Baby book obsession

Okay, so here's the bedside table I was telling you all about.

I'm actually surprised it didn't topple over

close-up view - the shiny one is my Bible. I'm ashamed to say it's so low down the pack...

sorting into piles - from top left, clockwise: things to be filed/ put back on bookshelf, things I'm actually reading, stuff I haven't even started reading, pile of baby books I'm currently reading (4), my to-do lists and baby journals.

I love a clean slate to work with - my friend, Robz, gave that teddy to me after my first failed IVF

Neat again. Notice I put my Bible on top but am ashamed to say it's under a pile of books again.

Our paediatrician LOVES one of the books in that pile, Baby Sense, and always mentions something from the book at our appointments. I must say I love it too.

After we had their four-month check-up (oh my word, I just realised I didn't blog about that!), I decided to stick with and finish that book first.

So far so good.

Are you reading any good baby books? Which are your favourites?

P.S. The reason I'm so obsessed with the sleep is that our days of night nannying come to an end mid-Dec. The money has run out :(

Sleep and nanny update

K in a sling at the audiologist

C on the nanny's lap

We are sleeping much better thanks to the night nanny. We are in our routine now with Mabel here Mondays and Thursdays, and then while I'm on maternity leave, the day nanny has Fridays off but comes Friday evening to night nanny.

This means D and I have been able to do some stuff as well as get some sleep.

Mondays we just totally sleep as after the entire weekend of looking after babes we are knackered. Also remember we are 35 and 39, not in the flushes of youth :)

Thursdays our intention is to go to gym as she arrives (just before 7pm) and then come home to sleep. So far D has managed this; I can't quite think what I've been doing - I think blogging and getting ready for the next day.

Fridays is our new date night. We go to a movie or out to supper at one of the many shopping centres near where we live (not more than 5 km away - we are very blessed to stay quite centrally) and then come home to sleep.

My goal is to be in bed by 10pm; asleep by 11pm. So far so good.

My only concern is that we're getting really used to the night nanny; how will I be able to give her up? Well, aside from the small matter of finances.........

I was in denial about all the money we've been spending and it is A LOT. I could pay for an IVF with ICSI every 3 months........

But I put on my big girl panties and Did The Budget. That means I figured out how much we can actually spend out of our normal salaries vs what has to come from savings.

So while it is not pleasant to look at (I twitch sometimes thinking about The Money - good thing D doesn't do the budget - he freaks out far more easily than I do) at least I can now deal with it.

I said to a work friend that my bonus this year (we got a bonus in August) is going on NANNIES!

Ridiculous - in years past we went travelling to Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Australia, UK, Ireland and then last year we used it for one IVF. She kindly reminded me that I have to do whatever it takes to survive this initial period. True!

And on my to-do list today is "Complete Income Tax Return" so we can get some money back from SARS and replenish that ever-dwindling savings account.

Best I get moving on that......

Date night

I decided that I need to take more control of my life because otherwise I feel like I'm just freewheeling and I hate that feeling.

So I said to D that when the nannies are here, in addition to getting some sleep, we should try and restore some order again.

We're going to both go to gym on Mondays and tonight, while M's here, we're going to a movie. From next week when C works Friday nights, I think we'll make Fridays date night once again.

We went out for supper on the Saturday before they were born so it's been nearly 9 weeks since we've had a date night. You'd think we'd have had time once I was discharged and when they were in the NICU, but no, because we were at the hospital every night.

I'm looking forward to being out with D since we've only ever been able to go out one at a time since they've both been home. I don't want all the people breathing their winter germs on the babies so one of us stays home to look after them. It's already hard enough doing their normal routine; I can't deal with sick babies on top of everything else.

I went to church alone this weekend and everyone wanted to know where the babies were. My friend C tells me that when you have twins, every Tom Dick and Harry stops you in the shopping centres, etc. She is very gracious with the hordes of people but I will have to work on my tact because my instinct will be to say "get away from my babies and NO, you can't touch them" :)

I don't know how you do it

Connor

Kendra

I don't know how you do it without any help, that is.

I am slowly getting more sane and returning to a semblance of who I used to be, not the crazed, sleep-deprived maniac from a few weeks ago.

I'm still sleep-deprived but it's not that bad thanks to all the help.

We asked our nanny who started yesterday if she'd consider doing some night nannying for us before starting to work full-time and she agreed. So she worked on a Thursday and then the following Monday.

Absolutely no problem with the babies - we didn't hear a peep the entire night.

BUT my mother had been staying with me (for 4 weeks in August) and she happened to talk to C who told her she'd worked a full day elsewhere, finished at 5pm and then came to our place to start at 7pm.

I was very cross because I don't want someone half asleep because then we could do it. I don't know if it's unreasonable or not but I just felt like I want someone alert especially since we're paying for the service.

Anyway, then she went on holiday and I approached an agency to look for another night nanny for a 2 - 3 month stint. I am really hoping the babies start sleeping through by then as we can't afford to do this night nannying thing forever. As it is, I'm digging into my savings which I am SO loathe to do (I grew up with not much money so only feel really secure when I have some stashed away).

They sent 3 people on that particular weekend, I interviewed them all and chose one. We didn't waste any time because we asked her to start the Monday following.

Well, that night (or rather, the next morning at around 2am) I woke to hear the babies screaming - both of them, even Connor (Kendra has a high pitched shrill scream and Connor's is normal) - and it literally took everything in me to stay in my bed and not "rescue" them. The rest of the night was fine but the babies were SOOOOO unsettled the next day. I know their routine and personalities and they were all out of sorts. So much so that I cancelled a friend's visi because I wanted NO stimulation of any kind - I just wanted them to get back to their normal selves.

Of course, besides that, I now started freaking out so I emailed the agency and said what if it doesn't work out with M, etc, etc. They reassured me and said the babies are probably just getting used to her because she is one of their most popular nannies. I have no way of knowing if this is true...but agreed that I need to give her a fair chance.

Well, Thursday rolled around and ...completely different situation. She seemed more confident with them, not too much crying that night (none that woke me) and they were fine the next day.

The same thing on Monday so it looks like M is working out. I'm praying for them to get used to all their caregivers quickly though because K especially is very demanding and with the nannies, she can get her way. Not so with me.

Now back to C. She started yesterday and seemed to be walking on eggshells a bit for the first 3 hours or so. Probably because I was hovering over the babies. Not good. So I decided to get out of the house and leave her to it. Went to have my hair done (grey coloured over) and then to visit my friend in hospital who'd had her twin girls on Monday.

Good thing I did because when I returned she'd gotten into her stride - babies were clean, bathed, fed and sleeping like angels. Bottles were made up, baby laundry was done, etc.

I had left her with the 10-page Control Journal so she knew what was expected.

We're going to try something for a bit to see how it goes - she is going to work Mon - Thurs and then work Fri as a night nanny. That means we'll be able to sleep 3 nights a week - yayyyy!

The night nanny

K - cute toes after her bath

Well, the night nurse worked out beautifully.

I mentioned the money issue in my last post about sleep and I must say it got a lot worse before it got better.

Since Kendra wants to be held all the time, I decided to buy a sling so I phoned (just for you Mandy P :)) the lady who'd come to demonstrate her slings at our antenatal classes to order one. She was coming to the hospital to do the demonstration so we arranged to meet there.

Since I was there anyway, I decided to pop into the NICU to chat to the nurses who do night nursing. Long story short, they charge much more than the R250 I'd been expecting (R384) and was therefore totally out of our budget.

Very disappointed since I really liked these ladies and they know Connor and Kendra from their NICU days.

A friend then sent me another agency's details who place night nannies/ nurses and their rates were R250 per night so I emailed her too.

I also had a bright idea. So I texted my nanny starting on 1 Sept to see if she'd be willing to do some night nannying for us this month. And after some negotiations around price (R200), she agreed.

She arrived on time (actually a bit earlier), I showed her everything I needed to and left her to it. I was concerned that she wouldn't remember everything or that one of them would act up (K) and cause her to be flustered but she was very relaxed.

If you're paying for sleep, then you need to sleep. (earlier on Thursday, our paed said to me that I probably wouldn't be able to relax properly this time - I said "you don't know me - I love my sleep")

So I slept for 9 solid hours, totally uninterrupted by baby cries, worry, etc.

The next day was amazing - I felt myself again. D and my mother were also cheerful because we were all caught up on sleep. D slept 8 hours because he had to get up to go to work and my mother slept 10 hours.

The two of them were all "you're wasting your money" before but yesterday had totally changed their minds :) and came up with all these suggestions - "can't she work one or two nights when she starts in Sept?" etc, etc.

Finally they could see the value of sleep.

And I woke to two sleeping babies and a clean kitchen!

So we will see - she'll work a night for me every week until her actual start date of 1 Sept. I don't think she'll be able to continue after that but I will discuss with her because it's easier for me to cope on my own during the days than endure the sleep deprivation.

D's idea is that we negotiate instead of the 5 days we'd decided on, she does 2 days and 2 nights, so there's no difference in salary for her but we benefit at night, at least for the first month or two.

And now we look forward to our next full night of sleep - probably Monday or Tuesday night.

I'm so grateful to live in South Africa where help is very affordable - I don't know how you US gals do it all alone, I really don't know!