123 magic for ME

Remember this Sunday when the kids drove me crazy?

Well, I bought 123 magic and I've been ploughing through the book.

My kids aren't very naughty and are actually mostly just curious (so I discovered from the comments on this post) BUT I can't stand the business of saying the same things a million times and the time-out after time-out after time-out.

It makes me feel like I'm a screaming banshee and that all I ever say is "no".

I don't want to be a mother like that so we started implementing 123 magic.

And I must tell you that the biggest difference has not so much been the kids' behaviour, but mine.

He said something in the book (you all know I'm terrible at reviews - I hardly take notes and winter doesn't help either - once I'm in bed almost nothing will get me out), which very loosely paraphrased is:

Most parents are actually throwing a tantrum if they've totally lost control of their own emotions when they discipline.

This was me on more occasions than I'd like to admit.

And as the followers of the system will know, two things that are integral are "no talking" and "no emotion".

Difficult for an E-type who wants to jibber jabber, explain things to kids, interact, etc.

But he also refers to a scripture from the Bible that says, "do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged." (Col 3:21)

His stance is that the more you annoy your kids by all the constant explaining, the more you aggravate them.

I get it.

Already I get annoyed by people talking too much (I actually have a girl in the office who feels the need to explain things over and over, in slightly different language and I've said on a couple of occasions, "oh yes, you mentioned that yesterday" :)) so I can well imagine our children getting irritated too.

There's a lot less talking, explaining and raised voices around here but within days I could see the difference.

I sometimes only have to say "that's 1" and they stop.

Sometimes we go all the way (like this morning, double time-outs for FLINGING all the clothes out of their drawers ALL over their bedroom) but then there'll usually only be one incident max per day.

But the best thing about this book is I'm calm and under control.

And they really are a delight to live with, much more than they were a month or so ago... :)

Prov 29:17
Discipline your children; you'll be glad you did - they'll turn out delightful to live with."

Of course, I'm well aware of how these things go - the minute the kids get up tomorrow they probably won't listen to me and you'll be thinking, "waitaminute, that's the after version?!"

How's the discipline going at your place?

What do you use?

P.S. Thank you, Rebecca, for writing this post which reminded me that I have to do an update on 123 magic.

Don't you hate it when you read a blog, participate, and never know what happened? I hate it! I hate it even more when I don't remember to update. Please remind me if there are updates I've forgotten about :)

P.P.S. New post here

Time-outs continued

Well, we went to church yesterday and on the way, D says to me, "so I think you should say something because you've been quiet for a whole hour"

!

A record for me. Just shows how cross I was.

He may have changed his mind when I started talking but talk I did.

I am tired and frustrated of saying the same thing to a child a couple of times, only to do time-out and 10 minutes later have to go through the same thing again.

This may be unrealistic but I expect them to obey me.

They are not naughty but are naughtier than I'd like. People keep saying they're well-behaved and I almost have to read the sentence twice, like, "my kids???"

The babies' "transgressions" are different:

• Connor is more physical and all his misdemeanors involve standing on his high chair's seat instead of sitting, going to touch the heater, our phones, etc, etc.
• Kendra doesn't listen and obey. It can be small things but it's everything. We can be talking and she deliberately disobeys (with a gleam in her eyes) or pretends to not hear or walks away, etc.

This sends me over the edge.

We don't really have tantrums, maybe because we walk away and leave them to thrash it out on the floor wherever they are.

Anyway, back to D and the conversation in the car.

• I don't believe that time-out works for Kendra.
• I don't like escalating the time-out in the bathroom for Connor. It goes against everything I believe around safety, even if just for 2 minutes.

We've agreed that he will "do" K's timeout so I can see it done properly. I feel at a disadvantage not having attended this talk myself.

And, if I'm being 100% honest here, I honestly think "my way" of dealing with things (which is really just my personality) worked for me with the kids. Or maybe they were just younger then.

If the child doesn't listen after the standard time-out, you put the child in a room further away, and then if they don't listen again, you close the door of that room.

I asked him what exactly the lady said about escalating things. Turns out our house doesn't support the escalation as we don't have any rooms that have doors which close and are "boring" (have virtually nothing in them). That room for me is our entrance-way but our whole sun-room/ entranceway/ dining-room/ kitchen is all open-plan.

We're now going to put up the camp cot somewhere .... (where?) for the escalation.

Meanwhile, I have started reading 123 magic (just a few chapters in) and am loving it so far. If those Amazon reviews are correct, we will have transformed kids soon.

So we dropped the kids off at children's church and enjoyed (I was still too tense to take it all in) the service.

Afterwards, they were their usual adorable selves, especially because both sets of people missed the others, and we had a lovely afternoon until supper time.

Connor again stood on his chair and received a smack on the bum from D. He FREAKS out and is LOUD but afterwards is good as gold.

The whole time afterwards, if I say, "no, Connor," he says, "nack" (smack) so he associates that with having not listened before.

Oy!

I must say, I find the repeating myself over and over and over the 2nd most exhausting thing about parenting.

Of course, the most exhausting thing is SLEEP DEPRIVATION. That one wins hands down!

How's the discipline thing going at your house on a scale of 1 - 10? Which method do you use?

Roz, if you're reading, how is it going at your house?

Does this time-out thing really work for all kids?

So last week I mentioned in the PS that D attended a talk on disciplining toddlers.

This lady has a whole list of disciplines, starting with time-out in the same room, then time-out in the bathroom, and so on, until smacking.

D loved the talk and shared most of it with me, including the fact that I'm a Sergeant Major. Hmmm.

In this instance, that's a good thing.

Anyway...

We've been doing the time-out thing.

Kendra sits quietly on the floor and is a model for time-out.

So I think since she doesn't seem in the least bit affected (it's like you've said "come sit next to me on the bed" or something equally silly), it may not be working.

Straight afterwards, we remind her why she is in time-out (this afternoon for not listening to Mummy) and then she needs to go do what she didn't want to do earlier.

Right.

Moving on.

Connor, on the other hand, FREAKS out.

I have not put him in time-out yet because I can't stand the screaming.

D puts him in time-out and the crying starts.

"Dada! Dada! Dada! " - at a really high pitch scream.

It is TERRIBLE.

This afternoon I teared up because I was in the lounge and Connor started his, "Dada, Dada" and then he saw me so he goes, "Mama, Mama, Mama" and starts coming toward me with tears streaming down his face.

He is distraught.

And yet I'm not supposed to reach out and take him because he's in time-out.

Then D got cross because I just sat there and didn't put him back where he was supposed to be sitting.

*sigh*

So my question is, does this time-out thing work for all sorts of kids?

If you use it, did you adapt slightly according to your children's personalities?

Please - I need tips - before I go over the edge.