{Friendship Friday} Uninvited and social media

You all know I'm obsessed with audio books, but I have some internal rules/ boundaries for those too.

I almost always prefer to hear a book read by the author unless they have a terrible voice.

I also noticed that I enjoy hearing Christian non-fiction much more if I listen to it (God's word penetrates my heart more by listening) than if I read it.



(I get about 3c - R0.42 - if you buy the book through this link - too sad!)

So when I read last year that Lysa Terkeurst released a new book, Uninvited, I was so excited but she does not narrate the book.

And the chosen narrator doesn't get super excellent reviews.

So I did the next-best thing: I searched for podcasts with her on it, and that's actually how I found God Centered Mom (and have been hooked ever since!).

It was a great podcast (listen to it here on itunes - it's episode 131) and I wanted to share some things that I learned and am trying to do.

The purpose of her social media page is to invite in, not to exclude

This one really spoke to me. All the pics of friends' faces on Instagram can make other friends feel excluded.

I have been guilty of posting pics and have other friends comment and say "I'm jealous". I don't know if it's a cursory statement or if there is real hurt there. So I've been trying to be mindful of that and instead post pics of the food, or something else so that if the friend wants to out themselves, they can, but when I say "had a great lunch today" that is something we can all appreciate (!) without feeling uninvited.

We are addicted to the likes and acceptance, so post and don't look

She said she challenges herself regularly to post and not even look if there are likes for 24 hours.

I took this one up as a challenge and you'll often see me post something in the morning and I don't look again til after work.

You know what happens? You get on with your real life! It's awesome - more books are read, more kids are played with, more kitchens are cleaned, more recipes are tried (I've tried 24 new recipes in the last 5 months!)

(I've disabled all notifications so I'm not at all tempted, even when my phone is out, to see the "engagement" on my feeds)

Sometimes rejection is God's best protection

She tells herself that if she is "rejected" by someone she wanted to be friends with, maybe that is God's best for her life, especially if she knows she didn't do anything "wrong".

Isn't this good? It definitely helped me with my  "unable to let go" personality.



Friendship hurts are real and valid

It's not like a death that does hurt but is at least final, but with a friendship hurt, someone is choosing to walk away.

I can talk forever on this but let's just say, feelings are completely valid.

Don't bash, hash or trash

That's something she lives by - don't bash your friends, don't hash (re-hash/ over analyse things. If you have an issue, deal with it) and don't trash them even in the "sweet" ways women often do, expressed as concern but is actually gossip.


Use your social media for good - to ease the loneliness ache in others.

Do you think about the way in which you post on social media? That it might hurt others' feelings?
Do you keep checking back to see how many likes your post has?
What really stood out to you?

{Friendship Friday} The whatsapp culture

I sometimes don't know what I'm doing in this world where everyone wants things done instantly.

And yet I'm like that with work. Actually, that's not completely true. I do want done things there and then if they can be done there and then (setting up meetings, responding to quick emails, etc.). For other things I'm happy to wait for a reasonable turnaround time but I want it definitely done within that time, no comebacks two days before that you need additional info.

But with other life stuff and social media, I guess I see things like urgent (I'm driving to meet you and there's an accident on the highway so traffic's at a standstill) and important (I'm checking in with you to see how you're doing), and not urgent or important (participating in things that have really nothing to do with me...).

 

 A friend and I discussed this once when she apologised for not responding to a whatsapp of mine and I told her that unless something was urgent, I really didn't expect an urgent answer.

A now-friend (ex-client) has a message on his Whatsapp that says "I only check this once a day. If you need to get hold of me urgently, phone me" which I LOVE.

So I changed my message but I guess no-one reads it because....

A friend sent me a long story on Whatsapp last week about a job situation....important but not urgent. And I was at work so my thing is that my employer is paying me not to reply to all personal stuff, but to do my work.

I needed thinking time and quiet time to respond.

The following day I received a snarky message saying it would be nice to at least acknowledge her message.

I then said I haven't had time to respond, etc. and then I got one back saying I'm too cold.

That is true. I am very "cold" on phone messages and texting which is precisely why I hate responding to anything via my phone except urgent (see my definition above) messages. I hate typing on a device so I keep everything to a minimum.

Of course the message came in when I was busy with important work that had to get out that day so I really couldn't deal with all that then.

I sent a message back on the way home (D driving) apologising for the coldness and saying that's why I don't do this social media thing very well. And then she said but you're on FB.



For the love!

It was true. I had responded to a comment from my phone and did about two "likes".

Two things:

Now I get why some people don't get whatsapp... and I'm super conscious now of people "stalking" my FB activity.

Which I hate on every level.

Anyway.

I did properly look at the original message that night, answered everything thoughtfully and gave links, phone numbers of contacts, etc. and then I got just a "thank you", no emoji, nothing. So I think she was still ticked off at me. And then it was my turn to be a little agitated (just a little 2/10) because I had taken 10 - 15 minutes to look up stuff and message back, and maybe her thank you could have been a tad warmer.

Ai! This social media business. We humans are crazy, hey?



(I told another friend "I'm in trouble on the whatsapp because I'm too cold" and this 2nd friend said, "YOU ARE BAD ON WHATSAPP!" I don't take it personally. I KNOW! I'm bad with this stuff. My phone is only out to post to Instagram and answer those comments a bit. Oy!)



Anyway, all this business made me realise yet again that I really don't like to live in a social media world to conduct the business of real connection.

Whatsapp is for the birds!

Let's meet in real life, people, where I can stare into your eyes, read your body language,  touch you on your arm and meaningfully connect with you.

That said, if you get "cold" messages from me, just tell yourself, "she's busy, she's at work, this is not real life".

Okay?

Over and out.

How are you on the Whatsapp and other fast-moving social media?
How do you stay fully engaged in your real life with all these messages flying around? (serious question)



PS People at work have also said when I look for you on Whatsapp, it says x days since you were last seen. And that's because I generally only respond to conversations. I feel overwhelmed by all the back and forth.
PPS I'm so glad D and I "courted" in the pre-cell phone era. Imagine the fights! "But I saw you get the message - there were two ticks. Why are you taking so long to answer?!" 

Be the first to cheer and speak life

I read a post the other day that I love, love, LOVED.

The nutshell version is if you're the first to cheer your colleagues and friends on, then you stop any potential feelings of jealousy or envy there might have been.

It's true, isn't it?

This is not news, of course, because the Bible says the same thing in Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those that rejoice and weep with those that weep.

I was chatting to a friend about this and about how it's easy to spot the people who do this so beautifully on social media... and also how it can hurt if you see others receiving cheer and encouragement when you sometimes don't receive it.

I know we're supposed to depend on God and trust in Him, but we do live in the world and we feel feelings.

It's undoubtedly worse for those of us who are words people because as I say on the Love Languages course, witholding those good words, whether intentional or not, feels like deliberate hurt to a words of affirmation person.

(A lot of you who read here are words of affirmation people)

So what can we do?

I personally have always had a goal to leave any interaction better than it was before so I've challenged myself to speak life into people's lives very intentionally, whether in person, or online.

(Death and life are in the power of the tongue Proverbs 18:21)

I would rather look at 10 photos and leave a few encouraging comments than scroll through 50 mindlessly (so easy though, isn't it?).

I know how thrilled I am when someone leaves a nice comment for me on here, FB or IG, and I want to do the same.

How do you like to speak life?

Do you think you're a words of affirmation person?

 

PS There are no more workshops after the end of the month (read it all here) so if you want to come here about the 5 love languages, you are cordially invited! 

PPS You are ALL wonderful of course, but when I think encouragement on social media I think of Se7en, and when I think generosity of spirit, I think of Sam. Keep inspiring us, ladies!

I hate Twitter

I've finally figured out why I hate Twitter!

It's because I feel like I'm talking to myself.

I hate hate hate not getting feedback.

Don't know if it's the time difference with all my "followers" or what, but when I talk on Twitter, no-one talks back.

I could get all strategic about it and work out which is the best time that people are on, and make sure that's when I tweet but honestly, that seems far too calculating for what's supposed to be FUN!

Agree? Disagree?

I must admit, sometimes Facebook feels the same. It actually drives me crazy when you say something and no-one says anything back.

When that happens, it feels a bit like my life is insignificant and only other people's status updates are Important or Newsworthy.

I know that's not true.

But still, I'm so over the whole popularity contest thing.

We're not in high school after all.

Which is also why I love my blog. This one.

On my other blog people are kind of quiet on the comments too.

So I want to say a BIG thank you to those of you who share with me in the comments and help me not to feel like I'm talking to myself.

Which is your favourite? Blog, Facebook or Twitter? And why?

P.S. I'm also kind of wordy :) so restricting myself to 140 characters is a MISSION!