Elton John and saying no to 3-year-olds

Don't forget - Saturday's theme is SOUND :)

I can't wait to see your pics!!!

Are you guys still excited about playing along?

PS these so-and-sos are TEASING me about bringing my camera to work. Why not? I said!

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Yesterday we had our divisional awards function and I started feeling a bit weird (very hot, and apparently it was actually cold) and then had a headache. By the time I left, the headache was increasing steadily, so much so I couldn't even listen to my Elton John CD.

I must say, I love listening to Philadelphia Freedom even more knowing how much Heather likes it :)

One song I've started seriously enjoying (way too much, if I'm honest) is Honky Cat. I pretend I'm singing "live" in front of an audience when I'm in the car. Stop laughing!

Which are your favourite 3 Elton John songs?

(you'll be doing better than me - I can't even get down to top 5)

Anyway, the point is I slept 10.5 hours last night.

Yes! Hence no blogging :)

I'm being very careful today to drink a lot of water and also take a Panado the minute I feel a headache coming on.

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Exhibit A - three-year-old behaviour

So what I really want to discuss with you is the latest 3-year-old trend in my house.

I say no to someone and they collapse in tears like someone just died. Complete with dramatics - snot, hands on face, complete drama.

I say no to another someone and they flip out. Like SOLID. Like loud crying, legs kicking, screaming, etc.

The complete dramatics don't phase me in the least - I can quite easily ignore it except when it's interrupting conversations D and I are having.

So I tell her to please go cry outside my bedroom and when she's done she can come talk to us nicely.

But the boy... is somewhat extroverted and therefore loud.

And that crazy behaviour pushes my buttons big time.

Kendra laughed at him last night and miraculously (because it could go either way - either anger him further or snap him out of it) he started laughing and all was well.

Normally I also leave him and tell him to come talk to me nicely BUT the latest is he will follow me and keep screaming and crying, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO!!! WAAAAAAHHHHH"

MandyE wrote a post yesterday which pushed this off my mental drafts into an actual blog post.

She wanted to know if we give in to the issue in question (especially if it's small) or if we stand firm.

I try and not make a big deal about things that are not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Like this morning no one wanted to eat breakfast "properly", but only have one slice of toast.

Okay, maybe that's a bad example because I never make an issue of food. I just won't ever give anything else. So I told them they could stop eating but if they get hungry, they have to then have their fruit first before getting anything else.

I stand absolutely firm on the big things (for me) like respect, good manners and safety (but my views on safety are very lax anyway - I'm farrrrr from a helicopter parent) but on the little things, I make them choose with consequences. "you want water? okay, but that means you will only get a tiny bit of milk otherwise you'll pee in the bed" but "you have to say sorry to Daddy first for speaking so ugly"

How do you handle the 3-year-old behaviour?

PS next up - I have to tell you about anger and the love languages. I've been doing things ALL wrong!!! 

So we're using star charts

So I'm still in love with 123 magic but really, I have some stubborn kids and sometimes they just push me right to the edge.

When I saw these cute star charts on Erin's blog, I had to try them.

(BTW, she had me at laminator)

It seemed like a good idea to change tactics from the stick to the carrot, but also still doing 123 magic. Adding something extra to the parenting arsenal :)

I promised the kids we'd make them star charts one weekend and so we did.They were very excited even though they didn't have a clue what I was on about.

They are only 3 (well, what's two days?) so I thought 4 items to focus on for a week at a time was plenty.

They helped me decide which stickers to use and which colour flowers, etc. so it was a group effort.

And of course Connor's favourite thing in the world is the laminator. He wants to laminate everything under the sun. I do store up all my laminating and then I ask him if he wants to help me laminate. Well, his smile is so big you'd swear he was let loose in a toy shop.

He proudly switches on the laminator and tells me when it goes green. And then he holds the cord back so the page slides through easily and we're done.

D and I decided what each child's chart should say based on the behaviours we don't find desirable :)

Louisa connected a dot or two for me once when we chatted and I said Connor is the only one who throws tantrums. She said, "does Kendra sulk? It seems like the quieter ones sulk" and YES, it's true. Kendra sulks which is just as annoying.

This is Kendra sulking. I said, "Kendra, are you sulking?" She said, "no, I just don't feel like talking". D and I packed out laughing! "Baby, that's what sulking is!"

here's where she's really trying to stop sulking!

So they both have two the same and two different.

"Going to sleep nicely" which means no jumping around the room, scratching in the tidy cupboards or drawers (this sends me RIGHT over the edge!) or jumping in each other's bed. And certainly no coming out to us! This is for naps and for real sleep at night.

"Listening to Mummy/ Daddy" is another catch-all. I told Julia the other day I'm VERY fussy about kids listening and obeying. Yes, I may seem like a commandant but I believe that it's good spiritually too. When God speaks to them, they also need to listen and obey immediately. Moving on. So we like them to listen quickly because I really don't like to hear myself say the same thing 3 times.

our worse day was Thursday

Connor then has "no tantrums or fighting" because he has a temper and will sometimes lash out in frustration and of course the lovely tantrums.

He also has "nappies and dressing nicely" because he fights us when he has to get a nappy on at sleep time or get dressed. And you all know I'm not my best in the mornings anyway and the last thing I want is to start off my day in a worse state.

Thursday was even worse for Kendra

As I said above, Kendra sulks and she has another charming little habit, whining. Do you know how the whining gets to me?! Tonight I said, "Kendra, do you know my ears can't hear whining?" :)

And she tends to get distracted with other bright, shiny objects on her way to do what I told her, but mainly she purposefully ignores us, so that's why "obeying immediately" is on her list.

So we've been doing these for 1 week 5 days and already I've seen a huge improvement.

Connor

The pics are from week 1. You can see they both got 18 feet (I don't have stars) for the week. This week we've only done 5 days and they're already on 18 (one child) and 16 (the other child).

I do have to say things a few times still but I just say, "are you LISTENING? Do you want to get your star tonight?" and it mostly works.

I LOVE how Erin explained in her post that she allows some leeway because there is no such thing as perfection. Love it!

So I'll also allow one in each category to go unnoticed.

At night before we do reading and prayers, we do star charts. Yes, we still call them star charts~!

And if they get 3 or 4, we all clap and go "yayyy, Connor/ Kendra" to make a big deal.

Rewards?

Well, my rule is 20. They must get 20 out of 28 every week and then they can decide what they want. It's always going to a restaurant with these two (their father's children!).

And good thing they've pulled up their socks this week because I've been telling them the whole week if they're good they can go to a restaurant with us on Saturday.

So that's our star charts.

(BTW, I laminated the chart itself and then I laminated a million little feet, cut them into rectangles and I stick them on with some Prestik)

What do you think?
Have you tried star charts to reinforce positive behaviour?

PS I think I'm going to add "no rudeness" from next week because I've heard some screaming at one another :)

My little drama queen

It all started with a pencil.

A very nice pencil (Roz, it's the one you gave me) but a pencil nonetheless.

Kendra always wakes up earlier than Connor so D and I have plenty of one-on-one time with her.

On Saturday afternoon she was sitting on my lap while I was responding to emails, "drawing" (scribbling in my notebook) with The Pencil.

Eventually she got bored with the drawing and went to see what D was up to in our bedroom. I told her to bring the pencil back but she refused.

I then went to our bedroom and decided to read with Kendra on the bed. She sat paging through a magazine (I actually love magazines because there are so many things for them to identify) while I got stuck into my book.

An aside - the weirdest thing happened yesterday. The last book I read was an Adriana Trigiani (my first) and then in the current book I'm reading, the character was also reading an Adriana Trigiani. Freaky.

She was clutching the red pencil all the time and then started nibbling on the eraser on the top. I told her, "no" and she ignored me so when she did it again, I took the pencil and said, "no, Kendra".

Well.

You should have heard the wailing. She cried so hard that eventually she was hiccupping (you know the cry?).

Of course I don't budge with these things so the pencil stayed out of her reach and I went back to reading my book.

D comes rushing in from wherever to see what was the matter.

Oh, I just said, "no" to Kendra.

That's the one thing.

Then the next morning I'm in the shower and Kendra's on our bed again.

D was getting dressed and his wallet was on the bed.

She starts taking all his cards out of his wallet.

He said, "no, Kendra" to her and she starts the wailing again.

My word!

With the hiccups and everything.

Good thing I was in the shower because I was laughing so hard at my little drama queen.

I hope this is not a regular thing because life is about to get noisy!

What do you do when they get irrational like this? How do you respond?

Does this time-out thing really work for all kids?

So last week I mentioned in the PS that D attended a talk on disciplining toddlers.

This lady has a whole list of disciplines, starting with time-out in the same room, then time-out in the bathroom, and so on, until smacking.

D loved the talk and shared most of it with me, including the fact that I'm a Sergeant Major. Hmmm.

In this instance, that's a good thing.

Anyway...

We've been doing the time-out thing.

Kendra sits quietly on the floor and is a model for time-out.

So I think since she doesn't seem in the least bit affected (it's like you've said "come sit next to me on the bed" or something equally silly), it may not be working.

Straight afterwards, we remind her why she is in time-out (this afternoon for not listening to Mummy) and then she needs to go do what she didn't want to do earlier.

Right.

Moving on.

Connor, on the other hand, FREAKS out.

I have not put him in time-out yet because I can't stand the screaming.

D puts him in time-out and the crying starts.

"Dada! Dada! Dada! " - at a really high pitch scream.

It is TERRIBLE.

This afternoon I teared up because I was in the lounge and Connor started his, "Dada, Dada" and then he saw me so he goes, "Mama, Mama, Mama" and starts coming toward me with tears streaming down his face.

He is distraught.

And yet I'm not supposed to reach out and take him because he's in time-out.

Then D got cross because I just sat there and didn't put him back where he was supposed to be sitting.

*sigh*

So my question is, does this time-out thing work for all sorts of kids?

If you use it, did you adapt slightly according to your children's personalities?

Please - I need tips - before I go over the edge.

Let's talk tantrums

Is it not supposed to be the terrible TWOs?

I honestly had a huge shock when the babies started throwing tantrums about 2 - 3 months ago.

What on earth, babies?

Don't you know it's the terrible twos?

And by the way, you're two months premature!

I have to tell you that I can't stand the screaming. But I do not give in. D, on the other hand, is a lot softer than I am and Kendra knows this.

When I'm around, I can tell him, "she's working you" because it's strange but men don't know when they're being manipulated.

Anyhow.

Connor throws tantrums when he wants to go into my bedroom/ the study/ the bathroom but I have rules - "no kids in the bathroom without me, D or V, no matter how LOUD you scream".

Kendra throws tantrums when I say no to her - hates hearing no (!). Usually it's because she's opened drawers or cupboards and wants to throw my crockery onto the carpet or fling my neatly folded tablecloths, placemats, etc ALL over the dining room.

What seems to work most of the time is a firm "no" and then either distraction "oh look, there's a bird" or just ignoring them and walking away. The crying continues for about 10 seconds and stops because I'm in another part of the house by then.

It's very tempting sometimes to give in just to stop the screaming because Connor screams really loud while Kendra screams at a really high pitch.

I joked the other day that her scream is like that scripture in the Bible, Heb 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow."

That's how she screams - piercing!

I know that I'm consistent but as for D and V? Who knows? I have my suspicions but I've told V my views on the subject and I trust her to get on with it. Although she is very soft...

At the moment I think I've figured them out but I know the tantrum success will be short-lived because they'll try some new tricks. I know this is normal baby behaviour just to keep me on my toes and keep the baby books people in business :)

So how do you handle the tantrums in your house? Are you the soft one?

P.S. Some feedback on other things I've posted about

• We've had no biting for 17 whole days.
• I decided to use Rebecca's tactic when leaving for work to avoid the crying. I say a quick "bye", act all cheerful and LEAVE. They don't even have a chance to realise I'm going before I'm gone. It also works well when they're playing or reading.