Friendship Friday - are you into matchmaking real life or blog friends?

New post here

I'm a big fan of matchmaking. Or connecting, as I like to call it :)

I do this naturally. I meet someone and if I feel they would get along with another, I try and connect them.

Of course my favourite type of matchmaking is men and women but seeing as I now hang out with mainly attached people, I don't get to indulge that part very often.

And so... friend matchmaking!


friend date at end of May



I've been email/ blog friends with two people and I kept saying to the one that I'm sure she and the other would get along.

She wasn't sure that the other person would be into her.

And then I left it.

Eventually a few weeks ago I got bossy.

I emailed the two of them, "introduced" them and said would they please just go have a coffee or something because I was SURE they'd get on.


Julia



Well, they indulged my bossiness and made the plan.

I sat on tenterhooks that day til I heard from both of them and............

They got along well. Very well, by the sounds of it.

Shew :)



I love it when a plan comes together. (name that tv show)

Have you ever match-made (?) friends?

On a lesser level, I do this with blogs too.



"You should read so and so's blog - you will love it/her"

Of course it's a bit horrible when person A does in fact love person B but person B does not love person A back.

I'm a prime example of this.



Cat - I LOVE this pic



Strangely or not so strangely, one of the two blog friends has recommended some blog people to me and despite making lots of effort, they have all not been into me. Hmmm.

So I can't think of situations where I've been match-made and it worked out.

But how about you?

Do you match-make real life friends or blog friends? Or been matched?

How has it worked for you?

PS Ugh, I feel a bit weird now. I happened to say something offhand about there being an in crowd at work and it sparked a WHOLE discussion which did not go well so I feel like my point wasn't made, despite trying... a lot. Maybe we should talk about that next week?

Dipping our toes into pre-school

Last week at work we got an email announcing a holiday kids programme for employees' kids.

It's always been a lot of fun for the kids (judging from all the noise) but mine have always been too little.

You see, they only take potty-trained 3-year-olds and up.

Since we're basically there with potty training the second child, I thought this would make an excellent bribe so I've been talking it up like it's a Holiday of Note :)

I don't think I've ever blogged about this but we bought this little stove for their birthday last year and I had it painted when I went on the painting spree earlier this year

they cook while I do

Do you want to go to work with me?

YESSSSS!

Fine, but they don't allow kids with nappies.

Okay Mummy! I will pee in the potty! (very earnestly)

Like Dr Phil says, you've got to know their currency and this one doesn't want to miss out on a thing, especially anything social :)

And so Nanny S tells me they only wear underpants during the day except for naps so we should be fine.

Well, I enrolled them both and filled in the indemnity forms (I hate indemnity forms). I've also authorised them to deduct all 3 weeks from my salary so we're in. And on their forms, under dietary requirements, I put... no sweets!

I'm only letting them go 3 days a week from 8:30 until 12. I've then booked out my diary for an hour to take them home and get back to work. There is no way the kids can last a whole day and of course I don't think it's right for my little babies (my colleagues laugh when I call them babies!) to stay out the whole day :)

All the driving is going to kill me but they're going to have fun. And they do LOTS of good crafts, stuff you actually don't mind the kids bringing home.

Nanny S will come to work about 15 mins earlier to dress and feed them, and help me get them in the car.

I have LOTS of plans for her days while the kids are away. Lots of cooking prep, cleaning curtains and deep cleaning their bedrooms and some of the house (she is agreeable because maybe we'll do this next year when they go to school too - no I don't have any plans so please don't ask). Some party prep and of course an extended lunch break.

They will then get fed and go for their naps in the afternoon.

It's going to be interesting.

I have visions of them texting me saying, "please come fetch your kids" or "Someone's peed in their pants", me dashing from meetings, etc.

So pray for us - Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays for the next three weeks.


I'm immensely proud of myself - I'm about 50% there with relinquishing some of my control freak tendencies.

Of course they're still not allowed to drive with anyone else so they're not going on any of the outings (field trips).

Am I weird to think like that? Do you allow other people to drive your kids?

PS Are you proud of me?

Our lovely Sabie holiday - day 1 and 2

D and I have probably been up to the Sabie area at least 4 - 5 times before this trip for our anniversary.

We love that part of the country - it's nice and warm in the day with just a bite of chill at night in April, even though it's already cold here in Jhb.

I'd registered on Safarinow.com (which has nothing to do with safaris since I'm not a safari person in the least) and none of the places quoting me were suitable for our needs - many for safety reasons (stairs and no baby gates, for instance).

We then convinced ourselves that staying home would be better and of course that's exactly when things fell into place.

One day I got a note, looked at the place, looked at the prices, looked at the place again and sent to D.

"I know we said we weren't going on holiday but this is SUCH a good deal..."

He came back and said, "let's do it" and so we did.

I like to phone up the place personally in the week before we travel because I've discovered over the years that self-catering does not mean the same to all people. Some places keep very basic things like salt and pepper, a sponge, dishwashing liquid, tea towels and toilet rolls and some keep exactly NOTHING.

In my conversation with the management, she wanted to know if the directions looked okay and I told her that we know the area well as we'd been often before for our anniversary and this was that same weekend again.

When I told her "17 years" she got very excited because "these days people don't last that long" :)

By the way, the place is Eagle Creek Resorts and it gets my full, 100% blessing. There's even a testimonial on the site from me :)

Great service, lots of space for toddlers to run around and explore and yes, they had dishwashing liquid, etc. :)



spontaneous sibling love...



My little K was feeling a little sick from all the driving

 

this is what they did for me and D - we felt like honeymooners! So fantastic :)



view from the patio of our chalet



running around in the morning while we finished getting ready. They are SO cute the way they explore together :)



ladybug, also practising my low f-stop pics



fascinated!

 

just outside the resort - just look at the gorgeous hills



We decided to go to Graskop on our very first full day because I didn't want to miss out on the famous Harrie's pancakes.

I've since decided that I should just follow my heart and have the apple and ice-cream ones (last time I had one I was 6 weeks pregnant with the babies) and not try to "make it a meal" by bothering with a savoury pancake. It was good but never as good as a sweet filling. I had shredded pork and a sweet chilli sauce, D had chicken and the kids shared a mince and cheese one.

 



Kendra didn't eat her pancake. No surprise since she looked like this



Kendra was not doing well so we ate and went back to Sabie so she could rest and Connor could run around.

When was the last time you had a good holiday experience?

PS Just a thought, don't tell your kids you're going on holiday - they will hound you for days and days.....

R9000 and other not-so-little tidbits

Hello!

1. Did I tell you Nanny V had her baby? No? Well, on Wednesday when my class at gym ended, there was a message on my phone that the baby had to be delivered via c-section as he was in distress. I phoned her today and they were both discharged yesterday and are doing fine.

2. From me thinking I was only going to be able to see one person in Charlotte, the whole thing is coming together too beautifully. My one friend and I emailed back and forth on Sunday late afternoon. She booked flights, and then accommodation in my hotel, all within 15 minutes. I am SUPER chuffed.

Yesterday I finally booked and paid for NYC. I felt slightly sick inside when I saw the charge (R9000) go through my credit card. I think because it's a mere 4 days and I could get a WHOLE holiday in Thailand - flights and accommodation for about a week - for that price.

I'm feeling even sicker now because this morning I updated my trusty little spreadsheet and the combined costs of everything are already more than I budgeted for the whole trip. And I still have to pay for transfers to the hotels, food and fun.

It's not like I don't have the money (I do!); it's just such a lot. The most I've paid for any overseas holiday. Not even 22 days in all 4 countries in the UK four years ago cost as much as this, and at the time, the R was nearly 16:1 to the pound and 12:1 to the euro.

Please remind me OFTEN that this is Life List stuff and to just relax and breathe...I've already had the nightmare of getting to the airport and not finding my passport.

How do you deal with huge sums of money going out of your account? (strange, I didn't feel the same when the flights went off and they were R15 600)

3. Some more interesting things happened on the work front that I need to process. But suffice to say, I have a big RED flag!

However my D is having a terrible time at his work so this is not the time for me to be hasty. Last week something happened and I actually told him to resign and just walk out. Only thing is 1) desperation is not attractive in an interview 2) he is in a specialised industry so not easy to just get a job and 3) he is white and male (the least favoured option in terms of general hiring criteria in SA :) If you know what he does and you know of something out there, let me know. He is fantastic at what he does and has a very good work ethic :)


So how have you been?

If you've been to NYC, tell me what were the things you would absolutely recommend to me.

I've got to maximise my spend :)

{Create} DIY fabric tape

Well, my DIY paper tape post has over 300 views and I'm too excited because it was an original idea for me.

Hmmm, there's something there to ponder on!

But because I was so impressed with how the paper tape turned out, I looked around my study and thought about what else I could use my double-sided tape on.

My eyes landed on some ribbon and I was at it.

Supplies
Good quality double-sided tape

Ribbon or strips of fabric (I don't sew so I don't have any)

Scissors

How to do it

Same as the paper tape :)

1. Carefully stick the tape onto your fabric
2. You may have to trim the ends, depending on the width of your ribbon

Easy as that, you're done.

I thought the double-sided tape may not be sticky enough but it worked just fine, especially on the smoother ribbon



I purposefully took these pics in front of a green table I have so that my nails would pop :)





And yes, I did some more clothespeg pins - really, they are so easy and SOOOO satisfying



 

And look how pretty on a gift bag



You know how sometimes you have a piece of ribbon that's too small to wrap around the parcel you want? But it's still the perfect colour for the parcel?

This DIY fabric tape is perfect for just that.

Just stick it on so that the front looks pretty :)

Also use for cards (I use it a lot for cards) and for my clothespeg pins.

Have a ball - I did :)

What have you created lately?

PS I'm linking up to all these crafty parties.
PPS one month before I fly to the USA :)

Behind the camera at the Sabie Falls

I've spent hours today sorting out my photos (only one month) and getting up to date and I am this close to getting all the main bits done.

I don't want to scare you by telling you about my photo workflow. It's evolved since the last time I spoke about photo organisation and is a little more organised (in my mind) than it used to be even though I know it will not seem that way to some of you.

Let me know if you're interested in hearing my crazy system.

Anyway, onto the pics. And I fully realise I didn't properly post about Sabie! I'll do that in the next couple of weeks over 2 - 3 posts. It's the nanny drama that got me sidetracked.

the little one is always game for photos but the funny face has to be there :)

as for Connor, he couldn't be bothered. "Catch me if you can" is his motto

I must say, since I made a mini goal to get at least one picture with both kids (either in the same pic, or a pic with each kid), I'm handing the camera over more often to get some pics.

Failing that, there's always the close-up self-portrait since the timer is not my friend (probably because my reflexes suck, big-time)

How often do you get behind the camera? Are you intentional about it?

I'm linking up to Kristen's Capturing the Joy series.

Father's Day plans

So I feel quite unprepared this Father's Day.

Last year I had to get prepared weeks before because of all the bits and pieces I had to get for D's Superhero basket.

blurry pic taken by D - I left it out and when I heard him see it, I shouted "take a pic before you open"

inside i said, "you're the best daddy in the world"

By the way, don't you think Superheros are a cute party theme? It's not the 3rd birthday party theme, by the way!

So this year.

D wants some me time and a meal out. Easy enough.

me time
I'm taking BOTH babies to gym with me (pray for me - seriously, especially after last Sunday morning) this morning. I think I'll bribe them to be good and tell them we can go to breakfast afterwards (they LOVE restaurants - clearly their father's children) if they behave.

At breakfast I plan to kill two birds with one stone - keep them occupied while we wait for food and get them to make the Father's Day cards :)

meal out
We decided Sunday breakfast was the best option as we both hate crowded restaurants on the special occasion days (service is worse, place is more crowded and food is more expensive).

gift
Well, we made a canvas handprint for MIL last week so while we were messing creating, we did one for D too.

Last night I glued on the ribbon and I will wrap that later.

What are you doing for Father's Day?

I especially want to hear your non-clutter gift ideas :) so I can store them in my mental memory box for next year.

PS I just phone my father who lives in PE
PPS It's Youth Day in South Africa today - I can't even think about all the injustices of the past!

{Friendship Friday} Happy birthday, Caren, and spontaneity in friendship

When I read MWF Seeking BFF in December (it was my last book of 2011 incidentally), I made a list of topics I wanted to talk about on the blog.

It's June and I still haven't looked at my little notebook.

!

Probably because I have my friendship focus on and so I see topics to talk about everywhere!

And I'm actively meeting and seeing friends all the time :)

By the way, get ready for the last Friday in June. I want to do a half-year linky where we can all talk about how we're feeling about our friendship journeys/ goals over the last 6 months. Sound good?

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Part of my portfolio of faces I'm building up. I have 18 in my folder and haven't updated it in about 2 - 3 months. I want to take 50 this year.

Caren - Colcacchios (sp?) - 16 Feb 2012

This is my lovely friend, Caren. She also has boy/ girl twins - hers were born at 34 weeks.

It's her birthday today and she's celebrating in glorious Cape Town so she won't even see this today.

Caren, you are a very special friend to me. Always encouraging, always supportive of me and my work and you always tell me nice things just when I need to hear them :)

You're also my inspiration because you never complain!

Have a wonderful birthday celebrating with A ;)

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So let's talk about spontaneity and how it affects friendships.

This is an ideal place for all you Ps to shine, by the way :)

I'm mostly not really spontaneous. Although I do like a general semblance of structure and within that I like my spontaneity to land.

I'm not the sort who likes every minute of every day planned out - I like a couple of things planned and then... blessed freedom. Especially on weekends.

E.g. when we travel, I like knowing a couple of things I want to do so I do have my list. On the list there are the "this will be VERY bad if I don't get to do this" things and the "nice to do" things. The first things get scheduled, booked and planned usually the minute I land and the others fall into the gaps somewhere, or not.

MandyE, I'm sure, is getting a bit frustrated with me because I haven't yet decided what I want to do in Charlotte except for the city tour (a city tour is always on my MUST do list).

So it can get interesting when you come up against different spontaneity styles!

In the last couple of weeks I've had some really short-notice friend plans which have been so great and I've realised how important it is (for me) to stay loosely planned so I can take opportunity of the spontaneity to connect with friends.

1. My one friend sent me an email (a forwarded one, not even a real one), I replied and then she said, "hey, we haven't seen each other for awhile - we should get together" and a few days later we had supper together and it was fabulous. This friend is about as structured as I am so it was a stretch for both of us.

She told me how much she loved a pic that I took, this one, and we spoke tons about photography. Anyway, it was just a really, REALLY nice evening.

2. I phoned a work friend about something last week, we talked about business and then chatted up a storm and decided to have an impromptu lunch the following day. This is typically her (she is a high P) but was a stretch for me seeing as I had my to-do list :)

But it was lovely, lovely, lovely. By the way, this friendship went through a dip for YEARS following a time we shared a hotel room. That's a blog post for another day.

3. I emailed Caren (above) a few days before we were due to be in her side of the world. Caren is more structured than I am and it took a lot of back and forth emails to arrange. I was so grateful that she could make it work especially knowing her personal preferences.

Yes, it was a bit mad with my kids there but we had some time to connect and share twin stories.

4. When my blog friend was in Jhb 3 weeks ago, we arranged a last-minute lunch literally days before  the weekend (I'm still surprised the other two could make it) and then the day before, I was again co-ordinating different logistics because of our one-car situation (and again, the other two friends rose to the occasion and made it happen).

I said my thank-yous but they really have no idea how much their flexibility means to me. Thank you, again!

5. I am desperately trying to arrange a lunch with a set of couple friends.

They are the most highly structured people I know and do not like things to mess with plans :) It's actually funny because I'm sure people see me like that but oh, I am a 2 on the scale next to her 10.

We haven't seen them since November and we had a plan on a weekend in April but their house move was shifted so that messed everything up.

We tried for May and June and now she's emailed me for July (when I'm away) so I said eventually, "okay, this is getting ridiculous. Let's change something because otherwise it's never going to happen". I suspect we'll have to move our normal plan to a Friday night (um, no) or a Sunday after church because the Saturdays are just not on.

My point is...do you see what happens when people are too structured? And how much easier it is to connect when there's a lot of spontaneity and flexibility?

Louisa is one of the most flexible people I know. She just makes things work. And I'm convinced that it's because of that trait that I've seen her 5 times in the last 10 months.

Compared with the friends in 5 above who I've seen once in the last 8 months.

So where are you on the spontaneity scale and how have you seen this trait affecting your friendships?

Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living

Conversations this morning.

 

Connor  Mummy, I want to go to work with you today.

 

Me Baby, they don't allow babies to come to work.

 

Kendra We're not babies. We're big kids.

 

(very tempted to say "big kids remember to say if they need to pee" but I restrained myself)

 

Me Okay, Connor, you can go to work in the sunroom. What are you going to do at work?

 

Connor Write.... and work on the computer.

 

Kendra And eat yoghurt!

 

Me (laughing) Well, that's true, Kendra. I do eat yoghurt at work.

 

(they obviously watch to see what I add to my food bag in the morning)

So there you have it - at work, you write, work on the computer and eat yoghurt. Quite accurate in my case but I would also add "managing other people's cr*p"



ipad pic - I love the wide angle - I can't get pics like this with my Canon! Tell me you love this pic as much as I do -
I LOVE THE LIGHT!

 But really, work.

 

Has been... interesting.

 

The big thing has not been removed from my shoulders (or more important, my list) but we have agreed that I should just focus on the other million things on my plate and not stress about that. For now.

 

Which is not ideal, me being a J and wanting things Sorted. Decided. Now.

 

But at least I've been released to be productive in other areas for awhile.

 

So yesterday I had the dreaded performance discussion.

 

They inflict this on us every 6 months and it is a true dread.

 

I even hated them with my old Wonderful Boss.

I think it's because I'm cynical as I know they give you whatever increase just because and not as a direct result of the PA.

How do I know this? Because in the past we've had increase letters and then had PAs.

Anyway, moving on.

My ex-boss phoned the new boss while we were busy with my PA.

She told him she can only talk quickly so he phoned me afterwards to see how it went.

Me It was both better and worse than I expected.

True story.

The conversation around my role here, what I'm doing, how I'm doing, etc. was brutally honest and very challenging (all of which I love when I can feel the person wants what's best for me and are not just being mean) but I got VERY low scores.

We mark out of 8 (I won't bore you with the nitty gritty) and I've typically got some 6s and mostly 7s.

This time I got 4s, 5s and I think one 6.

So I am not looking forward to seeing that bonus letter or the resultant conversation.

But the interesting thing was the metaphor for my work that I'm getting from the photography courses!!!!

I even pulled up this pic in the meeting (on my iPad!!!) and we discussed how amazing this is.

poster from the Superhero and Elevate courses - printed, laminated and stuck right in front of me

I am a bit scared (okay, a lot) of New Boss because she's brilliant but does not suffer fools gladly. And so I don't bring all of my awesomeness to my job because what if she doesn't agree, think as I do, etc.

She said something so insightful I'm still mulling it over - my great thing is also my downfall. I am so good at getting things done quickly that I sometimes do that at the cost of everything else. E.g. after I analyse a business case, I type out an email with my thoughts and off it goes to the client. It's fine but she said maybe if I think on it another day or so, different focuses will emerge, etc. and this will mean a more complete analysis. All true.

So my things to work on:

1. be brave (to speak out more, esp with her)
2. tell my story - to bring MORE of myself no matter what
3. be open to experimenting
4. trade my fear (with some lines of business) for curiosity
5. don't be afraid to make mistakes (of COURSE I am!!!)

 I was actually gobsmacked at all these insights from photography! Are you?  

How's your work going at the moment - out of the home or at home work?

What do you think of my insights?

{DIY} What will happen to the second cot?

We sold the babies' one cot (Kendra's, if you must know) to a friend's brother and the second one was cluttering up my dining room.

Until I had a very bright idea.

I am turning it into a coffee table.

This is what the cots looked like before.

D was not convinced (and I am being tactful here) but I told him to suspend judgement til he saw it in position.

So I asked Nester to move it into place in the lounge so he could get the vision.


oh, those are our canvases and yes, they're still laying on the coffee table because we haven't got our act together to hang them yet.







 

imagine a different colour...





Can you see it as it will look?
What colour should I paint it?

PS we bought large, not standard cots, which is why it's so big :)
PPS I LOVE those big drawers - my favourite part of the cot!

What's your parenting superpower?

So you all know I am super-obsessed with Motherstyles.

I remember when I first read the book I blogged and said that my Motherstyle skills were going to come more into play as the kids aged.

It's true.

Remember this little talk I had with Kendra?

Well, I find myself REALLY enjoying these thinking, reasoning, sometimes logical little people.

Just a few quick examples that come to mind:

1. The other night I got home and the sunroom toys were in the kitchen.

Have I told you I don't pack other people's things away? My rule is I didn't play with them so I'm not packing them away! Yessss, I'm that mother.

I won't put their toys away unless I've taken them from their designated homes to organise them.

So I told Kendra to take them back to the sunroom.

She started whining and I found myself saying, "Kendra, we all have to do things sometimes even if we don't want to just because they're the right things to do. Do you think I always feel like coming home and cooking supper? No. But I know Daddy and I have to eat and so I cook."

Hmmm.

The lightbulb went on and she went to pack her stuff away. :)



I love these red "after sleep" cheeks

 2. I said something the other day and Kendra tried to say it but battled a little with the thr sound or similar.

I was encouraging her to try again and she says, "I can't. It's too hard".

Out of the corner of my eye I saw D cringe and make a face because he knows. He knows.

Saying this to me is like waving a red cloth in front of a bull.


I knelt down so I was level with her and said, "Kendra, you CAN do it. Even if it doesn't happen now, you CAN do it. Please don't say you can't."

And so on.

Poor thing. At "two and a half" which is what she says if you ask her how old she is, she's getting coaching from her mother.

But it worked.

Because a few days later, Connor had the same thing and said, "I can't. It's too hard!" (where do they get these things? We never say things like that) and Kendra said, "Connor, don't say that. You can say it. Just keep trying"

Oh! It warmed my little motivating heart :)

playing with the craft stick puzzles

3. This morning Connor had a biscuit (Pro-Vita) and he says to Kendra, "Kenna (so cute!), do you want a piece?"

They negotiate size of the piece and he shares nicely and she says thank you nicely.

Some child romance :)

D walks into the bedroom and I said, "D, Connor was a very generous boy".

Connor What's that, Mummy? What does generous mean?

Me It's when you like to share and give some of your things to other people.

(hey, it's the best I could do with a second's notice)

And then we talked more about how it makes people feel nice, both the giver and the recipient when we show love by being generous.

D just smiles at all this life lesson stuff :)


So this is my thing. I'm good at teaching them life lessons and how the world works. By the way, I've always (ALWAYS) wanted to do little confidence-building classes for kids (around 8 - 10). I may just pick that up when mine are a little older.

What is your parenting superpower/ what are you good at? If you're a good nurturer (one of my worse traits), my hat's off to you!

PS if you haven't yet done the Motherstyles quiz, what are you waiting for? Do it.

PPS Here are all my Motherstyles posts.