I'm dipping my toes into the controversial subject of spanking.
I personally was spanked when I was growing up (I don't think very much so it obviously did what it was intended to do) and I didn't know any different.
Also there's the whole spare the rod and spoil the child thing from the Bible.
So I thought, "obviously we will spank".
This was in the days when I thought having kids was going to be easy.
Ha!
Then I started watching Dr Phil and heard his view which is that you need to find your child's currency and that spanking teaches kids that it's okay to hit others.
Again I reserved judgement since we had no kids.
Well, along came the kids and recently, the discipline thing reared its ugly head.
I have smacked the hand of both C and K once or twice after saying my firm "no" and removing the kids/ distractions/ etc. didn't work.
I think it's more the shock value than anything that stopped the behaviour (something like pulling sister's hair).
D then smacked C's hand a few days later and he smacked D back!
Glad I wasn't there because I know it's wrong but I would have laughed.
But what do you do?
Do you have the patience of a saint because I don't?!
Yesterday I got food spat at me by a very naughty K after faffing around with her food for ages with V (she seriously was in top form and I can't abide disrespect) and good thing my hands were busy so I got up, closed the dish and went to put it in the fridge so that I was walking away.
I do know the difference between playfulness and disrespect with my K, just by the way.
Anyway, please tell me what you do to discipline your kids, how you feel about spanking or not, and why you feel strongly either way. As you know, this is a safe place to share respectfully.
Another question for those with nannies which could also apply to those who have other people (moms/ MIL looking after your babies). I'm asking you what my friend (who spanks) asked me - do you allow your nanny to discipline your kid/s? What are your instructions to her?
Honestly, I'm clueless since D & I haven't decided. V does know my hot buttons (disrespect and I don't give in, ever) and I've told her to never, ever, ever give into the tantrums - she needs to leave the child thrashing around on the floor and walk away. So far so good :)
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I used to be pro spanking because like you, I also grew up with the occasional spanking. Now as a parent, I still think that it has its place but for me personally, its not something I want to do and its definitely not something that should ever be done in anger.
ReplyDeleteAs for the whole spare the rod thing... well I think there are other ways of disciplining a child aside from spanking that could result in an un-spoilt child. After all the years of watching friends raise children, I've seen things like the "naughty chair" and the like work quite effectively.
But we'll have to see what happens, we're fast approaching the time when we are going to have to institute some form of discipline. Having said that I won't allow anyone to spank my child but definitely if she is badly behaved I will encourage Loveness to use the "naughty chair" with her. There should be uniformity so that Ava will always know the consequences of her actions regardless.
I absolutely agree it should never be done in anger.
ReplyDeleteI like your ideas about the alternatives...what did you think about what the Toddlersense lady said about the naughty chair making kids feel humiliated? I honestly had never thought of it like that.
For us, spanking depends on the situation and the kid. I've had kids who were put into place by the mere threat of a spanking, and others not phased. I had one whom I'd put into time out ask if he could please have a spanking instead because they're over faster.
ReplyDeleteWe do not spank. We think of discipline as a way to teach children to do the right thing, not as a punishment. I would highly recommend the book 1 2 3 Magic as a discipline method. The book is awesome, explains how kids are allowed 2 chances to make mistakes and learn before they have consequences on 3.
ReplyDeleteI could go on and on about how studies show that children who are spanked are more violent, do worse in school, etc but I'm fairly non judgmental about parenting choices. I would also recommend the Your 1 Year Old, Your 2 Year Old, etc series for development... not parenting. The 3 year old book was incredibly helpful because 3 year olds WILL NOT back down from a fight. They fight just to fight, and sometimes, it's in the parent's best interest to let the 3 year old win.
I am not against spanking in theory...but as you know from reading my post on this subject, I think I will have to be very careful about choosing a discipline method since there are another set of eyes/hands wanting to copy whatever I do!
ReplyDeleteWe still haven't figured it out, but we use a mixture of time-out, a firm grasp on the arm and a stern "no", and sometimes a hand spank. I believe the nature of the child matters a whole lot too. For some children, spanking will just never work. (You could have beaten my sister until she was black and blue, and she would still have stood right back up and done it again...so obviously spanking was not the most effective method for her!)
My mom is more lenient on the girls than I am, and she certainly gives in more often, but she will discipline them too.
I am not against it, but I have found that it just doesn't work long-term. I'd much rather use the time-out or positive reinforcement so that I can model the behavior that I want to see in them. I can't say, "We don't hit in this house" and then turn around and swat them on the a$$! Ya know?
ReplyDeleteWith twins, my rules are pretty universal...you listen to adults and you don't hit. If I can't follow those rules, how can I expect the Crazies to?