand and make adjustments for.
ReplyDeleteI just love your entire comment. *smooch*
DeleteThings I picked out:
you sometimes have to do things you don't like and eventually find you like it
you'll end up with no friends if you don't make the effort
you just have to find people who understand you and who you understand - THIS. YES!!!
Everyone needs friends!! And friendship is definitely worth it. I think saying you are an introvert and don't friends is just an excuse for I don't want to invest in friendship... because it is work but work with good reward if you are willing to invest . Yes I do (like most people I presume) go Through phases where you just want to be alone but that doesn't mean you don't need friends. Sometimes people also think they need to see friends all the time to keep up with the friendship... with technology this is not the case as you can still keep In touch without seeing all the time...
ReplyDeleteI think that's it's an excuse too! And always a good reward when you do.
DeleteMANY many times I tell D, I have such and such, and I really just want to put up my feet, read and drink tea, but I know I'll love it once I'm there. And I do. There has only been one time when I dreaded it and it was actually bad (too big a group, no proper talk)
Mostly, I just want to say co-sign to all the comment. My own take is, without the right friends we'll never explore all of who we are and all of whom we could be. The key to friendship work being worth it is the right people.
ReplyDeleteOoh, I love your point that we need friends to explore our full selves. I 100% agree it's about the right people.
DeleteHhhmmmmm....I have my moments. Sometimes I feel it's too much and I withdraw (and I'm NOT a withdrawing type of person, so you must know, it must be reaaalllyyyyy too much in these instances) and at other times, I feel that it's worth the fight. Having said that though, my closest "friends" are family, honestly. In my life, with family, there's little to no effort. The bond comes naturally - I'm not saying you don't have to work on it, every relationship comes with work...but I feel like the effort is less so than with friends. And I also know that any disagreement or argument (well, in my world I know this) that happens will blow over eventually and as a natural course of your relationship with family, your relationship will go back to semi-normal and even normal in most cases (again, this is true for ME but maybe not for everybody else!!) with little effort.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it's because of family friends that you feel comfortable sometimes withdrawing?
DeleteI have a question for you though - if you didn't have your family, would you feel like friendship was worth it?
I'm an introvert too and really struggle with the social element. A lot of times I am quite happy in my own company, but many times I really wish it came easier. I just can't seem to find that best friend situation. I find it quite exhausting emotionally getting to a function or something like that and actually connect with people but I can't seem to have that 'share numbers and connect afterwards' situation
ReplyDeleteI'm an extrovert, Lea, and I also can't find that best friend situation, so these days I tell myself I have many close friends and D :)
DeleteI tell myself that I will just connect properly with 1 or 2 people for it to feel like a "win" for me in a social setting, and usually I'm good.
I had to come back to read all the comments! I'm a nerd like that!!! Hmmmm
ReplyDelete