Couple friends

I have this friend.

We knew each other from ministry at church and we had two things in common.

We both had part-time businesses and we're both ultra-organised.

Eventually we got to chatting and there were many synergies so we had coffee one day (this was YEARS ago - at least 4) to discuss how we could work together.

And it took off from there.

The friendship, that is.

Now we're the most unlikely of friends because she is Absolutely Gorgeous and was a Miss South Africa finalist in her youth :) and I'm, well...

Not so gorgeous and more into comfort than style LOL

We got along famously in the beginning and I even coached her in her business for a couple of months.

Then we decided to involve the men in our lives.

Big mistake.

Strange because I get along famously with her husband (not in a weird way - we are just very, very similar). He's also very funny.

Thing is... they have marriage problems. Big ones.

I firmly believe that no-one knows exactly what goes on in a marriage except God and the couple involved so I'm not judging them in the least.

When the four of us would go out together, they'd snipe at each other to the point where it was uncomfortable and D and I wouldn't know where to look, let alone how to behave.

They're both not shy about saying things in public (or maybe I just have a way of making people feel so comfortable that they'll share anything....?), even about s*x!

At first we thought it was a once-off.

But it happened again and again.

After the last time, last year sometime, on one of the night nanny evenings, D said to me afterwards, "that's it! I don't want to go out with them ever again."

And neither do I.

I don't know if it's because of the marriage issues but it seems like they look for opportunities to hang around other people. We live near each other so collect each other's mail, feed dogs, etc. if the other couple is away or needs some help. If I have to drop off her keys, she'll say, "oh, I'll come collect it" and then the two of them arrive and they visit forever.

I've noticed D just makes up some excuse and he's out of there. I don't blame him one bit - as he says, "she's your friend".

Do you have couple friends where you tried to extend the friendship to all 4 parties and it bombed?

We used to do lots of girl things together - chick flicks, women's days at the church, etc.

Not anymore.

She was also starting to be a bit of a flake and would only contact me when there was drama.

I heard something on Dr Phil once about relationships - if you only talk about problems then you have a problem relationship.

I feel it's the same with friendships - if you only talk when there's drama, then it's a friendship about the drama and not much else.

Happy as I am to help someone (I think you get a fair enough idea of me in this blog), I really want a bit more than that in a friendship.

So I remained friendly and I do check on her now and again. And we help each other out in neighbourly things. But God gave me a good talking to some months back - that I'm not her salvation (because I tend to feel responsible for people!), He is.

Now here's the thing:

Sex and the City.

I'd love to go see SATC2 with her as she is the ideal person for this type of thing. In fact, we went to see the first movie together - we speak very openly about sex so it did make sense :)

But...

I don't want things to go off track again with the husbands and the drama and such. Since I've worked hard on the boundaries...

I can't very well say, "I like you. D likes him (he does - they're both very creative types). But we don't like the two of you together" LOL

Do you think I should invite her?

Or should I just leave it and ask someone else to go to the movie with me?

This is a pic of one of our best couple friends.

P.S. I don't have a huge number of friends who I can do stuff like this with.
P.P.S. Writing this made me think of so many other friendship-type things I want to write :)