Feature Friday... a day late

I thought it would be fitting for me to start off showcasing some blogs in my inspiration and dreaming folder :)

I've been reading Andrea's blog, Superhero Journal, forever. It really does feel like forever because she was also infertile when I started reading. And now that baby is about 4 or 5 :) and there's a baby 2.

You all know I'm obsessed with people who are open and honest and admittedly not perfect. This is her.

She makes the most beautiful jewellery, takes gorgeous pics (of leaves, shoes and weird things :)) and writes beautifully too.

Also, how can you not love a blog with the name Superhero???!

Andrea's one of the creators of Mondo Beyondo.

Jen Lemen is the other creator of Mondo Beyondo and she's the other blog I want to talk about today.

Jen is beautifully introspective and asks such good questions that make you think.

If something makes me think about things hours and even days afterward, that's a minor miracle right there because I generally move on so quickly.

I remember writing a comment on one of her posts YEARS ago (at least 4 years ago) where I spoke about my infertility and she wrote back with one of the sweetest comments ever. I saved that email for years and then shortly after the babies were born, deleted it.

Anyway, I love love LOVE this latest post on Andrea's blog. And incidentally, the pic on the projector (in her post) is one of my favourites ever.

Here is a link to Jen's blog.

Go make a nice cup of coffee/ tea and settle in for some good reading time :) These are blogs I read over lunch because I need to read and think about things.

Two questions for you today:

Do you normally read blogs like this? By creative, arty types?

If yes, which ones are your favourites?

PS Was anyone already a follower of these blogs?

What's your thing?

First off, Gina, Julie and Tania - I can't see your email address on your comments.

Please send a blank email to marcia AT the123blog DOT com so I can send you your Kitchen Organising Pack.

Thank you :)

The rest of you should already have it in your inbox.

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Right, now onto today's post.

There's this girl about 12 years my junior at work.

We are quite similar in personality and share a lot of interests (like a passion for travel and Myers Briggs :)) but she's much cleverer than I am :)

Anyway, we were talking about books and I promised to bring her one of the best career books for women ever (Nice girls don't get the corner office - keep an open mind and read it if you're a working mom) and then she promised to bring me one (Steve Harvey's Act like a lady).

We did the exchange today and I told her I'd start hers this week and definitely be done within a week.

She said, "well, you'll be waiting a LOT longer for your one". LOL

And then I explained my modus operandi.

I can easily read one book a week, reading 30 - 60 minutes every evening, which is why my goal is 5 books a month because this way I have to intentionally set aside EXTRA time on the weekend or a weekday evening to read.

My goal is one night a week for fun things.

I don't always make it for an entire evening but having the reading goal forces me to relax and enjoy my time off.

Some of you may say, "is it really relaxing if you have to push yourself?"

And I say an absolute yes!

It really is just getting over the hump of (very slight) guilt at not whizzing around, replying to emails, cleaning, organising, etc. and relaxing. And about 5 minutes after sitting down, I'm enjoying my book and couldn't care less about other things.

Teehee.

When I say this kind of thing to people, I see they want to slap me but just remember, I'm a time management coach and I coach on purposeful and intentional living, so to be in integrity, I have to live my talk.

I told the personal trainer today that I could never coach if I wasn't doing the stuff myself. I'd feel like a fraud.

So that's my thing (love love LOVE reading).

What's your thing, and how do you make time for it?

Aren't you glad this is the last day to vote? I know I am :)

P.S. A big congrats to Laura Case for launching her photography business. I am a big fan of Laura, the photographer, but even more so of Laura, the person, as she is someone who really lives life BIG! She also has the two cutest boys in the world! Laura, I can't wait to see your business take off and soar :)

PPS I'm off to try and finish a book by midnight to reach my reading goal :)

Passionately inspired by the "youth"

I'm working on something here at work, something we all have no clue about :)

That's the fun of working in business development - you're not expected to have all the answers.

Anyway, we thought of someone who was working in the same space we want to get into, but in a different industry and called him in to have a meeting with us.

Meeting one was more of a fact-finding mission but meeting two....

Well, that meeting was fabulous. I've become a bit jaded working in this space because everyone thinks they have the Next Big Business Idea and they don't.

I was SO inspired by this young man with such good business sense and fantastic ideas. And passion!

I even took some notes for my business!

He arrived with 3 of his business colleagues, all so young with not a wrinkle between them, and they were all so self-confident and sure of themselves, without being arrogant.

I loved it.

Yes, I felt like a granny as I'm sure I'm nearly double the age of most of them :) but LOVED interacting with them and learning from them.


Then something else came to mind.

When we were in PE in December, D went to see a movie one night and I stayed behind to babysit.

I had a shower and because I don't dry myself (I air dry - does anyone else do this), I sat around in my towel for about 20 minutes, flipping through the channels and came across the Ms South Africa pageant.

Now I generally don't watch this kind of fluff but it was the interview stages which is being done very naturally these days, out in an adventure setting, and also, I quite like to poke fun at the girls. I'm terrible but really, world peace?

So I was very pleasantly surprised by one of the girls.

She was studying in Cape Town (in my view, the city of friendly people) and was a greenie, but a good greenie. She was busy studying something to do with eco-friendly buildings (B.Sc Property Science - I have a feeling that if they'd had this kind of thing "in my day" I would have done it too) and had started a library of green books for primary school kids.

Well, this girl had passion and I was transfixed.

I used to be her!

When I was at Rhodes, I was a green activist in as much as you could do in 1992. In those days, it was a big deal to have a recyclable bag :)

This girl was passionate not only about green buildings and about the earth, but just about life.

I was like that - full of big dreams and changing the world, making a difference.

Okay, I still have that but it's been tempered with a good old dose of cynicism and reality.

But I sat there in the hotel, with my fluffy white towel, thinking about this girl, out there doing these things.

So what happened to us?

I know I'm not the only one who was like that at 18.

I also know life happens and we get on with it but don't you want some of that get up and go back?

Or don't you care about these things?

I told myself after that meeting with the first guy that I really need to remain open-minded and retain some youthful enthusiasm.

And remember that 18-year-old girl at Rhodes who thought she could do anything.

Because I still can.

This week's me time

Last week when I participated in the 52 weeks challenge, I went to visit each of the people above me in the linky thing and someone said something about taking a day off work just because.

Hmmm.

I liked that idea and because I'd had such a busy weekend, I decided to do the same.

We have this automated leave application system at work - you put in your leave online and it sends a message to your line manager to approve it.

I like the efficiency but I don't like that it has removed the connection and talking part of it.

So if he's in the office, I tell him when I want to take leave and then do the online thing.

This week I chased after him and told him I wanted to take a half day's leave and sorry for the short notice.

He says, "oh, Marcia, what's wrong?"

I said, "oh nothing, I just need some time off because I'm knackered AND I had a busy weekend".

He laughed.

Anyway, the leave was approved and this afternoon I escaped to come home.

Did some quick shopping on the way home, played with the babies and then holed up in my study when they went for their nap and for an hour afterwards.

I've mentioned to one or two people behind the scenes of the blog that my friend's son's death has really thrown me - it's felt like "what is the point of ANYTHING?" and I've been stuck.

I had a look at my diary (daily planner) and I have NOTHING in there since I heard the news. Literally empty pages for three weeks.

Yes, I've been plodding along but if I stop to think more than 3 seconds, all the emotion comes flooding to the fore and I start crying again.

Yesterday was 4 weeks since his death and on Sunday in church, the message was about leaving hurts in the past and moving on.

Of course that really spoke to me and I decided to take some small action steps today.

I planned out my goals for April - June, did detailed planning for April (the book will now be written in May), did more planning on some teleseminars I plan to do over the next 3 months and it was good.

It's amazing for me (I don't know why it still amazes me because I know this is what happens) how creativity comes and how ideas just FLOW when I get organised with my planning first.

I'd originally planned to read and do nothing but I really do function best in an ordered environment, especially when my mind is organised :) so doing my goals was best for me today.

Other than today, I had the photo workshop on Monday, a massage on Tuesday... and tea with my lovely friend, Natalie on Wednesday to talk Mondo. Julia, you are on my list - we'll have some virtual tea soon and also talk Mondo. And on Thursday, I declared email bankruptcy :)

That's it from my side.

What did you do for yourself this week?

PS tomorrow is my first infertility talk. I only have 20 minutes but I'm prepared to talk very fast :)

Thoughts on Mondo Beyondo

So Mondo Beyondo finished about a month ago.

After that first burst of enthusiasm, I hit a wall on a particular day and couldn't seem to move past that until about two weeks later when I spoke to a coach friend who had also done Mondo last year and got stuck in that exact same place.

Hmmm.

Anyway, I then got moving again, caught up and kind of stayed with it for the rest of the course.

I do feel I lost out during my "hitting a wall" period as everyone was all lovey-dovey and supportive on the forums and I was................stuck.

I finished the course about a week later but it was rushed just to finish and tick it off the list rather than a true engagement with the process.

Then again, I'm bad at letting things sit... unless I haven't quite figured something out. Then I happily sit with the issue.

The weird thing is going from these literally 50 updates a day (from people posting on the forum) to nothing is quite the shock and then suddenly you forget you ever did Mondo.

When we did our lists earlier in the course we were told to write it out and seal it in an envelope.

I quite liked this idea and I honoured my dreams by putting it in a gorgeous, bright blue envelope with the date on it.

The following week we were to open the envelope, spot trends, and start taking small action steps.

That was when I was stuck so I didn't bother but I did a quick scan of my list (which I'd typed) and noticed it was 1/3 travel, 1/3 achievement and 1/3 quality of life (live simpler, etc.) stuff.

They had said when we wrote our lists that if we do nothing else, we are half way there.

I know this to be true because I've even written an article about how when you just write down your goals, you're half way there.

It's the intention, you see. And intention brings focus.

Just yesterday I got to work and there was a post on the forum!

From someone who said they were WEEKS behind and was anyone in the same place.

When I clicked over, I saw pages and pages of similar comments.

Wow.

So this has stirred up the Mondo in me.

I must tell you something else too - one of the last exercises was to reach out to people and meet fellow dreamers face-to-face.

I breathed deeply and put out a note on Facebook.

Not one person even said anything encouraging, let alone that they were a dreamer.

(I know, my issues)

If I'd read that on someone's status, I would have said something like, "well, I haven't done MB but YES, let's do some dreaming and goal-getting together".

But nothing.

So yes, I'm disillusioned.

I sometimes feel cursed by the way that I am in a world that is SO not like me.

And then I remember that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.

Then I go back again to feeling very sorry for myself :)

And then I remember that people who think and do things differently are 1 in 10.

And so on and so on.

I'm not quite sure what the point of this post is - I suppose I just wanted to journal a bit.

But... if by any chance, there is someone out there reading this who wants to do some MB dreaming together even if you didn't do the official MB, will you comment or email me?

I do feel like I need to put myself out there and be vulnerable just one more time before I cross this off my list.

I really am okay if there is no-one of like mind because my bright blue envelope winks at me when I reach into my file organiser thing on my desk and I'm reminded, very gently, that there are dreams in there that will come to pass if I'm open to the opportunities around me.

Getting unstuck with Mondo, business bits and bobs, & Valentine's

I have been behind on my Mondo Beyondo stuff since a certain lesson two weeks ago.

I just got stuck and couldn't move.

I then chatted with my coach today (who has also done Mondo). Interestingly enough she got stuck at the same place and we are very different people.

Even more interesting, just the fact that I talked about it for a good 5 mins made me want to revisit the Mondo work.

So I did tonight.

I've just spent 3 hours "catching up". Now people on the forum said to just "be" and "marinate" and other such passive things that don't work for me. I'm a take action kind of gal.

And so I did. I read everything and commented on nearly every single lesson.

And guess what? someone wrote something that hit me between the eyes. They wrote the very thing that unlocked my being stuck.

I finally got why that lesson bothered me so much. I couldn't figure it out from the obvious but it's the hidden things.

Isn't that fantastic?

When I'm stuck, I basically become paralysed and need to figure things out (often with a coach) so I can take acion. Taking action always gets me moving again.

How do you get going when you're stuck with things, decisions, actions in your life?

One of the lessons was to look at your list and look for trends (they called it something else but that's basically it).

Mine all centred around being recognised for achievements, living a simpler life and travel. Oh, lots and lots of travel. Nearly a third of the list is travel.

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In other news, one of my current clients told me that she wants extra coaching time. She was already on my most expensive coaching package so I am now officially being paid the most I've ever earned in my life.

MONDO! Best year ever.

It's not the money, it's what it represents - people recognising my expertise.

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I also signed up a new client today - she asked for a quote yesterday and today phoned back. When I was about to discuss packages, she said, "oh the money is not an issue. I just need your help desperately" :) love it!

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Also, I finally got a dvd from the tv show. Now I need to figure out how to upload just my snippet to YouTube and then I'll email you the link, Deanna. And anyone else who wants to see it.

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I worked so well at work today and then again with the personal trainer that I am now absolutely finished, so off to bed.


Tomorrow D and I are going out for lunch, without babies, while V babysits, and then on Sunday afternoon we're going for a movie while MIL babysits. I hope she copes.

That's our Valentine's celebration. We don't do expensive gifts - living a simpler life and all that jazz...

To those who say you can celebrate your love any day, I'm going to ask, well, do you really? We all need opportunities to celebrate love.

So what are you doing? And if you're single, what are you going to do to love yourself?

P.S. whenever you see gorgeous pics of us, it's all thanks to Jeanette :)

Finances and Mondo goals

Gosh, aren't finances depressing?

You think you earn X amount and before you know it (and our "month" is only 2 days old as I get paid on the 20th), you have thousands gone...

Also, last month we overspent on our grocery budget by 75%.

Don't ask - I don't know how either. But I've told D we need to be a bit more vigilant about finishing food in the house before just buying more and more things.

On the bright side, everything now balances and all is good with the world.

I've decided to put it out there on my Mondo list that I want to pay off our bond this year.

Our bond was registered on 7 Jan 2006 (I don't know how I keep remembering such arbitrary dates...but I do) and so it is 5 years old.

Every time we buy a property (this is the 3rd) we set a goal to pay off the bond in 5 years. First one was "easy" because the bond was so small, second one we only stayed there 3.5 years but whittled a good chunk away and I think we would have done this one had it not been for the IVFs.

Nevertheless, that was the best R80-odd thousand we ever spent as we now have these beautiful children who make us laugh at their craziness every single day.

So I've worked the numbers and at first I thought if we could live very frugally with no "life", we could do it. But that's just not me.

Instead we will live semi-frugally (really just watch unnecessary expenses) but still go on a few holidays and I will work my BUTT off (in the gym and at work) and trust God for a fantastic bonus again this year plus TWO salary increases.

Why not, I say? I serve a Big God!

I like to use my bonus for travel but I'm also sensible and do put some away.

Do you know how scary it is to put this goal out there?

But this is what I meant when I chose COURAGE for my word of the year.

I never had problems believing in BIG DREAMS before and I need to start doing so again.

So watch this space - by 31 Dec 2011 our bond will be paid off. I'm not worrying about the how at the moment.

I get all fluttery on the inside just thinking about it - fantastic :)

Do you have any scary financial goals?

Mondo Beyondo - small things that bring me joy

I mentioned before that I'm doing Mondo Beyondo.

I am loving it.

I like the structure of an outline and a plan to explore dreaming big. Most of all I love reading the comments on the private blog - these people write so beautifully.

Anyway, here is today's prompt for me (I'm a day behind since I get the stuff late afternoon because of being in South Africa - the others are just starting out their day).

What are some small things that bring you joy?

How infertility messed me up emotionally

I've shared often on this blog how I'm not a girly-girl.

Not in clothes and certainly not in the groups of women friends normal women have.

I'm very friendly and can chat with anyone but at school and at varsity I had 2 - 3 close friends that I shared things with, and that was that.

Aside from being dumped by two friends, I haven't had any real friend drama, I think because I used to have a thick skin.

Friend 1 dumped me because I told her her boyfriend was cheating on her. She is now married to him and I have NO doubt he's still cheating on her but let's move on.

Friend 2 dumped me for no apparent reason. She dumped everyone, seriously everyone, family and all her friends because she went a bit psycho. This was my best friend at university, who stayed two doors down in the res (residence) from me.

Other than that, no issues.

Then I became infertile.

Suddenly I had all these feelings going on inside that I couldn't really talk to anyone about, not even D. As a man he felt a smidgeon of it but certainly nothing like the way I felt my body was broken, I was a failure, etc.

Slowly I learned the "infertile nod".

That's when you tentatively start chatting about things, get to the subject of children, and you both have a knowing that you're both infertile.

You test the waters and give each other the "infertile nod".

That's what happened with "my friend with the twins", C, and I.

We worked together, became friendly, got chatting and discovered we both wanted children desperately.

C dragged me to the infertility support group promising "we don't ever have to go back if they're weird".

Because I was scared of opening up, of sharing how I really felt, of being vulnerable in a room full of strangers.

That first time, I still thought everybody was a bit weird but they seemed so at ease with their stories that I was willing to come back one more time.

Until I was there every single time, except when I was travelling.

And I got more and more comfortable with sharing, with opening up, with becoming vulnerable.

I like to think I made a lot of really good friends in that group.

All that opening up made it easy for me to share my story with anyone who needed a bit of encouragement (not just at the group).

You'd think that was good news now that I wasn't as closed-off emotionally.

But you'd be wrong.

I'm still open and vulnerable but I feel like all my friends have crossed over the river of infertility and are safe and dry on the other side, well-adjusted.

Almost like they opened a little box in their heart, let their feelings out while they were waiting, and now they've locked the little boxes in their hearts and everything's safe and well again.

And me? Well, I'm this open, gaping, emotional mess.

I value connection and, while this is hard for me to say, I'm not getting what I need.

There I said it.

I was praying about this a few weeks ago and God reminded me that He is enough for me.

I know that, a bit too intellectually, but... I do know that.

Still, I need people too; talking back to God is not always as fun :)

Then I prayed again - this time that He would send a special someone into my life to meet my friendship needs. Or change relationships. Whatever He feels like doing.

So I wait...

And that is yet another way infertility messed me up emotionally.

For anybody who battled to have a baby, how has infertility messed you up?

P.S. I've just signed up for Mondo Beyondo. This is going on my Mondo list. There's a special today only, for just $49. Is anybody going to join me in January?