Looking back at my word of the year - trust

It's a funny thing about these words - if you even do a bit of thinking about it, your life reveals what it needs.

I see that some people just grab someone else's word that sounds good. I say that because I read Ali Edwards's post yesterday and in the comments people were like, "oh yes, LISTEN sounds good. I think I'll take that as my word".

Um, no.

I'm spontaneous myself sometimes but that just does not sound like a good way to choose YOUR guiding theme for the year ahead!

Anyway, before TRUST I had the sense of what needed to happen (surrendering, giving up control) but I didn't like the word surrender for me as it felt too passive for my personality.

And then driving up the street to work, one part of a praise song (Holy - Vineyard Music, track 12) had a "I will trust in You...." refrain and it jumped out and arrested me and I KNEW that that was my word.

For Julia and maybe one or two others that wonder, there are two types of the "word of God" - logos which is the Bible and then rhema which is that word that is JUST for you.

This was the rhema word of God for me.

So the job search progressed and in April I was so SILLY as to think that was it and I didn't need to trust anymore! I said to D, "since I have my new job maybe I should choose a new word?". Lord! D said in his "way", "hmmm, I don't think that's how it works, Marsh. You need to keep trusting". Right.


And you have all been watching me this whole year as I trusted sometimes hour by hour and minute by minute (in meetings with him) and certainly on a daily basis, more than I ever have before. With the infertility, I trusted God and prayed hard for the 5 minutes before each shot, and then it was over and I could block it out until the next day. Not with this.

Julia said something so nice to me in the comments (twice - I saw that other one too :)) the other day.

I think that TRUST was the right word for you. I learned so much (just by watching you deal with the most trying thing that you'd had to deal with in YEARS) what it actually means to TRUST and to surrender fully to Him. Thank You.

Thank YOU. I'm totally human and have asked God maybe too much this year, "I get it! I'm meant to trust! I do, now please get me out of this mess." And the other favourites "why me? Are you trying to kill me?" a la Job in the Bible.....

And a small part of me (the rational part) is saying at least if this has shown even one person (Julia) a glimpse more of Him, then it's been worth it.

But make no mistake, I'm ready to testify of His goodness in different ways. Right?



To round off this very long post....

this year I trusted God fully and that has made all the difference... to me, to my sanity (look! I'm still sane and I'm still standing).

It's been a hard, hard year and I'm very happy to see the back of it because I do sense that I'm closer to the end of it (hopefully in the 90 - 100% range :)).

Here is a glimpse of my word for next year - can you guess what my word is?

PS this is post 344 for the year - tied with 2010 - and I think 1795 overall