Friendship Friday - on hardening your heart

Oh hey, it's September. Some of you like the heat; I like taking photos of pretty flowers :)

How was your August?

Mine was mostly good - I talked about it here.

Despite the fact that our house is still not sold and Connor's little accident, #Augustwas still a good month. . We're settled in the new house and I'm not anxious about reversing my car down the hill that is my driveway 😳 . The kids tell me that they like the house so much they don't feel like going out to eat (BIG for my kids!). . I also celebrated a birthday! 🎉🎈🎉 . Lots of nesting/ pottering around the house, lots of reading, lots of tea-drinking and lots of capturing #everydaylife for #AugustBreak2016 which has been exactly what I needed to slow down and calm my soul. . . #10secondpullover #melrose

A photo posted by Marcia Francois (@marcia0608) on Sep 1, 2016 at 10:47pm PDT

Now, I want to talk about something that's been brewing for a good few months.

In a nutshell, and some of you know this, I was not one for female friends until the infertility struck. I was friendly but not a sharer/ girly type of person. D's my best friend and I didn't see the need for others.

And then I started making infertile friends and pregnant friends, and mother friends, and before you knew it, I had lots of friends.

And then some stuff happened last year and I lost a friend, and another relationship changed a bit too.

I suppose also the year of enough led me to stop just accepting any kind of behaviour, and firm up on my boundaries because I'm worth more.

As I tell my K often, you are a lovely child with a caring heart, and if so and so doesn't want to play, there are lots of other kids who would love to have a friend like you.

(then I hear myself talking and it seems I'm talking to myself!!!)

But a little side-effect happened. An unintended consequence, if you will.

I started keeping all my friends except just a few at an emotional distance. Because I learned (completely unconsciously) that when you open up and are vulnerable, and you're hurt, self-preservation says to not do that thing again that will hurt you.

In church a few months ago, and I'd get my church notebook but I'm lazy to go downstairs... the pastor spoke about hardening your heart in another context.

There are at least two things going on in church usually - the thing that the pastor is talking about, and other things God's talking to you about. Like a secret :)

And suddenly God was talking to ME about hardening my heart in friend relationships. Whoa!

There's no cute story to tie this all up, but just to put this out there that I'm aware... and while I'm being very careful with my marshmallow heart, I'm trying to keep just a little bit open where I know my heart can be trusted.

Have you hardened your heart because of relationship hurts?


PS the link just above referred to some questions I was going to write about weekly. And then I lost the page with the questions. When I packed up the house, I found my page again so now it's on my desk and I need to write those other blog posts.