Ways in which I'm a strict mother - milk bottles

taking portraits in Sabie

a whole load of negotiation going on

again, trying portraits, this time in Pilgrim's Rest

My friend asked me about dummies on Saturday and I realised that not only are we off the dummies, but we are also off the bottles!

And I've forgotten to tell you about both of those very big milestones.

I think it's because I wait to see what the effect of it all is and if there are going to be any relapses and then I forget to blog it.

So I got this bee in my bonnet one day out of the blue.

Clicks had some bottles with straw attachments on special and I was in there for my "prescription" so I grabbed two.

I got home and suddenly had a brainwave.

I took out these nice, new bottles and made a Big Deal about the Lovely New bottles they had and said to them all (V was still working here), "from tomorrow we'll have our milk in these bottles. V will wash them tomorrow and put your milk in there, okay?"

And they were all, "ooh, thank you Mummy".

Well, the next evening, I put their milk in the clean bottles and said to V, "please hold this plastic bag while I pack ALL the bottles in there "for the kids who don't have any bottles""

(that's my thing when I want to give away or toss things - "there are kids who don't have any and we should give them these ones". It works beautifully - they now willingly tell me when they outgrow clothes, "Mummy, this is too tight. Please give it to the kids who don't have any clothes" Too sweet)

D was a bit horrified that I was going cold turkey but I figured if the bottles are actually not in the house then I won't be tempted to give in, nor will we be forced to lie about it.

I made V take the packet of bottles with her (I hope she kept some for her baby) and we all made a big production of waving "BYE" to V and the bottles.

The evening was fine as they were still high on the idea of giving (it is exciting, I will admit) but the next morning I woke because of all the screaming.

They didn't want to drink their milk from the sippy cups; they wanted the bottles.

D told them, "remember we gave your bottles to the kids who don't have any?"

Them "yessss.... but we want our bottles"

Anyway, it was obvious - you either have your milk in the sippy cup or you don't get milk.

Connor boycotted his milk for about 3 days and was grumpy as anything but we offered him a biscuit (ProVita) instead and that at least appeased his hunger .

And that was that.

I was sure to not make a big deal and just stay calm and I'd change the sippy cups so they had the ones that were easy to drink out of (turns out my cute bottles are terrible for milk - they are now water bottles only - so when they spill, it's only water).

D really was not convinced and wanted me to ease them into it but I said, "no way" and "no more bottles = less dishwashing for you" ---> that seemed to convince him quicker.

So there's the story.

This was late Feb/ early March because I remember we saw the nutritionist on 9 March and she told me I'm very brave for my "method", such that it is. I don't think it was brave; I just got annoyed with these bottles and when I get a notion in my head, that's it.

Otherwise, I'm sure they would have been on the bottles til they were 5 :)

Are your kids still on bottles? If not, when did you get rid of them and how did you do it? Eased them off it or sudden like me?

Best of times, worst of times aka Five on Friday

Yesterday was an ...interesting day.

1. Politically in SA, something happened which is just fabulous. And hopefully I will never hear that specific person spouting off nonsense ever again :)
2. Something happened at work that I can't talk about because I'm not allowed to but it is terrible news. I was crying (here) while blinking at my desk and then thank goodness, I had outside meetings so could leave the office and cry properly in the car. The terrible news is not going away but it should all become clear in the next 3 weeks and then I can talk about it. I also hate when people are vague but I really take what I say/ promise seriously. Sorry to keep you in the dark.
3. After my outside meetings, I had to go to a focus group (which I LOVE!) and it was fabulous. I love hearing what real people say about our company and industry ... and intended product. The feedback from all 7 groups so far is just fantastic.
4. I hate it when things happen that I have to blog (time-dependent events) because I have all these things on my mind and I really want to talk about them. Like friendship. Oy - I have about 5 posts in my mental drafts :) And my Google Reader is bulging with 107 items after I cleared about 50 last night.
5. I actually can't believe I'm the only one that scared to upset the children's evening routine by not taking them out in the evenings. Am I really the only one? I'm going to look at it that I'm "special" instead of "bad different" because

Source: cookingwiths.blogspot.com via Marcia on Pinterest

and quite frankly, I've had enough joy stolen yesterday :) But enough about me, how was your week?

Ways in which I'm a strict mother - giving in

This post is dedicated to Claudia :) as promised

I'm doing my budgets (fun fun fun! - a topic for another post because of course I'm not serious) and deleting the millions of messages from my bank.

They send me a notification everytime something happens on my account.

I keep these texts and as I update my spreadsheet, I delete them from my phone.

South Africans - how do you deal with these notifications?

Anyway, I also found an old message which reminded me of something I wanted to blog about.

Incident 1

We went to that birthday party a few weeks ago and Connor saw this car in the sandbox.

A small, old car.

He was hooked on it - obviously - and when I said we need to go and to give the car back to Aunty Kirsten, he looked at me with terror and then Aunty K said, "it's okay, he can have it".

As we left (I'm strict but not stupid), I quickly distracted him and took the car, leaving it on her entrance table.

She sent me a text saying, "you really could have taken the car for Connor" and I said, "I know but he needs to learn that no is no".

Incident 2

Actually, same party!

Kendra had nibbled on two of those marshmallow in ice-cream cone sweets. I told her, "that's enough. no more".

She snuck away from me to get number 3.

I marched over to the kiddies table, removed the sweet from her hand and she started wailing.

One of the other mothers even said, "oh Mommy, it's a party".

I felt like saying, "can she come spend the evening with you then?" but I said, "she's already had two and that is enough".

Well, Kendra is a master of the dramatic and WAILED as if her heart was breaking.

I just walked back to the step I was sitting on and continued talking to whoever I was talking to.

Within about 10 seconds, she was done and had joined in the playing again.

Incident 3

The other day I was brave and took the kids to the mall by myself.

We walked into CNA (stationery shop) because I can never resist "just looking" and I purposefully walked up a "boring" aisle but somehow someone had left a lovely bright kiddies book in the midst of the boringness and Connor wanted this book.

I said to him, "no, we're not going to get the book" and he said very sweetly, "just looking" so after a bit of back and forth about how we're just looking and we're leaving the book, I handed it over (rookie mistake!) and carried on browsing.

5 minutes later I was done and said, "let's put the book back". He said, "no, Mummy, still looking" - very polite but still.

So I said, "Connor, we're leaving now, I'm not paying for the book (R84) and we need to put it back on the shelf".

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I think I even added, "I really don't care if the other half of the shop also hears you scream" because of course, by this point, I'm getting the glares from other people.

here's the thing - I don't give one iota about what people think in situations like this - I will not give in.

And so I wheeled the two of them all the way from CNA through the mall past the parking, into the parking lot and into their car seats.

All the while Connor going WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH at the top of his voice.

Charming.

Security guards, shoppers, other mothers were all looking but not one said a thing to me - maybe they could see I meant business?

My view is I pick my fights carefully but once I've decided, I will not give in.

Hmmm, for this one, I'm a 9 on the scale of 1 - 10.

Where are you?

PS My cell phone text inbox is finally clear - it really is a miracle!
PPS what else is there left to discuss around strictness???? :)

Ways in which I'm a strict mother (2) - schedules

I actually intended to post my crafty link-ups but the pics are taking sweet forever to upload and I want to get to bed!

****************************

proof that she is our kid - her father and I are both bookshop people - we LOVE bookshops

Connor is fearless - he thinks he's 4 the way he goes around bossing big kids around. The good thing is that Kendra sees this bravery and joins in. I had to take pics because she is not someone to go off and play somewhere without us in sight

MandyE wanted us to talk about schedules next - I can't think why?! :)

Those of you who've been around since the babies were real babies know that we battled a LOT to even get them on a schedule with anything - sleep, eating, everything.

My children never ever stretched to even 3 hours to eat til they went on solids at 4 and 5 months respectively.

And once I saw the scheduling thing eventually start working I was all for it.


Still, I did hate all the other mothers who had perfect kids who fed every 4 hours (and longer).

So the way I do things is we stick to a general rhythm, not necessarily a schedule.

I watch cues for sleepiness and put them down around 10:30 - 11-ish and they'll sleep around 2 hours.

Then they're up for lunch, play time and we now bath first and then feed them at 5, but no later than 5:30.

When I get home at 5:30-ish, they're in their pyjamas and we spend time together on my bed (I sort out my work stuff, change clothes and they play with special books I keep in my bedside drawer) and then they have their milk while I snuggle with them (I'll take what I can get - it's the only time Connor is ever still).

I used to be very strict about getting them to bed at 6 sharp. In fact, the music (sleep CD) was on at 5:55 and they were out like lights by 6:00.

But then D messed things up because he said he missed them.

So I'd keep them up til 6:30 so they could spend some time with him.

I will say this - if he's going somewhere after work and will not be home by 6:30, he has to let me know and we do bed-time without him.

It's very cute how the kids know who they can take chances with.

At 6:25 I say, "come babies (yes, I call them babies), it's time for bed".

They each hold my hand (can you imagine the cuteness?!), we go to their bedroom, I pray with each one individually (apparently D and I do this totally differently, which is a topic for another post), tuck Connor in (Kendra doesn't like to be tucked in - "no, Mummy, no tuck"), say goodnight and I love you.

I switch on the music, turn out the lights and leave.

And that's it.

No drama.

When D is there, they read a lot longer and then pray and tuck in. But their whole bedtime thing takes about 30 minutes.

They run around their room, playing, looking for excuses to get out of bed, etc.

I hear them carrying on while I'm cooking supper.

So to summarise...

We feed roughly at 8, 1, 3:30-ish and 5.
They sleep at 10:30 - 11-ish and then at 6:30 (with me) - 7-ish (with D)

They never wake at night except when Kendra's sick and her meds are wearing off (just before that 6-hour mark, she'll wake) but they do wake up bright and early at 5:30 - 6-ish every day.

Don't bother telling me to put them to bed later - we've tried that - it doesn't work - all it means is they get to wear us out another hour or two and they still wake at 5:30 - 6ish.

These kids are, sadly, early birds.

I had the bright idea to teach them to tell time the other day so told V this morning she must start telling them they only get milk at 6 in the pm and 6 in the am :)

Let's see - after all they can identify letters, I'm sure they can learn the time (at least just 6 o'clock).



On the strict scale I'm a 7 or 8.

Where do you fall on the scheduling strict scale?

Ways in which I'm a strict mother - food

Source: thecraftingchicks.com via Marcia on Pinterest

I loved the comments from all of you where you said you're stricter than I am.

Love!

So I thought we should discuss them in a little more detail so I can catch some tips :)

Let's talk food.

We are still using The Notebook and, quite honestly, I think we're going to use it til my kids go to school :)

I started The Notebook because once Kendra came home, all ___ broke loose and my memory was shot from sleep deprivation and the craziness of newborn, prem twins.

I needed to regain a little bit of control and at least if anyone asked me anything I could refer to the book and answer with relative confidence. Instead of saying, "I have no idea what time her last bottle was or how much she had" (yes, it was that bad).

We love having the notebook for notes between V and us, and I can see when things change in their learning.

We adapted the categories over the two years and now keep track of times they eat and drink, and what that is, sleep times during the day and activities.

This is where D and I often have a chuckle in the evening when we see V writing "learning the alphabet" and "sang songs", etc. Too cute. It helps us feel a little more involved in their days.

We also seem like rock star parents when the kids go see the doctor or paed. When I took Connor the other week, I could tell her exactly when he started feeling out of sorts because V had a note that said, "Connor cried a lot today" LOL

Anyway, so we have some set things we feed the kids for each meal:

breakfast - weetbix, pronutro, oats (in winter)/ muesli (they had their first muesli on Spring Day - I thought they deserved something fun to celebrate the warm weather)/ maltabella (also in winter), toast with jam (C)/ cottage cheese (K), fruit and/ or yoghurt

lunch - bread/ toast with something protein (peanut butter/ cheese/ cottage cheese/ egg), and tomato/ cucumber/ etc. My children don't like their veggie part on the sandwich - they want it separate. In winter they also have soup most days. If they didn't want yoghurt after breakfast, they have it now.

snack - about a week ago, we had to move supper an hour later because they started waking at 4:30 am demanding milk (C) so we give them a fruit around 3:30.

supper - whatever we had the previous night, except curries - chicken a la King, spaghetti bolognaise, chicken and broccoli, kidney bean and tomato sauce on rice/ pasta/ baked potatoes, etc. Today they're having penne with a bolognaise sauce :)

My kids LOVE veggies. It's very weird but we're not complaining. We have to say, "eat your chicken and rice, and then you can get veggies". No jokes. And we hide the peas away til they've finished their food. No food, no veggies.

Also, have you ever heard a cute little boy say, "please Mummy have veggies" - it is TOO adorable. I must see if I can get it on video.


Notes

1. I don't allow snacks in between meals. I like them nice and hungry so they eat well. This tactic seems to have worked because I have very good eaters. Matter of fact, I'm still waiting for my toddlers to eat like toddlers so I can save some money :) When I went to ToddlerSense last year, the woman said toddlers typically eat two bites of a sandwich, a grape, one bite of a banana and that's it. Um, not mine. But I'm not complaining because when they display less than stellar eating habits (when sick) it is not fun and I stress that they're not getting enough food. But I never show them my fear :)
   
2. These are the options - my food or bread with peanut butter. Most times they eat my food but sometimes they opt for the bread.
3. I try to remember to write in The Notebook what they need to have the next day but if I forget, V knows and will feed them appropriately. I also have a special section in the freezer for the babies' extra meals (for when we have curries) so V knows to take their meals from there.
4. They have plain yoghurt 85% of the time because on Sundays I send those 100 ml tubs of yoghurt in their church lunch bag with a muffin each.
   
5. We only let them eat in the highchairs - I don't allow running through the house with food because I don't want clean-up to be any more difficult than it has to be. That said, they don't eat as well when we go out... but I'm prepared for the fussiness 5% of the time.
   
6. We also have a rule which they both know - "no bib, no food" - so if they take off their bibs, I say, "oh, have you finished eating?" and either it's yes, or they put those bibs back on.
   
7. If lunch is light (we've run out of fruit), then I'll allow a muffin each. I always have muffins in the freezer. I bake the ones for the kids with almost no sugar and at least half a cup of veg (pumpkin/ butternut). They love it and now that they've "twigged", they "steal" from the freezer.

Me Kendra, what are you eating?

K Muffin

Me Where did you get it, Baby?

K Freezer (with absolutely no hint that she's doing something wrong)

They do get about 50 - 75 ml of juice a day, diluted 1:3/ 1:4, depending on the juice. Orange is not as sweet as tropical fruit.

I don't allow sweets at all but now and again, I'll give them a wine gum each. I'll allow chocolate sooner than sweets after discussions with my work friend who has an ADHD boy and keeps very careful track of the E numbers and whatnot.

Now and again they'll get a cupcake (without icing).

I know I'm very strict on the food - I would rate myself a 9 here :)

How do you fare?

Also, what kinds of food do your kids eat?

PS if this is not your thing, here's a gorgeous blog I found today.

Where are you on the strict scale?

So I went to a talk last week called Shaping the will without breaking the child.

That's always been my concern with this discipline thing.

I love spunky, sassy kids (and looks like I got two of them!) and yet I also love well-mannered kids.

How do you find the balance?

D went to a talk by the same lady in Feb (I was babysitting since it was near where he works) and that's where he learnt about time-outs.

I still don't believe that time-outs in the same format work for every child.

I felt that Connor's personality was changing to slightly fearful and I love that God made him brave and fearless.

I won't rehash the past but I think we have a nice balance with him now.

 This is Kendra in time-out and Connor decided to keep her company

As an aside, when my husband sent me the newsletter, I saw there was this talk happening and sent it out to all my friends.

Maybe it's just me but I get a bit irritated if people just ignore me. Some did say they weren't prepared to travel to Greenstone, etc. or didn't feel they needed it, etc. so those are not the problem. I just don't know why people don't say "thanks but no thanks".

Is it just me or would you also get annoyed?

 I absolutely go to anything by myself but also think of these things as time to see friends.
One friend accepted my meeting invite and so we met up there. She'd dragged her sister along and so the three of us had a lovely time laughing, eating, drinking and hopefully learning too.

My best part was connecting with the two of them for 30 minutes before the thing started.

I first got all hot under the collar (you all do use this phrase, right? :)) but then calmed down a little and I've now decided to only send these things to the people who do respond.

Okay, back to the talk.

This woman is a brilliant marketer. Her talk was comprehensive enough and yet she seeded it so well with links to all her products and services that I was gobsmacked at how subtle and authentic it was.

Moving on...

I consider myself a strict mother. On a scale of 1 - 10, I'd probably be a 7.

But wow. If I had to do everything she suggests, even I would have to ramp it up on the strict scale.

I have a meeting so can't finish talking now...

Where do you rate on the strict scale?