The children, a cat and consequences of the natural kind

It's been two weeks of school for my kids and I'm so happy to say there has been no crying for definitely this week, last week and I think even the Friday of the first week.

Guess what they're doing these days?

Practising for sports day!

We HATE sports so are kind-of dreading it. I just hope it's warmer than it was last year.

But let's talk about this other thing first.

Julia and I were emailing about some things today that made me remember I've wanted to talk about something with you.

I'm a big believer in natural consequences because I honestly think we all (me very definitely included) baby our kids far too much and they're going to grow up "soft".

I don't think I told you this but last year I instituted a system where Nanny S would collect them from school on a Friday WITH a plastic folder to fetch their artwork so that we didn't have to remember one more thing on the weekend that had to go back to school.

After a few weeks like this, the school phoned me and asked me about it.

 

So I told them my motivation - that I have enough to do and that's why this is one thing we can do there and then to remember it.

The principal told me that they want the kids to bring it home so that THEY can remember to bring it back. I said, "oh mine won't remember" and she said, "that's fine. it's not your job to remember for them". (BTW, this kind of hardcore-ness is part of what attracted me to the school initially)

I was quite taken aback because I agree... but they seemed kind-of small to be doing all this remembering and responsibility business.

But I remembered my love languages training with Carol, and how she always says that kids can do more than what we think they can do.

So I checked my understanding and said, "so if they forget their folders, you're not going to leave me notes every day?" (I hate the darn notes!!!)

No, she said.

YAYYYY.

 

I loved it because hey, the sooner we get them feeling responsibility for their own things, the better.

Anyway, true as Bob (do you say this?), the kids did forget for a few weeks but then started remembering to remove their art and place their folders next to their bags in a little storage bin I have next to the door.

Sorted.

I have NEVER said, "don't forget your folders".

 

Which reminds me of my one work friend, K, who is VERRRRY hard core. I joke and say that when I grow up, I want to be a parent like she is.

E.g. All 3 her kids did music lessons at one point. She didn't have the au pair at that point but in our old team (OH how I miss them) we could just leave and come back as we wanted. So she told the boys to be at a certain place at the school for pick-up at 2.45 sharp. She had to fetch them and take them to the music school for their 3 pm lesson.

Well, 2 out of 3 boys were waiting. The 3rd is a bit of a dreamer :) and didn't pitch after 5 mins so she left.

He missed the lesson and when she fetched him eventually, she told him, "L, you owe me R110 for that music lesson".

He was all "but I don't have money...." and she said, "I don't care. I paid for that lesson, you were not ready and missed it, and there are no refunds, so I want my money back".

He had to wash their cars for a few weeks to earn the money back.

And... he never missed a lesson again.

I LOVE THIS STORY!

Do you?

However, here is the rub.

I'm very frugal. Would I actually stick to it when (considerable) money was involved?

The kids are taking swimming lessons and it is a lot of money for 30 minutes, or 25 once all the "I need to pee. Yes, me too." business is over.

We'll see.... will I let them miss more of their lesson for faffing around?

Julia and I were talking about what that line looks like between letting consequences happen and your child maybe failing something, or getting 0 for an assignment, etc.

I don't know if I'll be able to stick with it (I'm a bit of an achiever :)) but I realise I may have to once or twice early on, let natural consequences take its course and see if they learn.

Also, the (not so) small matter of grace. God extends His grace to me every day; surely I should do so sometimes for them?

By the way, the kids also have to take something to school every week for the theme table.

I make the announcement ONCE and brainstorm with them. Then they have to go fetch the things and put it ready.

This week Kendra listened immediately (rare!) and went to get the book. Connor just ignored me and carried on with whatever he was doing (much more the norm). However, on Monday morning, Connor went, "MUMMY! we forgot to get that photo".

I said, "not WE, YOU!" but since it was just a walk past the photo album to slip a photo out, I did it.

I figured that technically he did remember in time since we were still in the house :)

Do you believe in letting natural consequences run their course?
Share some examples with me.

PS I love playing with words to find three that start with the same letter to make my blog titles interesting.