Emotions

I've cried exactly twice since the night of my last egg retrieval.

The first time was at 11 weeks exactly because I'd stopped feeling tired, stopped peeing so much and of course, that meant that something had happened to the babies and they were dead inside.

I know I'm crazy!

If only I used my imagination for more worthwhile things.....

Of course, that day when I got home from work, my Baby Centre email was waiting for me and it said something like "your symptoms should start easing off because the baby is basically done developing all its major organs".

Wow - relief!

(I don't know if that's really something I just felt but I'd swear I just felt a small movement, like a bubble, from the bottom baby, baby A)

The second time was last week when I was going to my exercise class.

I got hopelessly lost getting there, was 10 minutes late, but still enjoyed the class. Then afterwards, I got even more lost because it was dark, I'd never driven there before and my map book was out of date so it didn't show me all the streets!

In Johannesburg, drivers are very impatient.

There were a number of cars driving right up behind my car and of course I was going 50 - 60km, squinting at the street signs in the dark, trying to figure out exactly where I was.

I couldn't see a thing, it was a single, long, winding street with absolutely no landmarks whatsoever. Eventually I prayed and what do you know, there was a petrol station.

I pulled in, put some petrol in my car and asked for directions. They didn't know how to explain to me where to go so I just pulled off in the general direction they pointed out to me and started crying.

Actually crying is too mild a word. I was SOBBING, imagining all the bad things that could happen to me. What if some crazy person pushed my car off the road, and did unthinkable things to the 3 of us?

As an aside, I'm really not a fearful person in the least so I think this is baby-induced. I suddenly get that it's not just me anymore; there are two little babies inside of me, depending on ME!

Anyway, eventually I saw a sign pointing to a hospital kind-of in my house's general direction so I took the turn, followed my nose and eventually got home.

The drive home should have taken about 10 minutes. It took me 35 minutes!

When I got home, I pulled into the driveway and just sat there, emotionally drained. D came outside and I got out of the car and he hugged me and I just started crying again.

And of course, I could tell I was scaring him because I wasn't talking and he was trying not to panic but remember, this is NOT me!

Eventually I told him the story. The crazy thing is I STILL don't know how to get there or back. So here's our solution...I'll take one class close to my work and one there every week. BUT he'll drop me off, go to his gym, and then come collect me again until I feel confident enough to drive there by myself.

He also went to buy me an updated map book so I feel much better now.

My boss asked me (when he overheard me telling this story) why I don't just get a GPS system.

Well, hello! I'm cheap frugal! I don't believe in paying R5000 when I can pay R100 for a map book. Plus I believe that people who use GPS are simply lazy to read a map book :)

So far so good!

Tomorrow (hopefully, if the babies are good) we'll get to see their sex!