Is it just me or do people ask you this question the MINUTE you have babies?
I know it's worse for people who have two of the same... far worse. Because I regularly get this
"OH, a BOY and a GIRL! How lovely! Now you're done!"
Done?
What's with that assumption anyway?
That you have to have one child of each gender?
My aim in life was never to have "one of each" :)
My aim in life was never to have "one of each" :)
I used to say, "well I'd LOVE to have more children but don't have a spare R100 000 lying around for some MORE IVFs" - that shuts them up very quickly :)
Now I just say a resigned "yes" and try to smile politely - I read something on Sadia's blog once that people don't mean to be annoying or hurtful; it's usually unintentional so I do try to remember that.
Actually, when I was really young (!) I wanted four kids - I thought 4 was perfect.
Then time marched on (still didn't know I was infertile) and I thought, "okay, 3!"
And then two.
Then when I knew I was infertile, I used to pray, "oh God, PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ONE BABY!" (exactly like that - shouting and crying)
And He gave us two.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't want more - I just don't know if my old body would be able to do it. Or if I'd survive not sleeping again!
So, how many kids did you always want? And do you still feel the same way now? And do you get the questions too?
P.S. We had a discussion at work the other day and the girls were horrified when I said "4" until another one said "6" (in South Africa people generally have about 2 - 3)
i used to want 5 or 6- now i'm thinking 4- but with IF- who freaking knows, right? oy!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in middle school, I wanted 6. I babysat all the time and thought I could easily handle 6 children. Then in high school I wised up a bit and wanted four. Met my husband and he only wanted one- maybe two. I still wanted four. We got pregnant unexpected with Aydan. I wanted my kids close so I told him when Aydan was 15 months old, I was going off birth control. I got pregnant with Landan when Aydan was 19 months old. Then me and my DH separated and I thought Landan was my last...
ReplyDeleteWe got back together when Landan was 3 months old (to the day) and both agreed we were done with kids. Then when Landan hit 18 months old, I had a longing for another child. I really wanted a girl. I made myself ride it out. I did not want to have another baby wanting only one sex. The feelings of another baby got stronger but DH said no. Then he went hunting after Thanksgiving of 2008 and came home and said, "I have been thinking and praying and I think you are right. We should have just one more." So I got pregnant with Tarynn in late January! I am very happy with my family now. I really can't see myself wanting more kids. I am content to watch them grow up now.
When DH and I got married we wanted four. That was almost 16 years ago! We're now so happy to have three and we know we're done. It's a great feeling after 10 years of fighting IF to be done! We do get the question if we are done and I say "Yes, I have a princess, an heir and a spare. The royal family is done!" Referring to our 9 year old daughter as the princess and the two boys are the "heir and a spare" that royals are required to produce, LOL!
ReplyDeleteI always thought 2 but having twins made it a good excuse to have another (two pregnancies). Aaron says we're done, I say okay but I'm not having my tubes tied during my C-Section in May.
ReplyDeleteHeather, I LOVE IT! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a clever response and yes, it is SUCH a relief when you know you're DONE with the IVF monster!
Wow Veronica, at least you got your girl!
T-bird, you're still SOOOO young - plenty of time for good eggs even with the IVFs.
I NEVER thought I would say this (after the difficult first 10 weeks!!!) but I would love another one! The only thing that puts us off is the cost of another one and schooling 3 children in SA!!!
ReplyDeleteThe "one of each" comment drives me nuts b/c I would have been elated with one baby...no matter the gender! I had no idea how many kids I would have, so nothing changed in that department. People really don't mean anything...they're just curious and b/c we have twins, apparently we're open books!
ReplyDeleteI get asked all of the time if/when I'm going to have another baby. Jesse and I always wanted 3 kids. Then, when I was pregnant, we thought we'd for sure like the experience of having a baby girl. While I'd always love any kid I had, I think I'd miss not being able to have frilly dresses and pretty hairdo's. After Josiah was born, Jesse and I are just so in love with him that he's our only focus right now. I thought I'd want to start trying for a 2nd baby by the time he was 9-12 months old, but now that seems too soon. At this point, I think I'd feel content if Josiah was the only child God ever blessed us with, but in my heart I would love at least 1-2 more.
ReplyDeleteWe were getting asked that before D was even at her due date. I was a bit horrified.
ReplyDeleteActually I never really pictured a number of kids - I was more about picturing careers to be honest. I'm delighted to have one baby here with us, but if we could give her a sibling then that would be nice too - but at the end of the day, we'll take what we're given.
They are invasive questions aren't they. Not quite as bad as the interrogation you get when you don't have any 'visible' children for people to comment on.
Love the pics of the kids - gees they're gorgeous :)
I wanted zero. I didn't think I'd be a good mother. I was terrified I'd be like my mum, and that woman should have NEVER been allowed to raise children.
ReplyDeleteAfter therapy, I changed my mind about having kids. Lucas and I decided right away that we wanted two. (He'd wanted 10 kids when he was little, but he knew that I wasn't cut out to stay home full time, and we figured two was a good balance.) Well, of course, we conceived twins, and knew we were done.
There's a part of me that wants more, but my rational brain knows better. The only way we'd have more would be if we were to run across a baby or two in need of adoption. We're not looking, though.
We have talked about the potential of my sister-in-law becoming pregnant. She's not in a position to raise a child, so if she were willing to carry to term, we'd probably adopt the baby. That's completely speculative, though.
Growing up - I wanted a huge family - at least 100. Then I figured out how things worked and settled for a dozen. With a lot of heart ache and prayers - we have 4 now with the last born after my 41st birthday. I finally feel done.
ReplyDeleteRight now we are also raising my 3 year old niece, so I have girls - 15, 12, 3 and 6 months. And a not quite 5 year old boy. But both of my 40+ year old best friends just had their 5th babies.
If I can get my health back (after our accident I've just lost my willpower to eat and exercise), maybe I'll want that 2nd boy.? I'll let God decide.