The drama of dressing

Go look at these pics of "the babies".

Don't let those sweet little faces fool you.

Here's the thing - Connor hates getting dressed.

Hates as in kicking and screaming and fighting.


to be 100% honest, this particular pic was taken because he was crying for MY camera. No, he didn't want to play with the small pink Sony Cybershot; he wanted the big black Canon. Um, NO! I don't care how loud you scream.


We want no tantrums or fighting with me, D or Nanny S when it's time to get dressed so we put it on the star chart and that works most of the time.

Then things that gets to me most is that this is something we do twice a day - it is not a random occurence so surely he should be used to it.

Sometimes it's easily fixable (as in "I don't want to wear red; only blue" - if blue is clean, whatever. I don't care if you don't match) but sometimes there is just no reason or logic for the not wanting to get dressed.

Kendra, on the other hand, loves clothes and getting dressed and fitting on clothes. She is a dream and happily lets me fit on all her clothes immediately after a shopping trip, and at the change of seasons when I need to see what still fits them.

Connor needs to be bribed with a jelly baby (my sweet of choice) or a chip.

Connor, fit on these 4 things for me and then I'll give you a chip.

Poor children rarely get treats so this is HUGE for us :)

The thing with Connor is this not dressing lark is hard to predict. It's not always about the same thing.

Then I had lunch with Natalie and the angels came out to sing because she told me D1 dresses himself. :)

Natalie thought it's a boy thing because she also has problems with D1 getting dressed that's why he dresses himself. But I know from Louisa that her little girl is even worse than Connor from the sounds of it.

Granted, I do baby them very slightly :) but I took a chance last night and RAVED about how Aunty Natalie told me D1 is SUCH a big boy that he dresses himself.

And would they not like to also be big kids and dress themselves?!

Understandably, Kendra was on board immediately and Connor gave me this look that said, "D can be a big boy if he wants; I'll decide on the day how I'm feeling."

But this morning there was NO screaming except when he didn't want anything on his feet. I very calmly said (I was actually very proud of myself), "that's fine, do you want to wear your slippers?"

He did a double-take thinking, "are you sure you're MY Mummy?" but ran off and told Nanny S that Mummy said he could wear his slippers (I know it's 27 degrees but it's COLD in the mornings and I have a "lovely summer home").

So tell me, have you ever had dressing problems with your kids?

And more importantly, what worked for you?

Work stuff on a Monday

but first, I have to show you these pics.

1. For the science nerds (I'm one too), I must confess I took these two pics because they reminded me of electron configurations.

When I was at school, our textbook said that electrons position themselves like passengers on a bus. People will sit on their own seat until there are no more empty seats and then they'll start sitting two on the same seat.

In our basement at work, we seem to all like the middle parking bay. Look how we all go look for the middle parking bay. It's too funny.


mine is the car with the open boot (trunk)





2. Other than that, I'm in week 2 of my boss's 3-week leave and I'm getting used to the slower pace. It is LOVELY for a change. I'm scheduling lunch dates with everyone I've neglected over the last 2 - 3 months(anyone want to come have lunch with me?). Today I had lunch with my friend, Nat. It was great but always too short (and we stretched it to 1.5 hours).

 

3. I do need to buck up and get through my 4-page to-do list. But it's proving difficult because it's one thing off, two things on... and I'm looking at pre-schools... I've taken a day's leave on Friday because nanny S is going to Zim for a wedding and I've decided to "make the most of it". The babies and I are going to Visit Pre-Schools and then we're going to lunch because they had a really good week last week (28 and 30 stars out of 35 on their charts - usually we battle to get to 20....)

 

4. The lady (who says I'm too loud) in my office is freaking out because they're moving us around temporarily, and then permanently in about 6 - 8 weeks. If you thought you don't deal well with change, I promise you you are AWESOME at change compared to her :) It's actually funny to watch and I feel positively laidback next to her. Teehee.

 

5. So my goals for the week 

• get my coaching homework done and sent to the coach
• narrow down the pre-schools from 5 to about 2 - 3 and go see those 2 - 3
• Get through most of my to-do list

What do you want to get done this week?

How good are you with change?

 

...these are a few of my favourite things

Cat's been posting about her kids' favourite things.

 

I tried with my kids ... it was about 65% successful... but that's a post for another day :)

 

Some of my current favourite things:

 

1. Woolworths multigrain flakes with fat-free milk

 

2. Salticrax (supposedly for my low blood pressure) with sundried tomato and basil low fat cream cheese (Connor told me he prefers them plain)

 

3. Jeanette posted a pic on her FB with Woolworths' new mini doughnuts - chocolate and apricot. I had to go out and get some! Well, the verdict is in: I still prefer the original doughnuts so I'll have to take a bag of apricot doughnuts with me to work tomorrow :) Have you tried the new mini doughnuts? What do you think?

 

4. The warmer weather... and beautiful light. I'd forgotten just how much my photography depends on GOOD light. I chased the kids around the garden after lunch today while they were kicking balls and whatnot and OH MY GOODNESS, I got some fabulous pics of them.

 

5. I've convinced my partner in photo crime, Mandy, to do something with me. We're going to host a photo link-up for the 5 Saturdays in Sept. There'll be a theme each week which is wide open to interpretation. I'll do a proper post soon but get ready with any and all cameras and let's have some fun - it's SPRING after all :) I am super-excited.

 

6. Getting stuff done - I printed the party pics and put them in a little mini album. I also got my year in review book up to date with the pics from the last couple of months. Concord pics are also printed. I've selected Charlotte and am about 10% through choosing NYC pics. I LOVE crossing things off my to-do list.

 

7. Acts of kindness - I got 4 things ready this afternoon and I can't wait for the people to get them.

 

8. Reading - I spent FOUR glorious hours reading last night before tearing myself away at 1:40 to go sleep. Yes. It was good. Another Dorothy Koomson (The woman he loved before). By the way, we're reading the Love Languages for Kids. I'm two chapters in and it's goooooood. Sadly, there are only 2 Dorothy Koomson books that I haven't read. One is on my Kindle already and one is going to be released on 30 Aug. It may be a good time to put a little dent in my 38 things list - I have about 5 reading goals on there.

 

9. Thornton's original toffee - oh my word. I'm addicted. I could happily eat the whole bag by myself (yesterday I did except for two pieces - D and the babies shared a small piece) - it is SOOO good.

 

10. Sweet babies. When they're good, they're sooooo good. You had to hear Connor in the car coming home from church this morning. So polite and well-mannered. I was utterly charmed. (of course, when they're naughty, I want to tear my hair out) 

What are some of YOUR favourite things at the moment?

PS I had to stop myself from writing down a whole lot of stationery items because stationery is really SOOOOO easy to be on any favourites list.

Bears and babies in school

I told you how I had a burst of energy last weekend and sorted out kids' clothes.

By the way, I can't wait for summer to declutter last year's summer clothes because the kids have too many things. Does anyone else get excited about decluttering? I love "white space" in the wardrobes!

Anyway, I told Nanny V to only come pick up her bags of clothes when the weather warmed up a bit because little babies really shouldn't be out in the horrible winter weather unless absolutely necessary.

And so when we had our lovely 23 and 24-degree weather this week, I quickly phoned V and said, "I think you better come fetch the clothes".

Well, she did and they all had a lovely time.

She texted me a pic of my two on the couch with her baby lying across the kids' laps.

Surreal but very cute.

She also said they've grown so big in the last 4 months - true!

I wonder what it was like for her seeing Nanny S doing what she used to do.

I know she is still the better teacher of the kids and was more playful with them, but Nanny S is (always) punctual and reliable and very organised.

Which brings me to next year.

I'm torn about this pre-school business.

Half day vs full day vs full-time maid vs 2 - 3 times a week maid.

The reality is this - I can't cope (and I have no shame in saying this) without a maid at least twice a week. I hate laundry with a passion and we all know how much kids produce.

And my personality is such that I will freak out daily if the house is too much of a mess.

So in my ideal world, my kids would go to school half days and then spend the afternoons with a nanny. I would come home to kids who are bathed and in their pjs, and a clean house.

Depending on the school and if I need to arrange transport to take the babies back home, that solution would cost me about R7500. Maybe a bit more.

Which in my mind is way too much to spend.

I know a lot of you Joburgers are happy with these kinds of crazy amounts but I'm not - I really like money in the bank!

The other option is to have the kids go full-day and have a cleaning lady 2 - 3 times a week. That will be about R6 500 but I will have to get to the school on time (so leave whether meetings have overrun or not) and bath the kids plus do suppers plus prep for the next day. With D, of course, but still... crazy.

Actually now that I write it all out, not having the evening craziness is well worth paying R1000 extra IF we can afford it.

I still haven't done the budget for next year because I'm slightly scared.

I don't know where this post is going and I'm well aware that the US folk are thinking I'm way too spoilt (totally agree!). But the fact of the matter is in South Africa we do have access to lots of "cost-effective" labour :)

I spoke to one work friend yesterday who says I'm MAD to want to pay for the half-day option.

I told her R1000 = a permanently clean house = priceless for my mental energy :)

How did you sort all this out in your mind?

What were your deciding factors? Or did finances not play a part?

{Friendship Friday} is kindness a non-negotiable for friendship?

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When I posted about the random acts of kindness, I had a friend email me to tell me what she did (5 things, by the way - yay!).

The reason she emailed and didn't post on her blog is because she said her friends read her blog and she felt funny in case it was seen as bragging, because isn't this what friends do for one another?

I said, "no! not always. I know of lots of people who are not kind to their friends."

I think that some people are naturally kind and thoughtful, and others have to make more effort but do it anyway. And others just don't bother.

She also mentioned that I'm intentional about the acts of kindness so why do I call them random?

Isnt' that a great question?

I said I like to be intentional (that's like planning to do x per month) but then the randomness happens because I just listen and keep aware in case I'm able to do something nice.

But... back to the topic.

A lot of friends are not kind to one another. Because one of my areas of interest is friendship, my ears zero in on these topics around the office... :) (in fact, I told them the other day, "I really need to start a blog because you guys are RIPE with blog fodder")

I hear about friends taking advantage of one another, putting guilt trips on one another, not even caring about their friends - frankly, it's shocking to me.

While I am not 100% hard and cold, I do think friendship needs to be reciprocal in some way. Especially in the area of kindness.

One of my main goals as a parent is to raise kids who are kind to others. I think I'm succeeding with the one and the other will need more work :)

And of course, kindness can take many forms.

Kindness is not about gifts although it can be; it's about being there for someone, showing compassion and empathy and being thoughtful, picking up the phone now and again, sending a kind email/ text to say you're thinking of that person, etc.

I had supper with a 3 am friend a few weeks ago and she confessed that she's bad at communicating with her friends. I said, "what?!" and she gave me some examples like she doesn't check in regularly with everyone and I said, "honestly, C, I've never ever felt neglected by you."

It's true - I think it's because when you need her, she is THERE, fully present and ready to help very practically. And she does check in randomly to see how I'm doing.

It was strange to me to see how she perceives herself (she was measuring herself against another of her friends) when I experience her so differently.

I guess it won't surprise you to find that for me, kindness is a non-negotiable for friendship.

Life is too short to put up with unkindness from people and fortunately, I don't think I've ever had to with my friends.

I do try and be kind so I think I attract kind people to me too.

But what about you?

Is kindness a non-negotiable for your friendship?
How do you prefer people to show kindness to you?

{USA 2012} Visiting Puffer and the baby fishies

D and I took subways, walked a lot, took pics a lot and eventually arrived at Casa Pufferfish.

I took lots more interesting (to me) pics but won't bore you with all of those - school buses and such :)

The pics of her little fish are some of my favourite kids' pics ever.  Ones that I took, that is :)

I couldn't seem to stop taking pics of random street corners!







are all boys hardwired to build? these two were really good.





looking at the moon

 



one of my absolute favourites!



Which pic is your favourite?

A beautiful day and potty training

1. Did I call it or what?

It looks like the temperatures are getting warm...I'm tentatively excited about SPRING!

2. Also, in other news, there have been lots of potty training posts in my Google Reader over the last week and.......let me just add to the talk out there.

It got even worse than this in our house and we have officially regressed.

My lovely ex-boss said to me to just relax about it and so what if the child in question is in nappies for another month?

You know what? I 100% agree. There are bigger things in life to worry about.

When it's warm (proper) I'll relook at things again.

And like with babies sleep (or not, as the case may be), this does not define who I am as a parent.

Maybe someone needed to read that today?

3. I am super-impressed with my black Goth fingernails. I can't stop staring :)

What do your fingernails look like today?

PS I made that little printable :) See how happy I am about the warm weather?

{USA 2012} Eating and drinking :)

As always for me, the eating was one of the best parts of my trip :)

I probably ate most regularly while in North Carolina (I told D this is all due to MandyE who kept us all on track) and also most healthily.

In NYC D and I did our usual thing (when without kids) which is to eat as we feel led. Which means lots of junk.

The things that were different from South Africa:

- glasses of water without asking (this was good for me because that's my drink of choice anyway)
- in NC, sweet tea and... I'm not a lover of sweet tea. I like my tea hot and with milk :)
- too much ice in everything. I'm not into ice so much especially with the aircons on full blast but the people there seem to love it.
- they bring separate bills without batting an eyelid (so much more civilised than we do here where we all haul out our calculators!)
- seemed like they mostly added a tip automatically (I didn't mind because it was easier than working it out, and there was actually service)
- they also didn't even blink when asked for peanut butter sandwiches and milk for the kids. I've never asked for PB in SA but maybe I should try.

Concord

1. On the border - Mexican

Loved all Mexican food. I loved that there were different bits to the
meals... And the black beans!

Charlotte 

2. Mimosa Grill 

This is where I had some of the best trout ever. Served on mashed potato with green beans. Yum! I didn't have dessert but Mandy had crème brulee and J had peach cobbler.

3. Vida Cantina 

Mexican again. This time with the other Mandy and her family too. Yummy food. I love the chips that keep on coming.

4. City Smoke

Here I had pulled pork, Texan toast and two sides (I had mac 'n cheese and Lexington slaw). Beth had fried chicken with fried okra, things I'd only read about. D was aghast when I said I didn't even try grits or any of the Southern food. I tried the chicken and okra though.

fried chicken

New York City

5. Starbucks

For the internet, obviously. I don't even like coffee and it about killed me to pay those prices for 3cm of a drink plus ICE.

6. NanKing

D and I had a Thai meal here on night 1. It was delicious. Surprisingly reasonable for Times Square. I think we spent about $30 for the two meals.

7. Panera Bread

Oh, how I love bread. We had bagels and cream cheese here one morning for brunch - delicious.One of my regrets is that I couldn't have more of their food. It all looked so good.

8. Pax

More bagels one day...

9. Barnes and Noble

One evening I had a quick supper at B&N - soup and a sandwich.

10. Fortina

Supposedly the best pizza in NYC - it was good enough but not the best. We went here after the Susannah Conway talk on the Wed evening.

11. Dunkin Donuts

I had the Most Delicious doughnut ever - an apple cinnamon one. Oh MY - a taste of heaven.

12. Auntie Annie's Pretzels

I bought a cinnamon sugar pretzel before we went to Top of the Rock and people, it was the best thing ever. Bread plus cinnamon = drool. I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm still dreaming about that pretzel.I pinned a recipe for pretzels today and can't wait to try make them.

this is the dude making them - he thought I was mad for taking pics

13. Mc D

Boring but had to be listed. My very first meal in the US and I had hot cakes (flapjacks), scrambled eggs and orange juice.

14. Tao

We went for drinks here with Heather and Tom.The food looked and smelled delicious.

15. Spigolo

And out to supper here. The food was amazing and we met the chef!!!


Whenever I leave the country, I get a bit crazy when I come back. It's the reverse of converting to $.

I start thinking how cheap our food is and how we ONLY pay Rx for a meal... as opposed to $y. The minute I landed (while waiting for D) I went to Illy and bought a hot chocolate for R20. And suddenly it seemed so cheap. And buying a bottle of water for R6 - R7 compared to R20.

The joys of travel!

(I also have to post about things that I REALLY loved in the US. My list will probably surprise you).

So, did any of the USA vs SA differences surprise you?
Do you prefer to decide on a tip yourself?
And how do you like your tea - sweet and cold, or hot with milk?

Last day of kids care pics

look at Mr Sulky

and so not interested

and now he wants the camera

this one courtesy of nanny S

I was checking through my pics and realised I didn't ever post these.

Since I got first day of pre-school pics, I had to get last day pics too.

BUT it was such a drama. I'm posting just to show you life isn't picture perfect - for every one pic we get that's good, there's screaming, begging,pleading going on, and that's just from me.

************************

Speaking of "drama", on Sunday morning there was crying about something (who knows what?!) and Connor storms into our bedroom to tell me what it was all about.

I said, "there's really no need for all that drama" and he goes, "what's drama?"

How do you explain???

I think I said something like "when you make a big fuss about something small".

************************

I was back at work today and I think I got all those emails down to a manageable number but tomorrow I need to start working proper. My list is so long it's ridiculous.

Worst of all, my boss is on holiday but still working - I just opened the iPad to check something and I saw 5 new emails from her.

 ************************

About the random acts of kindness, I personally failed in the mission to get 38 acts but of course for all those who were touched, it's a great thing. I also did a couple myself but I'm not really sure what it takes to get a good linky going.

Three of us are going to start reading the 5 love languages of children on THURSDAY. After Motherstyles/ MBTI, this is my favourite topic :)

So, how was your Monday?

PS I spent the evening watching hours and hours of Survivor (felt so decadent) after cooking 4 meals. I think I'm baaaack.

A little boy in time-out and a few other things

1. Well, I'm feeling tons better today - not so guilt-ridden about yesterday and also it did me good to get out of the house for a bit.

Good thing too because my doctor's note only says I'm not well til today and I tend to take those things as law :)

Tomorrow when I go to work I have a 6 page document of action items waiting for me from my boss - I kid you not - plus my own standard 2 pages.

So there's going to be no rest for me while she's on leave. I said in my 38 things list that I need to get another job and I'm working on exactly what that will look like with my coach. I have lots of homework.

2. Can I officially say I'm over winter? I am SO OVER IT! By this time of year it's usually in the low 20s already, which means a short-sleeved shirt with a jersey for the mornings and evenings and yet I'm still dressed like it's June!

Louisa knitted me a scarf for my birthday - a bright blue one that is the PERFECT colour for me (the kids are both eyeing it) - and I've lived with it around my neck the whole day today. Perfect for this horrible windy weather too.

But I know in typical Jhb weather one day we'll be wearing caps, gloves and scarves and then two days later we'll be in short sleeves moaning about the heat again.

3. I've been banging on to anyone who will listen about a book called What Alice Forgot - Liane Moriarty. If you're looking for a page-turner, get it, read it and come tell me what you think. I LOVED IT! It made me late for work 3 out of 4 days (I had a meeting on the 3rd day so had to move my butt) and it was so very worth it.

Right now, I'm about 75% through with Mary DeMuth's Thin Places (memoir) - you have GOT to read Watching the tree limbs.

And then a friend in the computer and I are going to read The 5 love languages for kids. I should start on Wed/ Thurs. Anyone else keen to join us?

4. I'm currently sporting green nails on the one hand and black nails on the other (Kendra and Connor's idea). I'm not in love with this green (a new one) so I'll paint over them in black and be a goth for the next few days.

I still have lots to say about the USA (at least two photo posts but also what were my favourite things, my least favourite things, best things about NYC, how you guys are different from us South Africans (waste!) and how I felt myself change during the trip) but right now I'm feeling like a good spring-clean. 

• I went through my bathroom drawers and tossed bath salts, foot salts, hair contraptions I no longer use, etc. 
• I also put together two bags of clothes from the kids  - one for Nanny V's little boy and the other for the church.
• And I updated my old budget (pre- the trip) and tossed all of those receipts (bliss). I need to finish it up this week though.

next up:

• delete some of my pics from the laptop
• organise all the electronics chargers
• print pics for the kids' birthday brag book

Oh, did I tell you my work colleagues gave me a nice digital photo frame for my birthday? I was super-chuffed even though I already have one at home. But then I thought, "hang on a minute. is this a hint about my desk with my 12 photo frames?" hmmm. Anyway, I'm going to put some pics on a flash drive and then use that one at work.

What's on your list for the week?

PS Please tell me how you're getting through this cold. I'm drinking COPIOUS mugs of tea and hot chocolate, and looking decidedly unsexy.
PPS The rest of you, is your summer hanging on too, or do you feel the slight chill of autumn?

So I had a little birthday lunch today

4 sets of people

and 2 of their cars get broken into right in front of my house.

Seriously, this kind of thing doesn't happen where I live. We've been here nearly 7 years and nothing...

So I'm understandably devastated for them.

I feel SO guilty.

And it's not just a smash and people's things stolen from the car (bad enough) but they tried to steal both cars so the ignitions are messed up.

Both cars had to be towed away! Towed!

Of course because of all this drama, I didn't really spend good time with anyone after that except for talking about this business and crime, etc.

AAAAARGHHHH!

I've said sorry to both the people a million times but I don't feel like it's enough.

There's no happy conclusion to this post. It just sucks big-time.

{Friendship Friday} From blog friends to IRL friends - part 2

Warning - this post is a lot longer than I planned. Best you go get yourself a cup of tea or coffee and settle in :)

Three things before I get into today's post:

1. I'm feeling amazingly better. It is so great to feel NORMAL - my body's not aching, I can think clearly, life is 95% wonderful again.
2. I had two missed calls from my boss this morning while sleeping (3 hours!) so I phoned her later. I'm getting a very good bonus relative to that crappy PA. Yay to money :)
3. This was post number 1300 - I always miss the milestone posts - that's a lot of yakkety-yak over the last 6 years.

So the minute I decided to fly to the USA and would be going into and out of New York, Heather said she was definitely coming to meet up with me. And then later, Tom would be joining her too. I was stoked, especially when D eventually decided to come too.

And after a few missed communications through FB, Pufferfish (who I will just call D) and I eventually got it together. She offered to have us come over to see how 4 people live in a one-bed apartment in NYC and I was ALL over it. The best thing for me in the world is to see how people really live. I can't be the only one???

1. Pufferfish (D)

Well, we were so late to get to her place mostly from leaving late but also walking in NYC in the heat when you're used to driving everywhere in Jhb is hectic.

Her directions were great and we got there easily; we only got slightly lost looking for her particular building. Which is OUTSTANDING for directionally-challenged me.

I loved seeing their place - they've made it work SO well with zones for everything. They really try to live "light" and organised which warms my little heart :)

I knew that we'd get on from reading her blog - when I first found her blog (she commented on a travel post and I went to check her out and found her to be a kindred spirit but 1000 times more passionate about travel than I am), I actually went back and read the whole thing. I was fascinated by her story and all they went through to have the boys.

D's warm, hospitable, authentic and a fantastic parent. When I wrote that parenting superpower post, she commented and said her superpower is her consistency and after seeing her in action, I 100% agree. I can add another superpower - flexibility. She has clear boundaries but flows beautifully with the boys so they don't feel like they have a power struggle with her. Loved watching it.

I picked up some other tips from her already which is introducing a timer when they both want the same toy (the pram) and am working up the courage to let mine drink from real glasses, without straws! And of course, the firm, calm voice was amazing to see in action.

this is D's "oh my word, I can't believe we're really meeting" face.

The hours flew by and I honestly didn't want to leave but we had to get to our next thing and the boys started getting cranky as they all do when they need food.

D, hope to see you guys in South Africa in the next two years!

I have some beautiful pics of her boys which I'll have to do a Wordless Wed on - there are too many to add to this post.

2. Susannah Conway

And then Susannah Conway released her first book. I happened to read about the launches on two blogs I follow. Blog 1 went in and out of my ear but when Blog 2 mentioned it, I thought, "hey I should check her out" so I did, was hooked and am duly subscribed.

I then passed many happy hours browsing her archives and so when she was doing a book signing in NYC when I'd be there, I signed myself up thinking, "how often does this happen?" and again, courage.... but thought at the very least, it would be a blog-worthy experience :) so I went.

The event was held at the Brooklyn Winery and again, I was late!

Susannah was exactly the same as she is on her blog, only much more British ;) but then again, she does leave her life wide open :)

Someone asked a question about what she doesn't blog about and she had a list of 3 things but she said she can only write her story so even when she's writing about others, she writes her story. Very interesting.

I waited til nearly the end and then confessed to her that I didn't have a book but I still wanted a pic since I'd come all the way from South Africa!


Bonus - I met a really lovely girl (fellow coach) there and we've already exchanged emails.

click here to see a pic of me at the event.



3. Heather

(click the link to read Heather's account of our meet-up)

And then note how Mandy talks about me in the comments - I laughed so loud when I read that :)


Where do I start with Heather?

Infertility, IVFs and pregnant together, twins in NICU born verrrrry early even for twins, the whole working mom thing, the whole ESTJ thing. I honestly could write a series on Heather.


But don't worry, I won't!

We even joked that we're matchmaking Kendra with either Tommy or Liam so we can be MILs :)

Heather and I are very much alike but with enough quirkiness amongst us to keep it interesting.

I was walking back to the hotel and I kept thinking, "I can't believe I'm finally going to meet Heather" and when I went into the reception area, there they were - Heather and Tom.

She's gorgeous inside and out and he's handsome so they make a very striking couple. Heather even cried a little bit which was very sweet!

We went to our room to chat for a bit while waiting for D (we'd split up for an hour so we could both see things the other didn't want to see) to arrive and then after we changed into slightly nicer clothes, went walking, taxi-ing, drinks and then supper.

I must tell you, Heather, that walk was such a gift to me. When we took the Manhattan tour it was the one place I wanted to get out and take some pics but it wasn't a place the tour stopped so to walk that stretch with you guys was PRECIOUS to me. I loved every minute and have all the pics to prove it. This was the first pic I took of Heather and is my favourite.



While we were together, Heather told me about a job she applied for (and since got! clearly her company is about a million times quicker than mine is) and I was impressed at how "balls to the wall" she is, going after things she wants. It was very inspiring talking career stuff with her. There are no excuses about kids or twins or anything like busyness - she just goes for it.

Mandy, please note this is what you get when you're not bossy enough with the server :) At least we all look decent?

Afterwards D and I had the "friend debrief" (you have those too, right? the "so what did you think of Heather and Tom?") and I said Heather's much more ambitious than I am to which............ D LAUGHED! He laughed! Apparently I just think I'm not as ambitious but D did say what I can take from Heather is the letting go. Heather's not scared to let go and move forward. So I take that as inspiration and am moving forward!

And yes, the husbands got on well too! Always a relief. I also really, really liked Tom. But more than that, I loved their marriage. They are so good together and that was inspiration number 2 for me. Their marriage is clearly a priority to both of them, above the kids even, which is exactly as it should be.

On a touristy note, I'd been feeling frustrated getting lost all the time in NYC because everyone kept saying there's no way you can get lost in Manhattan because of the the grid blah blah blah except (of course!) I managed exactly that. I took two subways the wrong way and got lost in the streets 2 - 3 times too. Then Heather said that she also still gets lost in NYC and she's been there a ton of times.

And you know how people say you have to do these 3 things, and someone says you have to do those 3 things in NYC. We had our lists and really just scratched the surface. Again, being with Heather just made me enjoy that "living in the moment in NYC feel" because she also said you'll never get to do everything even in a couple of trips. So that was comforting.

They took us to supper at a lovely little Italian restaurant on the upper East side and it was all lovely.

Do you know we spent 8 hours together and it didn't even feel like it?! But it was the best way to round off our NYC trip.

D and I loved our time with Tom and Heather, and we can't wait to see them again...


So let's talk about the spousal debrief.

D and I love this part of the evening. I think it helps us to process it all :)
 
Do you debrief? Have you ever disagreed radically on your views of a friend?