{Friendship Friday} which qualities define friendship for you?

Yes, it's true - I really own only 1 skirt. I used to have about 12 skirt suits for work. When I got too fat to fit into them I gave them all away.

Have never been a billowy dress kind of person. Do I look like that kind of person???? (the answer would be no)

Again, I had about 4 shift dresses (a nice firm cotton) which ended on the knee. Those suited me but I haven't found nice ones recently. The current fashions just don't do it for me.

I am not into flow and non-form fitting fashions... and the one time I stopped to look at a dress recently, my iphone got stolen so I'm taking it as a sign :) HA!

pse pray for my friend, Beth. These Sandy Hook murders have been rough for her because of her son's murder last year.

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So... I'm super-stoked. I have 12 glorious days ahead of me before I see the office again.

I phoned D at about 2 pm and asked him if he wanted to join me somewhere for a coffee. D is not as spontaneous as I am (yes, next to him I look positively unstructured) and only phoned me back 1.5 hours later (when I was nearly home) to say yes.

We had a little coffee date at Bedford (I posted a pic to instagram and FB) and now we've properly planned the days ahead.

I also laid out clothes for both kids for the 12 days ahead.

I just feel better and like I can relax when things are organised.

PS My 2013 goals (all 5 pages of them, but the font is ginormous!) are all ready and printed already.
PPS if you sign up to my newsletter you will get my goals form with word of the year, etc. I really don't mind if you sign up, download, and unsubscribe straight away. My feelings used to get hurt yearrrrrs ago but not anymore. Honestly!

Mrs FF

 

Let's talk about friendship qualities we all want in a friendship.

I did a search on my blog and I wrote a very nice post in 2010 when almost none of you were reading.

Here's the post (pse go read Heather's comment - too cool!) - still all true - but basically I said the qualities I want in a friendship are:

• honesty
• communication and true connection
• reciprocity
• loyalty
• support through good times and bad
• consistency

 And then a few weeks ago I wrote about going from friendship to best friendship. I wrote that my thoughts were chemistry, reciprocal effort and lots of vulnerability were key in that transition.

A lot of you said that these things happen naturally or they don't. Yes, that's true but what were the factors that helped transition you to that state?

Two people don't just wake up one day and say, "oh my word, we're best friends". A series of events happen that lead to the feeling of extreme closeness, right?

M, Louisa, me, Cat

In her book, MWF seeking BFF, Rachel cited some research that said the most important parts of friendship are intimacy, interaction, reciprocity and positivity.

1. Intimacy is what I call honesty, connection and vulnerability.
2. Interaction and reciprocity are the same thing for me.
3. While I haven't used the word positivity, I think it's safe to say that I am not drawn to very negative people. Initially I might try and win them over to help them see some of the good in life but after a while, the energy drain is too much. I have one such friend but I only get together with her a couple of times a year and that's enough :)

So I think I agree with the research plus adding a few more. The honesty and loyalty are non-negotiables for me - comes down to trust, I guess.

What do you think about those specific 4 qualities?

Which qualities define friendship for you?


PS next week I want to read your round up of the year, friendship-wise. Please humour me :)

Here was my half-year recap.

2012 Infertility Christmas party & dress codes

I wrote a nice post about money but something went wrong when I published from Picasa. There are + signs between each word instead of spaces :(

I'll have to retype it this weekend but for now, let's talk about dress codes.

I have a personal policy that I don't buy an outfit for an event if at all possible. If I do end up getting  something, it will have to serve double and triple duty.

Well, our theme for the party this year was Red Carpet.

I don't even own a dress, let alone a fancy dress. And I own one skirt (straight black one for work).

But I had the (I thought) brilliant idea  - instead of going as a star, I'd go as the paparazzi in jeans, a t-shirt with my camera around my neck.

Which is exactly what I did but I don't think anyone got it. Boo!

Anyway, how many dresses do you have? Do you like dressing up?

And here are some pics of the night. Please be kind - it was night and I can't take pics at night without a flash yet.

I loved the colour of that necklace; toes and strappy sandals

blurry pic of Caren. Only one of her that night so it stays

K in the pink is our fearless leader

twin mom on left; girl in black is pregnant

presents

girl in mauve is pregnant and glowing

I did my first IVF with the girl on right. When I'm with her I feel kind of guilty with my 3.5 year old twins. She hasn't been pregnant yet.

we each lit a candle and said a word we wanted for our lives for next year

Roz

I still don't know who took this pic of me but I love it! Amazingly I look good :)

this was a favourite that I took that night

Christmas platters

When I walked in and saw C pregnant, it made my night. Seriously! Look at her - glowing!

gorgeous baby bump

S & S's 3rd birthday party

Happy birthday to Nicola (Louisa's little girl) who turned 3 today!

It's also 19 years today since I gave my heart to the Lord. Awesome - that's half my life! I can't even imagine not having a relationship with God.

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My friend, Caren, asked me to take pics at her kids' party. When we arrived it was raining so a lot of the pics were inside and therefore not great.

Thank GOD the rain stopped and the sun came out for a bit so the kids (and I) ran outside.

My favourite favourite pic is of a little blonde girl but since I didn't ask her mother, I'm not putting her pic on here. Although Caren, if you don't think she'd mind, let me know. It's exactly what I like photos to be - completely natural but all the focus is on her big, beautiful eyes.

Nevertheless... the party was lovely and relaxing as usual, food was great (mmm, that lemon meringue!) and D and I left jealous once again of Caren's fabulous parents who are the most helpful parents ever!

other kids' toys are always better

Roz and D

C messing - he helped sweep up that sand afterwards

the family - I can't BELIEVE how much these kids have grown.

doesn't he look exactly like his father?

cute toes!

and cute shoes

which were later discarded

D helping K

3 friends - 6 babies :) All within 4 months of each other. I love these girls.

I think the first decent pic of the two of us. Love it.

Which is your favourite picture on this lovely Wednesday? 

 (lovely because I got two packages today!)

PS this party was over a month ago.... which means you're going to be looking at 2012 pics well into the new year. LOL

I have a font (well, two) and a few other things

1. So it seems like more than half my company but definitely half of Joburg is on leave.

It's quite glorious - home in 15 minutes :) I can also find parking (prime "you have to be at work at 7.30" parking) easily in the basement at work.

And with that head space it seems my focus is better at work because I actually got some good work done today despite having to split my day and bring the kids home at lunch.

2. Speaking of kids, I've been deliberately not following the entire Sandy Hook story. I was never any good with this kind of thing and it's much worse now I have kids.

I'm not going to talk about the issues surrounding guns..... but this morning while driving to work, a caller on the radio said it's amazing (as in not) how when kids die in America there is a big reaction but kids die all the time in other countries (Iran and similar) and nobody makes a fuss. I do find that to be true (personally I think Americans are excellent marketers :)) but I just thought, "how sad that you can't feel compassion and empathy for these kids and teachers too". Of course I feel huge sadness and empathy for any kids who die unnecessarily, most especially preventable deaths.

3. I was decluttering like crazy in my study this weekend (actually in the kids' bedroom, the kitchen and my study ) and found my World Vision card (a card with a picture of my kid with his details). I felt immensely guilty that I hadn't sent a Christmas card so I wrote out one quickly, made him a little notebook with cars all over it, stuck those in an envelope and sent them off. It will not get to him on time but hopefully he'll get it early in new year.

And then I remembered the item on my 38 things list to sponsor a second child. So I wrote to World Vision again. I'd phoned in August, the person was out to lunch so I left a message but didn't hear back for whatever reason. Hopefully we get that sorted too so some of my increase goes towards good :)


4. Speaking about money, I've been soooo wasteful this year and I'm afraid it's not going to stop til I order that Seafoam kit for Project Life. Last night I sat and did my new budget with my new salary. I like to do this immediately so I can "tell the money where to go" instead of letting it all happen and wasting it away.

Notice how I ever-so-smoothly mentioned I've decided to do a version of it. A cheap version by the way because I have no intention of buying the binder and plastic pockets. Will blog next week.

Well, once the budget was done, I started doing my 2012 financial review, the personal one. I have to work up the strength to do the business one.

As an aside, I met with a new client today who outright told us "2012 has been a terrible year for business". True for me too but you don't go into a meeting with people you hopefully want to impress saying that. *sigh*

I set a big, juicy money goal beginning last year (to pay off our house) and we did it... by June.

This year the only big, juicy goal was the USA trip. And you can see that reflected in my wild spending. I'm so glad I set another big, juicy money goal in August (a savings goal) because I'm there already. The key will be to keep it untouched! I actually want to move that money out from under my very greedy eyes. It's far too easy with one-click shopping and the like!

5. I have a little problem with my phone. When I delete messages there, it still shows on the ipad, and vice versa. Freaking me out. I love the simplicity of the apple system the most and at the moment it's complicating, not simplifying my life.

Has anyone had this problem?

6. Have I told you I reached my reading goal of 60 books early in November? So I set a new goal of 70 because I'm an overachiever. I'm on 66 as we speak, busy reading books 67 and 68.

This is an excuse to be a somewhat lazy bum....... I love it!

I should manage it if I stick to my two hours reading and writing blogs a day :)

7. And then to end on a very light note, I decided to go goth. I've been trying to wear red nail polish because it's nearly Christmas but I'm not feeling it. The minute I press publish, I'm taking off the red and putting on black. Had a meeting with yet another person today who said she only wears black or red! :)

PS I always get pics of these two kissing :)

What colour nail polish do you like wearing?


What's on your mind?

PS see the writing on the pics? That's mine - I have fonts!!!! The top two are me writing freehand on the ipad and the next two is me using a stylus.

They both don't look very much like mine so I'm going to redo them and when I'm happy I'll let you have them too (if you want :))

{Create} The lazy person's advent calendar

I wondered for a minute while typing that title if the store-bought ones from Woolworths are not lazier and then I decided no, this is definitely lazier.

It would take me at least 45 minutes to jump in the car, drive to Eastgate, find parking (Joburgers, pse go on leave to the coast so we can find parking again), get the chocolate advent from Woolies, pay, jump back in the car and get home.

Supplies:

• little paper bags (confession - I was ordering little notecards (some of you will get some very cute ones from me for Christmas)) and I thought I was ordering 100 little white bags. Well, it turns out I ordered 1000.......... :) so I'm using them as envelopes, etc. I think I'm already through about 100!
• red and black permanent markers
• Christmassy stamp (I ordered this one late last year because I thought we'd make Christmas cards this year. Hahaha) and ink
• punch
• thinking cap :)

1. D stamped the 25 white bags and I wrote on the numbers. Please notice, absolutely no perfectionism with vinyl and stickers, etc. Easy-peasy otherwise I would get bored.
2. Then we started disagreeing because he was choosing activities that required lots of effort on my part - cooking/ baking/ crafting.
3. So we gave up for an evening or two.
4. Mandy then emailed me and told me it was all stuff she would have done anyway and a lightbulb went on.

What are things we do/ have to do anyway?

• Go out on the weekend and do something here at home
• I make pancakes.
• They watch movies (for 20 minutes before they get bored) and eat a snack with D.
• They colour and do stickers, etc with Nanny S
• They go to Kids Care (4 times over this period)
• Go Christmas shopping
• Decorate
• Do Christmas tree

1. So I took some white project board, used my tag punch, punched 25 tags and used the black permanent marker to write out the activities.

I finished the calendar in all of 20 minutes.

2. The only change was adding a Christmas slant, like our normal library run was now  "get Christmas books from the library" and colouring in was of Christmas trees, bells, and so on. And then Christmas stickers, Christmas baking, snow man pancakes, etc.

See, EASY-PEASY!

3. Hang them up with cute pegs (CNA...) and you're done. We had a beaded garland on the wall so I pegged the little bags straight onto that.

It all looked really cute. Kendra squealed, "Mummy, that's pretty" which is when I know my work is done :)

Nanny S has been roped into this thing and she reminds me if there's something obscure that she's not clear about so I can plan for that day. I love it.

(Pin for next year. I plan to do the same old thing next year)

If you did an advent calendar, how is it working out for you?

PS pics obviously taken inside at about 5:45 pm and the light is never great in my dining room. One of my goals for next year is to get AWESOME with inside pics :)

Finally, some twin romance!

When I was pregnant, my Dr C told us that his brothers are twins and his mother said after the twins were 3 months old, it was lovely because they played with one another and she didn't serve as their entertainment.

Well, 3 months came and went and I'm convinced that either 1) she lied or 2) 3 months meant 3 years.

Our kids are playing together SO nicely these days. Together instead of alongside.

They don't even come look for us in the mornings unless they're hungry.

Of course the flip side is that they FREAK out if they can't see their twin (like when one wakes and sees the other bed already empty).

Yes, there are glorious fights too but 99% of the time they are best friends who can play without us :)

they're looking at rabbits

Here are some of their chatter, the bits I can remember:

Just peeked in to check on the kids (they'd just been put to bed) and Connor says to me, "Mummy, I'm sleeping on my white pillow [a continental pillow which I still need to write about because it was the best baby shower gift ever] because I wasn't comfortable on my green and blue pillows".

Kendra earlier to Connor, "thank you my darling boy" (this is me!)

Kendra when she saw an old but rarely used ring on my finger, "Mummy! I like your ring!"

This afternoon after his nap Connor told me that Friday is the daddy, Brown bear (a water bottle they got when they turned 1 - my kids are winter babies, remember?) is the mummy and Aunty Angie Bear is the baby.

He took one of my baskets from their bedroom, put Aunty Angie Bear in there and when I was tidying and tossed Brown bear in the basket, he freaked. "Mummy, Brown Bear is NOT a BABY!" (turns out the basket was the crib)

I asked Kendra what happened last night and she says, "Mummy, it's a long story but I'll 'splain" :) (It was a very long story!)

It's scary when the kids pick up your verbiage.

Connor has started saying "obviously" which is a word I often use. I asked him something the other day, "have you done ____?" and he said,"obviously!"

Kendra told me today to say "righty ho". I said, "where did you learn that word, Baby?" "Daddy"

And then later today I said to Kendra, "will you please focus?" "What does focus mean?" "It means to concentrate on doing one thing til you're done" :) Time management 101.

Today Connor got an extra star for being very kind to his sister.

They got two balloons each at a party yesterday and this afternoon I wrote K and C on the balloons because I knew time was running out on the balloons' life cycles. Well, they were playing outside and one of K's blew off and popped on a branch. She WAILED.

I heard talking (I don't go running for every little thing) and eventually they came back inside.
Connor had 1 balloon and Kendra had 2.

When I asked them what happened, Connor explained that he gave one of his balloons to Kendra to cheer her up. Then he looks at me and says, "but I don't think it's working".

Oh my sweet boy. Then there was a bit of a love fest because Kendra told him again, "Thank you for giving me your balloon, Connor. I love you" and they were both hugging and kissing. I actually got teary :)

So today is Sunday but it's like a Saturday because we have a public holiday tomorrow - YAY! One extra day to get things done off my to-do list. About to tackle some computer stuff now, fun things like budgeting :)

How was your Sunday?