Upping the ante and why the internet is BAD

I'm getting my medication from the pharmacy, not from the clinic because it's MUCH cheaper this way, and our medical insurance doesn't cover infertility treatment.

So I went to the pharmacy a couple of days after starting the Lucrin to get the Gonal-F and the Luveris. While he's at the back getting the one medication, I happened to open one of the boxes to see what it all looked like.

My heart started pounding and I thought I was going to pass out at the size of the needle. They were HUGE and I suddenly thought, "I seriously want to stop this treatment now because I can't do this".

Well, I was in a right state that evening and went onto the internet to check it all out.

Big mistake.

There are lots of good things about the internet (I personally would go crazy without it) but looking up medical things is not good. There is too much information and your imagination can go crazy.

Anyway, I landed on the Sperm Jesters blog, clicked through on some Youtube videos where girls were giving themselves the injections and if I wasn't scared before, that scared me like nothing else.

Even the Sperm Jester lady wrote about how she numbs the area, distracts herself with TV and then needs a hot water bottle. Oh my word; this is not good!

Would it surprise you to know that I had a nightmare that evening that a nurse was chasing me with not one, but TWO of those gigantic needles?

Woke up in a cold sweat the next day and that was the first time the Lucrin injection REALLY hurt. I think it was because I was so tense and anxious. I even ended up having a good cry.

The good thing about me is I have excellent powers of "blocking out" things. So I threw all that medication into a bag and put it in a corner of our bedroom and proceeded to block it out until I absolutely needed to deal with it again (on day 2).