Strung out

That's how I'm feeling.

On edge, irritable, close to tears, stressed.

And very alone.

Last night I realised that I'm pre-menstrual. I'm thinking these new hormonal feelings are one of two things:

• either because of the new birth control pills or
• because I'm going back to work in two weeks
  

Could be either option or both because I'm normally very even-tempered and realistic about things so it's got to be something else. I usually go into problem-solver mode when I'm stressed otherwise I'd crack in my job :)

Also I've figured out why it's so difficult to go back to work after maternity leave. It's because the children finally get CUTE! And responsive.

Even my stroppy child, Kendra, has been rewarding me with lots of beautiful smiles and talking back to me.

Connor's always been very verbal and chats up a storm with me all the time. As my MIL says, "he only has eyes for his mother". Very complimentary but also scary because I don't want to be the only one who can comfort him...

I have such a lot to say (lots of noise in my head) and don't quite know where to start so let's do some bullets:

1. finished chapter 1 of sleep sense last night - all about how sleep works. I learned why the babies sometimes only sleep for 45 minutes.
2. very inspired by Mo's weight loss plan. STILL have my 0.5 kg to go - no surprise as I've been to gym twice this whole month and have not changed my eating habits at all.
   
3. Connor's started cereal. While he loves it, it's not quite doing what I thought I would. Night 1 he slept for 9 hours, then totally normal sleep for next 13 days. Then I increased to 2 tablespoons, again two nights of 7 hour stretches and the last two nights normal sleep again (4 hours).
4. I don't know how people "know" what to do with all this stuff - solids, sleep, stimulating them. I honestly feel like such a loser. They've had their pram for 9 weeks and we've been out 3 times. I'm too scared to take them out.
5. The babies still have not been to church. Beautiful. In 20 weeks!
6. Have a telephone meeting with my boss this afternoon. Hope it is all good - need to find out if I'll be in the same department or not when I get back.
   
7. 3 ladies pitched for interviews. In addition to last week's 2 so I had 5 to choose from in total. The last lady of the day was just delightful! Contacted agent to make her an offer (way above what she wanted), the agent's contacted her but no response yet. Why must everything be so hard?
   

And now I'm crying again. I think I need to go to gym just to get out of the house, get a different perspective and try to get rid of the stress.