7 random things to end off 2007

Wanttobeamom tagged me for this meme. I haven't been tagged on this blog before so this is fun, fun, fun!

1. I love baking muffins – not cakes or anything else, just muffins. I also only bake drop cookies, not the ones you have to roll out and use the different shapes ;)

2. I am great at interviews – I have always been offered a job once I get to the interview stage.

3. One of my BIG goals is to work in another country for a year.

4. I don’t read infertility blogs very often because they depress me. Strange because I know that if I allowed myself to dwell on the 10% I’d sound exactly the same.

5. I love traveling to other countries but not for the usual reasons like seeing the sights and so on. I love talking to the people and seeing how they live. One of my favourite things to do is to talk to fellow tourists on guided tours. I remember once we went to Australia and because my husband’s not very friendly, we hadn’t been very sociable with people we met until the guided tour on Great Ocean Road outside Melbourne. Then I broke loose and had SUCH fun with people from Germany, Ireland, all over the place.

6. I love cleaning my toilet – I am very fussy with germs partly because I studied Microbiology so I know how quickly those suckers multiply.

7. I grew up in a city with a beach and I can’t swim!

I'm tagging Becky and Char

leading up to the big day

Once I got over the shock, I decided to get the op over and done with as soon as possible.

Why prolong the inevitable?

I'd already decided to have it done either the 16th or 23rd Nov, depending on work. My boss was "do what you need to do" so I went ahead and booked the 16th, planning to be back at work on 3rd Dec because the doctor said "definitely two weeks off work".

I phoned the doctor to book the 16th and so the countdown began.

It was really strange though because even though I'd had 3 surgeries before (wisdom teeth and the 2 laparoscopies), I was so scared that I was going to die. Don't know where that came from - honestly.

I didn't even tell my sister and mother that I was having the op! And at work, I told my boss and my colleague who is in the next cubicle, but nobody else.

Pretending that it wasn't happening, I suppose :)

So they told me to be at the hospital at 12:00 as he starts operating at 13:00. No food after 8:00.

I went into work for about 2 hours because I was interviewing people for a position we have vacant (I'm really good at interviewing so am always involved in recruitment of staff in our division).

Then raced home to shower and shave (!). We only left for the hospital at 12 so we were about 25 minutes late and of course, the first nurse I saw on the ward said, "are you Mrs F?"

Me: "Yes, I am, how did you know?"

"We've been waiting for you!" (oh my word)

Stay tuned for part 3

P.S. Merry Christmas!

that's not supposed to happen

I'm about 5 weeks behind on posting to this blog so best I get my act together before I forget everything!

we went away for a long weekend at the beginning of november and while away, I started getting a very familiar feeling of pain BUT at the wrong time.

The pain was my familiar period pain but only thing is, it was nowhere near my period. It could have been around ovulation but who knows because I have weird 21-25 day cycles.

I still had some Nurofen in my bag from my period so took all that and then had to get some more. That meant that something was up because I really only have pain at period time.

we got back on a sunday night and didn't even bother making an appointment on the Monday morning; I just went straight into the gynae and she could see me.

I figured that she needs to see what's going on while I'm in pain so that whatever it is shows up on the scan. Usually by the time you see them you're all better again, right?

Anyway, the long story short is that she asked me to come back in the afternoon to let her partner (husband) give a 2nd opinion and he said I'd have to have surgery.

*shock*

I've had two laparoscopies before (all in the pre-trying days amazingly enough) for endometriosis but this one would have to be an actual cut (Caesar cut), not the little snips like before.

He also said that it was not urgent; depends how much pain I felt I could stand and how quickly I wanted babies because I'm not going to be falling pregnant like that. Nice!

So off I went back home to think about things, plan dates around work and holidays, etc.

Stay tuned for part 2!

Touched

we had our end-of-year party at the infertility support group on 12 Nov.

It was so lovely to see everyone just relaxing for a change. My friend couldn't come with me but I went alone anyway (I was so proud of myself for driving all that way alone).

we decided to exchange gifts so we each brought a small gift to exchange. I got gift wrap, ribbon, gift tags and an advent calendar - just my idea of a perfect clutter-free gift :)

then the lady who hosts the monthly gathering announced that she and her co-host bought a piece of jewellery to be given to a different lady every time we met, so that we'd know that we have people who understand our situation and that support us in our journey. isn't that sweet?

But wait! (I sound like an infomercial :)) then she says the first recipient of this beautiful silver heart pendant is ME! Because she's been inspired by my calmness and peace and faith in God through this whole crazy ride.

And wow - I could NOT believe it. We really don't know what people are thinking of us and our testimony.

One thing I have said to my hubby from the beginning (after I started accepting things) is that one day when this dreadful journey is over, I'm writing a Christian book on infertility. So I can let people know they're not alone (even though it feels like the whole world has babies without even trying :)) and use what I'm going through for good!

But can you believe it - me!

Another one of those!

A girl here at work is pregnant. Three months.

Lovely person - only 25/26 - her second. Her first-born is the MOST GORGEOUS CHILD ever. He is ultra-friendly and loves hugging everybody.

I asked her if they were trying (because we are friendly with one another) and she said yes.

"The first month nothing happened and then the second month I was pregnant"

Oh the joys!

It sucks. It really does. I'm happy for them but it freaks me out that mostly everybody can get pregnant at the drop of a hat!

Thank you

Thank you for all the wonderful comments on my post the other day!

I literally sat with my mouth wide open, amazed at the kindness and thoughtfulness of you bloggers!


I've made a list of all the great book suggestions too and can't wait to start reading.

BTW, support group tonight again :)

WFMW - pregnant questions

It's backwards day over at Shannon's place and today, I get to ask you some questions!!!

We have been diagnosed with infertility.

Please give me some good answers to the perpetual so when are you two starting a family? question.

I'm not a sarcastic person but I would like a clear, assertive response! :)

Support group 2 - Sept

When I was checking to see if the previous post looked okay, I realised that I didn't tell you about the second one.

Well, it was on 3 September already! *shock*

We were a smaller group than last time and because I knew most of those people from last time, I was a lot more comfortable.

Even when I got the questions!

Because the fact is, we're believing God to heal us and having sex. That's it!

For most people, this means we're doing nothing. But I've gotten okay with that. I have realised that every situation is different and so is every couple. And I just don't feel okay with IVF right now. I don't disagree with it; I just don't think it's for us. I don't know if it ever will be.

And this time, there was a lady who was similar to me. She said she knew she could never go through with IVF and just decided to forget about the whole baby thing (due to personal reasons - someone close to her got very sick). Four years later, she was pregnant and now has a gorgeous son.

So I felt like I wasn't that weird.

The other day I read on Boho's blog about how she found the medical experience after her laparoscopy for endometriosis so cold. And so one-sided in that they almost force you to just go for heavy-duty IVF while you're still reeling from the shock of the whole thing.

Of course, I relate so well.

She got lots of support in the comments and fortunately, she's very strong so I know she'll stand up for what she believes is right for her body and family.

Next group will be first week in October and I've told my friend I'll go again.

Um, remember me?

I've been so pathetic at posting to this blog, it's unreal!

I've thought of closing and deleting this blog so many times but something keeps me leaving it open.

You see, I'm venturing out of the closet very slowly and I must say, it's FREEING! Yes, there are lots of questions but the people who are comfortable talking to me talk and the others kind of mumble a platitude and leave it at that. Which suits me just fine!

The only thing is I don't know how to handle the questions.

So where are you guys with treatment? Um, nowhere

Well, what are you doing? Nothing

Then there's the confused look to which I give a sweet smile that says, that's enough for now :-)

Support group

I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote on this blog - shocking!

I went to my first support group nearly 3 weeks ago. I went with my friend and altogether there were about 14 of us there - some 3 with secondary infertility and the rest battling to have just one.

It was a very interesting evening!

On the one hand it was really good to know that we are all in the same boat. I know the stats, 1 in 6 couples battle to have a baby, but the thing is, I don't know where these 1's are all hanging out! And whether they have unexplained infertility, male factor, female factor or both.

So hearing all the ladies' stories was very good. Every condition under the sun was represented there.

On the other hand, it was very draining to hear all the stories. I function well about 95% of the time and try to live as full a life aside from this as possible. So to hear all of this for 3 hours straight is a bit much for me. We were crying and laughing together. It was just very emotional.

But here's the thing I want to write about:

I noticed as the ladies were sharing that there was a common thread - control! We all exhibited some serious control freak tendencies and I kept thinking, "surely I'm not that bad". It was the strangest thing - I could see how some of them were battling and yet I kept thinking, "I am nowhere near as bad as all of these guys."

Or maybe that's my problem - I'm just avoiding the topic and these ladies are actually doing something about their infertility. I don't know. I'm still not sure that I'll go back but I'll let you know.

Blog kindness
Someone on an infertility blog got pregnant and she offered up her books to anyone who wanted them. So I commented and she sent them to me. Two gorgeous thick books and some chocolate (for the PMS) which I am sharing with my friend. I am so touched at this lady's kindness - she doesn't know me from a bar of soap and she refused to let me pay for the postage!

BTW, my friend has resigned from work so that she can de-stress and focus on getting pregnant!

Oh my word

Thanks so much for your comment the other day.

I phoned my gynae to check how I'm supposed to take the progesterone and she says from day 14 to 28 each cycle. I've just been taking them all along so I stopped immediately!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, my sister has asked me to be her son's godmother. I'm not into all this traditional stuff but I know it's a big thing for her so I graciously accepted :)

Sister: A and I would like you to be K's godmother

Me: What does that mean? I have to look after him if you die?

Sister: Leigh!

LOL - at least I can still laugh. Right?!

Normal again!

So the entire period lasted 5 days instead of 11 days.

Pain? Only took 6 Nurofen instead of my usual 16 - 18! Huge, huge victory.

The progesterone is clearly working.


Does anybody know if you're supposed to take the progesterone every single day of your cycle or just on days 14 - 28?

I will phone the gynae but just thought I'd ask. I thought it was every single day but don't know why I'm now doubting!

For the first time in a year

I am having a normal period!


The progesterone has probably worked because I am on track. I had a 29-day cycle - haven't had anything beyond 21 days for a year, and before that, it was 25-26 days max.


And the period started immediately (not a week of nothingness like before).

So things are looking up :-)

Baby stuff

I read this gorgeous post on babies that I wanted to share with you and I asked the lady to please pray that this is my experience too.

And then... there's an interesting discussion going on at Tertia's blog. Be sure to read comments - that's where it all starts.

What do you think?

Friday's feast - 22 June 2007

Appetizer
Name a funny habit you have.
Only one??? When I arrive home from work, I immediately go to the bathroom to wash my hands.

When I get into bed at night, I take off my rings and put on handcream. Then I read the Bible and my other book and before putting out the lights, put on some more hand cream.

You want more? Keep reading the blog :-)

Soup
If you could instantly know how to play a musical instrument, which one would you pick?
Drums. Without a doubt. It just looks soooo cool!

Salad
How long is your hair?
Shoulder length. You know about a bad hair day? I’ve actually had a bad number of hair years. Used to keep my hair longer but it just looks disgusting.

Main Course
When was the last time you forgave someone, and who was it?

1. Every day I choose to forgive in many little ways.
2. I forgive the guy who cuts in front of me in the traffic, forcing me to slam on my brakes and nearly get rear-ended.
3. I forgive the people who send me rude emails about my business.
4. And I can go on and on…
   

Dessert
What is your favorite kitchen appliance?
My scale. I’m on a weight-loss journey (yes, still am) and it keeps me more or less on track. I’m not good at judging portion size so I prefer to weigh everything.

After the scale, my water filter and then my kettle for endless cups of tea and coffee

Friday's feast - 15 June 2007

Appetizer
Fill in the blank: The best thing about where I live is _________________…
The best thing about where I live (place) are the cold, dry winters and (house) lots of space. I crave space and freedom to just be. Of course, we did buy this house (3 bedrooms) so that one of these rooms could be the baby's. I'm not giving up hope though.

Soup
Create a new name for a deodorant== (like “Flower Fresh” or “Shower Scent”).
I am definitely not the creative type so I'd call it something like shower fresh or powder fresh.

Salad
What was the last piece of software you installed onto your computer?
Some freeware to try designing buttons and so forth. Could also be the reason the computer slowed up so much and is now at the shop where they're checking for viruses.

Main Course
If you were to receive a superlative award today beginning with the words ”Most likely to…”, what would the rest of the phrase say?
Depends who you ask. At work, I'm the most likely to do all the human stuff. Organise the birthdays, celebrations, make muffins for the team (only 7 of us - don't know how I'd feel about it if we were a bigger dept), take photos, stay in touch with past team members, and so on. The HR aspect, you know.

Everyone else would say ....be organised ;)

Dessert
What two colors do you like to wear together?
Well, it's winter now so I like orange and brown, or green and brown. In summer, I like greens and cream (cool colours for these hot summers)

Now, good night everyone. It's 10.40 pm and I'm ready to get to bed with my book :-)

Update on the weird cycles

Remember the weird cycles?

I phoned for my blood results and everything was normal - thank God for that.

So now I'm on the progesterone. So far so good. This is only day 5 and she warned me that I could have swollen breasts and uterine area - so far nothing much. Apparently I must reduce my salt intake as that will help with the swelling.

********************************

My work colleague (previously UPO) came in yesterday after her 6-week check-up since the baby's been born. She looks fabulous - all glossy hair and glowing skin. And the best? She is sooo happy with her baby. A bit sad for me but I'm more happy for her.

********************************

My sister's also doing well. She's very quiet so not the type to say I LOVE THIS SO MUCH or anything like that. Just everything's fine, no problems, etc. Boring, I know. But I'm the one who talks in exclamation marks!!!

********************************

I found an infertility support group through a blog I read and emailed the ladies for more details. Next meeting is 26 June. I can't go because I double-booked myself for some church work on the same night and I just don't cancel things like that. But I'm not sure if I want to go - when I read the forums sometimes, it brings me down and I like to try and stay positive, you know?

So we'll see. I have asked my friend (also babyless at the mo) if she wants to come, so we'll take it as it comes...

but enough about me - how are you doing today?

My blogging story

I see there's something cool going around the blogosphere so I'm a day late but who's counting. Chilihead (?) is hosting this blogging carnival where you tell your blog story.

How did you start blogging?
I'd already been blogging on a business blog and I felt like I wanted a place to be private about infertility and other work stuff. I mean, we all know the Dooce story, right?!

So off I went to blogger and made another blog.

Did you intend to be a blog w/a big following?
Ha ha ha

Now that I've picked myself up off the floor :), this blog has always been a private place for me. A place to get out the thousand and one thoughts flying around my head about infertility and if I'm cursed to not have a child...

There are about 3 people that visit here and of course, it would be nice to be in a bigger community but that was never the focus of this blog. On the others, yes.

I do want to start reaching out more but I'm sort-of stuck in the middle because we know we've had the infertility diagnosis but we haven't gone the expensive, medical route yet. I think that's why I keep reading Boho - she's probably the only person I know online who is also not pursuing IVF. And I'm saying yet - I don't know what next month or the month after that will hold. This is a step-by-step thing.

If so, how did you go about it?
See above.

What do you hope to achieve or accomplish with your blog? Have you been successful? If not, do you have a plan to achieve those goals?
My goal was to have a private place to vent and get cheap therapy. That has worked.

Now, my goal is to reach out more to other people. The best plan I think is to start participating in memes and reading more infertile blogs.

Has the focus of your blog changed since you started blogging? How?
No, not really.

What do you know now that you wish you'd known when you started?
That people can be amazingly supportive and on the flip side, that people can be really hurtful (not to me - I'm just saying)

Do you make money with your blog?
Um, no. Totally not interested.

Does your immediate or extended family know about your blog? If so, do they read it? If not, why?
No, I tell no-one about this blog. I know that some people who read the other blog know/ guess about this one but I have not told anyone.

What two pieces of advice would you give to a new blogger?

1. Know why you want to blog so that you're not distracted by the information overload in the blogosphere. I get the feeling that lots of bloggers try to "copy" others and that does not work. You have to remain true to your own voice and your own style.
2. Don't get obsessed by the stats, comments, etc. Keep your life in balance. At the end of the day, your real relationships are what matter.

Friday's Feast #9 - 1 June 2007

Appetizer
Name something you think is “the best.”
Reading, sleeping, drinking coffee, babies, blogging, etc...



Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 highest), how stressed are you today?
2 - last night was a different story (see previous post) but now it's nothing major


Salad
What kind of cleanser do you use to wash your face?
A liquid facewash that removes oil! I have an combination-oily skin so it's oil-free everything. But I've been told that oily skin is better than dry skin because it doesn't wrinkle as easily. Knew there had to be a benefit somewhere :-)


Main Course
Tonight is a blue moon! What is something that you believe only happens “once in a blue moon.”
I used to think love. But now I think you can definitely find love again and again.



Dessert
When was the last time it rained where you live?
I honestly don't know. Probably a few weeks ago.

MS, not PMS

Business has really been stressing me out lately.

I sent out a reminder email on Monday - an offer I'd just launched with a special to my subscriber base - had only a few more days before it expired. Well, I got 3 "unsubscribes" in the next 24 hours!

So I was quite depressed, thinking what is the point of this business and other thoughts along those lines. And I got absolutely no sales whatsoever.

Now do you know how hard I work to get people on the mailing list? I have to think of new things constantly so it's sad when I get unsubscribes.

I know that when I'm premenstrual everything seems out of proportion. I'm actually menstrual (I know, TMI!) so does that excuse still count?

So yesterday I sent the monthly newsletter and more unsubscribes. My word - what am I doing wrong?? I actually worked so hard on the newsletter and it was barely sent when a couple of emails came in unsubscribing so I just put my head on this desk and cried!

It's so sad.

However, today I took a chance and just sent an email with one of my e-courses to about 10 people who are not on my list but I know are kind-of interested and one lady sent me an email back saying, yes, she wants to buy, how does she go about it?

And I have an organising client tomorrow.

A small sliver of encouragement in a horrible week business-wise.