9 days and counting...

There are 9 more work days left in February and I'm definitely counting them down because Nanny S returns on Monday 2 March.

The kids were at aftercare for 8 days and a new (temp) nanny started on Thursday last week.

This is strange and not-so-strange all at the same time but I felt sadder about the kids having to stop going to their amazing aftercare (8 days) than I felt at their graduation from the school they were at for two whole years... I super love their aftercare. On the bright side, when one of them is sick, the other will go, and if Nanny S has a sick day, they will go. So there's that.

because I'm too lazy to go get a photo of laundry from my external hard drive. This pic - clothes not worn on Ballito holiday in January 2014.

With all this to-ing and fro-ing of nannies, we've paid 1.3 times what we would have paid Nanny S over the last 4 months.

That means we've paid more than 1 extra month's salary.

I'm ready for a break from all the financial outflow, disruption in routine and my house is definitely ready to breathe again:

• My favourite runner (blue and turquoise one for any who can remember) was ruined by December nanny.
• My tumble drier is kind-of broken by current nanny.
• The house is ready for a handyman and a painter... but I can't rely on the temps to manage extra staff in addition to their work, so Nanny S to supervise as she usually does.

Best of all, Nanny S is getting a SUPER fantastic increase :) I was going to do so anyway (two months early) because of her baby, but I've nearly doubled that original amount.

Nothing like an incentive to bring her back to work!

What are you looking forward to in March?

Nanny updates - would you work for only 3 weeks?

So we've been nanny-less for a week and a day now. The short story is Nanny F won't be back due to personal emergency situation.

I was supposed to interview 3 ladies on Saturday, one of which was supposed to clean the house for me too.

That one flat-out said she didn't want to (!) and when I told her she could come back later (proper interview time) for an interview for the nanny position, she didn't pitch. Not surprised as she did not look impressed when I said the job was only for 3 weeks since she is looking for a permanent position.

Second lady pitched 50 minutes late, was all hot and bothered from the heat (it is VERRRRY hot these days - 30 degrees and upwards) so I gave her some juice and showed her to the study for the interview.

In the icebreaker/ warm-up chat, I mentioned that the job was for 3 weeks and she said, "it's ok."

I asked what was ok and she said she'd rather not work for just 3 weeks!

Now I don't know about you but if I were in one of their situations, I'd want three weeks of work rather than nothing.

We have very high unemployment in SA so for me to have not one, but two people refusing to even be considered for a job is remarkable and mind-blowing.

However, when I mentioned this at work, my one colleague said she'd do the same.

Maybe it's a J and P thing?

I would much rather have a job for 3 weeks than hold out for a possibility of a job. Nanny F's CV was on the website for two months that I know of; it could have been longer.

It's not like they wouldn't be able to go for interviews and such. There are Saturdays after all...

How about you? Would you take a job for 3 weeks or hold out for a permanent position?

In other news, registration for Let's Do This closes on Friday

Temp nanny number 3

I received the resignation SMS from Nanny 2 on New Year's night.

After we put the twins to bed (hmm, I never say "the twins" but I noticed my colleagues ask, "how are the twins?"), we went onto the agency's website to have a look.

I noticed that my 2nd choice previously was still listed as available so I wrote an email telling them the situation and saying if she was, in fact, still available, to offer her the job.

They did, she accepted, she came in on the Sat for a few hours quick training and started (thrown in the deep end) on the Monday.

And she's been great.

She is great.



She's open, communicative, calls me Marcia, not Ma'am, and the kids love her because she reads Naughty Amelia Jane to them (it's really easy to make my kids love you :)).

She was a teacher in Zim so I'm getting her to do the homework with the babies. Homework started this week with them writing out a page of their name in the proper upper and lower case letters.

I'm thinking of getting her to teach them words.....

My house is clean, the kids are happy and not fighting with the nanny all the time and so I'm happy.

She's also super switched-on and organised which goes a long way with me.

Speaking of nannies, I went to visit Nanny S and the baby the other day, and take them more presents. My word, that baby is sweet. If I were in the slightest bit broody, it would be a problem. Thank goodness I'm WELL over that stage.

:)

What's more important to you - a clean house or happy children?

I actually need both. It might not be politically correct to say that, but I can't function in a messy house :)

PS Mrs FF has put herself on a data diet (data usage for her phone) which I SUPER LOVE. I'm putting myself on a 30-minute or less blog post diet. This one took 25 mins. If I don't look for pics, even quicker :)

Christmas, Africa style - when do you take down your tree... and what is your cleaning thing?

I usually wait til the 6th Jan or the day of the kids' half year party. But this year I can't wait.

I've been taking a few things down every night - this was mostly an effort so that Nanny M could clean properly.

Speaking of which, have we spoken about the nanny yet?

She is very sweet, but probably too submissive for me. She means well, but we don't click and she doesn't get my style. So I have to tell her things over and over... and I've even typed up a manual for her... because she's forgetful...

She is obsessive about mopping floors so the floors are pristine but the dust bunnies are hopping up a storm.

We had a once-a-week nanny about 12 years ago called Bea. In fact, she helped us move down to this house too. Bea was amazing - fierce, bossy (great for the twice-a-month gardener) and super fussy (which is really good when the person is cleaning your house). Bea's thing was wooden floors. Oh my, she loved it when our floors were sparkling and shiny.

Do you have a thing?

I have a clean bathrooms thing. And a no clutter on surfaces thing (actually that's my main thing). And an everything in its place thing. I have a lot of things, it seems :) 

What is your thing?

In more current news, I received a New Year's Day SMS at about 6:30 pm from Nanny M resigning (yes, she was due at work the next morning). If you're counting, we've had 2 nannies in two months, not counting Nanny S....

Scramble, scramble, scramble (this stuff is annoying for me - I won't bore you with reading about it too)


PS I'm counting down the days til Nanny S comes back (56 if you're counting)

How we celebrated our one-year anniversary with nanny V

Today we celebrate one year with V.

D wrote her a lovely thank-you card - all true - about how much we appreciate her and we wouldn't have been able to do it without her.

I had one of those professional pics printed, put it in a nice photo frame and wrapped it.

Today was her first day back after all the Home Affairs drama.

Well, you should have heard the squeal when she opened her gift.

She loved it.


Yesterday D's mum looked after the babies in the morning and D took another half day to look after them in the afternoon. She said she LOVED her time with the babie.

I worked since I have that filming thing on Thursday... which is stressing me out, by the way. I have to keep reminding myself that it's going to be awesome when it is over, and then again when it airs. It will be fabulous on my media page as I'm going to market it until kingdom come. There's no way you can buy this kind of credibility. And hopefully it leads to TONS of speaking engagements since I am now ready with my new website :)

We applied for our new passports today - no, we're not planning a trip per se. It's just that I believe you need to be ready when Flight Centre sends out those emails I can't seem to resist. When I'm emotionally weak, I just delete them without opening otherwise I'd be booking holidays to South America. There's just something about using a credit card that doesn't feel like real money...

Anyway, the passport place is close to where MIL works and lives so I scored some points by phoning her and inviting her to lunch with us.

At which point things went a bit sour as D decided to talk about the Christmas plans and we were told they are our kids so it's our job to run around after them (true) and we shouldn't be lazy. Which is when I jumped in and said, we are definitely not lazy.

D is very all or nothing so he's like "well, that's it - we just won't go to functions" so I had to calm him down and say we'll think about it. Oy, family!

We then raced off to see Eat Pray Love and ... it was disappointing but that's because I read the book. No book has ever lived up to the movie, except for hunky John Cusack in Runaway Jury. Feel free to disagree :)

I loved the part in the movie where she said to her friend that she had a box under her bed of clippings, brochures, etc. of places she wanted to travel. I can relate.

Are you always passport-ready? Last year when I was pregnant, we planned a trip to Ireland and a week later we were off. Love it!

I went to gym this evening (new class and very good workout - the guy was new so I was showing off again - will be very sore tomorrow) and did stirfry for supper so am feeling very virtuous.

And now I need to go finish book number 7 for November, a lovely Irish book :)

The situation with Nanny V is just getting worse

Some background for MandyH and my other US blog friends....

Because of the political/ economic situation in Zimbabwe, we have TONS (about 4 million - I have the research at work) of Zimbabweans here in South Africa. V is one of them.

It's far better for them to work here and send money home than to try eke out a paltry existence in Zimbabwe. As far as I can tell, it's only the very very rich who are okay in Zim at the moment.

Before, they needed to go to our Home Affairs (government dept) to apply for asylum status every 6 months. That has been happening and was a process that worked, if a bit inconvenient.

The government recently decided to let these Zimbabweans apply for a proper work permit if they had a proper job, etc, etc. So THIS is what V's busy doing.

This process, once the application is in, takes about a month, so she needs to give this whole thing a month to be processed.

bottom line - if any Zimbabwean is caught without the correct papers and is in the country on 1 Jan, they will be deported.

As it is, I have NO faith in our very inefficient government processes (except for my local dept of transport where I renew my car's licence annually - fantastic service) so I'm not even convinced this will happen in time.

We all know I can't do without V so we have to suck it up and take leave from work to look after the babies.

And now... V phoned us about an hour ago to say......... they've been told to come back again on Monday. Monday will be day 3 of being there from 4 am, queuing in the hot sun and being at the mercy of authority, all for a lousy piece of paper.

This is such rubbish and I'm going crazy.

I'm going to have to suck it up tomorrow and phone Wonderful Boss for a nice chat because I'll have to take yet another half day on Monday.

I already told D we can't possibly take the entire day off on Tuesday as planned and then, if this TV interview pans out (a producer phoned me on Thursday to make a date for this Thursday to interview me as a time management expert for a lifestyle programme), I'm not in on Thursday too, possibly the worse day to have this interview as I'm now triple booked with normal meeting and a workshop I really want to attend and have tentatively accepted (this means I was going to run in an out for an hour here and there).

I have a rule though - when the media calls, just say yes. You never know. I had to suck it up and get photographed last year when the babies were 4 weeks old and I still had the big preggy belly.

Gosh, I just want V back at work so we can go work.

It's ridiculous, I know, but I feel cross with her. Somehow, irrationally I suppose, I feel like she's not trying hard enough. And yet who in their right minds would WANT to spend 3 days in a government building?!

If you're still reading, thank you for listening.

Oh, in other news, I "decorated" for Christmas. I write "decorated" in inverted commas because it's all very minimal, Marcia-style. I should take pics but I'm too lazy. I'm going to try and get book number 7 in for this month since I have 3 whole days.

This morning I was super motivated and ran 4 errands in an hour - bought my Secret Santa gift for work, bought new nose pads for my specs, returned some things, printed a few photos and I also asked a man to make me a wicker set of drawers to organise our CDs and DVDs because I'd just had enough of the mess and the kids getting into everything.

That felt really good!

And now to cheer me up, here's some pics of my gorgeous kids.

What are you up to this weekend?

We are SO ready to give V a raise

Well, last night nanny V sent me a text saying that they'd been told to come back to Home Affairs today to complete the work permit application process.

D and I were dismayed.

Another day off work to look after the kids! And barely caught up from yesterday's half day.

This time, he told me, he'd take the early shift and I could have the horrible afternoon shift.

And it was indeed horrible. I thought he was being overly dramatic but no...

Connor is on the mend so was mostly a good boy. By that I mean relatively compliant, not too boisterous and not too much crying.

Kendra, on the other hand, was all kinds of emotional and cried at literally the slightest thing.

"Baby, wait til I change Connor's nappy"

WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"I have to fill the water filter jug before I can pour more water for you"

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm sure the neighbours thought I was killing her!

I was EXHAUSTED.

I really don't mind the running around after kids. It's this emotional stuff that gets me.

The only thing that seemed to keep Kendra reasonably happy was playing outside in the garden.

I'd done a load of laundry as I have a new cleaning lady (thank the Lord) coming tomorrow so while I hung out the wet laundry, they were messing around with the grass, soil, etc. They looked so happy I let them stay for a long time just so I could clean up the kitchen a bit.

How V does it every day with these two is a miracle.

We did super quick baths - nearly like the real baby days - and into pajamas.

D walked in that door at about 5:45 and I said, "pray with them and put them to bed".

And then I had a coaching appointment.

Fortunately the lady is new and we had lots to talk about and for me to keep my mind occupied.

On Tuesday V will have been with us ONE WHOLE YEAR. Do you think she finagled day 2 to get us to appreciate her?

I'm only joking - she is the sweetest person with not a mean bone in her body.

D and I have taken this Tuesday off to go renew our passports (remember, I intend to travel alone with him before I turn 37) and then we're doing a movie and lunch. I think we deserve it after these two days.

And then two weeks til we're on leave. I'm a lot scared of being alone with these two on holiday but hey, that's what having kids is all about. We will somehow cope.

Speaking of holidays, D's sister wants us to come sleep over for Christmas and rent a 2nd camp cot for the babies. I said to D, "definitely not. not after the last time" so now we're "thinking" and will let them know.

D hates confrontation but I told him he has got to tell them that it is SO MUCH HARDER to look after our babies at other people's houses and these are the things that would help, and then list them. Maybe they just don't think to offer to help feed, change, etc.

What would you do about the Christmas thing?

P.S. Dee, I will post it during the weekend. I didn't feel like more emotionally draining stuff today :)

P.P.S. I'm in love with the photos and can't resist posting some every day. Sorry!

How could I resist jumping on the thanksgiving bandwagon?!.

We don't have Thanksgiving in South Africa but we're very thankful for freedom (April 27) and our heritage (Sept 24) and all the lovely public holidays we get. And affordable labour!

Speaking of which, today our lovely V pictured above had to go sort out her work permits and so D and I each took a half day to look after the babies. We were going to let her do it when she takes leave in December but it takes a month (my English friend told me the same story with her permit) and they may be detained if from 1 Jan they are not in possession of a valid work permit.

Needless to say, we cannot do without our V so we made a plan.


It worked out quite well because Connor's had diarrhoea and had TWO baths in the dead of night as he woke up screaming because the poo was everywhere.

I'll leave you to imagine the detail...

They both had a lovely long morning nap (2 hrs 15 and 2 hrs 30) and then we went to the pharmacy to get something for him as I'm not anxious to repeat the midnight baths.

When Connor woke, he told me "go go go" and I said, "where do you want to go, Baby?"

He said, "Daddy!" - TOO SWEET! (D melted when I emailed him)


This afternoon, the lovely Jeanette delivered the DVDs of our photoshoot. It was so beautifully presented that I'm in heaven!

The pics are MORE than I expected, in terms of awesomeness and quantity. And I love, love, LOVE that the 5th person in the shoot was the location :) I'm the type of person who naturally gushes about things I love and so anybody and their dog has been told to book a photoshoot with her :)

Are you still reading?

Last but not least, I want to thank you, my readers. I'm not much for talking without anybody listening (as you'll see if you ever meet me in person) so I love that I get to engage and connect with you, especially when you leave me comments. They really, really make my day and I'm very thankful that you choose to take a few seconds to encourage me.

Thank you!

Okay, you get to vote.

Which do you want to read next? Update on baby sign language, Christmas and Christmas presents, or How infertility messed me up emotionally

Division of labour

Mandy posted about division of labour and as well as this being a particularly hot topic for me, I also think the way we do things works well for us, so I thought I'd write here instead of writing a whole post in her comments.

I feel very strongly (!) that no one spouse is more important than the other. Before we even got serious, we discussed these things and he agreed with me that if we both work outside the home, then we both also work inside the home.

So that's what we do.

Of course with the twins he really hasn't had much of a choice. I wrote about the conveyer belt system during bath time and D also does the "between 5 and 6" wake-up since I do the bedtime routine.

I will say it's impossible to be happily married and keep an accounting system in your head. We both believe that each of us must give 100%, none of this 50/50 business.

That said, I have realised over the years (remember I'm married 15 years so have TONS of experience) that women are just wired differently to men.

E.g. he just doesn't see the crumbs on the kitchen counter like I do...nor the smudges and drips on bathroom basins or the angle of the cushions on the couches that is not quite how I'd do it :)

But he is good with big, obvious stuff like toys laying around, dishes, etc.

He also knows that it's important to me to live in a clean and uncluttered environment so he does make the effort.

Anything above that, if it bothers me that much but is no great shakes in the grand scheme of things (cushions on couches, for example!), I do.

Of course there are times I feel resentful but I tell him and it's usually other stuff stressing me and this is my fallback. I'm going to write more about that when I do the last Motherstyles post next week.

I believe that when you love someone you should at least care when something bothers them. D does and will help me be at peace if I'm stressed about the house beyond the normal stuff.

We've had many systems over the years, from strictly 3 nights/ 3 nights/ 1 takeaway to our current arrangement which is me mainly cooking and D does the rice or pasta.

As far as cleaning the house goes, we went from doing it all on a Saturday morning (D would sweep & vacuum, I would mop, etc.) to now where we have a cleaning lady once a week.

I've said it before but I don't know how you ladies do it (especially twins) without nannies.

Please share with me what works for you (or what doesn't!) and how you do division of labour in the home.

P.S. Thanks to all who told me what you were eating and wearing when you commented on yesterday's post. LOVED reading the comments. Today I'm wearing cotton maternity pants since they're the only summer pants that fit comfortably! Sweets, I make the best toasted cheese sandwiches in the world (according to D :)). Next time you're up here, come over :)

Nanny Viola

I just love the way Mommy Esq calls her nanny "Nanny April". We call ours "V".

I've been back at work now for two whole months, except for the one week's leave I took after New Year's.

I'm working a reduced day at the office so arrive home around 3 - 3:30 and usually one of the babies is asleep and the other is having a bath.

The babies are usually happy to see me and smiling/ giggly, etc.

Until a fateful day about two weeks ago.

Nanny Viola (don't you love it?!) was holding Kendra and after I'd washed my hands (yes, I still wash my hands - we're indoctrinated by those weeks in NICU), I went to fetch Kendra for our usual hugs and cuddles.

But she TURNED away and wouldn't come to me!

V is very sweet (doesn't she look sweet?) and said to Kendra, "go to Mummy" and other such things. But no.

My baby girl was soooo off me.

Not a smile from her, nothing.

I pretended things were fine and moved on doing my other stuff and much later, K warmed up to me again.

Either that, or she just wanted someone to hold her.

But no warmth or smiles!!!

When she woke at 11pm she gave me big smiles again so all was well.

However, this business has been repeating itself. Thankfully not daily but enough to worry a bit. D says it's normal; they're with V more than anyone else during the week.

That's true but STILL.

She loves V more than me! Granted, V has TONS more patience than I do and therefore indulges her a lot more than we do.

I told her yesterday, "no rocking K to sleep; we don't do it and I don't want her thinking that's the way things get done". You know what she said? "I was feeling sorry for her because she hasn't been feeling well. Awwww.

Thankfully, Connor is his same steady self. Always pleased to see me, full of smiles and hugs. Today he was so excited to see me he grabbed at my necklace (the pink and white one you made me, Caroline), broke it and there were beads EVERYWHERE.

D also says Kendra is stroppy (true! except now I have a new adjective to describe her - Spirited as per Baby Whisperer!) and is likely to be a bit more moody.

On the bright side, I would much rather have her love the nanny than be scared of her.

Some people have been asking how Viola's working out and so on.

She is great. We still trust her 100% with the kids, she has so much patience (she was first in the queue when God was handing out patience and I was number 100) and HER eyes also light up when she sees them in the mornings.

She's also proud of their little milestones and tells me eagerly when I get home, "Connor rolled today" or "Kendra ate ALL her broccoli", etc. It feels like the 3 of us parent the babies together which I do like.

The only negative thing is that she's still a bit slow with the baby laundry so things take maybe a day or two longer to get done than I'd like but that issue is SO SMALL in the grand scheme of things that I really don't care about it. I have told her, "I don't want to see it" so the dirty baby laundry hides in our laundry, I don't see it and I stay happy :)

In case you didn't know, laundry is probably the thing I hate the most of all household chores. Seriously. It's NEVER-ENDING!

What's your worse chore?

Anyway, so that's the latest on Nanny Viola. If you have any questions, ask away in the comments and I'll answer them there too.

The new nanny

These pics were taken just before we left for the photo shoot. I love how D and Connor are sharing smiles.

My strategy this time around with the hiring of the nanny was to do the whole recruiting, training and management aspect exactly as if I’m at work.

So I interviewed properly and was happy with my decision.

She started on Saturday (just for a half day) and at the end of it, I asked D what he thought.

Do you know what he said?

She doesn’t seem very capable!

Well, I just about flipped. He didn't want to be part of the interviewing process (why is it that people don't like interviewing? even at work it's the same and I love it!!!)

I think it’s because we’re all over in the house on weekends so she didn't feel she could intrude in our space and "do her thing".

Also, I'm training her and I'm a bit of a detail freak so I do go on and on.

You'd never have guessed that... :)

On Monday I told her I’m throwing her in the deep end – I intervened only when K was SCREAMING. It was feed time for both – so I told her to stand between the two cots and hold a bottle in each hand. And then there was silence. It’s the only way with two babies.

So far so good, she does need to get confidence with them and with me which will come over the next day or two. It helps that she’s highly motivated – I’m paying her R400 more than she asked for so she is V. Happy. I've also said I will review her salary after 3 months but that any increases will be performance-based.

I then asked her on Tuesday morning "what went well yesterday and what didn’t go so well?"

She says, "oh everything was fine". Today I also asked her something similar and when I got the same response I said, "Viola, I don't want to hear words like fine and okay. I want details." She laughed but now she gets me.

Back to Tuesday.

This is what she said:

Well – the babies fell asleep quite easily and she feels they’re getting used to her (true!)

Not so well – she said “everything was okay” so I had to probe and force her to say what she would improve in the future (I almost cringe when I hear myself do corporate speak!). Then she said she worked too slow (also true – at least she recognised this herself and I didn’t have to say so (good tactic on my part actually) – and maybe she should come earlier than 7 am.

I said, no, that’s not necessary, you just have to plan your day better. Did some quick time management training and also showed her to gauge how long K would sleep from when she went down based on how much she had as her feed, etc, etc. (My kids never take a full bottle)

I also said with twins, you don’t have the luxury of procrastinating. The MINUTE you have a gap, you take it and wash bottles, laundry, etc, etc.

Much better every day – I still help now and again by mixing bottles but as at this writing, bottles are all washed, laundry is done and on the line and one baby is sleeping.

I'm asking her those two questions every day to get her into the habit of evaluating her performance.

Things I'm liking

• The babies look happy
• I don't hear any crying even when I sneak in the house after I've been out (been forcing myself to do something out every day so I don't hover... and to get used to leaving them)
  
• She takes correction very well
• She's open and asks questions if unclear or if she doesn't get me
  
• She's really good with getting the babies to sleep
• She is spot on with her strengths and weaknesses
• She's thorough, especially with The Notebook
  

Not so good

• She is slow
• Hasn't had any extra time to show me initiative
• Has left every day waaaayyy after she's supposed to leave - M 6pm, T 5.45pm, W 5.40 (at least it's getting earlier)

What do you think?

P.S. Mandibula, the cereal post is next!

Crying

The existing nanny, C

Last night I cried for the first time in about 10 weeks.

I just felt so overwhelmed by this nanny business. Or rather, lack of nanny business.

Especially since I go back to work on Thursday 3 Dec. I emailed my boss and all is set!

After I emailed the agent on 9th Nov, I kept emailing, but each time I put a slightly different spin on it so she wouldn't think I was a total nag.

I don't think it worked.

Anyway, long story short, but on the weekend before, I sent my old night nanny a text to ask her if she knew anyone who would be interested.

Confession - I was secretly hoping she'd say "I'm interested and will ditch my new job because I love your babies so much".

She phoned me to give me her friend's details and I interviewed said friend last Monday - nothing wrong, just no specific nanny experience although she has 3 kids and is looking after her grandchild now.

Eventually I cracked on the Tuesday and sent the agent a text saying what is going on? etc, etc.

She also has twins and said that the whole family had been sick with gastro but she would do her best to arrange interviews for the following afternoon.

Well, 3 ladies were supposed to arrive at 3 to be interviewed. Only 1 pitched and of course, then I don't want to see the others because if they're this lax about an interview, I can only imagine the attitude about actual work.

The lady was also fine. I wouldn't have a problem with her; just not wowed.

Again nothing from the agency which led to my "breakdown" last night.

Also, must confess I'm getting to a point where all the happy happy updates on Facebook are driving me nuts! Because I know things are not all sunshine and roses. I suppose it goes with how I like people to be authentic.

Oh, I then posted a real status update on FB and got some lovely comments and emails from my real friends :)

C with Kendra - yes, she's in blue - now wearing all Connor's clothes

I sent the agent a long email about how I was feeling (since we found the first nanny through her we've built up a bit of a friendship since we both have twins and both had the whole NICU experience) and I hoped she didn't mind but I'd been through her site and found 10 people who I'd like to interview.

But, I said to her, please make sure they can be here at 7am first before they even think of coming for an interview.

So she sent out the invites - will let me know later this evening who will be coming - I said I'll see 4 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon.

It's going to be a madhouse if they all pitch up. But I've gotten organised properly as if for work - written out my list of interview questions and hopefully I will stick to the script and stay on track.

Stay tuned!

What is it REALLY?

Why is it that things start going better?

Does looking after babies actually get easier?

Do we just get more used to them?

Is it a confidence thing?

I remember someone saying to me in the very early stages that you get used to living on only a couple of hours of broken sleep so it's not that the situation actually improves; our ability to adapt just gets better.

Is that it?

What do you think?

P.S. Strange that I should post this today because I have had the day from hell. Not the poor babies, but my nanny is driving me NUTS! I was THIS close to telling her to just take her things and go!

P.P.S. Interviewed two ladies for the position so far. Two to go!

nanny drama - does it ever end?

I mentioned in my last post that I'd write about the nannies on Friday, fully forgetting that I'm alone with the babies and there is no time to blog :)

I swear, my life just has one drama after another. Does anyone else feel like that?

So we had a day nanny Mon - Thurs and Friday nights, and a night nanny Mon and Thurs.

The night nanny, Mabel, then told me that since our contract was coming to an end in November, she approached an agency to find her full-time work from December.

Fair enough (and I loved her openness - you'll see why later).

She also wanted me to give her a reference which I was happy to do.

Agency phones, I give reference, apparently a beautiful one because two days later she has a full-time job!

But...they want her to start immediately.

However, she tells me she can do both jobs. Um, no, not with a livewire like Kendra! Yes, I can. No, you can't.

After lots of to and fro, my clever husband asked, "Mabel, exactly what are you concerned about?"

She says that we took a chance giving her a job when she was desperate for work and she doesn't want to leave us in the lurch. Also, she is very fond of the twins and will miss them.

So we compromised - while the agency was finding us a new night nanny she would continue to work nights here, and after the replacement nanny was found, she'd go back to babysitting for us on Saturday evenings.

Perfect.

Except not so much.

The first Monday night/ Tues am she had to leave at 5.30 to get to her new job by 8:00. We didn't know so were awakened by the knocking at our bedroom door.

Thursday night was much better - this time she only left 30 mins before but because she got ready at our house, D had to look after a baby from 6:00.

Then the following Monday she was sick and I started putting pressure on the agency who sent me two ladies to interview on the Wed. We were so sleep deprived by this point that I told the one to come back that night.

So that's sorted - new night nanny til end Dec and Mabel on Saturdays.

I've gotten even more bolshy if that's even possible and am super strict with the new nanny. I found in the beginning with both nannies I was almost walking on eggshells with them. Now I know if I'm not happy it will drive me crazy so I'm very exacting!

Now onto the day nanny.

I've felt for some time that she doesn't enjoy the job because of me (see above - very fussy mother) or Kendra (screaming) or whatever! Everybody loves Connor because he's an easy child so I knew he wasn't the problem. And D only sees her when she's on time which is hardly ever. Moving on.

I'd asked her from the time she started how things were going, if there were any problems, etc. She always said "everything's fine" but I could see they're not!

Very frustrating because I like openness.

Back to the punctuality. She's supposed to start at 8:00 while I'm on maternity leave and then at 7:00 when I go back to work.

Well, in a 5-day week, she's on time once, maybe twice if I'm lucky, about 5 - 10 minutes later two days and very late (30 minutes) the 5th day.

I'd spoken to her about this before, seriously, not just a "oh, was the bus late?" and she said she'd resorted to taking the bus because taxis were working out too expensive.

So last week Wed after discussing with D and playing with the numbers, we offered her a higher salary on the proviso that she is here at 7 and does some light cleaning (dishes, sweeping, etc.) while the babies are sleeping.

Well, I told her to think about it and tell me the next day. She says not a word to me on Thurs or on Friday.

Although we had an incident on Friday so that I can understand.

Third Day had a concert in Pretoria (about an hour outside Jhb) and we'd arranged to go with friends so I asked her to be here at 6pm instead of 7pm. She pitches up at 6.41.

I was livid! Not only are we put out, but our friends are too. And we missed about 30 minutes of the show which is NOT on.

She sent me a text at about 6.05 saying she was still in town waiting for the bus to get to us. I sent one back immediately saying "please take a taxi. we need to leave NOW!"

Anyway, friends were there so not good to air your dirty laundry in public. Especially since we were supposed to be having FUN.

So I sucked it up, focussed on the good things and we ended up having a fabulous time.

Incidentally, that was 6 Nov. The last concert we went to was Rod Stewart on 6 Dec where I did my trigger shot!

This morning I'd planned to have a proper chat and do the whole "if this happens again" hardcore manager bit when she was late again. 8.31!

D said am I not overreacting. No because when I have an 8:00 meeting I can and WILL not be late because of other people. Women already have to work harder than men, especially mothers. I don't want to be one of those women where, if they're late or leave early, the guys knowingly say "oh, is her child sick AGAIN?" Grrrr - drives me nuts.

Also, I read on a blog somewhere about daycare/ nannies that the biggest mistake she made was in not firing quickly enough if the fit was not right. So I thought enough with this eggshell-walking and I'll deal with these problems properly.

I asked what the problem was and the bus was stuck in traffic. Well then get an earlier bus. She did - this was the 6.30 bus.

Then only did she say that she can only leave her daughter at pre-school at 6.30 so that's the earliest she can leave.

OH MY WORD - why didn't you say something earlier, as in months ago when I told you about the 7:00 thing?

Anyway, then SHE says to me, "I think you should ask Ruth (agent) to get me a job closer to home and then she can get you someone else".

Of course I immediately agreed and not 15 minutes later had sent off an email to Ruth.

So now I start interviewing AGAIN!

Am I the only one who has this kind of drama all the time???

Look at all this hair & other randomness

So Trina finally had her baby - the last one of all of us who were due around the same time.

And WOW, what a beauty. She has TONS OF HAIR - I am so jealous since I was completely bald until I was two years old :)


Some other random stuff

• Thanks for all the advice on the fussy eaters post. Kendra was switched to lactose-free formula at their last paed appt on 11 Sept. I bought the small tin and she finished that in 4 days without any improvement. In fact, looking over my notes (yes, I'm keeping The Notebook again!), she actually got a bit fussier with her eating. I phoned the paed who said she can go back on normal Nan 1 again as I should have seen an improvement within a couple of feeds if she was allergic. So, back to square 1. I am going to google silent reflux and phone up again if it sounds like K.
  
• I just did the budget this morning and paid the nanny and night nanny. My word - it's depressing seeing all your hard-earned cash go in one fell sweep. One minute thousands in bank account, 10 minutes later nothing :(
• Have to focus on fact that I'm sleeping 8 - 9 nights every month!
• Am seriously in awe of people (especially people in South Africa where help is reasonably priced) who do without nannies. My one friend with 11-month-old boy/girl TWINS sent me a text to say they did it all themselves. I was like "you are a ROCK STAR!" Cannot believe it!
• D & I are both not well - scratchy throat, etc. I have been chugging down the orange juice and vitamin C and am better today, but still not 100%, so I skipped gym. He went to the doc and is now in bed, booked off for two days - poor thing.
• Speaking of skipping gym, I stopped for 10 days and my old knees were much, much better. So have decided to take it easier and only go twice a week. Clearly too much exercise is not good for a 35-year-old mother of twins!
  
• In response to this post on infertility support, we've decided to start a fertility babies group - I am the co-ordinator and all things are motoring along nicely.
• Am very sad about the three negative results that I know of in the blogosphere. It just breaks my heart - seriously.

And let me end off with a funny!

This morning I was holding Kendra during suicide hour. She started fussing despite seeming like she was done eating. D says, "she looks hungry", so sure enough I put the bottle in her mouth and she starts sucking away. So I said, "how do you know when she's hungry?" and he tells me (she does something with her head and has a different cry - I was seriously impressed!). So then I ask, "and how do you know when Connor's hungry?" D says, "HE'S BREATHING"

Hahahah

Poor boy! Naughty Dad!

Sleep and nanny update

K in a sling at the audiologist

C on the nanny's lap

We are sleeping much better thanks to the night nanny. We are in our routine now with Mabel here Mondays and Thursdays, and then while I'm on maternity leave, the day nanny has Fridays off but comes Friday evening to night nanny.

This means D and I have been able to do some stuff as well as get some sleep.

Mondays we just totally sleep as after the entire weekend of looking after babes we are knackered. Also remember we are 35 and 39, not in the flushes of youth :)

Thursdays our intention is to go to gym as she arrives (just before 7pm) and then come home to sleep. So far D has managed this; I can't quite think what I've been doing - I think blogging and getting ready for the next day.

Fridays is our new date night. We go to a movie or out to supper at one of the many shopping centres near where we live (not more than 5 km away - we are very blessed to stay quite centrally) and then come home to sleep.

My goal is to be in bed by 10pm; asleep by 11pm. So far so good.

My only concern is that we're getting really used to the night nanny; how will I be able to give her up? Well, aside from the small matter of finances.........

I was in denial about all the money we've been spending and it is A LOT. I could pay for an IVF with ICSI every 3 months........

But I put on my big girl panties and Did The Budget. That means I figured out how much we can actually spend out of our normal salaries vs what has to come from savings.

So while it is not pleasant to look at (I twitch sometimes thinking about The Money - good thing D doesn't do the budget - he freaks out far more easily than I do) at least I can now deal with it.

I said to a work friend that my bonus this year (we got a bonus in August) is going on NANNIES!

Ridiculous - in years past we went travelling to Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Australia, UK, Ireland and then last year we used it for one IVF. She kindly reminded me that I have to do whatever it takes to survive this initial period. True!

And on my to-do list today is "Complete Income Tax Return" so we can get some money back from SARS and replenish that ever-dwindling savings account.

Best I get moving on that......

Things I can't do without & things that are a total waste of money

I started this post WEEKS ago and am only now getting around to finishing it. I hope this is not going to be what my life's like from here on...I'm a big Completer-Finisher on those Belbin work profile assessments.

Anyway.....without further ado

they look soooo tiny here

Parenting is such a subjective thing - everybody has his or her way of doing things and feels that their way is the ONLY way.

I'm under no such illusions but I will say this - when I love something I will tell you about it. Like if ANYONE tells me they're battling to fall pregnant, and they live in Jhb, I tell them to go straight to my clinic. Don't even waste time with the others.

Or Pampers :)

Anyway, I was thinking about some things we're using with the babies that I love love LOVE and thought I'd share...just in case they work for you too.


sleep wedges

You can see the babies lying on them in the pic. I love these things so much that they are now my new favourite baby shower gift. I don't worry about the babies twisting and turning in their cots. I even put these on the couches or on the bed when we want to give them a break from sleeping in the cots and I can happily go off and do something else knowing they're safe.


linen savers

I first heard about linen savers when I got the "what to bring to the hospital" list. In case you're like me and you've never heard of them before now, they put them under the sheet to protect the mattress from blood and other spillages. Like the night my waters broke, I had linen savers under me in the car on the way to the hospital, and on the hospital bed while I was having contractions and gushing water (I know, gross!).

Anyway, we had to bring a pack of 20 and I still had some left after I was discharged. So I fold one in half, and then again in half, and place on top of the sleep wedge to protect the mattress and sheets from the babies' pee. I mentioned before that they pee through everything - vest, babygrow and receiving blanket. Well, if that linen saver wasn't there, I'd also be washing sheets as well as all the clothes non-stop. Now I don't - bonus!

receiving blankets

I don't think you can have enough of these. When I read the baby magazines, they said 4 per baby. We had 4 per baby before they were born and then I went out and got another 2 each and my sister gave me some more too.

Also, another tip I got from a work colleague... use a receiving blanket as a sheet in the cot especially if you have winter babies like I do. They're cheaper than proper cot sheets and the flannel keeps them warm. At Baby City you pay about R70 for a cot sheet and R70 for a 3-pack of receiving blankets. I bought a pack and use two of them as sheets and one as a blanket.

facecloths

When the babies have their bottles, they spill the milk because they either suck too fast (Connor) or too lazily (Kendra).

We tried using bibs but they get soaked so quickly so their babygrows (onesies) also get wet.

So I started using facecloths. They had about 3 each for bathing and an extra 10 to 12, so I use those instead of bibs. They're super absorbent and it's easy to throw them into the laundry.

electric blanket and camp cot (pack and play - see picture above)

It's winter here in Jhb and wouldn't you know it? For the first time in a couple of years we're having a proper cold winter. We've had a few years of really mild winters which I hate because I love the cold. So the weather - good for me, not so good for babies.

When you have babies in a cold house you get obsessed with temperature. When Connor came home, we put him in his cot for one night but were scared he'd freeze to death (literally) so he moved to our bed, on the sleep wedge, of course. Then when Kendra came home we bought a camp cot (which is in our room) and put an electric blanket in there to keep them nice and toasty warm.

So they have beautiful cots in their room, totally unused, except for the nights when the night nanny looks after them.

microwave steriliser

Not the cutest or sexiest baby shower gift but certainly the most useful, together with the baby bottle brush.

How did people do it before these were invented? I know - sterilising liquid. But where did they get the time?

4 minutes and the bottles are done in my 1000-watt microwave.


washing machine and tumble dryer

Literally my lifesavers for the first two months. After their morning feed, I pop a load in and forget about it while doing bottles, etc.

Then if the weather's good, hang on the line or else toss into the tumble dryer.

A friend told me that her washing machine broke in the first year after their baby was born because she did so much laundry! Hopefully that won't be happening because I don't have the energy or the money for another one.

The day nanny started on 1 Sept and I see that she likes to wash their laundry by hand. It does make sense since there's usually not enough (now that they're using Pampers - and Kendra is on newborn Pampers too now) laundry to run a load and I'm very very cheap so hate wasting all that electricity to do a half load.

Nannies!!!

Seriously, I don't know how you guys do it without nannies. I wrote about a nanny on Facebook and there were some comments that it really is only for the very rich in the US. My mum flew to Jhb and stayed with me for 4 weeks in August - her main job was Kendra since she's experienced at the children thing (we're 3 kids).

But it's very different when you have paid help, at least for me, because I can boss to my heart's content. I'm not that bad, but I do like things done just so, which is why they call me a slave driver at work.

When the nanny's here, I get to sleep a couple of hours, do our laundry, cook, clean, go to gym and run errands, etc.

All while the babies are being taken very good care of. Which is priceless!

She is already smitten with the babies which is such a relief - K is cute but high maintenance so I don't expect other people to find her as endearing as her father and I do. I find her whispering sweet nothings to them - so sweet.

If she ever decides to leave I will cry bucketloads of tears. If I were at work, I'd tell her how great she is but I'm scared to in case she hits me up for more money. So I do a bit here and a bit there.

They are still not 100% used to the night nanny - also she's a bit more rough with them than the 3 of us are (D, me and the day nanny). To be honest, I am tolerating it because we're so sleep deprived but I am being a lot more assertive with her. "C doesn't like to sleep like that; K just needs a cuddle" etc etc


Things I would never buy if I had more children
(I'll update this list as I think of things)

1. mittens - believe me, I tried to get them to wear them. A total waste of time and huge frustration for the babies and for me
2. newborn socks
3. cute newborn clothes - the babies do nothing but eat and sleep, babygrows and vests are really all you need, and beanies for winter babes. Not to mention the fact that the cute clothes are often very impractical
4. booties
5. newborn leggings - again, they have no patience with leggings and it's a mission to get on and off when changing nappies
6. baby bath - I don't have one and am glad. I bath the babes in the basin and the nannies prefer to use the bath seat in the big bath.
7. lots of fancy expensive bottles (my kids like the cheap
8. lots of cotton wool (in the NICU they use cotton wool and warm water to clean the bums when changing nappies. D was aghast when I stopped all that the MINUTE Connor came home. He very quickly had to get used to the cold baby wipes -who has the time to gather warm water when you have a screaming baby who wants that wet nappy off NOW)

On another note, a friend told me the babies don't even use duvets or quilts but it does help to "pull the room together". So true. Half the time the quilt is folded up somewhere and I only "do the room nicely" when people are coming.

So... back to you...

what can't you do without, and what has been a total waste of time/ money?