I think I'm getting old...and list of 36 update

I find myself incredulous at how quickly this month has gone by.

It's always older people who say "time is just flying" so I think I'm getting old :)

My one friend (the one I wrote about before) and I have successfully transitioned to girlfriends again and she is taking me out for supper next week so we've been email-chatting a lot.


The supper is an experience gift for my birthday earlier this month - I love it when the goodness just stretches and stretches, don't you? Anyway, she is turning 40 and is going on a lovely island holiday to Zanzibar as a gift to herself. FABULOUS!

Which got me thinking about my list of 36...

1. Do LOTS more talks
2. Develop and keep up a system for my photos I now have the system; I just need to do it :) I seriously suck at Project 365 - I am going to do better and hopefully make the last 4 months count. If I get this going, I think I'll make it...
3. Do a weekly review post
4. Have a family photo shoot when the babies can walk (I have very specific photos in mind and they need to be walking for that :)) Photo shoot is booked!
5. Take a beach holiday
6. Decide on a policy for attending kiddies birthday parties
7. Go to gym 8 times a month - only managed twice the whole of August
8. Do at least 3 talks on my infertility story to church or other groups See number 36
9. Learn how to make a halfway decent blog header with photos in under 30 minutes
10. Reconnect with a friend I truly love (she's moved to Pretoria so we never see each other any more) Done and it was fantastic
11. Learn to let go A work in progress :) Looks like I'm doing good with the kids :)
12. Read 5 books a month - Done for August
13. Weigh 57 kg - have put on 0.5 kg!
14. Hire a personal trainer to help me get to my goal weight - all costs factored in, need to just start
15. When I reach said goal weight, reward myself with a professional photo shoot
16. Use those photos to have a website redesign - have selected designer - in questionnaire process and then good to go. Decided not to use my photo in header so I don't have to keep paying design fees when I get bored :)
17. Live a simpler life - trying...
18. Simplify my business even more and do only really high-value work Have decided what high-value work means for me - speaking and coaching
19. Travel internationally with D for at least 5 days! Our passports expire in December - just checked out places that don't need lots of time left on your passport. So far France, Spain and Portugal are looking good!
20. Do regular random acts of kindness
21. Pay for a stranger's meal/ groceries
22. Do my version of 29 gifts - 4 unexpected gifts a month this is the one thing that is going really well. It seems I have developed focus because I see gifts everywhere I want to give to others and am loving surprising people. Look out - you may be next :)
23. Get better with my skincare routine
24. Have lunch with a friend once a month. Definitely on this list - a friend I've recently connected with after we lost touch for years (we met at university and I haven't seen her for about 8 years)! We've arranged a lunch date for November :)
25. Get outside of house painted
26. Figure out how to generate income from my organising blog Have session with blog coach end Sept...
27. Redesign organising blog (contrary to what you may think, I find it very hard to let people design things for me as I'm so clear on what I hate!) - Hoping to get a different banner but same look and feel with person who is doing my website
28. Lower my expectations of myself and of others I'm making HUGE strides in this area - but it's a process
29. Take a very basic photography class
30. Learn to cook a roast Thanks to MandyE and Natalie for mailing me recipes - happy to report I've now roasted a chicken. Not 100% happy with results so will do again and again until I am satisfied. Once that's sorted, will attempt meat :)
31. Hire a life coach Had two sessions and am booking more - gained SUCH clarity, it was fabulous :)
32. Get at least one massage a month massage was booked but the therapist cancelled (gran was very sick and whole family was summoned)
33. Get hair done once a month - done for August
34. Have only clothes in my wardrobe that I love and that look good on me Working on it... have decluttered winter clothes about 60%
35. Meet up with 3 blog friends (Cat, are you game?) Does it count that I was with two bloggers at the birthday party on Saturday? No, that's cheating. I intended a proper meet-up.
36. Get involved in some form of ministry again (I've stopped for the last 2 years and am feeling the itch to make a difference again) - could be those infertility talks otherwise even just mentoring people, etc. I've reached out to one church who has booked me before to tell them I'm available and willing to talk to their ladies. If you're in the area and have a group at your church who would love a dynamic, inspiring speaker, I'm your gal :)

And that's where I am - all the green makes me think I've actually made some good progress :)

As always, if you have any ideas for me, let me know - I truly welcome the feedback and input. Of course, if I can help you in any way, I'm very happy to do so.

How was your August?

P.S. Deanne, did that organising comment help the other day?

P.P.S. Tomorrow is D-day to let them know about the job - eeek.

Who would have thought?

these pics have nothing to do with the post!

They were taken at Storms River and then that's the highest bungee jump in the world, something I definitely will NEVER ever do!

On Saturday we went to "our"... 6th birthday party, another twin party.

The fact that they're only 13 months reminds me daily that the babies are far more popular than both D and I.

It was very far from where we live (and we got gloriously lost) so once they got there, they wanted to be FREE and the best thing was letting them loose on the grass.

The venue was lovely and it's always nice to be outside enjoying the sun.

Speaking of which, what on earth happened in Jhb that summer jumped the queue this year? We went from winter to instant summer weather this weekend. Last week they were still wearing jerseys and yesterday my kids were in shorts and t-shirts, barefoot with gorgeous baby toes.

I got to spend some quality time talking to my one friend, Caren (the one who has that fabulous friend who will babysit her twins!), her hubby and their gorgeous babies.

And I got to see some other friends too - not enough talking time to them though :( - and lots of cute babies. Although I now remember we had a conversation about grommets, ear infections and sleeping through!

But thank the Lord, no milestone talk :)

After eating grass, bits of sand, carrots and some birthday cake, and of course, stealing other kids' toys, we headed home.

My only regret? As usual, not having enough time to connect properly with friends while chasing around after my two.

Although I said to D, now maybe people will realise why I absolutely can't go to Fertility babies alone with the babies as I think I ate one piece of quiche on the way to singing for the birthday girls and then Caren brought D & I some cake later.

But... it's all good. My mantra is... ANYTHING but those newborn days :)

I also realised something - I am actually quite relaxed these days.

I didn't really picture myself as the mother on the grass (with no blanket underneath her) letting her kids loose to eat grass and carrot sticks that kept falling on the ground... but it looks like I'm that mother!

Who would have thought?!

M&M question of the week - 10 surprising things

The question of the week at Multiples and More is to share 10 surprising things about yourself.

Since I'm so open, I really don't know if anything will be really surprising but let's see what I can come up with.

1. I've been going grey since I was 25 years old. Yip, that's right. At the time I used to joke that SL (employer at the time) turned me grey because that was the most stress I'd ever had, work-wise. In fact, I have bad grey hair genes on both sides.
2. I know I sometimes come across like I'm tough as nails but I have a really soft heart.
3. D said "I love you" first and I followed a few days later. It was all very quick - we just KNEW.
4. I'm soooo not a girly girl.
5. Until infertility, I never had lots of really close girl friends. Maybe it's because of number 4?
   
6. Speaking of which, my very best girl friend dumped me about 10 years ago (that's a subject for another blog post).
7. I've been thinking more and more about writing a book! Non-fiction, of course. Can you guess the topic?
8. I've been sleeping about 8 HOURS of solid, uninterrupted sleep the last couple of months but somehow I feel more tired than ever.
9. I fear I'm turning into one of those women I always thought I'd never be - the ones who "let themselves go" after they have children. Somehow I don't seem to have the willpower to just eat properly and exercise. *note to self - must book personal trainer
10. I have to force myself to put on make-up each day - I tell myself that I need to make a good impression on people - but really if it were up to me, I'd just wear lipstick and that would be that.
    

ooh, that was easier than I thought.

And a bonus one

Living a simpler life is proving to be a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I keep seeing things I think I want. Last week I bought some stuff, got all the way home and then thought, "I really don't need all this" and took it all back this week. Very proud of myself although they wouldn't give me a refund soI bought some consumable stuff for the house instead.

I really should be in the shower now but...

I need to clear the noise from my head.

Yesterday I got a job offer.

Long story short I was head and shoulders above the other two shortlisted candidates and they would love to have me.

I am very conflicted about accepting this job or not.

I have until Wed 1st to decide (normally I'd know immediately) and since I woke this morning having dreamt about it (I don't ever have disturbed sleep) I need to sort out my feelings so I can relax about it.

Salary only R21 000 more per annum which is less than R2000 per month, cost to company (in other words, gross, not take-home pay). If it was a position at another company, just on that note alone, I'd decline.

In my view, no matter how fabulous the job itself, I need to be compensated for the stress of a new job :)

I asked when the next salary review would happen but he doesn't know so I have to speak to HR. If I stayed in my current role, it would be 1 Dec, but the lines blur when you move internally.

Then the work hours and flexibility. Currently I work 6 hours in the office and finish at home at night. This is not going to fly in the new area. He did say he is happy-ish (but I think he's just saying that to get me) that if I arrive before 8:30 I can leave at 3:30. BUT the BIG BOSS is American (no offence but you guys work way too hard for my liking) and is not all that into results vs time in office.

Which means big alarm bells for me. I know I deliver - that really is not the question at all - but I know how hard it is once someone has an idea of you to break that perception.

E.g. in current role, my wonderful boss reported to a BIG BOSS who acted like he was cool with me but I know he didn't think that much of me. Again, nothing ever said, but I work with people and am trained to read nuances, body language, etc. and I believe if it were different, I would have been further. Anyway, no hard feelings since I was also not "all there" due to my one goal above all else the last couple of years, FALLING PREGNANT.

It's not the actual working hours - it's the feeling of not having freedom. Can I get used to that again after 5 years of having the ultimate working nirvana as far as time is concerned? Freedom is my number 1 value.

There is some travel involved - this is actually the biggest bonus. I love travel - all sorts - and can do in short bursts. At the moment this team is doing work in one African country...

So yesterday when I drove home, I thought about current Wonderful Boss and I cried thinking about leaving him. Yes, I'm a big old sop. But honestly, will I ever find such a fantastic person to work for again?

Even yesterday in the office, I told him that it was worth waiting for him to review an email to a client because even though I waited a day longer than I was comfortable with (I really value feedback and communication), the final email was beautifully written. He said, "Oh thanks, Marcia, that's why I keep you around" Awwww.

We are very good at working together!

My actions

Find out what net pay would be
Find out when my salary would be reviewed again
Find out how these working hours will work in practice.

Things to think about

Am I just being undisciplined about work time?
Am I romanticising working for Wonderful Boss?

What do you think I should do?

Which factors should I take into account? And what additional questions should I ask HR/ new boss?

Please help!

Oh, the screaming

I am not a fan of the screaming.

In fact, it's the one thing I'm not enjoying about these kids getting bigger.

They have bigger lungs and can scream much LOUDER than before!

They are still on one sippy cup a day, when they have their 100 ml milk after lunch.

I had the "bright idea" to give them their bedtime bottle also in sippy cups but OH, the screaming.

(Mandy, that's why I said you're a brave woman for simply throwing all the bottles out!)

They alternate crying and screaming and staring at me like I'm trying to feed them poison.

So I cave in and pour the milk into normal bottles and they go from the terrible twins to my happy children again.

Since I'm determined, I then try again a few days later.

Again the screaming.

I think I tried the third time yesterday and that just about sent me over the edge.

Connor has this new thing where he gets himself worked up into such a state that he becomes impossible to calm down.

Red face, kicking and screaming, hitting if I try to hold him.

This is what happens when I offer him a bedtime sippy cup and the last two mornings waking.

This morning he woke at 3.30 (I think he couldn't find his dummy and he got frantic and couldn't calm down). It was so bad that I woke up - these days I sleep like the dead - and even I couldn't calm him down for a few minutes.

While all this is going on, Kendra pops up from her cot, blinks those little eyes and when she saw Connor screaming, she took her dummy and offered it to him.

Too sweet!

Eventually, I put the dummy in his hand, another one in his other hand and just kept rubbing his tummy.

When the screaming stopped, I tucked him in again and left the room.

This better not be a "new thing" because I'm already over it.

I've also decided that so what if I have the only kids at pre-school still taking milk from bottles :) It's either that or my sanity.



P.S. It's not too late to give me your ONE word to describe me :)

Personal branding

If you squirmed when you read the title, you're exactly like me.

Doesn't it sound all "marketing" and "schmoozy"?

Well, I was pleasantly surprised when I went on a networking course last week and the first half of it was developing your personal brand.

Basically, we all have a brand. Whether we're consciously working on it or not is another matter altogether.

E.g. when you say to someone, "who's Marcia?" and they say, "oh, she's ________ ", that's your personal brand at work.

Of course we all know this is true because we do it all the time.

Even in the infertility support group.

"Oh, so and so is doing her 3rd IVF".

"who's so and so again?"

"The funny one" or "The nervous-looking one"

That's your personal brand.

A big takeaway for me was that I decided I'm not going to only let other people dictate my brand; I'm going to help shape it.

One of the homework assignments was to ask a diverse group of people you know in varying degrees to send you the ONE WORD they thought of that best describes you.

I did this with mostly work people (ex-colleagues, bosses, etc.) but also a couple of friends and got some very interesting words.

Some of the words really were quite surprising in a good way.

I'll share them with you but first - tell me which one word you'd use to describe me.

P.S. As always, if you don't want me to know who you are, no problem. Use the anonymous field so you can be brutally honest.

P.P.S. I know not all of you know me equally well - that is the point - to see how authentic I'm being :)

What bath time's like at our house

I totally forgot to tell you what we do actually do around bath time :)

We bath every day except I think about 3 nights total when the kids had snotty noses and then we had baths every 2nd night.

That's because I believe bath time is like magic - it calms down the babies and they literally pop off to sleep like babies (insert crazy laughter)!

They are way too wild in the baths and getting wilder/ braver all the time so we only bath them one at a time.

It's like a conveyor belt around here.

While one is being bathed, the other is playing with me or playing in their bedroom while I get out their clothes for the next day.

We have a rule that the baby who has slept the least amount of time gets bathed first since that one will typically be crankier and I can't stand the whining!

That baby can then calm down quicker and both they and I are happy :)

• Nanny V baths baby 1 and then brings that one to the bedroom where I dress the baby.
• While I'm dressing baby 1, Nanny V then takes baby 2 to have their bath.
• I then dress baby 2 while V tidies up the bathroom and toys in the living areas.
• We then let them jump around their cots (!), chat to each other, steal each other's stuffed animals, etc. until they get whiny.
• That's when they tell me they want "milk".
• If it's 5:40, I'll then wrestle them into their sleepsacks and put them in bed with their bottles
• I tuck them in, pray with each of them (last night I thanked God for Connor's lovely smile when I arrived home), tell them I love you (sign language too) and say goodnight.
• I then walk out and switch off the light.

The whole thing only takes about an hour to an hour 15 mins but at this stage I feel like I've had a workout because of wrestling the kids into their clothes and later, sleepsacks.

So I go to have a well-deserved cup of tea while watching The Bold and The Beautiful :)

Do you do baths on your own or do you have help?

P.S. On weekends, D does baths and I still do the dressing.

Wordless Wednesday - some pics at D's party

Uncle D and Connor - boy time

Oh my gosh, the laughs were just too precious

Do you bath with your kids?

A few weeks ago a friend sent a very cute pic of her boys bathing together.

I can't remember what I replied but she then said, "don't you bath with your kids?" in HORROR.

No, I don't bath with my kids.

I don't even bath the kids together. As I said to her, "one of us would drown if that were the case because they are WILD!"

But actually that's not the complete reason.

• I don't bath very often. I'm a shower gal. If I get bath stuff for gifts, I give the bath salts away and use the foam bath as shower gel :)


• I'm just a very private person and I don't like to share baths or showers!


• I like the water piping hot. D and I tried to shower together before... and it just didn't work.


• Also, baths are for getting clean, not for playtime :) (remember I'm an S)
  

So do you bath with your kids?

Just another Manic Monday

(wish it were Sunday....)

Am I showing my age???

Well, Connor had a visit to the lovely Dr P (D's GP and is Scottish; I've also seen her once before) this morning because the other arm was not working properly and he cried every time he had to crawl.

Do you know how frustrating it is for a VERY mobile little boy to have to sit in one place?

The car seats were in D's car so I had to phone him to come home and take Connor to the doc.

I don't know what happened to fix it - Nanny V said after his nap he seemed fine but D insisted on making sure. He is the worrywart in the relationship :)

When I was walking back to my office after my interview (interrogation, more like it), D was still home and told me he is FINE. Whizzing around the place and happy as a clam.

Dr P said he was fine and did a once-over to check him out generally and pronounced him PERFECT.

Of course he is!

Oh, I love that boy so much.

To think I had a nightmare once about having a boy - "WHAT will I do with boys? I know nothing about them" - I actually dreamt that I'd put the baby boy in the cupboard because I didn't know what to do with him. LOL

And really, boys are the easiest kids. Uncomplicated and happy as long as there's food, things to grab (including my hair and glasses) and they can sleep now and again.

I think the interview (which was a two-and a half hour session session of case studies and one-on-one proper interviews) was good but that's my take on the situation. I may be a bit overqualified as the others there were a lot younger than I am - eeek!

But it's good to get out there and practise your skills, right?

At the very least, they now know some of my awesomeness :)

A lost video and a weekend round-up

First, I found this video that I took at Golden Gate when we went for our Clarens holiday at the end of April.

I love these panoramic ones - I took a similar one at Wicklow in Ireland which is just breathtaking - I should see if I can find it easily.

The toys are starting to overwhelm me and we don't even have that many. We probably have less than 25% of what most kids have. We've been buying the kids some stuff but since D is the sentimental one, it is his job to weed out some first before we let them at the new ones. So that's been interesting as his idea of decluttering is not the same as mine.

We went to the 3rd place to look at car seats and I'm 95% decided on the one for us. I think we will go for a seat that can convert to a booster seat (can take up to 36 kg) so it's a once-off expense/ investment. I will chat to my friend with the twins (I really should stop calling her this on the blog) to see what discount she can get for me.

And then... we had the opposite of a nice family meal out today. The Greenstone Spur was FULL of people, they got the babies' order wrong twice, it was impossible to eat with the kids grabbing at our food, my food wasn't done properly, etc. The babies ate lunch at 2:30 instead of the 1:00 latest they normally eat at. Oy!

Remember that job I applied for?

Well, I got a meeting invite for an "informal chat" which in Marcia-speak (and my wonderful boss agreed with me) means, "you didn't get shortlisted but we liked something in your CV so let's get to know one another".

I was totally surprised though when I pitched up and it was a REAL interview (gosh!). I was very glad that I can usually wing it with these things. Turns out the guy is LOVELY (also ESTJ :)), we had a great chat (went waaayyyy over the meeting time) and I have an extended second interview tomorrow.

Isn't this just typical though? The MINUTE you start to really LOVE your job suddenly things fall into your lap...

So this week I'm looking forward to buying new paint, having a coaching session (for me) and getting that second interview out of the way.

What are you looking forward to?

P.S. MandyE and I have been speaking about pancakes, crepes and flapjacks on email and now I'm craving them, so I think I'll whip up a quick batch.

Is it just us or were your kids also crabby today?

The yellow door has absolutely nothing to do with today's post - it is quite simply one of my favourite pictures ever as I have a crazy love of doors. This was a door in Cork, Ireland.

This morning I spoke to my friend with the twins, C, who phoned me while waiting for her girls to finish napping in the car.

She said they'd been super crabby and she was telling people who said they were so cute, "oh you can have them" LOL

Mine were okay until supper time and then a very fast meltdown happened.

Kendra kept pointing to her high chair tray telling me to keep putting carrots there (we do them one by one otherwise she tosses them on the floor and I'm too old for all that bending) and I think she got too excited by our "game" because she choked a bit on one carrot.

I held her while she coughed and then she was fine physically BUT she was also tired so the crying was 10 times worse than it actually needed to be.

Oy!

She was first to bath and cried in the bath, cried while dressing her (thank goodness not continually), cried because I was taking too long getting her milk to her.

Connor was fine but when she cries, it upsets him.

There was a cute moment though - while they were in their cots, he went to give her his dummy so she'd stop crying.

Too sweet!

And I had to crack - I've been trying to give them their bedtime bottles in sippy cups but because she was screaming, I had to put a proper teat (nipple) on the bottle.

Now I'm having a "proper" mug of tea in a quiet house.

I went to the hairdresser today and while there had a cup of tea. I asked for one sugar but either they got it wrong or it was a GIGANTIC spoon because it was sweet and horrible.

If that kind of thing happens, I really need to have a proper cup to make up for it. Hmmm.

Are you the same or am I weird?

P.S. We got V in to babysit so we could run a gazillion errands. Looked at car seats for the babies who are still rear-facing, will check one more place before deciding. Also, we decided we can't live with that horrible colour on our bedroom and study walls so I've chosen two new shades of paint in a different palette (whispering green and bay leaf) which hopefully will work. Please God, let it work.

When I phoned the painter to tell him we decided we can't live with that colour, he was incredulous, "you don't like the colour?" Um, no. Honestly I tried but my home is my sanctuary so I will have to endure mess and disorder for a few days over two weeks and get it sorted.

P.P.S. Go read Claudia's FABULOUS post about parenting toddlers

Am I going soft or is this nostalgia?

A few weeks ago I went to a conference near where D works so we travelled together. Normally I hate travelling with anybody because I have independence issues.

As we were driving on the highway (M1), I realised that on any previous occasions when we travelled the same route at that time of day, we'd been going to V...lab (fertility clinic) for a scan, egg retrieval or embryo transfer.

So we had a moment.

Then when we had D's party, we drove home with the babies and we passed V...lab again. That was amazing - I said to D, "can you BELIEVE it? these babies were created right THERE!!!"

Another moment.

And then when I look at the kids, I just think, "I can't believe we actually have CHILDREN", especially when we do "normal family things" like going to eat out.

I've also been thinking when I look at them, I can't believe they used to just lay there like slugs and now they can move, cause chaos, etc.

It's FANTASTIC!

If I'm being annoying because I love this mobile stage so much, please ignore me. I felt the same way when I used to read about people loving the newborn stage :)

Hmmm, just realised it could be because I'm approaching the two-year anniversary of first starting the IVFs. Last year was such a blur and I had no time for thinking back...

So, am I going soft or is this nostalgia?

Two bits of exciting news

Thanks for all your comments on the walking post. Trust me - I am not in the least bit worried.

Also, something I forgot to mention - in the Ask Moxie post, they mentioned that the sooner kids walk, the more they stumble around like little drunk men :) I am very keen on avoiding all that as my nerves already can't take the knocks to the head so later is on all fronts a good thing!

******************

D has been teaching Kendra body parts so we keep saying things like, “where’s your hair, teeth, nose?” (we don’t ask eyes anymore since she nearly poked out her eye with that little finger the other day).

But on Wednesday I taught her something I should have done long ago – "wipe your mouth"!

I can't stand drool (or any bodily fluids) so all the drool drives me nuts.

So now when I see drool, I say “Kendra, wipe your mouth” and she takes her bib and does it – this is too exciting!

I am stepping into my awesomeness as a mother (as Rebecca would say)!

Then in other news, a producer from a talk show in South Africa contacted me to appear as a time management expert. We were all set to go but then her boss cancelled it because they had too many shows booked.

BUT do you know how excited I am??? They told me lots of nice things (obviously) but this is a fantastic branding exercise - means people are finding me!!!

So I am also stepping into the awesomeness that makes me uniquely me.

What makes you uniquely you?

(I really want to know. I find that most people can rattle off their top 5 weaknesses easily but not so much their awesomeness, so let's take this opportunity to focus on our strengths)

E.g. for Mandy P, her amazing ability to show care and concern by putting together fantastic events, my one friend is the best listener in the world (seriously) and has the ability to make you figure out things just by asking the right questions, etc.

Are they walking yet?

The answer to that would be "no".

I'm actually getting a bit tired of the question and am trying hard to be gracious about not showing my irritation.

BUT so many people have asked that I was about to google it to check what is average (when have my kids ever been normal though?!) when the answer popped up on Ask Moxie.

If you're interested, it's between 9 and 18 months of age.

The poor lady that wrote in had a 14-month-old who thought her son was not normal because he wasn't walking yet.

Anyway, I scanned some of the comments just so I'd be informed and there were much later walkers than 18 months too.

I get her concern because it is a bit disconcerting when absolutely everyone's kids are younger than yours, and walking.

Just for the record, I honestly am in no hurry for mine to walk (talk - yes :)). I'm not worried because we've seen it over and over again - they do what they want when they're good and ready, and not a moment before.

However, here is Kendra. She's been able to stand by herself for a couple of weeks.

These pics were taken when they were exactly 13 months. Amazingly, I actually had the camera nearby!

1
standing is serious business

2
hmmm, don't know if this is such a good idea...

3
aaah, much better

On Friday last week, she took a few steps all by herself towards me and D.

Once she collapsed to her knees, we made a big deal mainly because we're so grateful we got to see a milestone!!!

What a lovely start to a Friday morning.

Later that day she let go and again took a few steps toward me.

By the way, is that classified as walking? Or what's walking? (you all know I'm VERY literal)

Party post number 4

I'm reading a book at the moment that is REALLY good but I didn't think it would be. When I get back from the library, I arrange my books in the order I'm likely to enjoy them. I put this particular one right at the back BUT the other morning I thought I'd quickly start reading it while I had a cup of coffee.

Big mistake!

An hour later, I tore myself away and yes, I was late for work. But it was worth it!

The point of all that preamble was that in the book, amongst other parenting issues (in a non-parenting book!), they discussed children's parties and said we do these "events" to make us feel better when really, to other people and to the child, whether you get a cake or a party that rivals a wedding, it's all the same.

And I got it!

It's about celebrating, not about how you do the celebration or what it looks like.

So next year I'm going to do things a little differently - I'm still thinking about what feels right for us.

Anyway, onto the last set of pics.

Opening our presents

as you can see, we're well on our way to a simpler life

Kendra looking at my friend, C, with her gorgeous girls

Connor looking guilty after pulling off my tablecloth weights

D with the kids

Our friends, B & M, with their girls

Our friend, Carmen and Erin, who said I was "creative and organized" and is therefore my BFF :)

BIL and D's sister

D's mom with daughter and SIL

D bringing C's cake

I'm holding down K's hands so she can't reach for the candle

Connor attacking the cake

Nanny V with Connor and Ethan

P.S. I keep forgetting to write about it here but Mandy P threw me a party for my birthday. Imagine that? All the way from Oregon! It was SO special and absolutely tickled me pink :)

Feeding toddlers

The second most expensive sandwich ever

Here's the most expensive sandwich :)

I’ve been asked about food by three people lately so I thought I’d do a post.

First, to answer Mandy’s question on yesterday’s post, when we go out, we only order one meal for the kids to share.

This is one of the best things about having twins – no wasted food!!!

I usually order a toasted cheese sandwich (I think some of you call it grilled cheese) which comes with a small portion of chips (French fries) and they share all of that.

It’s fantastic!

Finger food takes them longer to eat so we can actually eat our meal in relative peace.

On Saturday, they’d just had lunch at home when we left for the shopping centre so they weren’t starving and I only ordered extra toast with my meal for them. In retrospect, they polished it off and I had to order MORE extra toast so I may as well have ordered for them. Hmmm.

My goal with the babies has always been to have them eating the same type of things as we do.

We have cereals in the morning, sandwiches for lunch and a cooked meal for supper.

So they have cereals in the morning – these days maltabella (Purity babies’ version), oats, pronutro and yesterday we tried Weetbix.

I aim for sandwiches for lunch – toasted cheese, toast with avo, toast with cottage cheese, toast with peanut butter and since it’s been winter, homemade soup (my favourite, lentil and vegetable) and toast.

When I don’t have anything to put on the toast (sometimes I’m bad with making the shopping list), then they have cooked lunches and suppers.

And I also try any new food at lunch since I don’t want screaming kids at supper time!!!

I’m cooking more and more of their suppers the same as ours, except for curries as I’m not brave enough to give them anything spicy yet.

What I typically do is cook the meal, dish theirs out and then if I want to season some more, I’ll add more spices afterwards.

Things they’re loving at the moment are:

1. Chicken, butternut and rice

2. Lentils, butternut and rice (surprisingly, they absolutely LOVE this meal – I’m making more today since they polished off the last batch so quickly)

3. Chicken a la king and rice

4. Chicken, potatoes and veggies

5. Macaroni and cheese (my poor kids don’t know any different so they think mac and cheese normally has broccoli and cauliflower in the sauce J)

6. Tuna/ any fish with pasta or rice in a creamy sauce

7. Chicken strips (I stir-fry in a peanut butter sauce, no salt) with gem squash (they like this weird combo)

8. Cottage pie/ Shepherd’s pie

(My doctor told me I’m the only mother he knows whose kids eat lentils. My rule is they need to eat what I eat and I love lentils!)

Your turn.

What do you feed your kids for breakfast, lunch and supper?

P.S. Later today I finally have that appointment to get the mole on my back checked out. Wish me well...

P.P.S. I wanted to put a picture of food in this post but blogger is not co-operating so unfortunately you won't get to see the most expensive sandwich I've ever had! Can you guess where or how much?

The good and the bad

The good
The extra day last Monday for the public holiday

The bad
Playing catch up the entire week with emails and such

The good
Getting to delete a gazillion texts as I did the budget

The bad
Facing reality. We are eating out so much now that the babies can eat more and more "real" food (every Sat and Sun). This has got to stop!!!

The good
Got a great bonus this year

The bad
Feel like it's in my account already so have been spending, spending, spending

The good
Lots of great books at a book sale

The bad
Still waiting for my new bookshelf so my guest bedroom is a mess with things EVERYwhere

How was your weekend?

P.S. I jokingly said something to D about "a brother for Connor" and he says, "oh, you mean with your next husband?" LOL He is definitely done!

PP.S. Thanks for all the comments and emails on the sex question post. I am so thankful that I am not alone!!!

Oversharing... and the s*x word

Just a few comments about my post earlier this week...

• This blog is just a snapshot of my life. There are SO many things that happen daily to both the babies and to me, and I can and choose to only write about some of those things.
• I really want to connect through writing on this blog but am fast realising that I don't always get what I want, so either I need to just deal with it as the way it is or change the way I blog.
• I do feel that I need a measure of reciprocity in sharing with friends so I may scale back on sharing feelings and take those behind the scenes with certain people only, I'll see... because this is not working in its current format for me 100%.
• I do think I'm going to stop telling people about my blog until we've built a measure of a relationship first.
• Hmmm, too much thinking :)

Anyway, onto today's topic...

I totally forgot to mention this last week but when I went for my check-up, the gynae asks me the standard list of questions and asks, "normal sex drive?"

I said, "hmmm, I don't think so. Although I don't know if it's just year 1 with twins or if, in fact, it's a problem, but it feels like it's low"

We're going to see if anything changes once I go on those patches....I'll let you know...

But over to you - where do you rate yours? low, medium or high, and based on what???

(I really want to know so leave an anonymous comment if you're the sort who wants to keep your identity secret)

Baby sign language

The best thing in the world happened last week.

Kendra was whining in her cot while I was dressing Connor after his bath one night. She does whine if she's left alone so since I was there, there was no reason to whine.

Right?

So I turned to her and said, "what's wrong, Baby?" and she made the sign for milk while scrunching up her little face.

Well, you'd have thought she'd just won a Nobel Peace Prize.

I was OVER THE MOON.

I called V to the room and again I asked Kendra what she wanted and she signed milk again, this time more frantically.

So I grabbed her, gave her lots of hugs and kisses and we went to get the milk.

But then the biggest surprise happened a few days later, on Sunday.

Connor was jumping/ bouncing up and down in his cot and doing the sign for milk.

He is so non-compliant when I want him to do something (rolling, crawling, etc.) but when it's on his terms, he just does it, very low-key, as if he's been doing it forever.

So we made another big fuss, he beamed at us and since then has been signing milk too.

Kendra then started signing eat on Tuesday.

She's been doing this thing with her mouth forever (probably 6 weeks) when we say, "Kendra, it's time to EAT!!!" (I believe in showing enthusiasm when it comes to food :)

Now there's no doubt. She does her mouth thing and signs eat.

And yesterday morning Connor also started doing the thing with his mouth. Almost like they're smacking their lips, but not quite.

So now we know when they want milk and when they want to eat.

Do you know how my life is changing???!!!

I have DREAMED of the kids being able to communicate their needs and I am in HEAVEN!

Missing Daddy/ Snot

When D came back from Botswana and saw the kids for the first time, Kendra ignored him (she is great at giving the cold shoulder - we will have to put a stop to that).

Connor had such a fantastic reaction it more than made up for K's.

He got so excited, laughing and smiling, trying to wrestle out of V's arms to get to Daddy.

It was priceless.

playing around with Connor - I am not normally a "rolling on the floor" type of person, except with my babies :) which means I am doing far more laundry as this lovely carpet sheds its natural fibres

despite the look, he loves hugs and kisses


he's just getting bored because he wants down

LOVE this one - Daddy and Connor love

I cropped myself out because I looked terrible but the kids are still cute, esp Kendra's expression

Now Connor's had enough of me too

and wants to escape

That night we slept away (which probably added to the clinginess) but over the weekend he has been sticking to D like glue.

It is SO cute. He'll play happily but only if D's in his line of sight.

He even preferred D to me, which just does not happen.

Kendra warmed up after a while but no great shakes - she just carried on her normal life.

They had/ have snotty, blocked noses because the Joburg weather has gone from highs of 22 and 23 degrees last week (lulling me into a false sense of summer) and back down to 12 and 13 degrees this week.

Connor also had a cough in his sleep on Sunday night/ Monday so we decided to be responsible parents and get some medicine for him from the pharmacy.

Despite the fact that I love my paed, I am not about to pay those crazy fees for a cough. I'm not against doctors; I'm just against wasting money when it's clear it's nothing serious.

So we got some stuff for their nose plus a cough mixture for C. R87 in total :)

He LOVES the medicine (made me feel bad for an instant as it's probably the sugar he liked because they don't get any... but then I thought, "tough!") but THRASHES like crazy when I come anywhere near his nose. Technically, thrashes, kicks, screams and cries at the top of his voice.

I can't believe this BIG boy was that tiny 1.85 kg baby.

D pins down his arms and legs and I hold his head with one arm and do the drops with the other. Not my favourite time of day but he's forgiven since he's eating well at the moment. Yes, even opening his mouth voluntarily for food!!!

K doesn't mind getting her nose done; she lays on the change mat and gives me a look like, "get on with it, will you?"

Last night I said to D, we are ROOKIES at this kids getting sick thing because we're moaning about a little cough and a bit of snot!!!

Other people have it far worse.

Really, we should count ourselves blessed we've had nothing else in 13 months!

How do you deal with sick babies? What's your approach? Straight to doc, or do you wing it?

When blogging and real life connect

In my post about the rules for weekends, I wrote about my friend who confessed that she didn't feel urgency to see the babies in person because of my blog (not this one, another one with mainly pics) and Facebook, MandyE left a comment that touched a chord in me.

One of my twin-mom friends was telling me recently that she is considering not blogging anymore. She said that she feels like some of her friends and family use it as a "crutch" for actually keeping up with her and the babies...people don't call to check in, for example, because they know that Jenny took the kids to the park yesterday, and that they ate ice cream for the first time today.

I could see how that might happen. I don't live in the same area where I grew up, so Facebook is a great way for me to feel somewhat reconnected with my hometown friends. I haven't experienced any negatives with it.

I guess it's just a (unfortunate?) sign of our "information rich" times!


I've been feeling some uneasiness around blogging and this comment hit the nail on the head.

I think I even responded back to MandyE to say, "YES, YES, YES - that's exactly how I feel about some of my real life friends" :)

I like being open and honest. It's who I am and I don't want to change that.

But I'm starting to feel like this is Twitter where you tweet and no-one answers back. Or at least back to me :)

I crave connection. I love it when I can sit one-on-one with a friend and share thoughts and feelings, and they can share back with me.

I guess it feels like this conversation is a bit one-sided, like I'm spilling my feelings (which is actually not that easy for me to do) but the other person doesn't do the same ...

Do you ever feel like this?

Time for my disclaimer - I really don't expect comments on every post, although that would be nice but unrealistic :) But I would like some sharing back with me, even just now and again.

I also don't comment on every blog I read but if I know the person, I do comment at the very least occasionally.

So I guess my questions to you, especially if you're a blogger, are:

1. Do people you know in real life read your blog? (yes, for me - but I only tell people that I don't mind knowing my stuff)
2. Do they comment on your blog or email you about it? (Sasha, just for you!)
3. Do you purposely keep your sharing light and superficial because of who reads it?
4. Etc, etc.

1 down, 35 to go

The coolest thing happened on my birthday (Friday).

I posted my list of 36 (which I've just added as a page to my blog) and that afternoon, the friend I mentioned in number 10 contacted me.

She asked if we'd be around since she was going to be in the area and would love to see me.

Of course I said yes.

We had a LOVELY visit this afternoon; chatting, laughing, sharing openly and honestly about everything and it was so nourishing to my soul.

She even had a little cry at something I did for her. She's stepping out to do something she's always wanted to do and I wrote her a letter telling her how proud I am of her, etc.

The last time we saw each other in person we sat in a booth at Mugg and Bean (Rosebank) and I was the one crying after my first failed IVF.

When they left, we had the mad rush that is the bathtime and bed conveyor belt but once the babies were in bed, I said to D, "WHY do we always leave things so long?"

I think she and I are both at the stage where we truly value each other's friendship, warts and all, and we resolved to not leave things for years next time.

Speaking of friends, another very good friend of ours (well, actually D's) phoned me from London and sang Happy Birthday to me on my voicemail. I sent him a text to say thank you but last night, we spontaneously decided to call him.

It was fantastic, as it always is. I love hearing the two of them talk "boy nonsense" and I was also laughing like crazy, so much so that I had to close the door in case the babies woke.

How was your Women's Day/ Monday?

P.S. Today is Women's Day in South Africa.
P.P.S. Tomorrow I have a lunch date with another friend. On Wed I have yet another lunch date, this time with Natalie. Can't wait for either of those :)

Firsts

On Friday we had a first for us - first night ever I slept apart from the babies.

I'd been working on The List for a few weeks and realised if I wanted to do some travelling alone with D, we'd have to start getting the babies used to other people.

So I suggested to D that his mother come sleep over on my birthday while we went to a hotel.

He was not keen as he didn't feel it was okay to lump his mom with the morning craziness of breakfast, getting them dressed, etc.

When the whole Botswana thing happened, we'd still not firmly decided on anything so I just assumed it wasn't happening.

And then when my MIL phoned to wish me a happy birthday, she said, "so what time do you want me there tonight?" and I said (totally winging it), "how about 4:30, in time for baths?" (yes, we bath early)

The plan was set.

When D arrived home (in the middle of my important coaching session) I quickly took a break to tell him his mother was coming over. He phoned her to clarify everything.

Another inconvenience was that the hotels are now SO expensive (from two years ago when we last slept away from home for a night) and I really couldn't justify spending R1350 for one night (which was really just sleep as we were going to go out for supper beforehand), or a few hours since D wanted to leave early, straight after breakfast, to relieve his mother.

So I had a brainwave.

We swopped houses and spent the night at hers. I also got Nanny V to come in on Sat morning to help out.

It all went fairly well except for one thing -

At 9:20 when I checked my phone, there was a message saying that "little Connor is not settling and I've been in there 4 times already" - the message was left at 8:15.

Panic stations.

We phoned and explained that we try not to respond immediately if he stirs and we definitely don't say a word if we do happen to go into their bedroom.

By this time (9:30) she'd been in 8 times and we only left home at 7 pm after they were both in bed and sleeping soundly.

I think things were fine after that - to tell you the truth, I didn't too many questions as I didn't want to freak out. Aren't you proud of me?

When we arrived home, the kids were fine and so was my MIL who said the "time together was so precious" - aaawwww.

So another first! Yay!

D and I slept about 10 hours straight that night :)

36 candles

I said to D last week, "this year (meaning once I turn 36), I'm not taking anymore cr*p". He said, "oh boy, you already don't" :)

My 36 things to do now I've turned 36 are:

1. Do LOTS more talks
2. Develop and keep up a system for my photos
3. Do a weekly review post
4. Have a family photo shoot when the babies can walk (I have very specific photos in mind and they need to be walking for that :))
5. Take a beach holiday
6. Decide on a policy for attending kiddies birthday parties
7. Go to gym 8 times a month
8. Do at least 3 talks on my infertility story to church or other groups
9. Learn how to make a halfway decent blog header with photos in under 30 minutes
10. Reconnect with a friend I truly love (she's moved to Pretoria so we never see each other any more)
11. Learn to let go
12. Read 5 books a month
13. Weigh 57 kg
14. Hire a personal trainer to help me get to my goal weight
15. When I reach said goal weight, reward myself with a professional photo shoot
16. Use those photos to have a website redesign
17. Live a simpler life
18. Simplify my business even more and do only really high-value work
19. Travel internationally with D for at least 5 days!
20. Do regular random acts of kindness
21. Pay for a stranger's meal/ groceries
22. Do my version of 29 gifts - 4 unexpected gifts a month
23. Get better with my skincare routine
24. Have lunch with a friend once a month. Definitely on this list - a friend I've recently connected with after we lost touch for years (we met at university and I haven't seen her for about 8 years)!
25. Get outside of house painted
26. Figure out how to generate income from my organising blog
27. Redesign organising blog (contrary to what you may think, I find it very hard to let people design things for me as I'm so clear on what I hate!)
28. Lower my expectations of myself and of others
29. Take a very basic photography class
30. Learn to cook a roast
31. Hire a life coach
32. Get at least one massage a month
33. Get hair done once a month
34. Have only clothes in my wardrobe that I love and that look good on me
35. Meet up with 3 blog friends (Cat, are you game?)
36. Get involved in some form of ministry again (I've stopped for the last 2 years and am feeling the itch to make a difference again) - could be those infertility talks otherwise even just mentoring people, etc.

If you have any ideas or you can help me in any way, I'd be very grateful. I believe by putting things out there, good things come back :)

What's on your list and how can I help you get there?

P.S. In this pic I was about 55 - 56 kg. This was taken in Kinsale, County Cork, Ireland. Actually probably closer to 56 kg as I was having tea and scones a couple of times a day :)

Money, milk and movement

Money

So I did our budget last week and .......... drum roll please.... we're saving about R500 every month now that they're on real milk instead of formula. For those detail-oriented ones among you, the R500 is AFTER I factor in all the extra milk I have to buy (on average, 1 L a day for their bottles and for mixing with cereal).

Any ideas as to what I should do with that money? What would you do?

I'm debating between some exciting things like unit trusts or saving for their future daycare because it's hellishly expensive out there, and of course, everything X 2. I need to talk to you about schooling at some point. I'm being a sissy about it because it is so controversial.

Milk

Because of the cow's milk, my night time routine just got so much shorter. Instead of boiling and cooling water, measuring formula and mixing bottles, it is now grab bottle, pour milk. That's it - done! It is heaven!!! I can do it in minutes now instead of a set block of time.

D is a lot more sentimental than I am (he teases me and calls me "cold") and is actually nostalgic about not having to measure out formula (how can you be nostalgic about all that schlep?!) and wants to keep a formula dispenser for the memory box. I said, "no way, I can't WAIT to give them away".

In case anyone is interested in how we transitioned...

Dr S said finish all the formula you have and move onto milk.

I did it my way.

I kept them on 2 bottles a day formula, lunch time bottle of milk for a week. Then I moved to wake-up and lunch bottles of milk and evening formula.

In retrospect, there's something to be said for listening to the doctor. Because they (Connor) threw the "real milk" bottle aside a couple of days. When he saw there was no alternative (well, water!), he eventually drank the milk. After much screaming and tantrum-throwing, of course.

Now that we're onto real milk properly, we have no problems.

Movement

They are everywhere and into everything these days. Different directions, of course.

Last night I chatted to a friend and told her Connor can wreck a room within MINUTES. Bins overturned, CDs all over the place, etc.

The nice thing is they're stable so they don't fall a lot (except if one baby muscles in on the other's space) and that frees me up so I don't need eyes all over my head all the time.

Another nice thing is I can walk to the kitchen, etc. and they follow me like little dogs. Too sweet and also, easy on my back. Or I'm busy in another room and I hear whining... I can call out to them and they come! One of them is more stubborn than the other though. Can you guess which one?

Yes, we are busy busy busy BUT I love this stage! I honestly celebrate each stage of independence and would not want that "bump on a log" stage back for anything!


P.S. I get a kick out of doing weird subject lines - for the blog and for my emails :)

Computers are not my friend

Edited to add

Number 1 & 2 are now sorted - yay! Need to figure out scheduling thing now.

1. So you know how I'm battling to get this domain redirection set up. It's driving me crazy because I'm following instructions and it's not working.

Seriously - is there no-one who is tech-minded who can go look in my hosting and in blogger for me to figure out why I can't seem to get this working?

2. Then my website is not working either................ my home page is fine but the minute you click anything, 404 error.

Driving me bananas.

3. The scheduling thing in Blogger is not working on either the old or updated post editor and I'm slowly losing my mind. If anyone had this and it's now fixed, please share your fountain of knowledge.

4. And then I have an inbox that is stretching to mammoth proportions but on the bright side, I am getting lots of "real work" done.

Just so you know if you've sent me emails with questions.... that's why I haven't answered them.

Nevertheless, let's talk about my gynae appt this morning.

It was just a normal check-up but it's with a new guy who I'm very happy with.

I still have not received my file from the other people and based on their customer service, am very glad I didn't go with them.

Anyway...

The two receptionists were fantastic both prior to today and then this morning too. Very patient with all my questions because they do things very differently.

• He takes blood at the appointment in addition to the PAP smear. The blood is to check hormone levels, etc. - great!
• They do one appt and then a follow-up in 6 weeks. I'm not too keen on that since I have to pay for it but oh well, let's see.
• He explains things beautifully and draws lots of pictures and here's the kicker...
• I had to fill in a customer service form afterwards "so Dr P knows where he can make you happier" (got to love that and it's SO me (I'm a bit of a freak about customer service, in a good way of course))
• He's ULTRA organised - I commented on that and he said he works 12-hour days so he can't afford to waste time looking for things !!!

So everything is fine, breasts and so on... my blood pressure was slightly elevated (for me) 100/60 which actually brought me into a more normal range.

There are some small cysts and endometriomas (?) going on (no surprise) but we are agreed that we want to try meds and things first instead of the dreaded operations. Last month's period was not pleasant and I do know my endo is quite aggressive so it's just a matter of time unless I do something different. And with a grand total of 5 ops under my belt, I really am in no hurry for that recovery time again.

I've got a prescription for birth control patches since my memory is shot to hell. I told him I went crazy on the pill (he says, "crazy how?") - well, crazy crying and crazy getting cross :)

So I've got another little something to add some of the hormone the patches suppress.

All very interesting to me.


**************

In other news, either the babies are just naturally sleeping more soundly or they've stopped missing D. There was not a PEEP out of their bedroom last night until 6:10 this morning and no crying (!). When I woke at 7, I took morning bottles to them.

And... I've stepped out of my box and applied for a management consultant job internally. Not sure if I'm keen on it (will depend on % split of boring/ interesting outcomes - I applied based on the cool stuff :)) as our HR is very secretive so don't want to answer my detailed questions yet. But the main thing is... I've taken action!

How are you doing? Really...


P.S. K who runs our infertility group, often tells me "computers are not my friend" :)

I desperately need help

Help me please

I have no idea what I’m doing – trying to redirect my blogspot to my custom domain.

Will someone who's willing to do it for me please contact me - I will PAY!!!!! I'm that desperate and stupid about these things.

Second pregnancy

Unfortunately, not mine :)

Hmmm, I was just thinking about something and I'm generalising WILDLY over here but...

It seems to me that people don't get as excited about second pregnancies as they do over their first?

There are two girls in the office both pregnant.

And a friend of mine. Not you, N :)

All three already had babies and with their second pregnancies, don't seem so excited.

The one colleague did say that her hubby was none too excited and it also took her about 3 months to get used to the fact that she was pregnant (he is not the hands-on type) as she also had a hard time adjusting to motherhood with number 1.

I am more excited than they are, it seems.

Have you also noticed this, or are my colleagues and friends unique?

My plan for my evenings this week

Thank you so much for your great ideas on surviving as a single parent.

I've decided that I have to go to bed an hour or two earlier as I have to do the early bottle while D's away.

So after the babies go to bed I have about 4 hours before I need to be in bed.

6 - 7 pm

• Have cup of tea while I watch Bold and Beautiful and write my list for the evening, pack work bag, etc.
• Heat and eat supper (oh, in other news, I didn't have a proper supper on Sat and lost weight!!! so I'm thinking toast for supper is suddenly a very good idea)
• Babies bottles and food for next day
• Pack my own lunch bag

7 - 10 pm

Marcia time and Business time :)

Marcia time includes

my 30 ab crunches, showering and whatnot, blogging on this blog, TVs and movie (Survivor and I hired a DVD for Wed), reading, etc.

Business time includes

Coaching, any projects, business blogging, writing newsletters, etc.

Tonight I've already done quite well - let's see how this holds up the rest of the week.

What are your evenings like generally speaking?

P.S. I'm convinced K is telepathic. Tonight D phoned me and while we were chatting, she woke up and starts sobbing like her little heart is breaking. ??? Poor thing - maybe she realised Daddy's away?