Apple pie and custard

After our maternity clothes shopping expedition, we went to a coffee shop where I ordered apple crumble and ice-cream – ate all the ice-cream but only two bites of the apple pie because it wasn’t warmed to my satisfaction (very fussy) and didn’t want to make a fuss because we'd met up with some friends of ours.

The plan was to take it home, make custard and enjoy it as God intended apple pie to be enjoyed.

Well, last night I couldn’t find the apple pie ANYwhere so I left D a note on the kettle “where is my apple pie? Did you bring it in from the car?”

Now through all his morning getting ready routine, I slept like a baby, but the minute he said, “I checked the car and the apple pie isn’t there” I jumped awake.

What does that tell you about the importance of food in my life???

Scary!

The good news is I found it on a wicker set of drawers I have just inside my front door.

I cracked

I have been soooo determined to not buy any maternity clothes until the end of this month.

Why?

I really don't know - maybe because then I'd be half way through?

Also, remember I still don't feel 100% pregnant until I see the pictures - scary!

However, when I put on my comfortable casual pants and had to wear a belly band because the two buttons on the top would not close, I thought, "that's it". I actually can't do this - I'm uncomfortable.

So off we went to the mall, first to Woolworths where I selected jeans and a black pair of pants.

Once I fitted on those maternity jeans, I was like "where have you been my whole life?"

They are SOOOOO comfortable" only thing is I look REALLY, really pregnant.

So got both of those and then went to Edgars where I got another pair of black pants (nobody had any other colours) and a maternity top.

My word! It goes against everything I'm feeling to actually SHOP for pregnant clothes.

And this is the weird thing - in both stores, the fitting rooms were literally on the other side of the floor.

I told both sales assistants, "how can you put the maternity section so far away from the fitting rooms? It's crazy. Pregnant women pee all the time and get tired. I just don't get it"

Of course they both gave me that weird half-smile like I'm crazy.

But really, does nobody think???

So there we go - maternity jeans.

I wore them to work on Friday and of course, everyone was "oh my word, you're HUGE". Gee thanks.

I just say, "they're big babies"

Now let me take my HUGE self off to bed and rest these big babies :)

Dream boards

Can you see the picture stuck on my wardrobe, next to my head?

That's my dream board. Some people also call them vision boards. The name doesn't matter much; it's the concept that's important.

I teach goals and goal-setting and when I do workshops, because there's more time than at just a talk, I usually let the participants work on their dream boards for about 30 minutes.

Well, at one particular workshop I did for a church group, they were all busy with theirs so I decided to make one of my own.

I already had a general one and one specifically for my business, so I thought, "what don't I have in my life?"

Of course that was a baby.

We'd been "trying" for about a year and three months, and I was still at the stage where you think, I'm sure it's going to happen soon.

In other words, firmly rooted in denial.

So I made this dream board.

There's a pic of twins, a newborn baby, a pregnant woman (who looks a bit like me) because I knew I wanted to be pregnant and a 2 - 3 year old.

I laminated it and put it on my wardrobe and it's been there for nearly 3 years now (since around May 2006).

Every morning when we did my IVF injections in bed I'd look at that picture to keep me focussed on my goal, and not on the physical pain of the injections (I'm a big baby!).

And then I forgot about it, through the three positive betas, and the early scans.

I only realised a little over a month ago that my dream's come true. Well, we're 50% there.

So I took my dream board with me to our infertility support group to share with the ladies :)

I'm not coming from a place of being all-knowing because I'm don't know everything, but I do know that keeping your goals in front of you on a daily basis helps you focus on the outcome and not on the process.

I know with me, it really helped to always just think about my dark-haired baby because I knew the how would work out somehow.

And so ends our goal-setting lesson for today :) Hope this helped someone out there.

I think I'm going to make another dream board with healthy, happy twins to keep me focussed on the next stage :)

Falling

Edited to add scan pics



On Tuesday evening I fell down the stairs while leaving work.

I was looking where I was going as I normally do and the next thing I knew I was falling.

But something amazing happened.

I grabbed onto the railing with all my might (not much since I have very little upper body strength) so while my left leg still swung into the railing and I still hurt myself, it was 20% of what it could be.

This is amazing because normally I'm useless with my arms and this time they actually worked and quickly enough.

My leg is a bit bruised (not much) but no bleeding or pain in the baby area.

Fortunately, I had my scheduled appt yesterday and the babies are both fine.

In fact, more than fine.

They are already big babies. Can’t blame them because I always said I want big babies... (girls, be careful what you wish for :))

The one was 172g and the other 163g, and my colleague’s wife who’s also 16 weeks pregnant has a baby who is 130g (normal weight).

He says they’ll grow as singleton babies until 22 – 24 weeks, and then slow down a bit.

That means I’m going to be as big as a HOUSE!

Now the genders...

The one is definitely a boy (twin B) and the other ...we’re not 100% sure but it could be a girl. Twin A would not show us the goods so we’ll have another look next time (15 April).

Emotions

I've cried exactly twice since the night of my last egg retrieval.

The first time was at 11 weeks exactly because I'd stopped feeling tired, stopped peeing so much and of course, that meant that something had happened to the babies and they were dead inside.

I know I'm crazy!

If only I used my imagination for more worthwhile things.....

Of course, that day when I got home from work, my Baby Centre email was waiting for me and it said something like "your symptoms should start easing off because the baby is basically done developing all its major organs".

Wow - relief!

(I don't know if that's really something I just felt but I'd swear I just felt a small movement, like a bubble, from the bottom baby, baby A)

The second time was last week when I was going to my exercise class.

I got hopelessly lost getting there, was 10 minutes late, but still enjoyed the class. Then afterwards, I got even more lost because it was dark, I'd never driven there before and my map book was out of date so it didn't show me all the streets!

In Johannesburg, drivers are very impatient.

There were a number of cars driving right up behind my car and of course I was going 50 - 60km, squinting at the street signs in the dark, trying to figure out exactly where I was.

I couldn't see a thing, it was a single, long, winding street with absolutely no landmarks whatsoever. Eventually I prayed and what do you know, there was a petrol station.

I pulled in, put some petrol in my car and asked for directions. They didn't know how to explain to me where to go so I just pulled off in the general direction they pointed out to me and started crying.

Actually crying is too mild a word. I was SOBBING, imagining all the bad things that could happen to me. What if some crazy person pushed my car off the road, and did unthinkable things to the 3 of us?

As an aside, I'm really not a fearful person in the least so I think this is baby-induced. I suddenly get that it's not just me anymore; there are two little babies inside of me, depending on ME!

Anyway, eventually I saw a sign pointing to a hospital kind-of in my house's general direction so I took the turn, followed my nose and eventually got home.

The drive home should have taken about 10 minutes. It took me 35 minutes!

When I got home, I pulled into the driveway and just sat there, emotionally drained. D came outside and I got out of the car and he hugged me and I just started crying again.

And of course, I could tell I was scaring him because I wasn't talking and he was trying not to panic but remember, this is NOT me!

Eventually I told him the story. The crazy thing is I STILL don't know how to get there or back. So here's our solution...I'll take one class close to my work and one there every week. BUT he'll drop me off, go to his gym, and then come collect me again until I feel confident enough to drive there by myself.

He also went to buy me an updated map book so I feel much better now.

My boss asked me (when he overheard me telling this story) why I don't just get a GPS system.

Well, hello! I'm cheap frugal! I don't believe in paying R5000 when I can pay R100 for a map book. Plus I believe that people who use GPS are simply lazy to read a map book :)

So far so good!

Tomorrow (hopefully, if the babies are good) we'll get to see their sex!

Finally, some symptoms

My hubby reminded me this evening of how when I was very newly pregnant, I used to say to the babies, "come on, you guys need to grow nice and big" and now I am gigantic!

At least they listened and are well-behaved children :)

Anyway, looks like because the first trimester symptoms bypassed me (except for the extreme fatigue), I've got some second trimester symptoms:

constipation
I've never been totally regular so I've always eaten lots of fruit, bran-type cereals and lately, a mug of green tea every evening, to help things along. In addition to my 2L (at least) water daily.

Well, that hasn't been working so well. And it seems like it's gotten worse over the last couple of weeks.

Last week it was so painful I bled (sorry, tmi) and so this went on the shopping list...

That's right - prunes and prune juice!

In my pre-pregnant days, 3 prunes a day would do the trick but I've heard that prune juice is much more potent so we'll see....

All I know is I've been very diligent since the bleeding to eat 3 fruits a day (apples and grapes) and get all my roughage in, and it's been better.

headaches
Seems like nearly every day now I seem to have a headache. These are a bit weird though because they only happen when I move.

If I sit still at my desk, I wouldn't even know about them. The minute I get up and move, I feel the pain. When I stand at the kitchen counter chopping vegetables or whatnot, there's nothing.

Don't worry - I have it on my list to talk to the doctor about although "What to Expect" says headaches are normal and I also checked with my colleague if his wife had headaches, and she has the same thing going on.

heartburn
I didn't even know what heartburn was because I'd never had it before so one evening I felt a mild burn and asked my hubby to tell me what it felt like.

Well, what do you know? Apparently I have some heartburn.

Really, it's hardly anything and I only get it maybe once every 2 - 3 days. There was a lady in the infertility support group who used to drink Gaviscon constantly because of her heartburn. I'm nowhere near that, thank God.

I'm trying to isolate the foods that trigger this - I think it may be the spicier food because on Sunday evening last week, I had wholewheat toast with melrose cheese spread and chilli chutney (it is a LOVELY combination - I've eaten it like this since I was about 15 years old) and I had some heartburn.

I am soooo not complaining - in fact, the crazy part of me feels glad that I feel SOMETHING going on.

Only 3 more days til the 16-week scan.............

14 weeks

Well, it's like the babies were just waiting for us to announce them because this belly's just exploded.

These are at 14 weeks (last Wed) and are NOTHING compared to this week's pics!

I don't know if I told you but I'm really lazy in the mornings so I crawl out of bed and let my husband take some pics in my pajamas.

I saw some GORGEOUS pics of my friend's 8-week pregnant twin belly and now I'm feeling bad that I didn't make more of an effort.

I'm just so impatient.

So this particular morning he happened to still be at home when I was ready and I indulged him while he took some pics in "real clothes".

My husband is obsessed with this belly

Seriously, any chance he gets he snaps away - most of them I delete :) but I do keep one or two from each "session".

I actually like the lying down ones better because gravity takes care of the other fat :)

13 weeks & telling the whole world

There's absolutely no hiding it now. So we had to make sure we told every single one of our friends just in case they heard it from someone else.

I wish I had a nice, neat round bump instead of this flab, but you know what, anything is good because my babies are in there.

We finally told our parents, sisters and DH's uncle last week after the 12-week scan. And then started telling the friends who didn't know about the infertility.

The wife of the guy who sits behind me is pregnant exactly the same as I am - that is actually really freaky so I'm glad these ones will be born earlier. We have the same due date - 2 Sept - and every Wed when I get to work, I say, "Morning B, 13 weeks today" :)

We decided to announce our good news at our next team meeting but then they cancelled it so we decided to simply send an email. Yes, it's less personal but we are all so very rarely in the office all at the same time that it made sense to do it like this.

So last week, we painstakingly drafted an email and I sent it first.

Huge jubilation from those who were in the office. One lady burst into happy tears, came to hug me and nearly made me cry!

Then... about 20 minutes later, he replied to all and said something like..."guys, I also have a confession... " and announced their news.

Some more happiness and laughing...

It was actually great because both of us don't like a big fuss so because it was a joint announcement, it took the pressure off us.

And we did it at the end of the day (my idea so I could dodge all the questions).

Everyone's reaction was great except for the real Big Boss who felt it his duty to scare me with horror stories of how twins would mess up my life, etc, etc. Grrrr.

I just smiled sweetly (well, for me!) and said, "well, we're very happy and we feel that God's given us a double blessing"





P.S. I realise this is late - Wed will be 14 weeks!

A tag about honesty

Dee tagged me for this meme days ago.

1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

Okay, here goes.

1. I still feel like an infertile even though I'm pregnant. It still hurts me when I hear of people "just falling pregnant". Sad but true.
2. Sometimes I catch myself thinking like a "normal" pregnant person and I have to stop and tell myself to just slow down.
3. Last night I had a headache (they've been happening more than usual - apparently it is normal) so I didn't feel like reading and I just lay in bed, thinking. I started thinking about how DEVASTATED I was after the chemical pregnancy in October and how I thought my life had ended, and I just started thinking about how extremely GRATEFUL and thankful I am to God to be pregnant and I started crying. Thankfully I then fell asleep so I don't know how long that went on.
4. I'm normally very objective and level-headed but since this pregnancy, I've gotten soppy. Last night we watched The Lot and this one director, Will, made this really sweet movie about lamps falling in love. Very sweet - normally I would SO not be into that but I was SOOO taken with this movie. My hubby immediately said, "I'm loving this softer side of you" Eeeek!
5. I am feeling a tad overwhelmed at the thought of creating space in the house for these two, with all their stuff. I'm a very minimalist kind of gal - I don't like lots of stuff lying around.
6. I'm excited about not being as tired anymore. This is huge for me because I'm normally super-productive so when you can't even clean your kitchen counters, that's bad!
7. I am not at all concerned about the money thing once they're here. Strange for me being so security conscious, but I don't care about a thing - all I care about is getting these babies grown inside of me, and out safely.
8. Hmm, what else don't you already know? Since Dee mentioned cars, I am the weirdest Jhb person ever in that I totally don't care about what car I drive. As long as it is clean and takes me from A to B, I'm happy. Here, a car is a status symbol so I am very weird in this respect.
9. I'm an ESTJ on the Myers-Briggs and not even slightly moderate on my scores - SERIOUSLY extreme on each point!
10. Something fun to end off. Last night my hubby said good night and I said "cheers" - I don't say cheers so that was weird. But then I added "cheers from John Robbie, It's 9 o'clock" because that's what I hear every morning when I'm nearly at work from my favourite talk show. He ends his show like that and then it's the news :) LOL

I'm tagging Clio, Leah, Nity, Sarah, Faith, Mo and Trina.

Current eating patterns & 12-week belly pics

For about a week now I haven't felt ravenous ALL the time.

Before, I was eating literally, from breakfast right up until supper.

Like this...

9:00 - breakfast (muesli and yoghurt)
11:00 - fruit
12:00 - fruit
13:00 - lunch (sandwich)
15:00 - fruit
16:00 - fruit/ cereal bar
17:30 - savoury biscuits (cookie)
19:00 - supper

(there's slightly longer gaps after breakfast and lunch)

And this is how I looked last week!






And now this is kind of how I'm eating - as an example, this is what I ate on the weekend

10.10 breakfast & water
10.30 3 prunes!
11.40 apple and a glass of orange juice
12.50 6 salticrax with pilchard/ onion and tomato
3.00 wholewheat roll with egg and tomato, pear
6.00 2 pancakes with jam and lemon
8.30 4 crackerbread with cheese
10.30 tea and a rusk because I was starving again

Seems I'm wanting more solid things for food but still not very much at any one time.

What are your eating patterns like? (pregnant or not)

Facebook

Thank you for being honest because it encourages me. When I see facebook updates and everyone is just all peachy all the time, I think there's something wrong with ME. Intellectually I know it can't all be roses but still...

Now back to you, I think it's a combination of everything. Also at 3 months they start being awake more and need more attention so that may be it. I just about did my nut when Connor started being so demanding until I remembered Caroline telling me about the 3-month thing. Apparently they don't calm down after that so I think it's going to be a challenge for me being such an old, unfit mother :)

I'm going to give you a big hug tonight! We both need it!

http://canigetsomesugarwiththeselemons.blogspot.com/2009/12/am-i-only-one-who-hates-christmas.html

The long-awaited 12-week scan

I honestly don't know how I survived 3 weeks and a day without a scan!

In the beginning I thought I'd go mad and I was seriously comtemplating begging the clinic to let me back for a last scan. Only the thought of those receptionists laughing at me kept me sane and restrained.

So we made our way there - I was 5 minutes later because when I got to the address printed from the internet, it didn't look like there was a 3rd floor and I was right - the actual place was around the corner.

A weird thing then happened. I was in the lift with a man and we both got out at the same floor. I stepped out, looked around and he asked me where I was going. When I said, "to Dr C", he says, "oh, that's me. It's this way".

He'd just been next door to the hospital to deliver a baby so was running about 30 minutes late anyway. Good thing too because my husband arrived 5 minutes after I did.

Anyway, enough preamble.

Eventually, I was called in (after flirting with a cute 18-month-old little girl in the reception area) and we went through my background.

I cringe now but when he asked me if I had any other children, I said, "no, these are the first two, that's if they're both still alive". You could see his face change because he's not used to me yet and must have been thinking, Crazy Woman!

And this was the relaxed me! Because I've been thinking that I actually can't keep stressing every day - I need to start enjoying this pregnancy since it's probably going to be my only one.

(they just phoned me to say people arrived for my meeting VERY early so I'll have to keep this short)

We did the scan - my first non-vaginal one - yayyy! I felt so normal!

He measured everything under the sun - organs, legs, nuchal fold (1,5 and 1,6mm), crown to rump length (63 and 66mm) and weight (55 and 57g).

Everything is perfect.

I also had blood taken to check for Downs Syndrome (!) because I'll be 35 when they're born.

I told him we're not terminating or doing anything even if something comes up and I'm definitely not having amnio or CVS, etc, etc. No way!

Here are the pics: the one baby was very good so the dr could get all his measurements but the other one was jumping around, showing off. Both my husband and I pointed to the other and said, "just like you" :)





I also got a chance to ask him my 9 questions which was great. And now I'm looking into starting some exercise classes called Preggi Bellies because I haven't exercised since starting the IVF cycle and that's not me. I'm hoping to go to a trial class on Thursday evening.

I just feel better when I exercise. Also, it does help that I actually have slightly more energy these days!

Okay, got to go!

12-week scan

Just quickly posting to say everything's fine with the babies.

They look further along on the scan than what I am (12w4d and 12w5d) but everything's totally fine.

More in a couple of days - lots of work to do :)

Speaking negatively

I don't know if this is weird - you be the judge.

When I've told people I'm pregnant, they say things like, "oh, when is your baby due?"

At this point I can't just say, "oh, 2 September" because of that word baby.

So I correct them.

"Actually, they're twins" - then there's usually squealing and jubilation

I tried to explain to my hubby that I feel like I'm betraying the one baby if I just answer the question and gloss over the baby reference, and what if something goes wrong with one of them if I just pretend that there's only one?

Weird! But I have always had a big mouth and if something is not right, I have to speak out.

So that's how so many people know there are twins.

Would you correct people, or would you just let it go?

P.S. Speaking of twins, I'm amazed at how little there is out there in the way of twin resources - there's only one really good twin website but boy, those preggie belly pics are scaring me.

P.P.S. Only 2 hours before I see the doctor for the 12-week scan - I can't wait!

There's an upside

to having these weird belly changes.

I realised on the weekend that I don't feel so panicked anymore.

Yes, it feels like my body's been invaded by aliens (this little grapefruit sized ball is right there all the time now so it's starting to feel more like pregnant instead of just fat) but this is so much better than the "is everything okay down there?" questions I was asking myself a million times a day.

I can't WAIT to see the OBGYN on Wed to get this 12-week scan over and done with so we can TELL people. (Leah, won't it be great to have this milestone behind us?)

I'm not even waiting until I get back to the office - we're going to phone the parents right there and then in the car park!

Remember I've been totally silent about the pregnancy in real life (except for the infertility group) and as a result, am wearing "normal" clothes, trying to wear lots of black to look slimmer :)

It's not really working. See these black cargo pants? Notice the undone button in the second pic. That is sooo me, with my water bottle permanently affixed to my side.


However, I still catch myself remembering and I can't believe this is me - pregnant after soooo long! God is good.

11 weeks

Please forgive the very fuzzy pics - somehow my camera's shutter speed isn't working too nicely and I can't figure out how to set it properly.

Of course I could read the manual. Hello? Me? Read a manual? You must be joking!

Anyway, here's what I looked like last Wed morning. Yes, those are pajamas.

and this is what I look like at night. Scary! That belly seems to grow in gigantic proportions from morning to evening. Is this normal?

those lines on my tummy are from my one pair of stretch pants that still kind-of fit. I didn't realise how bad that looks!

Shortness of breath

I've noticed that I'm getting out of breath after climbing just one flight of stairs.

Of course, I thought this was normal since I haven't exercised since the start of my IVF cycle (end Nov 2008).

Then last night happened.

I do talks to groups and I was asked to speak to a group of professional organisers in Jhb on time management.

Well, I started my talk and after 5 minutes, I was sooo out of breath. It felt so weird.

I even said to them, "I don't know why I'm so out of breath" - and then I remembered my 11-week baby update/ pregnancy email that said it was normal.

It was so freaky because I'd done a talk just two weeks prior to this and I was FINE! Then again, I was not talking flat out for the hour. I co-presented the topic and my guest did most of the talking.

I really didn't know how to handle it but it got a bit better eventually although I was still uncomfortable throughout.

Then earlier today I went to a meeting where I had to present the concept for a new product and I could feel after 5 minutes continuous talking that I was out of breath.

Good thing she was writing and taking notes so I could stop and give her a chance to catch up and me a chance to breathe.

My word!

Of course now I'm scared to schedule more talks. And this is a really good way for me to market my business because I find it really easy to talk to groups.

9 week scan on 27 Jan - I know, very late!

I realised when I was looking through my IVF folder in My Pictures that I'd never blogged these.

These were taken just before I was released to go to a normal obgyn.

my favourite scan type, where I can see both sacs each holding a baby

Twin A - measuring 25mm with a heartbeat of 179 bpm

and Twin B - measuring 29 mm, also with a heartbeat of 179 bpm

(doesn't this baby pic look like it's swaddled in a blanket with just the head peeking out?)

In other news, there are NO twin pregnancy books in all my local bookstores. My dear friend C who will have her twin girls on or before 23 Feb loaned me a book she'd received from friends when they heard she was having twins.

I devoured about half of it already - on the one hand, it's reassuring to know that the extreme fatigue and so on is totally normal but on the other hand, I dread to think how huge I'm going to get. I'm short (1.58m) so this is going to be interesting :)

10 weeks - belly pictures

I realised that I'm a bit vain so I'll be taking morning photos of the belly. It's amazing how much worse this looks in the evening - it's like the pregnancy progresses by MONTHS between morning and night.

I'm really going to try and be good and take pics every week - hopefully I'll remember to catch D before he leaves for work.

10 weeks 1 day