The nutshell version is if you're the first to cheer your colleagues and friends on, then you stop any potential feelings of jealousy or envy there might have been.
It's true, isn't it?
This is not news, of course, because the Bible says the same thing in Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those that rejoice and weep with those that weep.
I was chatting to a friend about this and about how it's easy to spot the people who do this so beautifully on social media... and also how it can hurt if you see others receiving cheer and encouragement when you sometimes don't receive it.
It's undoubtedly worse for those of us who are words people because as I say on the Love Languages course, witholding those good words, whether intentional or not, feels like deliberate hurt to a words of affirmation person.
(A lot of you who read here are words of affirmation people)
So what can we do?
I personally have always had a goal to leave any interaction better than it was before so I've challenged myself to speak life into people's lives very intentionally, whether in person, or online.
(Death and life are in the power of the tongue Proverbs 18:21)
I would rather look at 10 photos and leave a few encouraging comments
than scroll through 50 mindlessly (so easy though, isn't it?).
I know how thrilled I am when someone leaves a nice comment for me on here, FB or IG, and I want to do the same.
I've had to work particularly hard at it in this last job. When I arrived, there was this one person who has been there like in forever. People hated working with her. They made it clear that because she stuffed up they didn't trust that she could get the job done properly. They by-passed her for admin support. And at first I had to have quite a few words with her because she wasn't quite sticking to the rules. But I made it my focus to focus on her strengths rather than what I knew she would never be able to do. So I changed the tasks around in the team so that each of the 2 people had an opportunity to shine. Yes, this person had to do more invoices, the stationery, take care of our pool cars, but the other one would have to take minutes which the first one cannot do. In the end, she became more confident, she built better relationships, she was more willing to take more challenging tasks and learning to ask if she wanted some help. Yesterday she wrote me the loveliest email saying that my management style helped her so much and how much she appreciated that. I am so glad I never gave up on her when so many others were prepared to.
ReplyDeleteThat is so special, Lea, and you do realise, quite rare to see such a major turnaround :) YOU ROCK.
DeleteOne of my favorite colleagues just resigned this week, and I CRIED. I was doing OK until she teared up, telling us, and I lost it.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm a very empathetic person, and I often wear my heart on my sleeve.
I was recounting this to a dear blog friend, and she asked if it bothered me to have cried. I thought it was such an interesting question.
Years ago, I think it would have bothered me. Now, though...while I don't WANT to cry at work...I am fine with having done so. It's who I am. I don't go around with glitter, or cry at the drop of a hat, but I have just decided that is "me". And that's OK.
I hope I'm cheering people on, and crying with them at times, as the case may be. ;)
[Did you get my FB message about this? I tried emailing you, and for some reason, it kept coming back as undeliverable.]
Happy Weekend, Marcia Lou!
That sounds like me with Wonderful Boss. I know you don't feel like it now, Mandy, but you'll laugh about it one day (it's a STORY for me now!)
DeleteI love how you're embracing this softer side of your personality - I think it's one of your most endearing qualities actually as is your amazing encouraging spirit. You are definitely a cheerer-on for me and many, many others.
PS I got the FB message. Am HOPELESS with FB. Hopeless. No excuse. Very occasionally the stars align and I'm actually at my desk and not busy with focussed work. That's the only time I'm instantaneous and responsive :)
Oh Marcia, you say the sweetest things, over and over again - I love that you are a words person and that leaving a comment is filling your bucket. I have no idea why you associate me with encouragement... but after the week I had, I'll take it!!! Thank you, and I hope you all have a special weekend together!!!
ReplyDeleteAll true! I'm not on Instagram much but wherever I see you, you're being such an encouragement :) Hope your weekend is 100 X better.
DeleteI love this post my friend! It's so YOU! to think of how we encourage others. I try very hard at work to encourage staff as so easily one just points out where there are problems. So I try very hard to find positives - with some of course it's so easy because they are such great workers. With others you need to find something - but you can always find something. I actually need to do this more outside the office.
ReplyDeleteAS for our kids - you have to, all the time
This is such an lovely post. I read this and I felt it was especially for me.
ReplyDelete