Preparing for IVF

So my period came earlier than expected which accelerated things.

Had to have an urgent appointment with the fertility co-ordinator - got scanned and everything was fine (whatever they were looking for), and then got a whole SHEAF of forms and everything was explained to us.

The costs are exorbitant - thank goodness for my annual performance bonus which covers 86% of it all. Then someone from our infertility group told us we should get a prescription and buy the medication from the pharmacy and not from the infertility centre. I worked it all out and we can save 20% if we do it this way. Yay!

I have to go on the Pill (weird when you think you're TRYING TO FALL PREGNANT) but at least there's method in the madness.

The injections start on day 18 so have until then to gear myself up!

I do feel that this is the right timing so I'll be fine because I am emotionally prepared (or so I think).

The quickest way

Well, we had my follow-up appointment today (my birthday, btw) and things went about as I expected.

Dr G repeated some of the information he told me after the surgery .

We got to see pictures of my insides (I had to disassociate because there is nothing more gross for a squeamish person like me than seeing things like that - ughh!) and had the entire explanation.

I had a whole list of questions ready, like...

when can we have sex?

can I go to gym? and the most important,

what is the quickest way to have a baby?

So the quickest way is to do IVF, with ICSI. Our sperm are not bad, but since we don't have money to waste, we're prepared to pay extra and do ICSI to make sure some of those eggs fertilise.

Then the question, "when do you want to start".

I said, "right now". So off to get scanned but my follicles had already started developing so we have to wait till the next period.

At least there's a plan!

Stitches!

Discharge day at long last. Nothing but NOTHING would keep me from being discharged :)

I didn't sleep well because I kept feeling anxious about the stitches coming out (more later).

Dr G came nice and early at about 6:00 am, checked the wound and pronounced me fit to be discharged.

He also told the nurse to remove my stitches. Now all my previous ops were with my old doctor who only removed stitches one week after surgery. At that point they were nice and dry and I hardly felt when she took them out.

Except for last time's laparotomy. I swear I was feeling totally fine (well, it was a week later so compared to the first couple of days post-op) and then I went to have my stitches removed.

She placed her hand over the long cut, took one end of the cotton (or whatever they call it) and pulled. OH MY WORD - I have never felt pain like that. Even now, typing, I can still feel it.

Then I felt like I'd regressed. I was back on those pain meds for that day and about 3 days afterwards.

Anyway, so the night nurse had too much to do before her shift ended at 7 and she told the new nurse to take them out.

Before she did, I tried to take some pics and also asked the nurse to take some pics. If you're squeamish, close your browser now!




Disgusting, I know.

This nurse took SUCH a long time that I actually started wondering if the quick and painful wasn't better because this was LONG! Anyway, they were out and just to be sure, I took some pain tablets :)

Oh, by the way, just before Dr G left, he says, "phone the office on Monday to make your follow-up appointment, and let's get you pregnant"

YES! that put a smile on my face :)

So the physio came to do her thing (as usual I had no problems), they brought us breakfast, I phoned D to collect me and off I went home.

I so badly wanted to get out of there that I put on socks and shoes and my sweatshirt over my pajamas - I figured I'm getting right into bed once I get home so why waste time? :)

Everybody warned me that it was COLD outside and ...it was. I love the cold so it felt SO GOOD to be outside with FRESH air touching my cheeks!

Good times

Thursday 10 July

Woke up at the crack of dawn again but no problems sleeping. Didn't even need any painkillers - well, when have I ever had problems sleeping? Maybe 3 times tops in my life!

Dr G came to see us at 6am again. This time, he said I could have mixed liquids - woohooo - which means something with a bit more substance like yoghurts, proper fruit juices with pulp, etc.

So for breakfast I had tropical fruit juice, a yoghurt and a small glass of ensure. I am now convinced that "you are what you eat" because finally getting more substantial food inside of me made me feel 10 times better!

The physio also came and this time I was even more mobile. Really, the only thing impeding my mobility was the stupid drip.

D brought the laptop cord last night so after all the morning stuff was over, I plugged in my laptop and modem and checked emails at home and at work. The internet speed was SUPER FAST which was so great! I was feeling so good that I even sent out an email to my mailing list which prompted a TON of extra mail with all the well wishes and virtual cards. So nice!

I caught up on Google Reader and generally spent a good 4 - 5 hours connecting with the outside world via the internet.

When I got tired, I read some more books...

My husband warned me that my MIL would be visiting. I hate having visitors when I'm sick and she knows this but of course, it's all about other people, isn't it?

The only reason why I put up with it this time was because it gave me something to do for the endless hours that stretch on and on while you're confined to a hospital bed.

I seriously don't know how people do the bed rest thing.

Lunch was more ensure, another glass of juice and some more broth (which I didn't even bother with). My neighbour's kind husband bought me a lovely yoghurt drink which I had instead and that was absolutely delicious - thick, full of fruit and substantial!

The visit actually wasn't that bad and she was quite sweet - brought me a HUGE bag of chocolates "I know you only eat Nestle" (actually, I only eat Cadbury's!) and 2 magazines. I was doing NOTHING to make them keep me any longer so I distributed all the chocolates to the nurses, my neighbour and her husband, my other visitors, etc.

Then I had a delivery of a HUGE bunch of flowers from a friend - soooo sweet of her.

And my friend came to visit. She confirmed that she was pregnant and later of course, we found out that she is now having twins. Lovely visit - we caught up, I introduced her to my neighbour and we chatted infertility for a while before I closed the curtain so she could rest.

The nurse then came around to stick the needle in my belly but this time I was prepared and I negotiated beautifully if I do say so myself. No needle in exchange for me walking up and down a couple of times in the ward. Done! The point was to prevent clotting - clotting happens when you lie around and do nothing, so in my mind it was absolutely clear.

I think I was probably one of the only people ever to have kicked up a fuss about the needles because all the nurses were like, "I heard that you refused the injection. Let me give it to you - I give nice injections". Um, no - thanks, but REALLY, no thanks!

D popped in after work and we spent a couple of hours kissing and talking. People are always surprised at how affectionate we are after 13 years of marriage. We're actually toning it down in public!

Supper was yet more ensure and juice, and jelly and custard!

Read a lot again and then went to sleep.

Overall a good day and only one sleep before I'm released from "hospital prison" :)

3 forms of torture

Wed 9 July

An amazing thing happens whenever I've been in the hospital.

I wake up easily at 5 o'clock! This is SOOO not me as I'm more the 11:00 gal :)

I woke, was still not allowed to have anything (not even water) until the doctor came to see me, so I just read my book.

Dr G arrived around 6am, checked my wound and told the nurse that I was allowed to have water and clear liquids.

So that's what I had the whole day - apple juice (I actually really hate clear juices - I like chunky juices with bits of fruit in them), black tea or coffee (I think I had about 3 sips before just giving up - there is no point to tea or coffee without milk), clear broth and in the evening, a tiny bit of jelly.

BORING.

And because I usually eat so well, I was listless and not myself at all. I had absolutely no energy and didn't even feel like talking (then you really know that I'm not well). My poor husband said I looked very pale to which I said, "you would too if you'd had water the whole day!"

So that's torture 1.

A lady came to fit us with "beautiful" orthopaedic socks so that we wouldn't have varicose veins from all the bed rest. A complete waste of time in my opinion but as I said, I was not my usual spunky self so I had no fight in me.

Torture 2 was the physio who arrived at 8.

The nurse came to us when he arrived and said to press the morphine pump so that it wouldn't be too bad once he started working with us.

So we did.

Then she removed the catheter - heaven! Hate those things. Except now we had to keep going to the loo all by ourselves.

Anyway, the physio started with my roommate who started screaming when he was working with her.

I'm a big baby anyway with pain so hearing those screams just terrified me.

The nurse then removed the morphine pump and said to me, "you've hardly had any". Um, yes. Apparently that was very unusual because usually patients pump that thing non-stop.

(I have the Secret Weapon though - God!)

When the physio eventually got to me, we did some bed exercises (not too bad), then he made me cough while holding my tummy (more painful but still bearable) and then I had to get up and walk out the ward, down the corridor and back again.

Again, not too bad except for me having to lug the pole with the drip along with me. They'd put the drip in on my wrist (exactly where your hand bends) and it was so sore. In fact, I'm writing this 2 weeks later and when I touch that spot, it's STILL sore.

The walk was slow but I was doing well. The worst part was the getting up and sitting down - the actual walk was...well...a walk in the park :)

He warned us that he would be returning at 4pm to do the same set of exercises all over again. Obviously the second time was easier.


Then... and this was the worst and final torture.

The nurse approaches me with a needle and says she's got to give me an injection to prevent the blood from clotting in my abdominal area.

I'm a bit slow (again, no food will do that to you) so I asked if she was going to stick me in my bum.

No, right in my abdomen.

Oh my word - I think I very nearly had a panic attack. Still, I couldn't fight her off so she gave me the injection which was SO MUCH WORSE than I expected and it burned so much. When she took the needle out, I lay in my bed, crying for about 5 minutes.

This time, my neighbour didn't even make a sound - clearly she was okay with the injection. She told me later that she'd already been through 3 rounds of IVF so she was used to the needle but did say that that nurse gave the worst injections she'd ever had.

D had brought my laptop, clothes and toiletries before he went to work so I was able to change from that horrible hospital gown. I could also check my Google Reader until the battery ran out (I didn't have the cord with me) but then it was back to reading and sleeping.

D visited again in the evening for about 45 mins.

And that was the end of the first day in the hospital - only 2 sleeps before I can go home!

Twins!

Oh my word - the most exciting thing EVER happened today.

My good friend C had her first complete IVF a month ago. When I was waiting to go into surgery, she tried to phone me so I knew she had the results of her pregnancy test. I couldn't take calls in that ward of 19 ladies (!) so I sent her a quick text message to say I'd call her in the evening.

Well, she was PREGNANT!!!! Huge excitement :)

Today she had her first scan and sent me a text that read, "it's twins".

I jumped on my phone immediately - I am SOOOOOO happy for her.

So when D got home I told him and he says, "can we have one?"

!

When I woke

The first person I saw when I woke was Anaethetist Dr G saying, "Dr G had to do a laparotomy instead of just the laparoscopy".

Remember I couldn't speak because they stick that tube down your throat but I do have a very expressive face so I must have started freaking out because he says, "don't worry; Dr G explained everything to your husband"

More of a freak out because I'm thinking, "What happened? Did they find cancer? Did they remove my womb? What???"

Then I got really sleepy again because I vaguely remember hearing a nurse say to me, "we're going to fetch your things and take you to the ward because you're staying till Friday"

Well, they wheeled me up two floors and at least I had a lovely spot in the corner with a beautiful view of a golf course. (You've got to look on the bright side!)

When I woke the 2nd time, D was there and I still couldn't speak AND they told me I couldn't have any water or anything but later, if Dr G approved, I could suck on some ice.

Woohoo! (that's me being sarcastic) I mean really now, what will ice do?

D couldn't give me all the technical details I demanded but apparently, they didn't remove anything they weren't supposed to. Something about my bowel and ovary.

Anaethetist Dr G then walked in with his credit card machine (still a huge source of amusement for us); D paid him and I found when I read the statement that I was operated on for 100 minutes. My word - that's a long time!

When Dr G came to check on me (and my room-mate) about an hour later, he said I could suck on some ice and he would check on me again the next day. By this time, it was early evening, about 7 or 8pm. I could only croak because my mouth was soooooo dry!

My ovary was attached to my bowel (I've had that before with my 2nd laparoscopy in 2004) and because they wanted to be sure to not nick it (as it's so delicate a procedure), they cut me open to fix it properly. Which is fine except I now had to stay til Friday (3 nights in a hospital bed).

The lady next to me had also had a laparotomy and was crying out continually because she was in LOTS of pain. Anaethetist Dr G gave both of us morphine drips - I was very concerned about overdosing but the good doc explained how it will only dispense a certain number of ml every 5 minutes no matter how much you press the button. Very good!

I was quite keen on this morphine drip because the last time I had an op (Nov 2007), I was in pain during the night and couldn't even reach the nurse's panic button. So I tried once with him there, it beeped to show it was working properly and i was set.

I sent D home shortly thereafter so I could sleep. Of course I had a catheter in (yuck) so I didn't have to bother myself with bathrooms and so on :)

Surgery no. 4

The surgery happened on Tuesday 8 July and I was meant to be at the clinic at 10:15 am so they told me to eat nothing after 12.

Of course that meant that my last meal was at 7:45 straight after gym, and I made pancakes after that which I had at 8:30. I continued drinking coffee and water until 11:55 :)

The next morning, I got up at a leisurely pace, showered and shaved (yes, down there) and dressed in a track suit (their "loose-fitting clothes). I was sure to take a bottle of water with me because already I was parched. I easily get through 2L of water a day besides tea and coffee so it's really hard to not have anything.

Grabbed my ID and all the doctors forms (their office faxed me 9 pages of stuff) and off we went. Got down there with about 5 minutes to spare and "checked in" very quickly, probably due to the 9 pages of stuff I'd completed and signed beforehand.

Then the receptionist says, "come with me, I'll take you through", pushes open a door leading from reception and I'm right in the ward! Freaky and very weird. No corridors or anything!

The nurse showed me my bed and then said to come with her so I could change into those "beautiful" hospital gowns. Of course, they're one size fits all and I'm quite small so even properly tied, the gown was falling off me and I had to hold it to protect my modesty :) since most of the ladies were accompanied by their husbands.

You leave all your stuff (hard for me; I like my things around me) in a locker and then traipse through the ward, barefoot and clutching the huge gown (oh wait - that was only me) and the locker key. I literally was allowed my book and my glasses. No watch (crazy for me - I look at it MANY times a day).

We'd intended for my husband to stay with me until they wheeled me away but they were taking so long (I think I remember asking the time when I was eventually fetched and it was about 1:30 - 1:40) so I told him to go to work. Of course by this time I was STARVING which in a way was good because I was no longer nervous, I just wanted this OVER so I could EAT!

Priorities!

In my defence, I eat ALL THE TIME (healthy, small meals) so by that time I would normally have had breakfast, a fruit, and lunch, and of course, about a litre of water and probably a cup or two of tea :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
an aside...

I love people watching. It was so interesting to watch all the ladies in the ward - some by themselves, some with kids, some whose husbands were working on their laptops. I got to see some women leave after their ops - the one lady put on her jeans straight away (I tried not to be envious but I failed!), the one walked out with her hubby, some woke up starving (that will be me, I thought)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So the anaethetist came to see me and he says, "I'm Dr G and I'll be taking care of you while Dr G's operating" He then explained EXACTLY what he was going to do (I love that - I'm such a control freak). The weird thing is this guy was walking around with his CREDIT CARD MACHINE - freaky - getting his payment from other ladies' husbands who were awake.

I told my husband, D, "if I die, you are NOT going to pay him a single cent" - always looking after the money :)

Anyway, so they fetched me and took me to surgery.

My doctor said when he saw me, "Hi. How are you feeling?"

I remember saying, "Nervous. Thanks for asking" to which he said, "oh, you'll be fine" and then the anaethetist said something like, "you'll feel a slight burn and then in about 30 seconds, you'll be out"

And I was!

This and that

So we checked on what our medical aid would pay for the laparoscopy and .... turns out only 32% is covered. The rest is for our own account.

Since this one is not too bad compared to the whole IVF thing, I don't feel so bad.

I keep telling myself it's okay to pay "expert prices" for health-related expenses.

So I waited for my period and booked my place in the operating queue. He only operates straight after your period because he wants to make sure you're not pregnant.

This was meant to be a laparoscopy but turned out to be a laparotomy (big Caesar cut) because of some complications.

Anyway, because of that, I told my work that I'd be off for about 5 - 6 days and now it's turned out to be 3 - 4 weeks. Good thing I have job issues at the moment because I honestly don't care when I go back :)

I always get really scared before an op but this time I didn't have the luxury of being scared because I had to give a talk to 50 women the day before so I was all focussed on the preparation and doing the actual talk, and couldn't stress :)

(The talk went wonderfully, thanks for asking).

I'll tell you what happened in the next post!

Lock up the knives

Today my cleaning lady says to me “where’s your baby?”

I thought my heart was going to stand still.

She was looking at pictures of my sister's child.

So I said, "Oh, that'’s my sister’s child".

Then she says “Marcia, why don’t you have babies? Don’t be late” at which point I stabbed her with the nearest knife.

No I didn’t – I just felt like it :)

I actually just ignored her because I was speechless!

It just starts to feel okay and then something like this happens.

My eyes are burning from all the crying

I found a link to this blog on Friday night and have spent HOURS reading each and every post since Angie started her blog in January.

This family is SOOO precious. Through all the tears, I've felt closer to my God than I have in months. Angie is a really good storyteller and you will love reading about her family.

Go read some more about Audrey and do keep the tissues handy...seriously!

cuteness

Two weeks ago I went for my usual appointment for a face peel.

As I was leaving, I walked along the corridor and saw a little girl of about 3/ 4 dancing in the doorway of (I think it was) the dentist's office.

She looked so happy and alive that I smiled at her and we said "hello".

Then she holds out a hand full of folded up paper and tells me to take one.

So I did.

And I thanked her.

She then says to me, if you hold it over your head, it'll make your hair curly.

(talking her own brand of nonsense as only little girls do :))

That little bit of encouragement and laughter made me think, I can't wait to have my own curly-haired little one, talking nonsense to me.

The verdict

Well, the verdict's in.

I have blocked tubes on both sides - that's probably why that HSG was so painful!

This doctor says that the sperm morphology is not a problem "we can work with what we have here".........em, okay :)

But the tubes have to be unblocked. Clearly they got that way since the last laparoscopy in 2004 because on my file notes then, everything is still clear.

So he wants to do yet ANOTHER laparoscopy and I'm due to have it done this month. However, they are contracted out of the medical aids which means you pay upfront and claim back later and then the medical aid company will only pay a portion back to you. These guys charge double what my other gynae charged (just in consultation fees) so I'm sure the surgery fees are going to be just as exorbitant.

I have delegated to my husband to check into it with the medical aid to find out how much they will actually pay before I go ahead and book anything.

So that's the latest state of affairs.

Goals

this year we decided to take some action and go see someone else to get a proper opinion of the situation once and for all.

after discussing with my friend, and also explaining the type of person I'm looking for (straightforward, open and to the point), my friend told me to go to her (expensive) clinic, even if just to get the initial consults.

so that's what I did.

I phoned around mid-Jan and only got an appointment on 20 Feb.

In preparation, we had to complete a 9-page document (!) and get any and all copies of our files at the gynae and the other place.

So we got there and immediately I liked the new guy, Dr G.

He went through the file in detail, asking questions here and there to clarify things.

Then he examined me with THE PROBE (disgusting and horrible) and a normal internal. I really HATE those things.

Immediately afterwards, we had to both go get blood tests and then I had to go back on day 2 and 3 of my next period for more blood tests.

DH had to get another sperm test and I had to have an HSG x-ray. I was naive in not googling it because it was SOOOO horrible and sore. On the bright side, maybe it was good I didn't google it because I probably would have been scared off.

When I asked my friend why she didn't tell me it was so horrible, she says hers wasn't bad. So I said, well then that probably means something ELSE is wrong!!! Oy!

Anyway, long story short means that the follow-up consult after the 4 blood tests, sperm test and HSG x-ray is this Thursday when we finally get THE VERDICT.

Booked off

The first week wasn't great because my movement was very limited, I was on painkillers, etc, etc.

But after that, for the rest of the 4-week recuperation period, it was brilliant.

I'd wake up late, have breakfast, get myself washed and dressed, do some work on the business, watch TV, etc.

I got 2 complete e-products done during that time off and got a good start on a third!

And then, the day my sick leave ended, my real holiday started (annual leave).

So I was off for 7 weeks all in all - lovely! Something I got used to very quickly :)

The operation

Well, the anaethetist and the doctors came by to check on all of us (3 of us to be operated on by my doctor) and the order of the ops was decided.

I was going to be last because mine was the longest op - they were estimating 3 - 5 hours!

My two previous laparoscopies were 3 hours each and this one was a bigger deal. They had to cut me open (like a Caesar cut), cut a portion of my uterus and then sew me back up.

Both the doctor/ surgeon and the anaethetist suggested that they just do a spinal block. I said, "no thanks, I want to be knocked out cold and feel nothing". Despite them trying to persuade me (who on earth knows why?!) otherwise, I kept to my story (I can be very stubborn) and had general anaesthetic.

I was only wheeled to surgery around 5pm (from 12:30 when I arrived) so I was starving and anxious. In fact, the 2nd lady had returned and had woken up from anaesthetic, we'd had a nice long chat and then only did they fetch me.

Everything went well and when I woke, I was soooo whoozy that I actually told my husband to just go home because i wanted to sleep.

Well, the hospital night staff were so noisy that I could hardly sleep and then at around 3am when it finally quieted down, I fell asleep only to have adjoining rooms ringing for the nurses continually.

So I was awake - I sent DH a text message assuming he was asleep, only to get a phone call back so I knew I'd woken him! Eeeeeeek!

Anyway, the next morning, when my doctors did their rounds nice and early (just before 6am), I begged to go home because I said I couldn't rest there because of the noisy nurses.

After they removed the catheter, if I managed to pee okay, that was test 1. And then when I'd had some tea, I didn't vomit. So that was test 2 and thankfully, I was discharged!

Yessss!

I was sore and moved like an old lady but discharged!

7 random things to end off 2007

Wanttobeamom tagged me for this meme. I haven't been tagged on this blog before so this is fun, fun, fun!

1. I love baking muffins – not cakes or anything else, just muffins. I also only bake drop cookies, not the ones you have to roll out and use the different shapes ;)

2. I am great at interviews – I have always been offered a job once I get to the interview stage.

3. One of my BIG goals is to work in another country for a year.

4. I don’t read infertility blogs very often because they depress me. Strange because I know that if I allowed myself to dwell on the 10% I’d sound exactly the same.

5. I love traveling to other countries but not for the usual reasons like seeing the sights and so on. I love talking to the people and seeing how they live. One of my favourite things to do is to talk to fellow tourists on guided tours. I remember once we went to Australia and because my husband’s not very friendly, we hadn’t been very sociable with people we met until the guided tour on Great Ocean Road outside Melbourne. Then I broke loose and had SUCH fun with people from Germany, Ireland, all over the place.

6. I love cleaning my toilet – I am very fussy with germs partly because I studied Microbiology so I know how quickly those suckers multiply.

7. I grew up in a city with a beach and I can’t swim!

I'm tagging Becky and Char

leading up to the big day

Once I got over the shock, I decided to get the op over and done with as soon as possible.

Why prolong the inevitable?

I'd already decided to have it done either the 16th or 23rd Nov, depending on work. My boss was "do what you need to do" so I went ahead and booked the 16th, planning to be back at work on 3rd Dec because the doctor said "definitely two weeks off work".

I phoned the doctor to book the 16th and so the countdown began.

It was really strange though because even though I'd had 3 surgeries before (wisdom teeth and the 2 laparoscopies), I was so scared that I was going to die. Don't know where that came from - honestly.

I didn't even tell my sister and mother that I was having the op! And at work, I told my boss and my colleague who is in the next cubicle, but nobody else.

Pretending that it wasn't happening, I suppose :)

So they told me to be at the hospital at 12:00 as he starts operating at 13:00. No food after 8:00.

I went into work for about 2 hours because I was interviewing people for a position we have vacant (I'm really good at interviewing so am always involved in recruitment of staff in our division).

Then raced home to shower and shave (!). We only left for the hospital at 12 so we were about 25 minutes late and of course, the first nurse I saw on the ward said, "are you Mrs F?"

Me: "Yes, I am, how did you know?"

"We've been waiting for you!" (oh my word)

Stay tuned for part 3

P.S. Merry Christmas!

that's not supposed to happen

I'm about 5 weeks behind on posting to this blog so best I get my act together before I forget everything!

we went away for a long weekend at the beginning of november and while away, I started getting a very familiar feeling of pain BUT at the wrong time.

The pain was my familiar period pain but only thing is, it was nowhere near my period. It could have been around ovulation but who knows because I have weird 21-25 day cycles.

I still had some Nurofen in my bag from my period so took all that and then had to get some more. That meant that something was up because I really only have pain at period time.

we got back on a sunday night and didn't even bother making an appointment on the Monday morning; I just went straight into the gynae and she could see me.

I figured that she needs to see what's going on while I'm in pain so that whatever it is shows up on the scan. Usually by the time you see them you're all better again, right?

Anyway, the long story short is that she asked me to come back in the afternoon to let her partner (husband) give a 2nd opinion and he said I'd have to have surgery.

*shock*

I've had two laparoscopies before (all in the pre-trying days amazingly enough) for endometriosis but this one would have to be an actual cut (Caesar cut), not the little snips like before.

He also said that it was not urgent; depends how much pain I felt I could stand and how quickly I wanted babies because I'm not going to be falling pregnant like that. Nice!

So off I went back home to think about things, plan dates around work and holidays, etc.

Stay tuned for part 2!

Touched

we had our end-of-year party at the infertility support group on 12 Nov.

It was so lovely to see everyone just relaxing for a change. My friend couldn't come with me but I went alone anyway (I was so proud of myself for driving all that way alone).

we decided to exchange gifts so we each brought a small gift to exchange. I got gift wrap, ribbon, gift tags and an advent calendar - just my idea of a perfect clutter-free gift :)

then the lady who hosts the monthly gathering announced that she and her co-host bought a piece of jewellery to be given to a different lady every time we met, so that we'd know that we have people who understand our situation and that support us in our journey. isn't that sweet?

But wait! (I sound like an infomercial :)) then she says the first recipient of this beautiful silver heart pendant is ME! Because she's been inspired by my calmness and peace and faith in God through this whole crazy ride.

And wow - I could NOT believe it. We really don't know what people are thinking of us and our testimony.

One thing I have said to my hubby from the beginning (after I started accepting things) is that one day when this dreadful journey is over, I'm writing a Christian book on infertility. So I can let people know they're not alone (even though it feels like the whole world has babies without even trying :)) and use what I'm going through for good!

But can you believe it - me!