I mentioned before how I saw a friend's maternity shoot pic and started crying. She sent me another preggy pic this weekend and there I went off, crying again.
It is honestly ridiculous because I love seeing the preggy belly and I'm happy for her.
So I wrote to her and told her I'd asked God to show me WHY I keep getting emotional when I saw her gorgeous belly pics and He answered me through this post.
Mandibula articulated what I couldn't quite get my head around.
It's because this was it for us - no more money for more IVFS so no other pregnancy is possible and since my pregnancy was also cut short, I'll never have a pregnant belly again and I LOVED being pregnant so much.
It almost doesn't seem fair. There are people who hate being pregnant and yet do it so easily and here I am, loving it but not able to do it naturally, or even enjoy the one pregnancy I did have the honour of having, right to the end.
I always knew I'd never go full-term but our goal was 36 weeks and I honestly believed I'd make it to at least 35 weeks, especially because I had no problems with high blood pressure, shortening cervix, babies in distress, nothing.
And I did everything the doctor said to do - when he said to start working half days, I did it (yes, with a bit of moaning and groaning, but I did it) and I was going to go on full maternity leave exactly when he said to do so too (32 weeks) but of course, the babies came early.
I'm hoping that by putting this on the blog, I can give a voice to these feelings and start getting over this issue!
P.S my one friend, who was 41 weeks pg when her son eventually arrived, said she also misses being pregnant :)
i know i'm going to miss it too- hopefully i can do it again one day, but you never know. gah!
ReplyDeleteI always miss being pregnant too after giving birth - with all 3 of them. I absolutely love feeling the baby move and kick and wiggle - and I've since learned they are much easier to care for inside - more sleep. Funny.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I look at my 3 big kids and I'm very glad that they are OUT.
I would have gladly been pregnant a dozen times to enjoy all the wonderful things about pregnancy - but I love the baby part, and the toddler part, and especially the preschool part, and the inquisitive independent elementary years ... just now getting to the think on our own years of jr. high and high school.
Enjoy the moments - they pass so fast. Even when you are so tired that your not sure you can keep going. Baby Blues did a series last year - The Days are Long But the Years are short. Too true.
Hugs and Prayers - and Kendra is so very much loving the pictures and stories about the babies. She adores them!
Rachel, they’re definitely easier to take care of inside
ReplyDeleteI feel like I’m too tired to enjoy them much at the moment – hopefully we get used to this/ the babies start sleeping more soon!
Trina, if I'd have one, I'd do it again too :)
Leigh, me too! :(
ReplyDeleteI think part of it is the foot stomping "this is so unfair - I liked being pregnant and never complained and did everything they asked of me and STILL she came early" combined with, probably pretty much like you, the sheer shock of being preggers one moment and then being rudely un-pregnanted with very little notice - none of that nice snuggly last weeks of pregnancy to nest and psychologically adjust to the transition back to just being "you" without temporary inhabitants.
Chuck into the mix the stresses of NICU, well meaning friends who say things like "Oh you're so lucky to miss those last weeks - my ankles were so swollen blah blah blah", the stressful joys of preemies - and it's absolutely no wonder that we struggle!!!
Gosh our wee girl's back in hospital at the moment with a cold (grrr) and we've only actually had 11 nights at home so far but already my mind is thinking "hmmm could we do this again"... and of course the answer is yes. If body and mind are willing.